Category Archives: 2025 Meeting Topics

Hello ladies, my name is —-, and I am a recovering alcoholic and thank you all for attending this week’s meeting. Welcome to the newcomers and those who are celebrating a sobriety birthday in the month of March.

The topic this week is step 4 which is:
“Made a searching and fearless moral inventory”
For me when I read and talk about step four and often say that it was not a fearless experience. I can recall my first fourth step I did. The main theme of this step was focusing on my parents and what they did and ever little about what I did, said and how I interacted with them and others. It was the best I could do at that point in my recovery.

What is great about the 12 steps, traditions and concept is we continuously work the steps. Now the second time I  did my fourth step was much different because it was an intense experience filled with many different emotions and often felt a push pull with steps going forward then back and moments of feeling frozen in place.

It took time and guidance from the person who guided me through this step to realize that our founders knew we, I needed to conduct a thorough and honest examination of one’s (mine) character flaws and past behaviors, aiming to identify the root of our drinking as well as our personal struggles.

Once I “completed” my fourth step I started to see and understand that I was taking the steps to understand myself and my little kid as well as my behavior patterns of the past as well as the present. This was the “oh shit moment” where I saw that I my part, I saw how I continued to live in dysfunctional ways and it was hard to see but at the same time it was the turning point to also see I was not the only one. That I was not unique as I thought I was. The silence I carried with me was starting to break open and secrets were open which reduced their power over me as time passed and I continued to work the step and HP guidance.

I continue to gain understanding of myself by trudging the road to recovery.

It was and still is important to remember that this step is not about punishing myself for the past but owning the past, which then allowed me to make amends and learn and use healthier coping skills moving forwards. The past events, experiences (good, bad and everything in between) have made me who I am today. It has been a process for me like peeling the onion one layer at a time. Furthermore, step four showed me the good traits I had and that I was not all bad which is still a work in progress.

Thank you for listening and having me lead this week’s meeting. Please about your experience and thoughts about step four or what is on your heart this week.

Have a great day and week

I have 13 years of sobriety. It has definitely not been easy at times.

“The decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God” was probably the easiest step for me. There were times I definitely took back my will and then that step was difficult . As long as I relied on God he saw me through .

Relationships have always been difficult for me.

But I learned very early in the program that even though I was learning mantras to get me through, there were sick people in my world and my continual reaffirmation of one’s commitment to trust in God.

My dear sponsor pointed that out right in the beginning.

So as I learned things happen for a reason, things were right on track , God doesn’t make mistakes: so what was he teaching me?

Acceptance, tolerance, forgiveness and Let it go and let God.

When I do that, I am happy, thankful for the friends I do have, happy to be busy with my activities and just content in all things.

Eventually I will forgive the person who has wrong me but I will not let her take up valuable space in my head! I will then pray for her. I think I have made progress.

Please share your progress you have made and how you did it.

My sobriety has been filled with god-shots, sometimes tiny, sometimes huge, but always significant to my wellbeing or my understanding.

This week I had a phone call – an actual live phone call – from a fellow, an AA woman I had met once at an AA meditation workshop. I met her that one time 6 months ago. Neither of us had made contact in the meantime. But we’d sat next to each other and had chatted in the breaks. And then swapped numbers. That’s a tool that has stood me in good stead; swapping numbers.

This lady called because she had a newcomer she was helping, someone who lives in my area. She was practicing her 12th step.

But we had a chat beyond that and through the conversation I was inspired to revisit some of the ideas from the meditation workshop and also to trust in the process of going through the steps again with my sponsor. I’d been faltering a little on this so I was grateful for the boost and the reminders of how this would give me new awakenings and help me. Because of this conversation I went along to my in-person AA group, the small local women’s AA group I’ve been going to since it started back in June last year, in a different (ie better!) frame of mind.

That phone call, that connection, changed my thinking. It was a total god-shot. I went to the meeting with a much clearer head, more grounded in being in the moment and that gave me space to reflect on the meeting.

We have a very small number of ladies with multiple years of sobriety (usually 3 or 4 of us) and lots of new new ladies beginning their sobriety journey or seeing if AA can help them when they can’t stop by themselves.

