Oct 01: Looking for Similarities

Looking for Similarities

Hi! My name is Julie and I’m a grateful alcoholic. Thank you for allowing me to be of service this week.

When I first came into the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, I was overwhelmed with how much I could relate to the people that I heard speak in my face-to-face meetings.

In the first few weeks, though, I started to focus on the differences. I think I was in denial that I truly was an alcoholic.

My sponsor and many people in the rooms after the meetings would encourage me to look for the similarities.

It was a challenge to push myself, but I’m so glad that I did it.

Looking at our similarities has allowed me to be more patient, tolerant, loving and kind not only to my family but to people out in the world.

I say I’m grateful to be an alcoholic because I finally have a program, a design for a living, that truly helps me live my best life.

I feel we are all brothers and sisters walking on this planet. It has taken me a long time to come to this point. But today I believe that looking at each other and looking at our similarities, it allows me to be a kinder and gentler person. It also reminds me of the insanity that I existed in before getting sober.

No, I never had a dui, I didn’t go to jail. I didn’t lose my job or my family. But I lost myself to this disease. And should I decide one day that maybe I’m not alcoholic, these are things that could happen. I have a healthy fear of that happening!

I hope that this topic resonates in some way. I wanted to share this topic specifically because I’m happy to have many new ladies join our group this week.

If you think you have a problem with alcohol, you’re in the right place. There is a lot of great sobriety in this group. I encourage you to try and stay open to growing, learning, and changing. It’s amazing what following some suggestions and looking at the similarities has done for me in my life in such a short amount of time.

Please share on this or anything that’s on your mind.

Julie K
5/17/12

Sep 16: Surrender

Surrender

I was especially touched lately by the introduction of some of our new members. They describe the confusion, desperation and fear I felt before finally asking for help. I thought I was doing the things in life that would make me happy and make me feel fulfilled. But I was not happy or fulfilled. I was lonely, scared, angry and full of pride. I had prayed for a couple of years for help with the drink problem. The answer was always the same, AA. I knew nothing about AA, but I was NOT going there and saying out loud that I was alcoholic. There was also fear of giving up alcohol, it had been the solution at one time, it took away the fear, the low self-esteem, made me more outgoing socially and I felt part of when at happy hours and parties.

But happy hours and parties were long gone. I was sitting at home alone drinking myself drunk every night and starting early in the morning on week-ends and holidays. So, I finally surrendered and went to an AA meeting. I will celebrate 28 years in a few days and I am utterly amazed and grateful for the life I have today.

Who knew all I had to do was give up? I hung on to a few things in the big book,

“Rarely have we seen a person fail…”, “Abandon yourself to God…” “Let go absolutely…”

For a topic, I suggest people share on what surrender looks like to them and if it has worked. My best prayers are “Thy will be done” and “Direct my thinking”. When I quit fighting and trust God good things happen and I learned how to quit fighting by working steps and being an active member of AA.

Sep 23: What’s in your Toolbox?

What’s in your Toolbox?

Hello Ladies, Jennifer here, alkie.. very sorry to be late.. had every intention of doing this before hand and having it ready, however, life happened..

First off, congrats to all who have celebrated this month and welcome to our new members. I don’t post very much, however, I do read and love the ESH of this group. I’ve been a member for many years, have done service work in the past (I always say, BD-before disability) and like to chair a couple times a year to be of service these days.

My sober date is September 30, 1992 – which means, if HP graces me with a few more 24 hours, I will celebrate 25 yrs in this program this coming Saturday. Over the years, I have acquired many tools of the program. From the beginning, it was suggested that I gain a sponsor..I did..It was suggested I formally do the steps, I did, a few times over..it was suggested I be of service and I did..and still do as I can..and I read the BB, many times over.I have not always done what was suggested..I walked away from the program for many years..not being sponsored and not sponsoring..thank HP that I still had the tools of the program so that I did not physically relapse, however, I did emotionally and spiritually many times. I walked back into the program of AA at 14 yrs sober and never looked back! Again very lucky to have kept sober that whole time (dry actually).

Today, I am able to finally make 1-2 F2F mtgs a week and I use the internet (video mtgs live) for the times I am unable to get out of the house, and, of course, there is our group GROW!! There is NO excuse today for me not to make a mtg. It is in those meetings that I fine tune my tools, get reminded that I may need to use my tools and even still do add to my tool box. I also recently asked a new lady to sponsor me and it’s been the best thing I did for myself in the last couple years. I’m following suggestions and working this program daily, even in the midst of a lot of chaos recently with the hurricanes and other stuff I’ll mention below, I’ve not found it necessary to drink over any of it and for that I am grateful!

When you are a sober gal, dealing with health challenges, there are set backs that are unavoidable. I’ve had to reinvent myself in what my abilities are at the time many times over. I could sit on my pity pot or as my dear friend use to say, I could get up and flush and move on. One of my tools is sayings..This too shall pass, one day at a time, one hour at a time, one min at a time, one sec at a time..one breath at a time..Just breath..I’ve been using that one a lot.

The awesome thing about the tools of the program..is that I can share them today, even with normies. One of my best friends in the world just got diagnosed with Cancer the last couple weeks and I am able to be present today and share our sayings and our teachings to assist her with her fear and anxieties..to connect to something greater then herself (which she already has) and to help remind her that we are not in charge..all we can do is the footwork and HP has the rest.

So, I hope this made sense..I’m a bit all over the place hence the lateness so I appreciate your patience with me today. I guess there could be a couple topics in there but my point was to bring home that the program affords us so many tools to allow us to live a sober life today.

Would love to hear what is in your tool box?

Sep 09: Discipline, Practice, and Resting on our Laurels

Discipline, Practice, and Resting on our Laurels

“We alcoholics are undisciplined. So we let God discipline us in the simple way we have just outlined (step 10).” – Pg. 88 BB

Discipline:

~Merriam-Webster

Eeeek! Discipline! Who wants that?

I do actually. When I was new to the program, the suggestion that I go to 90 meetings in 90 days seemed outrageous. I didn’t do anything every day except blink and go to the bathroom. Some days I didn’t sleep, eat, shower, tend to personal hygiene. I just did what I wanted when I wanted and didn’t do anything I didn’t want to do unless I absolutely had to. I did do my 90 meetings in 90 days because after talking with my sponsor, I realized I had to try her suggestions to stay sober or face the consequences.

Now some time has passed, I’ll have 7 years in 9 days. Life is bigger and more beautiful than I have ever dreamed. I have much more discipline than I used to, but still have much room to grow. I still struggle to pray and meditate everyday. I struggle with regular meeting attendance. I do my 10th step most nights, but not every night.

I find it easy to work my program hard when life is hard and painful, but when life is easy and sweet… my discipline diminishes.

How do you stay disciplined in your recovery? What do you actually do every day for your recovery? Do you really honestly do it every day? How do you do that?

If you have relapsed, how did resting on your laurels and being undisciplined contribute to that?

Give me your experience strength and hope ladies!

Sep 02: Spiritual Malady in our Threefold Illness

Spiritual Malady in our Threefold Illness

The definition of a Spiritual Malady is:
Malady means disconnect or separation. So therefore a spiritual malady is a separation or disconnect from spiritual things. This can mean a separation or disconnect from other human beings, spiritual principles, a spiritual higher power etc. Spiritual things are not merely religion but are defined by each individual uniquely as the guiding force in their lives-something that is greater than them or principles they live by.

The disconnect for me from God happen when I was a little girl. I wasn’t firmly grounded in the love and knowing of my Father, so it didn’t take much to separate me from that which I didn’t know. Me and little boy played “you show me yours and I show you mine”….at like age 4. The guilt of that weighed HEAVY on me from that moment on. Doesn’t seem like much, but it was enough to put me on a path of Shame, Guilt and Remorse which then resulted in being Restless, Irritable and Discontent.

If any sort of happy thought or excitement tried to enter me in childhood, it was immediately squashed by the memory of doing that. My sexuality was strong at a very young age that boys and men picked up on. It made me feel gross, nervous, and overcome with anxiety. Sex was then attached to everything from my head into my stomach. I developed an ulcer and unrelenting sadness and guilt. No room for God.

The obsession of the mind was BOYS before booze. I was reading my dairy from age 8-15 and WOW…All consumed by boys. I see that they were my Higher Power! No room for God. Then when I became sexually active it made the guilt worse. I was used by boys and used boys. I was seeking the same feeling I got from the “first kiss”, kinda like the feeling I got from my “first buzz”….Chasing a feeling I could never get back no mater how many boys or how many drinks….The obsession, guilt, shame, self loathing, fear, low self worth, humiliation, hopelessness, etc….Leaves absolutely no room for God!

to fill the void of my spiritual malady….I of course blamed God!. What I didn’t realize was that God, like any loving parent, waits patiently for me to come home to Him when I am done rebelling. At that time I would only call “home” to him when something was wrong and then would curse him if it/they failed. God can’t dwell in the darkness that I was in until I sought him. He could, would, and did once I let him in sobriety.

Using people to fill a void then using alcohol to numb the pain of what I was doing and creating. As a child, I of course had no control over what happen to me. What I do have a choice in is if I continue to prey upon others because of it. Forgiving the predators of my youth, knowing that they were preyed upon as well, and taking full accountability for the harm I caused others, stopped the cycle of predatory behavior. If I am getting fed through God then I am not draining you like a parasite that feeds off someone to feed what it’s lacking.

Even if my behavior and actions weren’t as server as those who preyed on me, I was still contributing to the pattern of using human beings to get fed. That’s what they were doing using me to get fed….It’s a terrible cycle happening in this world. Over time my soul was almost depleted by what I had done. Humans looking to be filled no matter who gets hurt.

Thankfully I found my way into AA and was given a set of spiritual tools to work with. These “tools” if given to all of us as children would save the world a lot of suffering!! These simple tools and Faith in my Father, stopped the cycle chaos and pain. It removed the guilt through the 4th step and gave me peace in the 5th Step. It showed me what defects were driving me the 6th Step. It made me accountable in the 9th Step….I was clean and ready to serve the Power that got and keeps me sober through service to Him by service to his children.

Selflessness, gratitude, love, service and compassion combats the self certeredness, self seeking, self pity, victim hood and selfishness which is at the core of my dis-ease that kept the malady going for so long. The more I fed “Self”, the worse I got. This is a Selfless program. You can’t combat Selfishness with more selfishness. This is the reason that “self help” didn’t work for me. Less self, more God. Feeding the God in me by service to His children is the only way I found to freedom from the looping of my personal hell.

Please share on your experience accepting Spiritual help or your experience with service to others and how it has transformed you.

Love, safe and protected in the Armor of God!

Hilarie 4.8.14

“There is a solution. Almost none of us liked the self-searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation. But we saw that it really worked in others, and we had come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living it. When, therefore, we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet. We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed.

The great fact is just this, and nothing less: That we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences which have revolutionized our whole attitude toward life, toward our fellows and toward God’s universe. The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves. Pg 25-Big Book

Aug 27: What I Know Now

What I Know Now

When I stumbled into AA 2-1/2 years ago, I was beaten down and scared. You people, happy and confident, told me that there is a solution and to keep coming back. I didn’t know how “it” was going to work, but you assured me it would. Looking back, I’m humbled and a little baffled by it all.

When I started this journey, I thought I would never have fun again if I had to be sober. Actually, some of the most fun times I have ever had have been spent with my sober friends. To be a welcome part of the group, to laugh so hard I cry, and to remember it all the next morning is a treat I wouldn’t give up for all the wine in Napa. Since Day 1 I literally have never once woken up in the morning and thought, “Dang, I really wish I had gotten drunk last night!” But every day, I say a prayer of thanks that I am a sober member of AA today.

At the beginning of this journey, I didn’t believe that I would ever feel comfortable in sobriety. In an awesome twist of irony, my sobriety is now the one thing I can depend on when everything else is falling apart. It’s what I count on to keep me moving forward, left foot right foot, when things are spiraling beyond my control. I hang onto my sobriety before everything else now.

So tell us: what do you know now that you wish you had known on day 1 of your sobriety? What did the old timers tell you when you were new to the rooms that you didn’t believe could be possible but now is a big part of your daily life? Which of your wildest dreams has come in sobriety?

I look forward to hearing your shares on this topic, or whatever is affecting your sobriety today!

Hugs, Allison McG

Aug 20: Acceptance

Acceptance

Hello lovely ladies of GROW,

Marti here, grateful recovering alcoholic and grateful to be here and be of service! Welcome to the newcomers! It has been quite a long time since I have actively participated. I have remained quiet and still sober through the grace of my Higher Power who I call God.

I would like to start out with the “Acceptance” passage from p. 417 in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Page 417 Acceptance
A.A. Big Book – Acceptance is the answer to ALL of my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation- some fact of my life- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept my life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.

I have had lately a lot of unmanageability and chaos here in my house- specifically with my 18 year old daughter who just went off to college. I feel like I have had several emotional hangovers in the past week alone. She has a lot of anger towards me regarding my drinking history and also of my not being around much when she was younger due to going to AA meetings. She has seen me relapse multiple times over the years since 2008. I am so grateful that I have been able to stay sober on a daily basis since July of 2016. I am trying to be a good role model for her also which I don’t know if she really sees.

I am powerless over people- my daughter-, places and things. I cannot change her, and I need to fully understand and accept that she is who she is right now and to stop wishing that she would act and respond differently to me. I must accept that she is the person who she is right now and be okay with it. Acceptance has always been difficult for me. I want everything to be just right- to have things the way I want and when I want. LOL- real alcoholic thinking!! It’s a matter of working that Step 3 also- to turn Everything and Everybody over to my Higher Power.

I am grieving in a way also the fact that both she and my son are away at college. They are both very far away now. I have been so emotional and missing them so much. I am longing for the days when they were young. Acceptance again- they are where they are supposed to be for this time being, and I am where I need to be at this time. I have been praying the Serenity Prayer a lot which also helps! I am learning to adjust to this transition and to remain sober while I go through it. Sobriety must always remain my Number One priority!! I also must not hold on to any resentments towards my daughter. She had said some very hurtful things to me before we took her to college. I also realized that I do not know what is really going on in other people’s head, and that they may be experiencing a lot of fear just like I do.

One more thing about acceptance. I had lost another nursing job just this past June- I was still under my 90 days probation. I thought it was going to be my “dream job.” Well it did not work out, and I was told that it was not the “right fit” for me. I am actually relieved and grateful that it happened and, I have accepted it. It allowed me the opportunity to change careers and to pursue a different “calling” which I am very passionate about.

Thank you for the opportunity to be of service. Dear sober friends, I look forward to reading your shares. Pleases share on the topic of Acceptance, how to deal with transitions or any other topic that is on your mind.

Love and Hugs, Marti DOS 7-4-16

Aug 12: We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace

We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace

Thank you GROW for giving me the opportunity to chair this week. My name is Nydia and I am an alcoholic. Congrats also to all others celebrating a milestone at this time. Thank you to the many ladies here I have gotten to know over the past several years.

I honestly hadn’t thought of the topic until I came back after my long Sunday morning run. I turned to one of the meditations books I use and the reading was about struggling to get our own ways. Knowing it was futile but nonetheless, trying to get something the way I want it to be. It got me thinking of he ways I try to change a situation/ place/ person or thing – asking, pleading, bargaining, bribing, coercing, forcing, blackmailing, threatening, manipulating… oh the list is endless.

Having recently survived ADD (another dating disaster) whilst at the same time, trying to work on my own as an independent, I am taken aback by how much my HP has helped me to live in the present and be still. Wounds still remain and I am not out of the woods (yet) but I there is something that struck me this morning when I was having breakfast – I truly believe, if I continue to work the programme, I will continue to comprehend the word serenity and know peace – no matter what the circumstances are around me. There’s a moment when I am running I see the trees and the sky and the water and it is such a calming moment. That’s when I hear it – let it go, there’s no need to hold on. No pleading or bargaining or forcing…

So at 9 years I have picked one of the 9th step promises 🙂

What does it mean to you to comprehend the word serenity, and to know peace?

Hugs, Nydia

Aug 05: A Worker Among Workers

A Worker Among Workers

Hello GROW!

This week I wanted to share a passage from Step 4 in the 12 X 12 (p. 53).

As we redouble our efforts at control, and continue to fail, our suffering becomes acute and constant. We have not once sought to be one in a family, to be a friend among friends, to be a worker among workers, to be a useful member of society. Always we tried to struggle to the top of the heap, or to hide underneath it. This self-centered behavior blocked a partnership relation with any one of those about us. Of true brotherhood we had small comprehension.

This was me, when I came into AA.

I felt such hope and excitement when I got the news that I could learn to be a friend among friends. A worker among workers: and that this was enough.

Today I don’t have to be perfect or figure everything out by myself. I just have to stop drinking, offer help, ask for help, and apologize when I screw up.

I am a worker among workers. Remembering this makes my life so much easier and it gives my ego the vacation it needs.

So, my plan each day at work is: be of service.

This keeps me open to what unfolds, as opposed to my agenda. It keeps me in Step 12. And it reminds me that I’m not the best and I’m not the worst. I’m an average-sized part of something bigger. And that’s exactly what my HP wants for me.

How do you relate to the above passage? How have you learned to reach out to your fellows in sobriety? What changes have you seen in your partnerships as a result of working the Steps?

I’m looking forward to your shares on this topic or whatever is on your heart this week.

Thank you for allowing me to be of service.

Kirsten

Jul 29: The Three Pertinent Ideas

The Three Pertinent Ideas

Hello dear GROWers, and thank you for allowing me to chair this meeting this week. I know that we have some new members in the past few months, many of whom are new to AA. The topic for this week is found at the end of the reading (from the chapter “How It Works, pp. 58 – 60 in the Big Book) done in so many meetings in the rooms of AA, in the (a), (b), and (c).

(a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.
(b) That probably no human power could relieve our alcoholism.
(c) That God could and would if God were sought.

I have reflected on each of these ideas many times. To me, understanding of the nature of my dis-ease of alcoholism came gradually after I stopped drinking. I had little awareness of what my problem actually was during my active drinking and drugging years. My disease is not based on the fact that I cannot control how much I drink; that is simply a symptom. My illness goes much deeper than that one symptom in particular. That just happens to be the one that got my attention! My disease is rooted in my ideas of my importance (selfishness), the actions I believe to be worth my time and effort, primarily drinking and drugging to escape any difficulties I am experiencing (self-seeking), my inability to see and to accept what is going on, also known as “denial” (dishonesty) and the abject fear that underlies all of these (afraid / fear). These were a part of my nature long before I ever picked up a drink or a drug. This state of mind is known as “the obsession”.

The second idea, that no human power can help me, means that treatment centers, doctors and nurses, therapists, family members, friends, lovers, children, bosses, coworkers, places of employment, churches, pastors, ministers, the legal system, lawyers, the police, jails and institutions, and all others will not be able to stop me from feeling these feelings and wanting to run from them by using a substance. Indeed, the substance will cause physical triggers known as “the allergy”. The allergy is the part that causes so many of the humiliating consequences that I suffered, and it is also the part of my disease that makes me aware that I have a disease.

The third idea is the one that truly helps me. Belief in a Power greater than myself, however I choose to define it, and calling on that Power when I need help, is the solution to my problem. The Steps of our beautiful program give us a path, an easy way to put spiritual principles to work in our day-to-day lives. I don’t do these steps alone; I do them with someone who sponsors me and once I do that, I go on to do them with others I sponsor. I don’t do them one time and call it done; I use them on a daily basis for the rest of my life, in every single problem I have. When I do this, I find the relief that humans alone cannot give.

It may seem a bit confusing, because so much of my help is channeled through humans. Humans often show me the way to put these principles to work in my life, either overtly in AA meetings and sponsor-sponsee Step work, or less directly in therapy or life as a whole. These principles are the answer; they are the Power greater than myself; they are of God, Allah, Buddha, the universe, or whatever we choose to call that Power greater than ourselves that keep us sober today.

This week, please share with us how these three pertinent ideas, or any single one of them, gets your attention. Is it the lack of being able to manage that got you here? Have you tried human power, and what was the result? How about a Power greater than yourself? How has that worked for you? Does a sponsor help you with these? Please share on these or any part of this reading that is helpful to you in staying sober today.

Hugs to all who want one, gigi

Jul 22: Paradoxes in our Program

Paradoxes in our Program

There are a few paradoxes in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and “We Surrender to Win” is one that is essential to “get” in order to go further on this journey. I had to surrender to a Power Greater Than Myself before I could get out of my silly self that got me in so much trouble before joining AA. I lived my entire life on self will and, in retrospect, I can see today that this way of looking at life led me to nothing but chaos and unmanageability! Yep – –it took some time – –as early on I DID, in fact, have some fun times, living in the “fast lane”. In the end it led me to nothing but misery and in prison

Here are some of the paradoxes that have worked for me in this program:

“1. We SURRENDER TO WIN. On the face of it, surrendering certainly does not seem like winning. But it is in A.A. Only after we have come to the end of our rope, hit a stone wall in some aspect of our lives beyond which we can go no further; only when we hit “bottom” in despair and surrender, can we accomplish sobriety which we could never accomplish before. We must, and we do, surrender in order to win.

2. We GIVE AWAY TO KEEP. That seems absurd and untrue. How can you keep anything if you give it away? But in order to keep whatever it is we get in A.A., we must go about giving it away to others, for no fees or rewards of any kind. When we cannot afford to give away what we have received so freely in A.A., we had better get ready for our next drunk. It will happen every time. We’ve got to continue to give it away in order to keep it.

3.We SUFFER TO GET WELL. There is no way to escape the terrible suffering of remorse and regret and shame and harassment which starts us on the road to getting well from our affliction. There is no new way to shake out a hangover. It’s painful. And for us, necessarily so. I told this to a friend of mine as he sat weaving to and fro on the side of the bed, in terrible shape, about to die for some paraldehyde. I said, ‘Lost John’- that’s his nickname-Lost John, you know you’re going to have to do a certain amount of shaking sooner or later. “Well, he said, for God’s sake let’s make it later!” We suffer to get well.

4.We DIE TO LIVE. That is a beautiful paradox straight out of the Biblical idea of being ‘born again or ‘losing one’s life’ to find it. When we work at our Twelve Steps, the old life of guzzling and fuzzy thinking, and all that goes with it, gradually dies, and we acquire a different and a better way of life. As our shortcomings are removed, one life of us dies, and another life of us lives. We in A.A. die to live.”

second edition, Alcoholics Anonymous

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I have found that I have “won the battle” by giving the program of AA my all. Today I have total trust in my HP (Higher Power) and give myself to Him/Her every morning as a part of my morning rituals of prayer and meditation. I no longer resist what is and accept everything as an “opportunity for growth” instead of as a “problem”! I have found that EVERYTHING is just the way it is supposed to be and all I have to do is go with the flow, praying for guidance all the way!

IT WORKS WHEN I WORK IT, and doesn’t when I don’t!

I look forward to our shares on how the paradoxes work in your life.

Susanne L. Murphys, CA 8/17/91

Jul 15: Fear and (Self) Loathing in Sobriety

Fear and (Self) Loathing in Sobriety

Hi everyone!

Greetings all!! I come to you grateful and sober in Texas. This is my birthday week for 42 and for 5mos sobriety! Yay me! I am excited to host a meeting and nervous because I am responsible to give a great topic! I wish I had something prepared that I knew would be “just right” or that would inspire a revolution of sorts… however, I know that I’m barely a legitimate AA member and still so very green. I can only hope my humble participation will inspire others to speak up and share because well, hopefully you can’t do worse than me!! lol

I have learned my share of lingo and believe myself to have a fairly high bottom which is not bragging because I was only a drink away from the lowest bottom. I lack in the confidence to share or I guess of feeling important enough. Perhaps like many I have trust issues, I’m hard headed, I’m selfish, insecure, lazy, and a bit of a whiner. Perhaps these are those character defects that I need to ask my HP to remove?!! Maybe this is my topic!?!

All in all I have a very healthy fear of relapse and I’m not entirely sure what a dry drunk is but I know I don’t want that! So I lead today proud of 5 months sobriety and thirsty for encouragement. Thanks in advance to those that can find a topic in here somewhere and share with us newbies on fear and (self)loathing in sobriety. Perhaps I make sense to them!

Grace and Blessings, Brenda C DOS 2/21/17

Jul 8: Practicing Gratitude

Practicing Gratitude

July, 2017, marks 33 years of my sobriety in AA, and for this I’m deeply grateful.

I was fortunate to recognize the disease early in the progression, to surrender to how dangerous it is, and to connect with the people and principles of Alcoholics Anonymous. Most of the credit for my early acceptance goes to members of the Fellowship who told their stories honestly and fearlessly, no matter how horrible. I identified with them; I had the same disease.

So I worked with a sponsor and followed the Steps and Traditions to the best of my ability. The treatment plan was spelled out in the Big Book. “A.A. does not teach us how to handle our drinking…it teaches us how to handle sobriety.” Something my sponsor taught me to do when fearful or angry: make a gratitude list.

More importantly, I was taught to practice gratitude by helping other alcoholics.

How do you practice the gratitude you feel? – Lucine

Jul 01: A Power Greater Than Ourselves

A Power Greater Than Ourselves

When I entered the rooms of AA I was a Christian so I did not struggle with the God concept.

Everyone has their own story.

Some come into the rooms angry at God, some come in believing in God, and some do not believe in God.

As I was preparing today I noticed six out of 12 steps refers to either “a power greater than ourselves”, “God as we understand him”, “admitted to God”, ” have God remove all these defects of character”, and “humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.”

I don’t believe in coincidences. I believe in Miracles where God chooses to remains anonymous.

I opened the Twelve steps and Twelve traditions book and I read “that we are today sober only by the grace of God and that any success we may be having is far more His success than ours.”

I give God the credit where I am today.

I have a great sponsor, who listens to me endlessly, but numerous times she asks me “did you pray about it?”

I am interested in hearing how God has worked in your life, what your concept of God is or how your concept of a Higher Power has helped you on your journey in sobriety.

A few mantras that help keep me on track. Be still and know that I am God.

My job is to pray and God’s job is to deal with the chaos in my life. Let Go and Let God!!!

Feel free to share on this topic or any other topic you desire.

Thanks for listening and being a part of this meeting.

Jun 25: Secrets

Secrets

From the Big Book: “More than most people, the alcoholic leads a double life. He is very much the actor. To the outer world he presents his stage character. This is the one he likes his fellows to see. He wants to enjoy a certain reputation, but knows in his heart he doesn’t deserve it.”

Hello everyone- The other day I was listening to the radio and they were asking callers how much they would want to be paid to divulge their deepest, darkest secret to one person. I was amazed at some of the answers!

I thought about it for a minute and realized that, thanks to AA, I no longer have a deepest, darkest secret! Thanks to steps 4 and 5, I have aired my dirty laundry.

Secrets used to plague me and help me feel like that person with the reputation she didn’t deserve. Now I feel a sense of relief and freedom from my secrets. I have a tremendous weight lifted that I had carried for a long time.

How did secrets affect you when you were drinking and how do you feel about them now?