So on the way, I knew my HP had given me that gift of that phone call and that conversation, that connection, so that I could be of maximum use and effectiveness to the still suffering alcoholics I was about to spend an hour with.

We’re a Big Book meeting, no main share. The reading that was coming to my mind was “On awakening” from the Big Book p.86-88. One to help the newcomer just beginning to get an idea of our AA 24 hour plan for living. And that turned out to another god-shot, and another example of what happens when I give back in AA, I get so much more in return.

Re-reading those paragraphs reminded me of how I used to practice “thy will be done” multiple times through my day. It reminded me of all the little prayers I used to send up regularly through my day.
Every time the reading says “ask” it’s reminding to pray, to ask my Higher Power.

“Thy will be done” was such a powerful tool. I remember my first sponsor telling me about it, describing how she used it and encouraging and reminding me to use it and practice practice practice it.
How could I have forgotten about it? Well, that’s my alcoholic brain, cutting me off from the solution, wanting me to sit in self-pity and fear and poor me edges me towards pour me…

So, what a gift to have had that phone call, to have been cleared (god does for me what I can’t do for myself) and then to be of use to others. The reading “On awakening” gives me clear directions on how to live my 24 hours. And when I follow even a few of those directions I get so much! And when I practice it regularly, wow! These promises (below in italics) are really an active and live part of my day and my life.

“As we go through the day, we pause when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day “Thy will be done”. We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves.
It works – it really does.”

I felt such joy in the meeting to have been the channel for the beautiful message on these pages to be passed on. And I wouldn’t have been that channel if I’d still been closed off and in my feelings of worry and hurt. But sometimes I need the loving hand (or voice!) of AA to be there for me. I need “god with skin on” as they say in the Kiwi meetings in NZ. I need those god-shots, when god does for me what I can’t do for myself.

I’m not going to copy and paste the whole reading here but please read it and share your ESH on how the practices suggested in it help you. “You can read it online here (p.86-88)”

Or if this Big Book reading really isn’t a good one for you, how about sharing a page or a paragraph that really helps you?

Occasionally I decide I don’t need or want a meeting. Such dalliance doesn’t depend on length or even quality of sobriety. I do know that alcohol is always around the corner too. There is no graduation. This is not a new topic for sure. But a little nudge can’t hurt.

Meetings are both in-person and on-line but the constancy of meetings is what makes them feel like home wherever in the world they occur. I love that! The requirement, the message and the Promises are always the same. Easy peasy.

So what is in a meeting that sitting alone and reading the Big Book doesn’t offer me? (Like when I was drinking). It is a WE program which calls for the participation of all attendees. It is focused and keeps me in the moment. I am not in my head or ‘interpreting’ the Big Book or any other literature. I am able to reach out to someone at a meeting for support. Some meetings have a tag line ‘Don’t leave here without talking to someone if you are concerned about staying sober.’ I have an opportunity to do service which nurtures my own sobriety and that of others.

It is the human condition-and maybe more for this alcoholic-that it is easy to get stuck in negative thoughts that hamper good sense-sanity to be blunt. In isolation, in solitude my mind starts to spin around. I need validation that I am not unique, this too shall pass, and what others are doing to stay right sized. I don’t forget I am an alcoholic. Plus-where are my tools?! I surely tried all this ‘on my own’ once upon a time! And how did that work?

Long timers are often asked why they keep coming to meetings. To support their sobriety one day at a time. To share their ESH. To keep the memory green. Etc. Many say they can’t stay sober on their own. True dat.

GROW is hard to alibi out of since it is ever-present. My state of mind and distraction are reasons to skip. I can always conjure up an alibi why I should not go to a meeting. Gladly I am not able to talk my way out of sobriety because it is what I want and treasure so much. But I need you to remind me…more than I realize. See you at a meeting. Let’s keep the home fires burning!

Having just shared on Step 3, you’d think I’d be in a better frame of mind today. But no. First, there’s current events in the USA. Things are upside down. It’s confusing and disturbing. I’m affected by it. I’ve been losing sleep. Finding something else to think about helps, but honestly, I’m feeling off balance and afraid.