Feel free to share on this topic or any other topic you desire.

Thanks for listening and being a part of this meeting!

Jun 18: The Need to Change

The Need to Change

The need to change Laura came to me through my HP and long-time AA members. Once I experienced the relief and blessing of not having to take a drink when I was happy, sad, glad, angry, upset, etc., the ‘need’ to change became a ‘want’ instead. As the saying goes, AA is not for this who ‘need’ it but for those who ‘want’ it and I wanted desperately what you had. I couldn’t change everything all at once, but by learning and working through the Steps with my sponsor and listening to those who came before me, I realized that I had to change many things about myself if I were to remain sober. Thankfully, I learned that ours is a lifetime program and that there is no graduation date because it will take more than a lifetime to change/remove some of my character defects.

What have I needed to change? Many, many, many aspects of my character; i.e. I had to admit that I needed help from others instead of being too stubborn to ask for it or to even admit that I needed help. I needed to accept myself for who I am and am still working on loving the person I am. A former sponsor of mine told me that every time I looked it the mirror, I was to say, “I love you” which would help me to change my opinion of myself (this one, I’m also still working on) LOL!

The first thing I needed to do was to get help to stop drinking and my HP provided exactly what I needed. In sobriety, I have been able to build and maintain friendships and leave my drinking buddies behind. I needed to make time to listen and help others by giving away what was so freely given to me I needed to become more health-conscious about what I put into my body and how I take care of it; i.e. quit smoking. I have had to follow instructions and advice given by healthcare professionals instead of dismissing them without even trying their suggestions (contempt prior to investigation?). I have become aware of and grateful for the many, many blessings I have received in my life.

I would not change the last 28 years of my life in sobriety for anything. I have slowed down quite a bit due to age and health reasons but due to the Grace of God and you people, I am sober today. The compulsion to drink was removed as soon as I became serious about getting sober. I have regained my self-confidence and self-esteem, and have learned a lot about what makes me tick, found my Higher Power whom I call God, joined online AA groups, became a sponsor to a few, and found my niche in my life and the AA way of life.

What changes have you been able to make so far in sobriety? How do you feel about these changes? Please feel free to share on this topic or on anything that may be troubling you. I look forward to hearing from each of you.

Hugs, Laura G. 6/17/1989

Jun 11: Honesty and Hope

Honesty and Hope

Dear GROW Sisters,

I am so excited to be able to share on my 28th AA birthday and thank you to all of you who have written to congratulate me this morning.

It’s a miracle I got sober in the first place and another miracle – actually LOTS of miracles adding up to these many years! – that I am still sober. These two facts alone prove to me there is a Power Greater Than Myself in this Universe who has my highest good and wellbeing in mind. I have been shown grace and mercy over and over again. As dark and terrible and calamitous as my life became during my sobriety (and it got extremely dark from 2005 to 2015 with loss and illness), that Unseen Hand, my AA sponsors and friends and the spiritual program of action bequeathed to us by Bill and Dr. Bob (and Lois and the women in their lives) saw me through.

There were many times I didn’t think I would make it. Early on in the program and also as written in the Big Book, I was told that alcoholism will drive us into insanity, suicide or death, and actions that hurt others, even take their life or drive them into insanity. The first two (insanity, suicide) haunted me for many years in the program. I was always and still am grateful to read this in the opening of Chapter 5:

Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. […..] There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.

The bolded sentence which I heard or read out loud at every meeting I ever attended gave me deep hope that I would someday, somehow, by mastering the magic key of “honesty,” I would find and experience the peace and serenity and feeling of belonging that I so desperately sought since being a very young child. I was from the onset one of those bewildered human beings, confused by the words and behaviors of the human beings around me, not understanding what my place was or where I belonged. (I blamed my alcoholic family for this for decades but truthfully my feelings were in depth about a longing for unity with Creation; more later).

Honesty, it turned out, was a tough one. With my limited scope of how to be a human being, I interpreted it to mean telling the truth no matter what or whose feelings I hurt or toes I stepped on. I was like the child who wants top marks for being that perfect student. Then I took notice of the saying on the back of AA anniversary coins of old, “To Thine Own Self Be True.” The phrase was first coined by a philosopher I admire deeply, Frederic Nietzsche, and in full, it reads:

“To Thine Own Self and Way be True.”

But who was I and what was my Way? With my limited scope of how to be a human being and my limited understanding of the human condition, I thought at first it meant living up to the expectations I had for and of myself, finally, unshackled from the compulsion to drink and the torment of active alcoholism. With zeal, I launched myself in my new life. I obtained degrees, tried out professional careers, finally achieved a position of stature. I had Power, Prestige and Money!

And I was still miserable inside, alienated from myself, full of internal conflict and emotional pain. I had moments of peace and serenity and I held onto those as proof I was working a good program (along with my attendance at AA meetings and service I did). Growing up in an alcoholic family, I knew how to put out a very good image. I also knew I had to work the program with greater sincerity – honesty! – but try as I may, I couldn’t complete a third round of going to the steps – I would stall at Step Four every time! Self-will was a formidable and dishonest foe.

I then hit in 2014 an emotional, physical, and spiritual rock bottom. All the Power, Prestige and Money gone in a pile up of illnesses and misfortunes in the space of 6 years. My worse fear came true: I ended up in a psychiatric ward for a week with some psychiatric and medical 14 diagnoses. I had become totally neurotoxic, literally and figuratively.

I look back 3 years later now as I find myself on the threshold of doing that third and so elusive 4th Step after almost 15 years of trying. I can say sincerely that everything that happened was in perfect Divine Order. This walk through life has been my Way. The breakdown was a breakthrough. Grace and Mercy were with me in the darkest hour such that I did not kill myself or end up locked up permanently. I came out to Arizona to detoxify body, mind, and soul. Finally, rising from the Phoenix’s ashes (near Phoenix in Sedona ha ha), I can for the first time in my life humble myself to a depth never before possible such that I can be me exactly as I AM in full honesty.

And it feels so truly good!

I am so grateful I hung in there and I am so grateful to AA for its powerful wisdom and for those that have tenaciously walked this Road Less Travelled before me.

Many blessings and thank you to all of you,

Gillian 6/11/1989

Jun 03: Meeting Suggestions

Meeting Suggestions

Hi there! My name is Julie and I’m a grateful alcoholic. One of the first things I heard in the meetings I attended were “suggestions.” No one was telling me what to do, they simply shared what worked for them. I was intrigued and I listened. By being honest, open and willing to follow these suggestions, I noticed changes in my life, how I approached life on life’s terms.

Some suggestions that worked for me, and continue to do so…

  • Go to three meetings a week.
  • Reach out to my sponsor three times a week.
  • Call at least three alcoholics a day… I don’t do this and I really should. I try to call at least three a week.
  • Wake up, hit my knees, and ask God for patience, tolerance, love and compassion… And to follow his will.
  • Before bed, hit my knees, again, and thank God for another day sober.
  • Humble yourself and ask for help.
  • Make a gratitude list.
  • Relax and take it easy.
  • Trust and have faith.
  • Get busy with service and carry the message.
  • Keep it simple!

Please share with us what was suggested to you that works for you in your sobriety today!

Thank you for letting me be of service!

Julie K 5/17/12

May 27: Taking Action

Taking Action

Hey there friends. Karrie here, alcoholic. This week, I would like to talk about “taking action”. Most of my life I have evaded problems or ran away from them. I lived in fear and was paralyzed by those fears. I drank to self medicate. My counselor tells me that drinking only pushed the pause button on my/life’s issues. Typically, the pain of the issue has to get severe before I become willing to make a change. That has been true in a recent family situation. My sponsor says the universe gives us opportunity after opportunity to address issues and each time it gets a little harder.

When I first got sober, I thought that not drinking was good enough. After all, I drank because I had a terrible life and had been wronged and you would drink too if you had my life. Haha. But it’s been the process of living day by day and working the steps that has helped me start seeing my self and that I do need to take action.

I have been thinking a lot about this section in the big book–chapter “into action”

“The alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others. Hearts are broken. Sweet relationships are dead. Affections have been uprooted. Selfish and inconsiderate habits have kept the home in turmoil. We feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough. He is like the farmer who came up out of his cyclone cellar to find his home ruined. To his wife, he remarked, “Don’t see anything the matter here, Ma. Ain’t it grand the wind stopped blowin’?” Yes, there is a long period of reconstruction ahead. We must take the lead.”

I can identify with this farmer. I have often pretended the cyclone hasn’t ruined anything. Denial! I certainly don’t care for the idea that there is a long period of reconstruction ahead OR for the idea that I have to take the lead. BUT at this point I am acknowledging the problems in my family, I am addressing them with my husband and I am taking the lead to get counseling for my son and I. I have played the victim/martyr role my whole life. I am tired of it. Finally, I am ready to pull up my big girl panties and get to it.

The meeting is now open for discussion.

KarChaney

May 20: Freedom in Sobriety

Freedom in Sobriety

Thank you for allowing me to be of service.

I’m aware we have many new members to Grow and many newcomers and returnees to the program and our fellowship. You are so welcome. I was told to listen for the similarities and ignore the differences, this freed me from my pessimism and my prejudices and probably helped save my life.

I was also encouraged to share and this helped free me from feelings of worthlessness. I began to see and feel I was a valid human being and an equal.

Whilst life is life and may present me with challenges or fun on any given day, just for today and for a few consecutive days now, I am free from active alcoholism. I am free from the prison of having to drink even when I didn’t want to. Free of the plotting and planning of how much, where, with whom.

This was the first freedom I experienced when I began my sober journey and began to understand and practice the principles in our 12 step program. I found freedom in understanding this disease, the condition of powerlessness as described in the AA literature.

I soon experienced freedom from my dishonesty. I was no longer sneaking around, denying my drinking or making out I was ok when I was dying inside. I was free to be honest!

And I learned a new kind of honesty in the rooms of AA. I heard members share with gut level honesty. They were putting words to the thoughts and feelings I’d buried for the ten years of my drinking. This was the beginning of freedom from my past.

Our Big Book talks about “a new freedom” (p.83, p.xxi). Two stories that give me hope that this program will continue to work and keep me free are My Chance To Live and Freedom From Bondage in the back section of the Big Book.

Today and each day I aim to bring the spiritual tools of our fellowship into my life. My consistency in doing this varies (progress not perfection!!). I find keeping these simple things a consistent priority is the easier softer way. As the path gets narrower and I have less wiggle room for Sophie’s way, I find the view gets better.

My freedom from fear and from anxiety seems to be connected to how willing I am to let go and let god. Right now I’ve been working on seeing it as a choice. I can choose worry, fear, anxiety or I can choose to say a little prayer and begin to let go of my fear & ego driven expectation. I then experience freedom from fear, and freedom from “the bondage of self”.

Connecting with some prayers, a reading or two, quiet time for a little meditation, seeking god’s will instead of bombarding life with my demands, being of service inside and outside of the fellowship; all of these offer me a freedom I never knew was possible. My favourite summing up of my “new freedom” is on p.124 in the 12&12

“we need no longer be square pegs in round holes but can fit and belong in God’s scheme of things…. no amount of pomp and circumstance, no heap of material possessions, could possibly be substitutes”.

Freedom to be me, freedom to feel good enough about being me, freedom to choose values and morals and live by them, freedom to find my personal Higher Power (the god of my own understanding); all gifts of my sobriety.

Thank you for being there and sharing the journey.

Please share if you can your hope, strength and experience around Freedom in Sobriety or on anything recovery related you wish to. Wishing you all a sober 24 hours.

Sophie

May 13: About Experience

About Experience

Topic for the week: About Experience I have found that experience is the ONLY teacher, not just the BEST! I have also found that everything has a beginning and an ending, and that’s just the way it is! Everything in between is a composition (compilation) of what got me here!

Today I look back at all the experiences in my life – – -from the day I was born until now! They all comprise who I am today. At the time I thought a lot of those experiences were particularly icky and preferred not to go through them! Annnnnnnnnnnnd, what I have learned is that I have the most growth through adversity!

I found that my Higher Power had the “big plan” already laid out for me, so everything happened just the way it was planned ! I needn’t have tried to change ANY of it – –the original plan was perfect – – –and the way I tried to make it happen didn’t turn out so perfect!!! However it is what it is and today I am content with this!

Every morning after my meditation and prayer session I pray for guidance in WHATEVER is placed before me this day – – – – -there is generally a lesson my HP wants me to learn; so I put one foot in front of the other and put all my attention at the lesson at hand! If it is something that doesn’t please me, I go through it at the pace my HP wants me to go, knowing it is the BEST thing for me today! I am NEVER led wrong by my HP today. And all it took was many lessons in trust before I gave myself entirely to my HP!

I owe my life today to the Program and Fellowship to Alcoholics Anonymous! What a gift!!!

I look forward to your shares on how you perceive the experiences in your life – – — or anything else, relating to recovery, that you need to share on.

ACCEPTING AND ENJOYING WHAT IS! I hope you all are, too! Why not?

Susanne Murphys, CA 8/17/91

May 07: Forgiveness

Forgiveness

I am honored to be chairing this meeting, especially because May 7 is my anniversary – 17 years of continuous sobriety. I have each of you to thank for the many ways you’ve helped me get through each day at a time without picking up a drink. Now I get to live in, not just get through, another day. Chairing this meeting is a small way to give back.

I’d like to follow up Cheryl’s great topic of self-acceptance with the topic of forgiveness, which many of you mentioned as an essential part of coming to self-acceptance. There are so many things I’ve come to understand in completely different ways through the program, forgiveness being a major one.