Then there are the events at home over the last couple of weeks. It’s all about computers and complicated software. Two weeks ago, my hard drive died with a sudden and loud wail. The screen went blank. Everything was gone. Luckily I could afford to replace the machine quickly. But then when the new one was a week old, I was forced to reset Windows 11. Again, everything was gone. Windows 11 has been my nemesis ever since. I’ve wasted day after day trying to get it set up so I can participate in Grow and take care of our website. Rebuilding everything has been a bigger chore because I’ve not adapted to the new Windows, and all my passwords are gone.

For two weeks, I’ve gotten out of bed trusting that things will go smoothly today. When things start going wrong, my anxiety grows. I’m not a very patient person when I’m frustrated, and my temper has been on a short fuse. In the old days, I’d have bought a suitcase of beer and drank the problems away. Of course, nothing could get easier with me drunk trying to fix the computer. I’d have no memory of what I did and why. At least I’ve managed to avoid the beer. I’m sober but not exactly on the beam.

Throughout my sober years, stress has been the main obstacle to maintaining a healthy attitude and peace of mind. Step 3 is important to me in these times, but sometimes I’m slow to remember how important it really is. Letting go is hard because I get caught in obsessive thinking. I forget I’m not in control and work hard to make things happen the way I think they should. I forget that there is a power much greater than me. Writing about Step 3 earlier reminded me how far I can drift from the program, the Steps, and the God of my misunderstanding.

So, tonight, rather than insist on trying to solve the latest computer problem, I will retire early, turn to God, and Let Go. Maybe I won’t even turn my computer on tomorrow. Reading AA literature and spiritual texts will help clear my brain. Prayer will bring peace. Spending time playing with my cats will bring joy. Things will get solved without my agonizing over it.

So, what is it like for you when stress builds? What tools do you use to reclaim your serenity?
Of course, please share with us about anything you need to.

“Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.”

Decision

The act of making a choice or judgment
Care

This is hilarious, because the word care seems to have many different meanings depending on context-here are two:
To be anxious or solicitous; to be concerned about.
The provision of what is necessary for the health, welfare, maintenance, and protection of someone or something.

I can see how the word care and its many meanings can be subconsciously read differently if deep down you recognize and remember the way you may have expressed care prior or currently. In my past when I or my family “cared” about something or someone it was from the perspective of being anxious, solicitous and concerned. Which stems from fear, which is bondage.

I don’t want to have that sort of “care” for myself or anyone else-nor do I want that sort of projection onto me. So when I read “turn our will and life over to the care of God”, I am going to remember that God doesn’t “care” the way I did, or see others through anxiety which again, is fear.

When I make this daily declaration, I am basically making a choice to trust God with my health, welfare, maintenance and protection; as opposed to alcohol, “isms-defects” (which ALL stem from fear), any random thought or through the act of accommodating or enabling other peoples defects.

The Big Book says:

Being convinced, we were at Step Three, which is that we decided to turn our will and our life over to God as we understood Him. Just what do we mean by that, and just what do we do?

Convinced

completely certain about something.

Am I convinced that:

(a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives. (Step 1)
(b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism. (Step 2)
(c) That God could and would if He were sought. (Step 2)

So if I can’t manage my own life-if I am compelled to repeat something over and over expecting a different result, then I need a new manager because alcohol was literally killing me spiritually, mentally and physically-yet somehow I convinced myself that that was the only way I could live. So I was convinced that God couldn’t do much worse.

The Big Book goes on….
The first requirement is that we be convinced (completely certain about something) that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. On that basis we are almost always in collision with something or somebody, even though our motives are good.

Even if I have “good” motives I still would still collide with people-and through the work we find out that our “good” motives always have a selfish component attached to it. A fearful person simply cannot be selfless. They only do things that they think will somehow keep them from experiencing pain. Quite literally the pain of being embarrassed or in any way wrong or rejected registered with some of us impending doom or death. So I would go to great lengths to suppress or avoid real inventory.

I relied on the defects that in all actuality may have worked for me in the past, even though they were fear based and killing me. You always return to what worked unless we are shown a different way. That way is Step 3.

It’s a scary proposition not because it doesn’t work-but because who would I be if it does work? Change is very scary, even if it’s in everyone’s best interest. So in my initial Step 3, I’m gonna have to take a leap of faith using the experience of the fellowship and my sponsor that I will be able to handle the unknown. At least, even though it was miserable, I knew how to operate in hell….What would life look like if I had to operate from a higher plane???

Most people try to live by self-propulsion. Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way.

Yes, and this way is really, really hard work. I only know that because I am genuinely on the other side of me propping self up; trusting God’s plans for me and for everyone else do not require Hilarie having to carry such a heavy load. When I was foolishly burning up energy to arrange everyone I was crossing their spiritual boundaries by injecting myself as their HP so that they would need and rely on me-or, or the flip side of that, almost complete isolution and or shutting down so that I wasn’t needed….I’m assured that there is a balance and that as long as I am willing to change and grow everyday, that I will obtain that.

So today I willingly choose to turn my will and life over to the care of God as I understand God which no longer requires a leap of faith….I know. Faith has become fact. I know God has my and everyone else’s best interest even if I can’t comprehend it from my vantage point. I do not need to “care” (lol) worry or fear for them, the world or myself when you have the Truth.

God’s will be done-my job is not to insist upon my way or will as that is a misuse of self will, my job is to continue down my path and keep looking at me. What I recognize in others as defected or annoying, turn that into an inventory on me…which beautifully flows into Step 4 and so on.

Chop Wood, Carry Water!

When I first came into AA, I heard about getting sober and getting into service. Helping others. My old ideas were to be selfish and self centered. I would do something for you so long as it benefited me. Made me happy. It was a new idea to do for others. I had to be willing to get out of myself and get into action.

I learned about the three sides of the triangle… unity, service and recovery. All three sides are equal.

To me… The unity is us coming together. The service is us showing up for each other. Recovery is the gift we enjoy. It’s that simple.

My grand sponsor shared with me that the further you are into AA, the harder it is to leave. I got busy… and I stay busy!

At first I was told that sitting in that chair was being of service. Smiling to a member, shaking hands, giving a hug, holding a door. Calling women… Then helping set up and clean up meetings…Picking up other women to take them to meetings and giving a lead at a meeting… being in charge of supplies or picking up literature from the central office… And sponsoring women. I have tried and continue to try to always have a commitment and hold myself accountable.

My life is so good as result of taking the suggestions of a sponsor, working the steps and being of service. It truly is a miracle how we all come together as broken people and can help each other and recover. I pray I never take it for granted.

It was explained to me that together we recover and alone we perish. So I try as best as I can to give back by way of service. Here at Grow, where I’ve gratefully been a member for over 12 years, I’ve been a greeter and on the 12th step committee. I also try to share my ESH on each weekly topic and tradition meetings. The women that keep this meeting going are amazing. If you’re looking to help out and be of service, there’s plenty of women to show you how this works.

I feel that I have to share the importance of not over extending yourself in terms of service. I didn’t get sober to be stressed. My first sponsor was adamant that I got sober to have right relationships with my family. I couldn’t “hide out” in AA. There was a time that I took on a commitment here at Grow and it was more involved than I expected or anticipated. I had to give up the commitment and I was met with understanding and love.

So if you’re not involved in any formal service commitment… I hope you get involved. It ensures that you just might stay sober a day a time.

Please share on the topic of service or anything that is on your mind.

Thank you for allowing me to be of service.

We all think of our school days, many of us starting our drinking career with our fellow students. Others starting to drink alone because of those self same students.

We were young and emotions were all over the shop. For me, when I went out with school friends, I didn’t drink… Because of the fear of trouble when I went home. But I did sneak drinks at home alone, to get over the slights and bullyment, which I suppose is the cut and thrust of teenage life. When I was finally allowed to drink legally, then I went mad… Of course I did…. All the emotional signs of problems down the track.

I did go to alcohol free discos, but secretly wanted to go drinking with the big girls. They looked more confident and cool… Thankfully I didn’t see cigarettes the same way….

What was your drinking like during your school days? Were you part of the gang or were you trying to avoid them?