For the longest time, I held onto blaming my dad for my drinking. Actually, I blamed my husband, my job, myself, you name it, but I really believed it all began because of my dad. Alcohol kept me imprisoned in the teenaged mindset of who I was when I started drinking – blaming anyone and everyone for everything, and underneath it all was blaming myself just for being who I am. Talk about lack of self-acceptance, or acceptance of anything!

With a lot of help from all of you who understand me (just because I’m an alcoholic!), I have come to see that, like almost everything else, forgiveness is a process that’s not as simple as I thought it was. I certainly don’t do this perfectly, but now I know when my heart has been relieved of that rock of blame and forgiveness becomes possible.

It goes something like this: For whatever reason (argument, acting badly, hungry, angry, lonely, tired, whatever) I find myself feeling all kinds of negative emotions. My natural instinct is to blame – if I can blame you, I don’t have to look inside me. That kind of thinking kept me drinking. If I do look inside me, it’s all my fault. That kind of thinking kept me drinking for sure! But the idea of how forgiveness can help me stay sober reminds me that blaming doesn’t work anymore for me. I have to go deeper than self-blame. The phrase, “every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us,” comes back to me, and I shift my focus deeper into myself. I can usually trace my disturbance back to some ancient FEAR (Forgetting Everything?s All Right), which leads me back to my higher power, and I can release my grip on blame. Suddenly I can breathe again, and I can honestly say, “Thank you for giving me this experience,” this opportunity to get all the way to true forgiveness. When I can feel gratitude for another chance to accept and forgive myself, I can make genuine amends. Quite a far cry from having to anesthetize all of this with booze!

Please feel free to share about forgiveness or anything else that would help you right now. Thank you all for this opportunity to be of service!

Apr 30: Self Acceptance

Self Acceptance

Greetings fellow ladies of GROW.

It brings me great pleasure to share I am 4 years sober today by the grace of God (my Higher Power) as well as the fellowship of AA and many people like those of you in this group. I couldn’t conceive of the idea of ever reaching 4 years of sobriety when I got to these rooms, so if you are a newcomer, welcome and keep coming back. There is hope for each of us.

When I first entered the rooms of AA I thought I was coming here to learn how to live without drinking. What I learned was my drinking was but a symptom of why I drank. It wasn’t until I read my 4rth Step with my sponsor that I was able to see where so much of the pain came from that I had been trying to drown with the alcohol. I found I really didn’t like myself and spent a lot of time wallowing in self loathing and self rejection. Finding myself an alcoholic, albeit a recovering one, did little to change my opinion.

I found it pretty easy by the time I arrived at AA to accept the fact that I was an alcoholic. I was totally defeated and ready to do whatever it took to get and stay sober. Finding self acceptance has been much harder for me. I don’t find it so difficult to forgive myself for things I have done or not done but rather I find it hard to accept things I perceive as personal shortcomings. Not being smart enough, lacking motivation and my personal favorite- never being happy or comfortable with my body. I’m too fat, I’m too this or too that. These days I am also too old! Up until this point all my efforts to be better – more acceptable, more loveable have only managed to keep me at war with myself and make me my own worst enemy. Regrettably, many of us give up our power by trying to live up to standards that don’t “naturally” fit us – standards that deprive us of being our own true self and deprive us of being who we are “naturally” meant to be.

Thanks to AA and some outside help through group and individual therapy I have learned to look at self acceptance as a skill, one I need to practice on a daily basis. I surround myself with people that lift me up and eliminate or limit my exposure to those who speak negatively to me. I try to be more gentle and caring with myself. If it’s something I wouldn’t say to someone I care for I don’t say it to myself. I try to be more aware of my habit of searching outside of myself for validation and instead celebrate my strengths.

It has taken a lot of soul searching and 12 step work to improve my self esteem and begin the road to self acceptance. Turning my life over to a Higher Power has been “key” for me in this journey. I believe in a God/Higher Power and I believe that God does not make junk: therefore I must not be junk. Who do I think I am to question God? I frequently remind myself of this when I find the negative self talk taking over in my head. I know it is my ego and my disease talking. I have begun to give up trying to be perfect and instead try to work at accepting my short comings. Instead of thinking of “should” and “ought’s” I practice being grateful and happy with what is. I know that as humans we are not able to be perfect but that we can learn something from our mistakes. Self acceptance for me means I know I am alright even when I am not perfect but that I can improve. It’s a gentle place of making peace with who I am.

Please share your E,S + H about self acceptance in your program of recovery. As always feel free to share anything else that might be on your mind.

Thank you for letting me be of service by being the meeting chair this week.

Yours in Recovery,

Cheryl B

Apr 23: The Slogans

The Slogans

I find that the Slogans (brief attention-getting phrases) are great tools to use whenever I am talking to another alcoholic because we realize the depth behind the sayings. I have also used some of the Slogans outside of AA when talking to family and other friends, and in my daily routines. My favourite one is: “But for the Grace of God” because I didn’t get the gift of sobriety due to anything great or wonderful that I did so I can’t take too much credit for it. If not for God’s Grace and Mercy in leading me to AA and a chance at a better life, I don’t know where I’d be today – likely nowhere.

Some of the most recognizable Slogans/expressions are as follows although there are hundreds of these that we use:

First Things First: Helps me to remember that alcohol is my number one problem so I must not let any other problems in my life take precedence over this one.

Live and Let Live: Reminds me to show patience and tolerance toward people, both in and out of the rooms, who think and act differently than I.

Just for Today: I was told early on that I didn’t have to think about staying sober forever but just for one day – today. Heck, I could do that! I was quite relieved to hear this in that could it possibly mean that I could drink again? LOL.

You Are No Longer Alone: Reminds me that I have a sponsor and close AA friends that I can talk to so that I don’t have to work on my problems by myself. Help is usually just a phone call or email away.

Fake It Till You Make It: Although probably not a ‘true’ slogan (i.e. original), this one helps me to stick around until I ‘get’ it; e.g. even though I was not a true believer that praying for someone night and day would help me to get rid of a resentment I had toward another person, I prayed as the Big Book suggested and the resentment did go away.

Which Slogans helped you the most in early sobriety? Which ones do you use the most today? Do you consider them as valuable tools to use in daily living?

Thanks for the opportunity to share today with you and for being along with me on my life’s journey in sobriety. I look forward to hearing from you.

Hugs,

Laura G.

6/17/1989

Apr 16: Half Measures Avail Us Nothing

Half Measures Avail Us Nothing

My name is Tanya and I am an alcoholic. I was going to share on something else however after reading through the How it Works…I gravitated to this very simple yet powerful words. “Half measures avail us nothing.”

I came into AA in December of 1998…and I struggled for many years. It wasn’t until I came back to A.A. that I truly stood at that turning point and it wasn’t pretty how I asked for the protection of this higher power I could not see. It was painful to let go with complete abandonment.

When I think back at that time a tear comes to my eye…very painful time. I found GROW around this time too.

This program…its steps, traditions and promises truly are miraculous…when you let go, that is.

Where am I going with this? Funny … half the time I do not know where my shares lead me only that when I do share my experience, my strength and my hope (no matter how little that hope may be at that time)…it leads me to an awareness that gives me to acceptance of that person, place or thing I face which in-turn leads me to action.

Awareness, Acceptance and Action. Powerful words.

There was a time where my life was really dark, very dark. Everyday felt like acid running through my veins and trying to work, hell just trying to live was like climbing Mount Everest. The fear was paralyzing and it took every ounce of my body to just show up. My Stephen King mind would make the shadows an Eager Allen novel. I hated life and I hated me. However,…

I kept coming back.

And when I loss all (including my own mind)…I had no where to turn…I stood at a turning point in my life. I worked hard my AA and Al-anon programs and then there came a moment where I realized the struggle I had in the beginning was truly self-induced.

I was not able to be honest with myself and I truly did try to find the “short-cuts”, you know that easier softer way and stay married in a very unhealthy relationship. I stayed sober those many years but it was the hell-hole of dry drunkenness, feeling every painful twisted feeling I could conjure up. It was a bottom beyond the bottom that secured my membership to these rooms.

Step-work, service-work, sponsorship, and my sober community held me up until I could rise from the fog.

Sobriety is not easy, no one ever said it would be. Half measures had to go. I threw myself in with two feet. Utter abandonment to program that seemed so simple yet so freaking hard. I followed the path not knowing where I was going…only that I was doing the next right step for me at that moment.

Where am I today, I am married to an amazing spouse that truly has lifted me out of my past and given me a chance to see what love is truly about.

And I am to having to face the ugly part of our addiction and relive a painful past in the manipulation of young tenant that truly threatens the serenity of my core and that of my daughter’s. Both my daughter and I are facing our daemons.

A path we both must take. Please pray for us as we all know that only the person in the addiction has to be the one that wants to stop, not the parents or anyone else. Interesting as I write this I am seeing an awareness that I did not see before which is a gift. Thank you for that.

So my dear sisters of GROW. Please share your own experience, strength and hope on that realization when you saw how “half measures” really did not work? And as always do share what you need to share.

Thank you for the gift of you.

With grateful heart, Tanya C

2017 Business Meeting – April

2017 Business Meeting – April

(topics are listed below are in order of presentation)

0417 – Group Conscious Decisions

2017 April Group Conscious Decisions

  1. Name Change for Etiquette Letter/Webpage
    Change the name of the ‘Etiquette Letter’ that is sent out monthly by our Secretary and the heading on the GROW website etiquette page to ‘GROW Mail List Guidelines.’
  2. Recommend separate e-mail address for GROW mail
    Add a recommendation that members overwhelmed by the mail volume create a separate e-mail address for GROW mail. The Approved Language will be placed:

    • prominently on the Welcome page of the Members’ section of the GROW website
    • as a new second paragraph in the Etiquette Letter (GROW Mail List Guidelines)
    • as a new second paragraph in the Etiquette webpage (GROW Mail List Guidelines)

    Approved language:
    Sometimes, new members can be overwhelmed by the volume of e-mails coming through the list. If you experience this, you might find it helpful to create and use a separate email address to reduce the confusion of mixing GROW mail with your primary email address. There are many services that offer free e-mail (just search for “free e-mail accounts” on the web). Be sure to notify our Listkeeper at grow-owner@oso-aa.org if you change your address. You might also want to check out the Digest version containing the day’s posts in a single e-mail (contact our Listkeeper to get the Digest).

  3. Discourage using social media with GROW members without their permission.
    Change the GROW Mail List Guidelines Letter and on the Mail List Guidelines to discourage contacting GROW members from contacting other members without their prior permission on social media (e.g., Facebook, Twitter, etc.).

    Approved Language (new text bold italics):
    In keeping with AA’s 11th Tradition and out of respect for anonymity, we do not: 1) include more than this mail list address on anything we post to the group; or 2) forward posts outside the list without getting permission from the original sender and deleting all identifying information; or 3) contact members on social media sites without their prior permission.

  4. Revised Greeter Letter #2
    Adopt the revised Greeter Letter #2 presented below to replace the existing form letter.

    Approved Greeter Letter #2:

    Welcome to GROW! Now that you’re subscribed, this is one of two emails you will receive to help you start participating in our meeting right away. You might want to print these out for future reference.

    Email Volume
    We have found that sometimes the volume of mail through the GROW list can be overwhelming. If you experience this, you might find it very helpful to choose one of the following:

    • create and use a separate email address to reduce the confusion of mixing GROW mail with your primary email address. Please be sure to remember to let the Listkeepers know of your new address.
    • create folders for your GROW email; filters can also be set up to direct GROW mail into the GROW folder.
    • request the Digest Version (a file containing the day’s posts in a single email). If you would prefer to receive the Digest version, please contact our Listkeeper at grow-owner@oso-aa.org and she will make the change for you.

    Topics
    A new meeting topic is sent to everyone on the list each Sunday and we share throughout the week. On topic and Off topic shares are welcome. We ask that Off topic posts be appropriate for an AA meeting. Please note in your subject line if your share is Off topic (we usually type Off Topic: … )

    Sharing
    To share with the group, just address your email to grow@oso-aa.org and your post will be forwarded to all members. To ensure GROW emails do not get placed in your SPAM folder, please add this address to your Address Book.

    Reply
    Please do not use the “Reply to All’ option when you respond privately to another member’s post to GROW, as your personal message will also be directed to the GROW list and it will bounce to the Listkeepers.

    For those using phones and tablets, be aware that the default reply option is often “Reply to All”, and double-check that you are not using “Reply to All”.

    Please do not type in all CAPS, as this is considered to be yelling.

    You’ll have a choice of receiving regular email (a separate message for each posting to the list) or the Digest Version (a file containing the day’s posts in a single email). If you would prefer to receive the Digest version, please contact our Listkeeper at grow-owner@oso-aa.org and she will make the change for you. (paragraph deleted)

    The secretary posts information about the Trusted Servants and guidelines for our email etiquette once a month. The Listkeeper (the person who makes sure the technical side of our email list works smoothly) also posts information monthly.

    Web Site and Password
    You’ll find lots more information on our GROW web site. The URL for GROW is: http://www.g-r-o-w.com. Some of the information is for members only, so you’ll need the following:
    user name: sobertoday
    password: how2484

    Other
    If you have questions not answered by our website information, please write to me and I’ll be sure to answer them or send your questions to someone who can.

    I hope Grateful Recovering Online Women is helpful to you in your journey and growth in sobriety.

    Again, welcome!
    [ Greeter Name ]
    Grateful Recovering Online Women

  5. Discourage use of URLs in e-mails to GROW
    Recommend that URLs Not be used in e-mails to GROW members except those linked to the AA, Grapevine, and GROW websites.