I picked this week’s topic from “As Bill Sees It” – pg. 15, unit 25

“How many of us would presume to declare, “Well, I’m sober and I’m happy. What more can I want, or do? I’m fine the way I am.” We know that the price of such self-satisfaction is an inevitable backslide, punctuated at some point by a very rude awakening. We have to grow or else deteriorate. For us, the status quo can only be for today, never for tomorrow. Change we must; we cannot stand still.” – Grapevine, February 1959.

I chose this particular passage for a bajillion reasons. I’m an athlete; standing still makes me bajiggity! More importantly, I’m an alcoholic and addict; if I stagnate on my Program and recovery, I will relapse yet again. For 939 days, I have been sober – not a drop of wine/booze/beer or a Xanax.

Prior to these 939 days, I had convinced myself that I was “recovered”. WTAF was I thinking? I was still popping Xanax like Tic Tacs because I had been prescribed them for severe anxiety. I didn’t have severe anciety – I’m an addict, FFS!! I would have told a doctor anything to get the drugs my disease told me I needed! I would have tried to sell a glass of water to a drowning man for a single sip of wine.

Today, I categorically know that in no way, shape, or form can I EVER get near alcohol or certain drugs again. I even hesitate to take a dang Advil now – not a brag, just a fact. This is the change I create for myself every dang day. The knowledge that I cannot change how my brain is wired; I can change my actions and my dedication to my recovery. I give credit to my Sponsor, my recovery, my friends in the Program, my sisters, my son. On some days, I even give credit to myself. I am my own harshest critic; I still struggle with giving myself the grace I so freely give others. Thoughts are the hardest (for me) to change.

This week’s topic is step 2:
“Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

This is a special time for me, today is my 10th sobriety anniversary! I am proud of myself for making it to this milestone. I’ve taken the journey with many of you as I joined GROW shortly after I became sober. So grateful to be here and be of service to GROW. On to my share…

To repair my broken life, the definition of which varied depending on the decade, I spent years reading self help books and attending therapy sessions starting at age 14. These tools often helped temporarily, but I always found myself returning into a cycle of the same character defects over and over again. It went something like this: emotional pain of some kind hits me (that’s a whole other topic!), I reached for the nearest ‘fix’ (food, alcohol, drugs, men) until I became distracted enough that the original pain dissipated or went away entirely. From the outside looking in I appeared functional, but by the time I turned 55 years old I had become a slave to the fix of the day, which was primarily alcohol. And for this girl, the ‘side effects’ of alcohol addiction are not pretty! I knew that I needed more than books and therapy if I was ever going to be free.

Enter the 12 step program of AA. As I listened to everyone sharing in the first couple of months of meetings, I observed how faith in a higher power was the key for so many people to maintain sobriety. This was the first true venture into the world of faith for me, and I didn’t know how to tap into this ‘higher power’. But I had enough trust in these (mostly) happy people sitting in the rooms to keep an open mind and heart. I decided if they can live a sober life after a lifetime of drinking, if they can ‘come to believe’, well so can I.

For me, faith in God was the right solution. I sensed it was the ONLY path towards letting go of my controlling nature. Nothing else had worked in the long term. As a matter of fact, it wasn’t until I began reading the A.A. literature and listening at meetings that I realized my need to control was one of my most challenging defects.

Step 2 always gives me hope to break free from my destructive patterns of behavior. It gives me hope for improved relationships with my spouse, family, friends, and life in general. This amazing step is also simpler than anything else I have tried to feel sane and serene. When I’m greatly troubled, I can have a conversation with God and give Him my woes, He is there for me.

Even when life doesn’t seem to be going ‘my way’, I know that I can turn to God instead of alcohol. This is believing in a power greater than myself that can restore me to sanity.

Please share with us about your step 2 experience, strength and hope.

Topic for the week: Remembering Your Last Drunk.

For this week’s meeting, I am sharing an excerpt from the book Living Sober which reads:

A friend who offers us a drink usually means simply that one sociable glass or two. But if we are careful to recall the full suffering of our last drinking episode, we are not deceived by our own long-ago notion of “a drink.” The blunt, physiological truth for us, as of today, is that a drink pretty surely means a drunk sooner or later, and that spells trouble.