    Approved Language (new sentence in bold italics):
    Amend the existing bullet in the GROW Mail List Guidelines (Etiquette Letter) and corresponding webpage to add a sentence as follows: “We do not send attachments, chain letters, solicitations, virus alerts or announcements of non A.A. functions. We do not include URLs to sites outside GROW except links to the AA, Grapevine, and GROW websites.

0417 – Business Meeting Proposals

List of Proposals

  • Proposal 1: Send Out List of Proposals to Members/li>
  • Proposal 2: Discourage using social media with GROW members without their permission>
  • Proposal 3: Recommend URLs Not be used in e-mails to GROW members
    • Proposal 3a.5: Recommend URLs not be used in e-mails to GROW members
    • Proposal 3b.5: Recommend URLs not be used in e-mails to GROW members except those linked to the AA (oso-aa.org) and GROW (g-r-o-w.com) websites.
    • Proposal 3c.5: Defer until the October 2017 business meeting a decision on the proposal to recommend URLs not be used in e-mails to GROW members so that further discussions can take place.
  • Proposal 4: Recommend that new members create a separate e-mail address for GROW mail
    • Proposal 4.1 (Revised): Recommend creating new GROW e-mail address.
    • Proposal 4.3 (Revised): Add a recommendation that members overwhelmed by the mail volume create a separate e-mail address for GROW mail.
  • Proposal 5: Change the name of the ‘Etiquette Letter’ that is sent out monthly…
  • Proposal 6: Adopt the revised Greeter Letter #2 presented below to replace the existing form letter.
    • Proposal 6a.4 (revised): Revised Greeter Letter #2
    • Proposal 6b.4 (revised): Revised Greeter Letter #2
  • Proposal 7: Establish a Facebook page for GROW.
    • Proposal 7a.5: Create a private Facebook page for GROW members.
    • Proposal 7b.5: Create a private Facebook page for GROW members and revisit the proposal in the October 2017 business meeting to assess its performance and impact on the GROW e-mail meeting.
    • Proposal 7c.5: Defer a decision on this proposal until the October 2017 business meeting so that we can discuss the issues further.

 


Proposal 1: Send Out List of Proposals to Members

List the proposals for consideration during the entire business meeting. Send the list to the main list as well as the business list.

Rationale: Primarily this is for transparency. It would be good to know at the start of the meeting what all the upcoming business is, just as in f2f meetings. Also, sending this to the main list lets our entire membership know what our business meetings are all about. It may stimulate more interest in the service aspect of GROW.

This is not meant to inhibit new proposals as they come up during the business meeting.

 


Proposal 2: Discourage using social media …

Proposal 2: Discourage using social media with GROW members without their permission

Change the Etiquette Letter and on the E-mail Etiquette webpage to discourage contacting GROW members from contacting other members without their prior permission on social media (e.g., Facebook, Twitter, etc.).

Rationale: Recently, a new GROW member received a Facebook friend request from another GROW member. She felt this violated her anonymity and said she would drop out of GROW if this happened again. In order to discourage GROW members from communicating inappropriately outside the GROW mailing list, our Etiquette Letter should include a bullet that makes it clear that members should have permission before establishing a formal relationship on social media sites.

Recommended Language: Amend the bullet in the Etiquette Letter and on the E-mail Etiquette webpage as follows:

“Out of respect for anonymity, we do not: 1) include more than this mail list address on anything we post to the group; or 2) forward posts outside the list without getting permission from the original sender and deleting all identifying information; or 3) contact members on social media sites without their prior permission.”

 


Proposal 3: Recommend URLs Not be used …

Proposal 3: Recommend URLs Not be used in e-mails to GROW members

Change the existing bullet in the monthly Etiquette Letter and on our E-mail Etiquette webpage to discourage including URLs within messages to the main list.

Rationale: Recently, a member included a URL to a funny video in her share to the GROW mailing list. Another member felt that, because the URL was not relevant to AA and/or sobriety, it was a distraction from the meeting and not consistent with AA’s traditions and GROW’s etiquette guidance. While the Etiquette Letter contains a bullet discouraging the use of attachments, chain letters, solicitations, virus alerts, or announcements, it does not mention URLs to outside websites. If we agree that URLs like this violate GROW norms, we should make this recommendation explicit.

Recommended Language: Amend the existing bullet in the Etiquette Letter to add a sentence as follows:

“We do not send attachments, chain letters, solicitations, virus alerts or announcements of non A.A. functions. We do not include URLs to sites outside GROW that do not address AA and/or sobriety.”

Background: Not too long ago, a member sent out a URL in a message to GROW that linked to an amusing YouTube video that was not related to AA or to recovery. One of our e-mail etiquette guidelines says: “We do not send attachments, chain letters, virus warnings, solicitations, or announcements of non-A.A. functions. We direct all mail of a business nature to the Business List.”

Two Trusted Servants (TS) discussed whether including the URL was a disruption of the meeting and counter to the “primary purpose” tradition. One of them felt that the URL was similar to an attachment, which is prohibited in our guidelines, and should not be allowed in members’ shares and messages to the group. The other TS disagreed, saying that a URL is not the same as an attachment, particularly because members could choose whether or not to follow the link, and did not contradict AA or GROW traditions. The two TSs did not resolve the issue in their conversation.


Proposal 3a.5: Recommend URLs not be used in e-mails to GROW members
Recommended Language (changes in italics): Amend the existing bullet in the GROW Mail List Guidelines (formerly Etiquette Letter) to add two sentences as follows: “We do not send attachments, chain letters, solicitations, virus alerts or announcements of non A.A. functions. We also do not include URLs, links, or addresses to websites in our emails to the group. Links to URLs can contain links to malware and viruses, so we should not be including them in our emails.

 


Proposal 3b.5: Recommend URLs not be used in e-mails to GROW members except those linked to the AA (oso-aa.org) and GROW (g-r-o-w.com) websites.
Recommended Language (changes in italics): Amend the existing bullet in the GROW Mail List Guidelines (formerly Etiquette Letter) and webpage to add two sentences as follows: “We do not send attachments, chain letters, solicitations, virus alerts or announcements of non A.A. functions. We also do not include URLs, links, or addresses to websites in our emails to the group. Links to URLs can contain links to malware and viruses, so we should not be including them in our emails, except links to the AA website at oso-aa.org and GROW’s website at g-r-o-w.com are allowed.

 


Proposal 3c.5: Defer until the October 2017 business meeting a decision on the proposal to recommend URLs not be used in e-mails to GROW members so that further discussions can take place.

 


Proposal 4: Recommend that new members …

Proposal 4: Recommend that new members create a separate e-mail address for GROW mail.

Add to the Welcome page in the members’ section of our website (g-r-o-w.com/members/private.htm) and in the introductory Greeter Letter #2 (sent to all new members upon being added to our mailing list) a recommendation that they create a separate e-mail address for GROW mail.

Rationale: Sometimes, the volume of mail through the GROW list can be overwhelming. Some new members unsubscribe when they are hit with the volume of e-mails they receive. Therefore, it is proposed that the introductory Greeter Letter #2 be modified to include a suggested solution: creating a separate e-mail address for GROW mail exclusively. This was suggested by Patty Y. several months ago and discussed by the Steering Committee.

Recommended Language (a new, second paragraph in Greeter Letter #2): Sometimes, new members can be overwhelmed by the volume of e-mails coming through the list. Creating and using a separate e-mail address can reduce the confusion of mixing GROW mail with your primary e-mail address. There are many services that offer free e-mail (just search for “free e-mail accounts” on the web). Be sure to let the listkeepers know to use the new e-mail address for GROW mail by sending a note to them at grow-owner@oso-aa.org.

Background: Last October, one of our members sent an off-topic message to the group suggesting that we recommend that new members create a separate e-mail address for GROW messages. She noted the frequency with which new members left the group after being overwhelmed by the volume of GROW mail and was concerned that we lose new members when there is a simple solution available to them. The suggestion was discussed by the Steering Committee, and although they recognized that the volume of e-mails is possibly not the only reason that women are leaving our group, there was general agreement that the suggestion should be discussed in our business meeting. Several TSs raised additional approaches for handling GROW e-mails that included the existing digest and using filters. During the discussion, it was suggested to place the ‘tip’ on the first page of the Members’ section under the heading, ‘Important Information.’

Discussion: While you may of course comment on anything you think is important, we should continue to discuss these points to move forward:

  • Location of the new language in Greeter Letter #2. Should it be the second paragraph in the letter or be moved below the 7th paragraph (beginning ” You’ll have a choice of receiving regular email …”?
  • Should the Recommended Language be revised to be less formal, have shorter sentences, and use boldface and/or italics for emphasis? (If yes, someone will need to provide the revised language before we can vote on the proposal.)
  • Should a new/separate e-mail address be linked to the digest format as different options for handling the volume of GROW mail?
  • Location of the Recommended Language:
    • Should it go in Greeter Letter #2 or the Etiquette Letter?
    • Should it go in both locations?

Two other questions arose that are not part of to this proposal. If participants want to pursue these, they should submit new proposals addressing them.

  • Revising Greeter Letter #2 overall.
  • Changing the name of “Etiquette Letter” to “GROW Mail List Guidelines.”

 


Proposal 4.1 (Revised): Recommend creating new GROW e-mail address.

Add to the Welcome page in the members’ section of our website and as a new second paragraph in the introductory Greeter Letter #2 (sent to all new members upon being added to our mailing list) a recommendation that they create a separate e-mail address for GROW mail.

Recommended Language (revised): Sometimes, new members can be overwhelmed by the volume of e-mails coming through the list. If you experience this, you might find it helpful to create and use a separate email address for GROW to reduce the confusion of mixing GROW mail with your primary email address. There are many services that offer free e-mail (just search for “free e-mail accounts” on the web). Be sure to let the listkeepers know to use the new e-mail address for GROW mail by sending a note to them at grow-owner@oso-aa.org.

Discussion: Many people have commented on the changes Gigi submitted for the language and presentation of a recommendation for getting a new e-mail address to handle the volume of GROW mail.

I will point out that the three day-session is not yet over. Tomorrow (Monday), I will provide the summary on this second 3-day session that will cover results of voting and a couple of new proposals, including Gigi’s changes. Both proposals are directly related to Proposal 4.1, so there is no “new” business to be raised in the next 3-day session.

If anyone has an additional proposal to make, please let me know right away to facilitate the timely progress of our business meeting.

Respectfully submitted, Danna M GROW Business Chair

 


Proposal 4.3 (Revised – changes in italics): Add a recommendation that members overwhelmed by the mail volume create a separate e-mail address for GROW mail. The Recommended Language will be placed: [recommnded language below]

  • prominently on the Welcome page of the Members’ section of the GROW website
  • as a new second paragraph in Greeter Letter #2
  • as a new second paragraph in the Etiquette Letter (GROW Mail List Guidelines)
  • as a new second paragraph in the Etiquette webpage (GROW Mail List Guidelines)

Recommended Language (revised – changes from version 4.1 in bold italics):
Sometimes, new members can be overwhelmed by the volume of e-mails coming through the list. If you experience this, you might find it helpful to create and use a separate email address to reduce the confusion of mixing GROW mail with your primary email address. There are many services that offer free e-mail (just search for “free e-mail accounts” on the web). Be sure to notify our Listkeeper at grow-owner@oso-aa.org if you change your address. You might also want to check out the Digest version containing the day’s posts in a single e-mail (contact our Listkeeper to get the Digest).

Notes:
After struggling with how to reconcile differing versions of the language, I have decided to move forward on Proposal (now 4.3), revised to reflect participant comments, and call for a vote.

During the second 3-day session, two new proposals were submitted. Both of these proposals are related to Proposal 4 but include additional action not related to Proposal 4.

The revised Proposal 4.3 reflects discussions during the second 3-day session. Specifically, it adds the etiquette letter [GROW Mail List Guidelines] and corresponding webpage. It drops Greeter Letter #2 since that document is being considered separately. It also mentions the Digest format as another way to deal with GROW mail volume.

In the Rationale for Proposal 5, Laura pointed out that long-standing members would never see the recommendation for creating a new e-mail address if it only went out with Greeter Letter #2. She noted that the Etiquette Letter/GROW Mail List Guidelines goes out each month and would be a good way to give the recommendation to all members. While the Rationale talked about this, the actual proposal did not. Revised Proposal 4.3 corrects this without having to change Proposal 5 or create a new proposal.

Respectfully submitted, Danna M GROW Business Chair
 


Proposal 5: Change the name of …

Proposal 5: Change the name of the ‘Etiquette Letter’ that is sent out monthly by our Secretary to ‘GROW Mail List Guidelines’ and change the heading on the GROW website etiquette page.

Rationale: Business Meeting members would like to add a paragraph (or two) to our Greeter Letter #2 about giving new (or old) members options of how to deal with the volume of mail they will receive once they are subscribed.

Greeter Letter #2 is read only once by the new member and, because there is so much information contained in the Letter, these options may be overlooked or forgotten – whereas they could be reading them monthly as a reminder when the Secretary sends her message to the group.

Since the options (separate GROW email address and Digest Versions) are not really a part of Email Etiquette, they would fit in quite nicely under GROW Mail List Guidelines. The body of the Etiquette Letter would remain unchanged.
 


Proposal 6: Revised Greeter Letter #2

Adopt the revised Greeter Letter #2 presented below to replace the existing form letter.

We will discuss this proposal over the next three days (until Thursday).

Proposed Revised Greeter Letter #2 (Recommended Language):
Welcome to GROW! Now that you’re subscribed, this is one of two emails you will receive to help you start participating in our meeting right away. You might want to print these out for future reference.

Email Volume:
In our experience, we have found that sometimes the volume of mail through the GROW list can be overwhelming. If you experience this, you might find it very helpful to choose one of the following:

  • create and use a separate email address to reduce the confusion of mixing GROW mail with your primary email address. Please be sure to remember to let the Listkeepers know of your new address.
  • create folders for your GROW email; filters can also be set up to direct GROW mail into the GROW folder.
  • request the Digest Version (a file containing the day’s posts in a single email). If you would prefer to receive the Digest version, please contact our Listkeeper at grow-owner@oso-aa.org and she will make the change for you.

Topics
A new meeting topic is sent to everyone on the list each Sunday and we share throughout the week. On topic and Off topic shares are welcome. We ask that Off topic posts be appropriate for an AA meeting. Please note in your subject line if your share is Off topic (we usually type Off Topic: … )

Sharing

To share with the group, just address your email to grow@oso-aa.org and your post will be forwarded to all members. To ensure GROW emails do not get placed in your SPAM folder, please add this address to your Address Book.

Reply
Please do not use the “Reply to All’ option when you respond privately to another member’s post to GROW, as your personal message will also be directed to the GROW list and it will bounce to the Listkeepers.

For those using phones and tablets, be aware that the default reply option is often “Reply to All”, and double-check that you are not using “Reply to All”.

Please do not type in all CAPS, as this is considered to be yelling.

[You’ll have a choice of receiving regular email (a separate message for each posting to the list) or the Digest Version (a file containing the day’s posts in a single email). If you would prefer to receive the Digest version, please contact our Listkeeper at grow-owner@oso-aa.org and she will make the change for you.] (paragraph deleted)

The secretary posts information about the Trusted Servants and guidelines for our email etiquette once a month. The Listkeeper (the person who makes sure the technical side of our email list works smoothly) also posts information monthly.

Web Site and Password
You’ll find lots more information on our GROW web site. The URL for GROW is: http://www.g-r-o-w.com. Some of the information is for members only, so you’ll need the following:

user name: sobertoday
password: how2484

Other
If you have questions not answered by our website information, please write to me and I’ll be sure to answer them or send your questions to someone who can.

I hope Grateful Recovering Online Women is helpful to you in your journey and growth in sobriety.

Again, welcome!
[ Greeter Name ]
Grateful Recovering Online Women

 


Proposal 6a.4: Revised Greeter Letter #2

Adopt the revised Greeter Letter #2 presented to replace the existing form letter.

Proposal 6a.4 represents the original proposal with no changes to the language. It contains (full proposal follows voting instructions):

  • a new second paragraph (with three bullets) for managing GROW e-mail volume
  • deletion of old seventh paragraph talking about the Digest format
  • headings for each paragraph/subject in the letter

Respectfully submitted, Danna M GROW Business Chair

*****

Proposed Revised Greeter Letter #2 (Recommended Language):
Welcome to GROW! Now that you’re subscribed, this is one of two emails you will receive to help you start participating in our meeting right away. You might want to print these out for future reference.

Email Volume
In our experience, we have found that sometimes the volume of mail through the GROW list can be overwhelming. If you experience this, you might find it very helpful to choose one of the following:

  • create and use a separate email address to reduce the confusion of mixing GROW mail with your primary email address. Please be sure to remember to let the Listkeepers know of your new address.
  • create folders for your GROW email; filters can also be set up to direct GROW mail into the GROW folder.
  • request the Digest Version (a file containing the day’s posts in a single email). If you would prefer to receive the Digest version, please contact our Listkeeper at grow-owner@oso-aa.org and she will make the change for you.

Proposal 6b.4: Revised Greeter Letter #2

Adopt the revised Greeter Letter #2 presented to replace the existing form letter.

Proposal 6b.4 represents the original proposal with no changes to the language. It contains (relevant section follows voting instructions):

  • a new second paragraph (with two bullets) for managing GROW e-mail volume
  • deletion of old seventh paragraph talking about the Digest format
  • headings for each paragraph/subject in the letter

 


Proposal 7: Establish a Facebook page for GROW.

A private Facebook page would provide an informal meeting area for before and after our meeting – similar to going to coffee after a face-to-face meeting.

Rationale: Social media can provide a tremendous amount of support for members of the group, and I believe the relationships between our members would be strengthened through this. It would give us an area where people could share about things not directly related to sobriety and where our members can get to know each other in a way not really possible in the mailing list. A private Facebook page could offer an informal avenue for getting support and for having fun.

I could create a page and advertise it informally, but would prefer to have a group conscience guide the activity for this. The task of administering or managing the Facebook page could fall under the Webkeeper. As the backup webkeeper I would volunteer to establish and administer the page.


Proposal 7a.5: Establish a Facebook page for GROW.

 


Proposal 7b.5: Establish a Facebook page for GROW and revisit the proposal during the October 2017 business meeting to assess its performance and impact on the GROW e-mail meeting and decide if it should be continued.

 


Proposal 7c.5: Defer until the October 2017 business meeting a decision on the proposal to establish a private Facebook page for GROW members so that further discussions can take place.

0417 – Business Meeting

2017 April Business Meeting Minutes

Hello Ladies.

The following are the GROW Guidelines for conducting business:

Proposals to be considered during GROW business meetings should include the following:

  1. Proposals to be considered during GROW business meetings should include the following:
    1. A clear brief statement that summarizes the proposal;
    2. A rationale that describes why the group conscience decision is needed; and
    3. Specific language to be presented for discussion and voting in the business meeting (including, as appropriate, language for a job description, form letter, or GROW policy or guideline). This language may need to be modified by the Trusted Servant responsible for the area to reflect the group’s discussions.

    Before submitting a proposal, meeting participants are encouraged to consult with the Business Chair, Secretary, or Steering Committee members to formulate their proposals if they need help. They should also review past Group Conscience Decisions related to the proposal.

  2. We allow a minimum of three days for discussion, more when warranted.
  3. At the end of the three-day discussion period, the Chair calls for a vote. Three days are allowed for voting, which can be done either publicly on the list, or privately by sending votes to the Chair. The Chair counts the votes.
  4. The voting is done by: I agree or I disagree.
  5. At the end of the voting period, the Chair announces the results of the vote. The group holds to a 2/3 majority to pass or fail any group conscience decision.
  6. Following the announcement of results, the Chair will ask if the minority wants three days to discuss their minority opinion.
    1. If yes, then three days of discussion will begin.At the end of the three days of discussion, the Chair will ask if anyone who originally voted for the Proposal (a majority voter) has been persuaded by this discussion to change her opinion. If yes, the Chair then calls for another 3-day voting period. The outcome of the second vote is the determining vote. As in the first vote, the 2/3 majority vote will be observed.

      If no majority voters have been persuaded to change their opinion, there will not be another vote.

    2. If the minority does not want three days to express their opinion, there will be no further discussion and there will not be another vote.
  7. At the end of the voting period, the Business Chair announces the final results of the vote.
  8. Note: If any item on the agenda has not reached a 2/3 majority vote by the 17th day of the business meeting, the item is tabled and held over to the next scheduled business meeting.

 

Guidance About Informed Group Conscience Decisions
(from Alcoholics Anonymous)

What is an Informed A.A. Group Conscience?

“The group conscience is the collective conscience of the group membership and thus represents substantial unanimity on an issue before definitive action is taken. This is achieved by the group members through the sharing of full information, individual points of view, and the practice of A.A. principles. To be fully informed requires a willingness to listen to minority opinions with an open mind.

“On sensitive issues, the group works slowly discouraging formal motions until a clear sense of its collective view emerges. Placing principles before personalities, the membership is wary of dominant opinions. Its voice is heard when a well-informed group arrives at a decision. The result rests on more than a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ count precisely because it is the spiritual expression of the group conscience. The term “informed group conscience” implies that pertinent information has been studied and all views have been heard before the group votes.

– From the pamphlet,
The AA Group: Where it all begins. 2005, p. 26-77.

 

A.A. experience has taught that:

Tradition 2: For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority – a loving God as He may express himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants, they do not govern.

Tradition 4: With respect to its own affairs, each A.A. group should be responsible to no other authority than its own conscience. But when its plans concern the welfare of neighboring groups also, those groups ought to be consulted. And no group, regional committee, or individual should ever take any action that might greatly affect A.A. as a whole without conferring with the trustees of the Alcoholic Foundation.* On such issues our common welfare is paramount.

*Now called The General Service Board of A.A., Inc.

The April Business Meeting (GROW-BUS) is now open. If you wish to participate, please send an email to the following address requesting to join the Business List grow-owner@oso-aa.org – if you have not already done so.

PLEASE:

  • Do not hit reply to this email or your request will come to me instead of the Listkeepers.
  • Do not send your request to the GROW meeting list, or your request may be overlooked.
  • Remember that even if you were subscribed for a previous GROW Business Meeting, you must subscribe again, as all names are removed from the list at the end of each meeting.

Trusted Servants (both Incoming and Outgoing) are automatically subscribed by our Listkeepers.

I look forward to your participation at the meeting!

Respectfully submitted, Danna M. GROW Business Chair

 


2017 October Committee Reports

Secretary’s Report

Since our last report in October 2016, we lost two beloved members – Jean L. and Leona K. – due to illness. They are missed by those of us who knew them and may their Higher Power grant them eternal rest.

We had a few changes for personal reasons in our Trusted Servants list as follows:

  • Gigi D. replaced Laura B. as Temporary Mentor when Laura accepted the Webkeeper Back-up position (it sounds confusing but it worked out well).
  • Cheryl D. replaced Laura B. as Webkeeper Back-up
  • Sherrie W. replaced Elizabeth M. as Weekly Leader Listkeeper

 


Our Trusted Servants – April 2017

  • 12 Step Volunteer Listkeeper  (4/17 – 10/17): Valerie D.
  • Birthday Listkeeper (4/17 – 10/17):  Susie J.
  • Sponsor Listkeeper (4/17 – 10/17)  Sophie R.

Trusted Servants who make up the Steering Committee:

  • Business Meeting Chair (10/16 – 10/18): Danna McD.
  • GSR / OIAA Backup (10/16 – 10/18): Joan B.
  • GVR: (10/16 – 10/17): Alison B.
  • Greeters (4/17 – 4/18): Susan P., Karen H.
  • Listkeeper (4/17 – 4/18): Lousie H.
  • Listkeeper Alternate* (4/17 – 4/19): Nancy C.
  • OIAA Representative (10/16 – 10/17): Yvonne M.
  • Secretary (10/16 – 10/17): Laura G.
  • Temporary Mentor (4/17 – 14/18): Gigi D.
  • Treasurer (10/15 – 10/17): Cheryl B.
  • Webkeeper (non-rotating position): Tanya C.
  • Webkeeper Backup (10/16 – 10/18): Cheryl D.
  • Weekly Leader Listkeeper (4/17 – 4/18): Sherrie W.
  • Immediate Past Business Meeting Chair: Gigi D.
  • Immediate Past GSR/OIAA Backup: Tanya C.
  • Immediate Past Secretary: Laurie C.

*Becomes Listkeeper at the end of her term.

Respectfully submitted, Laura G., GROW Secretary
 


Listkeepers’ Report

Our membership as of March 31, 2017 is 221 regular list members and 27 digest members. (This number is always a little larger than our actual count because some members have two subscriptions – one for regular posts and one for digests, and some members have 2 regular list addresses.)

In February 2017, as per an earlier group conscience decision, the listkeepers conducted the annual roll-call (please see the archived minutes from 2013 at for details about this).

At the start of the roll-call, the list had about 260 members. The roll-call was conducted over a 3-week period, during which the listkeepers asked members to respond to the listkeepers as “present.” At the end of the three-week period, those who had not responded to the roll call were unsubscribed from the list. We ended with 225 members. Some of those who had been unsubbed contacted us to be reinstated.

Louise and I both want to thank Karrie and Susan for their great service to GROW as Greeters We became our own little family helping each other out when needed!

Respectfully submitted, Louise H and Nancy C | GROW Listkeepers
 


Treasurers Report – April 2017

Donations
PayPal donations to GROW $342.69
Ally – check donations to GROW $564.84
Total donations $907.54

 

Distributions
Dean Collins $72.00
Prudent Reserve $79.50
GSO donation $711.04
Laura B –
(payment to Ecosoft for group domain)
$45.00
Total distributions $907.54

Respectfully submitted, Cheryl Baughman, Grow Treasurer
 


GSR Report – April 2017

The link for the latest box 456 is available here Box 459 Spring (opens new page).

The latest issue of box 459 reports on the continuing work to translate the big book into more languages, making literature available to more people. The Twi translation was the subject of the Spring 2017 article.

There is an opening for a Public Information committee member. The description of requirements and application process in available on the link above.

There are 2 regional forums coming up on June 2-4 in Pennsylvania and September 8-10 in South Dakota.

The 2020 International Convention is being planned for July 2-5, 2020 in Detroit Michigan.

A calendar of events across the country for the next 6 months is printed in the back of the Box 459.

Respectfully submitted, Joan Bancroft, GROW General Service Representative

 


2017 April Business Meeting Minutes

First 3-Day Period

GROW Business Meeting – April 2017

First Three-Day Session (April 3 – 6) Minutes

During the April Business Meeting, we had a “changing of the guard” for some Trusted Servant positions. To see all positions, please refer to the Secretary’s Report. (In case you would like to send a note to these GROW members, their clicking on their names should open an e-mail addressed to that individual.)