Drinking for us no longer means music and gay laughter and flirtations. It means sickness and sorrow.

One A.A. member puts it this way: “I know now that stopping in for a drink will never again be–for me–simply killing a few minutes and leaving a buck on the bar. In exchange for that drink, what I would plunk down is my bank account, my family, our home, our car, my job, my sanity, and probably my life. It’s too big a price, too big a risk.”

He remembers his last drunk, not his first drink.

Hi I’m Rachel, and I’m an alcoholic. This past Monday, January 20th, I celebrated 10 years of sobriety, a great milestone for me. I couldn’t help but reflect on my last drunk 10 years ago. It had all the typical parts: I swore I would only have 1 drink, then no more than 2, and before I know it I’m blacked out and driving home. The next day, sitting at work with a horrible hangover, my husband mad at me, I decided I cannot keep living like this. I had already gotten sober once and then went back to drinking because I thought I could control it. But I just had too much to lose at that point, and I knew if I kept going like that, something very bad would happen. I continue to remember that last drunk because it reminds me every day that, no matter how much I think it, I can never just have 1 or 2 drinks. My worst day sober is still far better than my best day drunk.

I’d love to hear about your last drunk and how remembering it keeps you sober today!

Thanks for letting me chair and share!

Rachel S.

Topic for the week: Spiritual Experience / Contempt Prior to Investigation

Today I would like to share an excerpt with you from Appendix II of the Big Book “Spiritual Experience”, the last 3 paragraphs read:

     Most emphatically we wish to say that any alcoholic capable of honestly facing his problems in the light of our experience can recover, provided he does not close his mind to all spiritual concepts. He can only be defeated by an attitude of intolerance or belligerent denial.

     We find that no one need have difficulty with the spirituality of the program. *Willingness, honesty and open mindedness are the essentials of recovery. But these are indispensable.*

     “There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance–that principle is contempt prior to investigation.” – Herbert Spencer

My Share:

Hi again, I’m an alcoholic named Emily.

I have a history of over-complicating even the simplest of things. While I was raised to believe in God and didn’t have any major issues with still believing in God, I got pretty preoccupied with *exactly how* was this God gonna restore me to sanity? Hmmm? And why hadn’t He already done it since I had never stopped believing? Hmmm?

And why did some of my friends not make it over to the other side with me? And why was my life still such a mess? And why did he bring this person into my life if all they were going to do was cause destruction? And why would I have to keep going to meetings for the rest of my life? And why would I have to apologize to everyone and humiliate myself publicly like these steps suggested? And why would I have to tell all my secrets to someone in the group and on and on and on.

And this contempt prior to investigation kept me out of AA for 8 long years of dry drunk stark raving sobriety. By the time I got to AA, I was a lunatic and also finally willing to admit that my way wasn’t working. It took a little getting used to, but I finally started allowing myself to be teachable by God and by you in the program.

The healing I have experienced is unlike anything else I have ever experienced in my life. Many wounds, I did not think could be healed, others I didn’t think I could allow to be healed as they were self-inflicted. The truth at the end of the day? I’m just a garden variety alcoholic, not that sick and not that special, and when I get out of my own way and develop the willingness to follow a few suggestions and remain open minded and honest, the result is a vast spiritual experience and awakening. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, but it always comes if I work for it.

What does this reading bring up for you and your journey with recovery and spirituality? I would love to hear from everyone their experience, strength and hope on this. I learn so much from each and every one of you.

Step One – “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable”

I remember taking my first Step One after I got out of a 30 day rehab; I was bound and determined to stay sober. I failed egregiously less than 18 months later. This time, I am 904 days free from alcohol and Xanax. I have yet to complete my Step work with my Sponsor, but we will do so. I now have the clarity that being free from BOTH alcohol and Xanax has given me. Are my days trouble free – not all of them, no. But now, thankfully, I have the support I was unwilling to ask for in my past. I am far from perfect; I am more than willing to admit that fact! I am human, a Mama, a friend, a family member, an athlete, a productive member of society, and SOBER!