Outgoing GROW Trusted Servants are:

Allison McG. – Sponsor Listkeeper
Elizabeth M – Weekly Leader Listkeeper
Karrie C – Greeter
Laura B – Webkeeper Backup
Louise H. – Listkeeper Alternate
Mindy M – 12 Step Listkeeper
Nancy C – Listkeeper
Susan P – Greeter
Susie J – Birthday Listkeeper

Incoming GROW Trusted Servants are:

Cheryl D – Webkeeper Backup
Karen H – Greeter
Louise H – Listkeeper
Nancy C – Listkeeper Alternate
Sherrie W – Weekly Leader Listkeeper
Sophie R – Sponsor Listkeeper
Susan P – Greeter
Susie J – Birthday Listkeeper
Valerie D – 12 Step Listkeeper

During the first three days of the business meeting four proposals were presented:

  • Proposal 1: Sending out a list of proposals to all members
  • Proposal 2: Discouraging the use of social media with GROW members without their permission
  • Proposal 3: Recommending that URLs not be used within e-mails to GROW members
  • Proposal 4: Recommending that members can create a new e-mail address to avoid mixing mail with their main e-mail address or being overwhelmed by the volume of GROW mail.

Proposal 1 (“List the proposals for consideration during the entire business meeting. Send the list to the main list as well as the business list.”) was generally approved. Supporting comments cited greater transparency and possible increased participation in business meetings as benefits. A question was raised as to whether the information sent to the main list should be proposal titles only or the entire proposal text. Comments supported both approaches. During the second three-day session, we will vote on the proposal.

Since participants supported the proposal in general, we will vote on Proposal 1. To facilitate decision-making, there are two versions of the proposal: 1.1a for titles only and 1.1b for titles and text. We will vote on each version with the assumption that if you vote “Yes” on 1.1a, you automatically vote “No” on 1.1b (and if you vote “No” on 1.1a, you automatically vote “Yes” on 1.1b). Participants who want to vote against the proposal no matter how proposals are listed should vote “No” on both 1.1a and 1.1b.

Participants generally supported Proposal 2 (“Change the Etiquette Letter and on the E-mail Etiquette webpage to discourage GROW members from contacting other members without their prior permission on social media.”). There were some dissenting comments on Proposal 2.

Some felt that if a member has a [Facebook] page that is open to the public, they are inviting being contacted via that media.

Others were not comfortable with making a new “rule” within GROW addressing social media, and one suggested that this situation could be addressed by personal e-mails.

Some comments pointed out that people can change their social media settings to filter what people can see on their pages.

One member thought we should make the relationship between the proposal and the principle of anonymity (Tradition 11) more explicit.

Respectfully submitted, Danna M. GROW Business Chair
 


Second 3-Day Period

During the second three-day session, we will vote on the proposal.

Participants also generally supported Proposal 3 (“Change the existing bullet in the monthly Etiquette Letter and on our E-mail Etiquette webpage to discourage including URLs within messages to the main list.”). While most members approved, there were a few who did not.

One member thought that we might avoid problems by not allowing URLs in e-mails, but she also thought we might lose the benefit of helping people. Another thought we should not prohibit URLs linked to AA-approved literature.

One person pointed out that a sharer could describe the content of the link and ask members to write her privately to get the URL.

One commenter felt that prohibiting URLs was going too far beyond GROW’s desire to avoid “flaming” or in-meeting conflict.

We will vote on the proposal during the second three-day session.

Proposal 4 (“Add to the Welcome page in the members’ section of our website and in the introductory Greeter Letter #2 (sent to all new members) a recommendation that they create a separate e-mail address for GROW mail.”) generated a lot of discussion and ideas.

One member suggested replacing a sentence to clarify the language which met with general approval.

Another member suggested changing the placement of the proposed paragraph within Greeter Letter #2. This brought many comments that included additional ideas (including revising the Recommended Language to be less formal language, have shorter sentences, and use boldface or italics type to emphasize the main points).

Another commenter thought that the Greeter Letter #2 should be revised in general but that will have to be addressed separately from this proposal. Not all participants agreed that a separate e-mail address and the digest format should be linked as equal options for addressing the volume of GROW mail, citing problems they had relying on the digest format for reading GROW shares.

A participant suggested that the paragraph recommending a new e-mail address for GROW mail should not be included in Greeter Letter #2 but rather in the monthly Etiquette Letter that is sent out by the Secretary. She included specific language that would be added.

Responding to that suggestion, another member suggested that the paragraph could be put into both Greeter Letter #2 and the Etiquette Letter.

Participants who think the existing “Recommended Language” should be revised should offer specific suggestions as to the changes they would like to see.

If participants want to pursue other changes to Greeter Letter #2, someone should offer a new proposal.

During the second 3-day session, members will vote on Proposals 1, 2, and 3; however, we will continue to discuss Proposal 4.

Respectfully submitted, Danna M. GROW Business Chair
 


Third 3-Day Agenda

Results of Voting, Calls for Votes, New Proposals

RESULTS OF VOTING

Eighteen (18) women participated in voting; however, the total number of votes was not the same for every proposal.

For details on next steps for these proposals, please refer to the individual “Results of Voting” messages sent separately.

Proposal 1a.1: List the titles of proposals for consideration during the entire business meeting. Send the list to the main list as well as the business list.

Fifteen (15) participants voted in favor, and three (3) voted against Proposal 1a. This exceeds the requirement for a 2/3 majority vote in favor of the proposal. During the third 3-day session, those who voted “No” are invited to share their thoughts with us.

Proposal 1b.1: List the titles and content of proposals for consideration during the entire business meeting. Send the list to the main list as well as the business list.

Three (3) participants voted in favor, and fifteen (15) voted against Proposal 1b. This exceeds the requirement for a 2/3 majority vote against the proposal.

During the third 3-day session, those who voted “No” are invited to share their thoughts with us.

Proposal 2.1: Change the Etiquette Letter and on the E-mail Etiquette webpage to discourage contacting GROW members from contacting other members without their prior permission on social media (e.g., Facebook, Twitter, etc.).

Fifteen (15) participants voted in favor, and one (1) voted against Proposal 2.1. This exceeds the requirement for a 2/3 majority vote approving the proposal.

During the third 3-day session, those who voted “No” are invited to share their thoughts with us.

Proposal 3.1: Recommend URLs Not be used in e-mails to GROW members.

Thirteen (13) participants voted in favor, and three (3) voted against Proposal 3.1. This exceeds the requirement for a 2/3 majority vote approving the proposal.

During the third 3-day session, those who voted “No” are invited to share their thoughts with us.

CALLS FOR VOTES

During the third 3-day session, participants will vote on Proposal 4 (creating a separate e-mail address for GROW) and Proposal 5 (changing the name of Etiquette Letter to GROW Mail List Guidelines). Proposal 4 has been revised in response to comments in both 3-day sessions.

Please refer to the separate e-mails calling for votes for details.

NEW PROPOSALS

In addition to hearing the minority opinion on Proposals 1, 2, and 3, we will vote on Proposals 4 and 5 and discuss new Proposal 6. Please refer to the separate e-mails for each proposal for more information.

During the second 3-day session, two new proposals were submitted. They are related to Proposal 4 but also include action not related to Proposal 4:

  • Proposal 5 was presented for discussion to the group on the first day of our second 3-day session. It changes the name of the Etiquette Letter and corresponding webpage to “GROW Mail List Guidelines.” We will vote on Proposal 5 during the third 3-day session.
  • Proposal 6 was discussed but not presented formally during the second 3-day session. Proposing changes to Greeter Letter #2, it is being presented for discussion during the third 3-day session.

Respectfully submitted, Danna M. GROW Business Chair
 


Voting Results of April 10, 2017 (Proposals 1a, 1b.1, 2.1, 3.1)

Voting Results on Proposal 1a

Proposal 1a: List the titles of proposals for consideration during the entire business meeting. Send the list to the main list as well as the business list.

Fifteen (15) participants voted in favor, and three (3) voted against Proposal 1a. This exceeds the requirement for a 2/3 majority vote in favor of the proposal.

Our Business Meeting Guidelines allow three days for the minority opinion to be presented and discussed. If, after hearing the minority opinion, any participant wants to change their vote from “I agree” to “I disagree,” we will conduct a second vote.

At this time, I request each of those who voted “No” on Proposal 1a send me a private note letting me know if they plan to post a “minority opinion.”

If the minority does not want to express their opinion, we will close this discussion, and the vote will stand as posted above.

Until we know the outcome of this phase of our process, I will not declare this a formal Group Conscience Decision.

Respectfully submitted, Danna M. GROW Business Chair

 


Voting Results on Proposal 1b.1

Proposal 1b.1: List the titles and content of proposals for consideration during the entire business meeting. Send the list to the main list as well as the business list.

Three (3) participants voted in favor, and fifteen (15) voted against Proposal 1b. This exceeds the requirement for a 2/3 majority vote against the proposal.

Our Business Meeting Guidelines allow three days for the minority opinion to be presented and discussed. If, after hearing the minority opinion, any participant wants to change their vote from “I agree” to “I disagree,” we will conduct a second vote.

At this time, I request each of those who voted “Yes” on Proposal 1b send me a private note letting me know if they plan to post a “minority opinion.”

If the minority does not want to express their opinion, we will close this discussion, and the vote will stand as posted above. No further action will be necessary.

Respectfully submitted, Danna M. GROW Business Chair

 


Voting Results on Proposal 2.1

Proposal 2.1: Change the Etiquette Letter and on the E-mail Etiquette webpage to discourage contacting GROW members from contacting other members without their prior permission on social media (e.g., Facebook, Twitter, etc.).

Fifteen (15) participants voted in favor, and one (1) voted against Proposal 2.1. This exceeds the requirement for a 2/3 majority vote approving the proposal.

Our Business Meeting Guidelines allow three days for the minority opinion to be presented and discussed. If, after hearing the minority opinion, any participant wants to change their vote from “I agree” to “I disagree,” we will conduct a second vote.

At this time, I request that the member who voted “No” on Proposal 2.1 send me a private note letting me know if they plan to post a “minority opinion.”

If the minority does not want to express their opinion, we will close this discussion, and the vote will stand as posted above. No further action will be necessary.

Approved Language (changes in bold italics): Amend the bullet in the Etiquette Letter and on the E-mail Etiquette webpage as follows (underlined text is new):

In keeping with AA’s 11th Tradition* and out of respect for anonymity, we do not: 1) include more than this mail list address on anything we post to the group; or 2) forward posts outside the list without getting permission from the original sender and deleting all identifying information; or 3) contact members on social media sites without their prior permission.

Respectfully submitted, Danna M. GROW Business Chair

 


Voting Results on Proposal 3.1

Proposal 3.1: Recommend URLs Not be used in e-mails to GROW members.

Thirteen (13) participants voted in favor, and three (3) voted against Proposal 3.1. This exceeds the requirement for a 2/3 majority vote approving the proposal.

Our Business Meeting Guidelines allow three days for the minority opinion to be presented and discussed. If, after hearing the minority opinion, any participant wants to change their vote from “I agree” to “I disagree,” we will conduct a second vote.

At this time, I request that the member who voted “No” on Proposal 2.1 send me a private note letting me know if they plan to post a “minority opinion.”

If the minority does not want to express their opinion, we will close this discussion, and the vote will stand as posted above. No further action will be necessary.

Approved Language (bold italics): Amend the existing bullet in the Etiquette Letter to add a sentence as follows:

“We do not send attachments, chain letters, solicitations, virus alerts or announcements of non A.A. functions. We do not include URLs to sites outside GROW that do not address AA and/or sobriety.

Respectfully submitted, Danna M. GROW Business Chair
 


Third 3-Day Period

During the third 3-day session, participants voted on two proposals:

  • Proposal 4: Recommend that new members create a separate e-mail address for GROW mail
  • Proposal 5: Change the name of the ‘Etiquette Letter’ to ‘GROW Mail List Guidelines’

Minority views were heard on three proposals:

  • Proposal 1: Send Out List of Proposals to Members
  • Proposal 2: Discourage using social media with GROW members without their permission
  • Proposal 3: Recommend URLs Not be used in e-mails to GROW members

One new proposal was presented and discussed:

  • Proposal 6: Adopt a revised Greeter Letter #2 to replace the existing form letter.

Results of Voting

Thirteen (13) participants voted unanimously to adopt both Proposal 4 (creating a new e-mail address) and Proposal 5 (change name of Etiquette Letter). Since there were no negative votes, no minority views will be expressed. Therefore, both proposals are now Group Conscience Decisions.

 


Group Conscience Decision (Proposal 4):

Add a recommendation that members overwhelmed by the mail volume create a separate e-mail address for GROW mail. The Approved Language will be placed: [recommended language below]

  • prominently on the Welcome page of the Members’ section of the GROW website
  • as a new second paragraph in the Etiquette Letter (GROW Mail List Guidelines)
  • as a new second paragraph in the Etiquette webpage (GROW Mail List Guidelines)

Approved language:

Sometimes, new members can be overwhelmed by the volume of e-mails coming through the list. If you experience this, you might find it helpful to create and use a separate email address to reduce the confusion of mixing GROW mail with your primary email address. There are many services that offer free e-mail (just search for “free e-mail accounts” on the web). Be sure to notify our Listkeeper at grow-owner@oso-aa.org if you change your address. You might also want to check out the Digest version containing the day’s posts in a single e-mail (contact our Listkeeper to get the Digest).

 


Group Conscience Decision (Proposal 5):

Change the name of the ‘Etiquette Letter’ that is sent out monthly by our Secretary to ‘GROW Mail List Guidelines’ and change the heading on the GROW website etiquette page.

 


Minority Views

No minority views were presented on Proposal 1 (list of proposals), and one minority view was presented on Proposal 2 (social media). There was no discussion on either of these proposals, and no participant changed their vote. Therefore, Proposals 1 and 2 have passed and are now Group Conscience Decisions.

Two participants expressed minority views on Proposal 3 (URLs). There was a lot of discussion. Discussions focused on two key points: whether all URLs should be discouraged (including those to aa.org and the GROW website) and the risk of malware and viruses presented by URLs within messages to GROW. At least one participant changed her vote on the proposal, triggering a re-vote on Proposal 3.

 


Outcomes of Minority Views

In voting, Proposal 1 (Send Out List of Proposals to Members) was approved by 15 of 18 participants who voted. No minority views were presented, and there was no discussion during the three-day session. Therefore, the Proposal is adopted as a Group Conscience Decision.

Group Conscience Decision: The Business Chair will send a list of proposals for consideration during the entire business meeting to both the main list as well as the business list.

In voting, Proposal 2 (Discourage contact on social media) was approved by 15 of 16 participants who voted. One minority view was submitted to the group. There was no discussion afterward, and no one changed their vote. Therefore, the Proposal is adopted as a Group Conscience Decision.

Group Conscience Decision: Change the Etiquette Letter and on the E-mail Etiquette webpage to discourage contacting GROW members from contacting other members without their prior permission on social media (e.g., Facebook, Twitter, etc.).

In voting, Proposal 3 (Recommend URLs Not be used in GROW e-mails) was approved by 13 of 16 participants who voted. Two participants submitted minority views. As a result, at least one member changed her vote on the proposal, triggering a re-vote. During discussions, the language of the proposal was revised to address the risks of malware and/or viruses through URLs.

During the first three-day session, participants commented on this proposal. One member thought that we might avoid problems by not allowing URLs in e-mails, but she also thought we might lose the benefit of helping people. Another thought we should not prohibit URLs linked to AA-approved literature. One person pointed out that a sharer could describe the content of the link and ask members to write her privately to get the URL. One commenter felt that prohibiting URLs was going too far beyond GROW’s desire to avoid “flaming” or in-meeting conflict.

During the third three-day session, participants discussed whether to prohibit all URLs, including those to the AA website and GROW’s own website. At the end of the session, there was no clear agreement on this question. Therefore, discussion will continue to discuss Proposal 3 (as revised) during the fourth 4-day session.

Group Conscience Decision: (new language was recommended for this proposal … change underlined): We do not send attachments, chain letters, solicitations, virus alerts or announcements of non A.A. functions. We also do not include URLs, links, or addresses to websites in our emails to the group. Links to URLs can contain links to malware and viruses so we should not be including them in our emails.

Next Steps
During the fourth 3-day session, participants will vote on Proposal 6 (Greeter Letter #2). They will discuss Proposal 3 (discourage URLs) and a new Proposal 7 (establish a Facebook page for GROW).

Respectfully submitted, Danna M. GROW Business Chair
 


Proposals Adopted

Proposal 1: Send Out List of Proposals to Members

Group Conscience Decision: The Business Chair will send a list of the titles of proposals for consideration during the entire business meeting to both the main list as well as the business list.

There was no language recommended, as this proposal does not call for the alteration of any form letters or webpages. However, it will be incorporated into a document (“Business Chair Process”) that is passed from the outgoing to the incoming Business Chair.

Rationale: Primarily this is for transparency. It would be good to know at the start of the meeting what all the upcoming business is, just as in f2f meetings. Also, sending this to the main list lets our entire membership know what our business meetings are all about. It may stimulate more interest in the service aspect of GROW.

This is not meant to inhibit new proposals as they come up during the business meeting.

Discussion: Proposal 1 was generally approved. Supporting comments cited greater transparency and possible increased participation in business meetings as benefits. A question was raised as to whether the information sent to the main list should be proposal titles only or the entire proposal text. Comments supported both approaches. During the second three-day session, we voted on two proposals: 1a which called for listing titles only and 1b which called for listing both titles and the content of the proposal. Fifteen (15) participants voted in favor, and three (3) voted against Proposal 1a. This exceeds the requirement for a 2/3 majority vote in favor of the proposal. No minority views were expressed, and the proposal was adopted as a Group Conscience Decision.

 


Proposal 2: Discourage using social media with GROW members without their permission

Group Conscience Decision: Change the Etiquette Letter and on the E-mail Etiquette webpage to discourage contacting GROW members from contacting other members without their prior permission on social media (e.g., Facebook, Twitter, etc.).

Approved Language: Amend the bullet in the Etiquette Letter and on the E-mail Etiquette webpage as follows: In keeping with AA’s 11th Tradition and out of respect for anonymity, we do not: 1) include more than this mail list address on anything we post to the group; or 2) forward posts outside the list without getting permission from the original sender and deleting all identifying information; or 3) contact members on social media sites without their prior permission.

Rationale: Recently, a new GROW member received a Facebook friend request from another GROW member. She felt this violated her anonymity and said she would drop out of GROW if this happened again. In order to discourage GROW members from communicating inappropriately outside the GROW mailing list, our Etiquette Letter should include a bullet that makes it clear that members should have permission before establishing a formal relationship on social media sites.

Discussion: Participants generally supported Proposal 2; however, there were some dissenting comments:

  • Some felt that if a member has a [Facebook] page that is open to the public, they are inviting being contacted via that media.
  • Others were not comfortable with making a new “rule” within GROW addressing social media, and one suggested that this situation could be addressed by personal e-mails.
  • Some comments pointed out that people can change their social media settings to filter what people can see on their pages.
  • One member thought we should make the relationship between the proposal and the principle of anonymity (Tradition 11) more explicit.

In voting, fifteen (15) participants voted in favor, and one (1) voted against Proposal 2. This exceeded the requirement for a 2/3 majority vote approving the proposal. One participant expressed a minority view, but no one changed their vote as a result. Therefore, Proposal 2 was adopted as a Group Conscience Decision.

 


Proposal 4: Recommend that new members create a separate e-mail address for GROW mail

Decision: Add a recommendation that members overwhelmed by the mail volume create a separate e-mail address for GROW mail. The Recommended Language will be placed:

  • prominently on the Welcome page of the Members’ section of the GROW website
  • as a new second paragraph in the Etiquette Letter (GROW Mail List Guidelines)
  • as a new second paragraph in the Etiquette webpage (GROW Mail List Guidelines)

Approved Language: Sometimes, new members can be overwhelmed by the volume of e-mails coming through the list. If you experience this, you might find it helpful to create and use a separate email address to reduce the confusion of mixing GROW mail with your primary email address. There are many services that offer free e-mail (just search for “free e-mail accounts” on the web). Be sure to notify our Listkeeper at grow-owner@oso-aa.org if you change your address. You might also want to check out the Digest version containing the day’s posts in a single e-mail (contact our Listkeeper to get the Digest).

Rationale: Sometimes, the volume of mail through the GROW list can be overwhelming. Some new members unsubscribe when they are hit with the volume of e-mails they receive. Therefore, it is proposed that the introductory Greeter Letter #2 be modified to include a suggested solution: creating a separate e-mail address for GROW mail exclusively. This was suggested by Patty Y. several months ago and discussed by the Steering Committee.

Last October, one of our members sent an off-topic message to the group suggesting that we recommend that new members create a separate e-mail address for GROW messages. She noted the frequency with which new members left the group after being overwhelmed by the volume of GROW mail and was concerned that we lose new members when there is a simple solution available to them. The suggestion was discussed by the Steering Committee, and although they recognized that the volume of e-mails is possibly not the only reason that women are leaving our group, there was general agreement that the suggestion should be discussed in our business meeting. Several TSs raised additional approaches for handling GROW e-mails that included the existing digest and using filters. During the discussion, it was suggested to place the ‘tip’ on the first page of the Members’ section under the heading, ‘Important Information.’

Discussion: There appeared to be near-unanimous approval for the concept, although opinions varied on the presentation. A concern was raised that, in putting the Proposal 4 language only in Greeter Letter #2 (which goes out only to new member upon joining), long-standing members would not get the benefit of the message. It was therefore proposed that the “new e-mail address” language also be included in the Etiquette Letter. In response, it was suggested that the language could easily be included in both locations.

Another concern was that the recommended language did not include other options for managing the volume of GROW mail, particularly GROW’s Digest format. New language was proposed for Greeter Letter #2 that would replace the language recommended in Proposal 4. The revised language made a new e-mail address a bullet among a list that included the Digest format and the use of folders and filters to manage GROW mail. The new proposed language was amended to include the reminder to inform listkeepers about the address change. The Greeter Letter #2 was revised to add headings to each section in order to make the letter easier to read. Discussion then centered on the proposed substituted language.

Because it dealt with actions beyond this proposal, the suggestion was carried forward into the 3rd 3-day session as a new Proposal 6.

Thirteen (13) participants voted unanimously to adopt Proposal 4 as revised. Since there were no negative votes, Proposal 4 is now a Group Conscience Decision.

 


Proposal 5: Change the name of the ‘Etiquette Letter’ that is sent out monthly…

Group Conscience Decision: Change the name of the ‘Etiquette Letter’ that is sent out monthly by our Secretary to ‘GROW Mail List Guidelines’ and change the heading on the GROW website etiquette page.

Rationale: Business Meeting members would like to add a paragraph (or two) to our Greeter Letter #2 about giving new (or old) members options of how to deal with the volume of mail they will receive once they are subscribed.

Greeter Letter #2 is read only once by the new member and, because there is so much information contained in the Letter, these options may be overlooked or forgotten – whereas they could be reading them monthly as a reminder when the Secretary sends her message to the group.

Since the options (separate GROW email address and Digest Versions) are not really a part of Email Etiquette, they would fit in quite nicely under GROW Mail List Guidelines. The body of the Etiquette Letter would remain unchanged.

Discussion: Comments were generally positive on this proposal.

Respectfully submitted, Danna M. GROW Business Chair
 


Fourth 3-Day Agenda

During the fourth three-day session of our Business meeting, we will:

  • Continue to discuss Proposal 3.4 to decide if URLs linking to aa.org or g-r-o-w.com can be included in e-mails to the GROW mailing list.
  • Vote on Proposal 6. As we did in voting on Proposal 1, I have created two versions of this proposal. Proposal 6a.4 represents the original proposal with no changes to the language. Proposal 6b.4 which is exactly the same as Proposal 6a.4 except that the second bullet about using files and filters to manage GROW mail has been deleted.
  • Voting “I agree” on Proposal 6a.4 will mean you automatically vote “I disagree” for Proposal 6b.4. Voting “I agree” on Proposal 6b.4 will automatically mean you vote “I disagree” for Proposal 6a.4.

Discuss the new Proposal 7: Establish a Facebook page for GROW.

Respectfully considered, Danna M GROW Business Chair
 


Fourth 3-Day Period

During the fourth 3-day session of GROW’s April Business Meeting, participants voted on the proposal to revise Greeter Letter #2, continued discussion of the proposal to discourage the use of URLs in GROW e-mail, and discussed a new proposal to create a private Facebook page for GROW members.

Result of Vote on Changing Greeter Letter #2
It was proposed to revise the current introductory letter sent out by our Greeters to new members. We voted on whether to accept the proposal as submitted or accept the proposal with one change. The revised letter included suggested options for managing the volume of GROW mail and changes to make the letter easier to read.

Thirteen (13) participants voted to accept the revised letter as proposed, and three (3) voted against it. No minority views were submitted, so the proposal is now a Group Conscience decision.

Group Conscience Decision: Adopt the revised Greeter Letter #2 presented below to replace the existing form letter.

Respectfully Submitted, Danna M GROW Business Chair

Approved Greeter Letter #2:

Welcome to GROW! Now that you’re subscribed, this is one of two emails you will receive to help you start participating in our meeting right away. You might want to print these out for future reference.

Email Volume
We have found that sometimes the volume of mail through the GROW list can be overwhelming. If you experience this, you might find it very helpful to choose one of the following:

  • create and use a separate email address to reduce the confusion of mixing GROW mail with your primary email address. Please be sure to remember to let the Listkeepers know of your new address.
  • create folders for your GROW email; filters can also be set up to direct GROW mail into the GROW folder.
  • request the Digest Version (a file containing the day’s posts in a single email). If you would prefer to receive the Digest version, please contact our Listkeeper at grow-owner@oso-aa.org and she will make the change for you.

Topics
A new meeting topic is sent to everyone on the list each Sunday and we share throughout the week. On topic and Off topic shares are welcome. We ask that Off topic posts be appropriate for an AA meeting. Please note in your subject line if your share is Off topic (we usually type Off Topic: … )

Sharing
To share with the group, just address your email to grow@oso-aa.org and your post will be forwarded to all members. To ensure GROW emails do not get placed in your SPAM folder, please add this address to your Address Book.

Reply
Please do not use the “Reply to All’ option when you respond privately to another member’s post to GROW, as your personal message will also be directed to the GROW list and it will bounce to the Listkeepers.

For those using phones and tablets, be aware that the default reply option is often “Reply to All”, and double-check that you are not using “Reply to All”.

Please do not type in all CAPS, as this is considered to be yelling.

The secretary posts information about the Trusted Servants and guidelines for our email etiquette once a month. The Listkeeper (the person who makes sure the technical side of our email list works smoothly) also posts information monthly.

Web Site and Password
You’ll find lots more information on our GROW web site. The URL for GROW is: http://www.g-r-o-w.com. Some of the information is for members only, so you’ll need the following:
user name: sobertoday
password: how2484

Other
If you have questions not answered by our website information, please write to me and I’ll be sure to answer them or send your questions to someone who can.

I hope Grateful Recovering Online Women is helpful to you in your journey and growth in sobriety.

Again, welcome
[ Greeter Name ]
Grateful Recovering Online Women

 


Continued Discussion about Using URLs
The group had a second 3-day period in which to talk about whether we will discourage the use of URLs in e-mails to GROW. Discussion was continued because, as a result of the minority opinion after the initial vote, at least one participant changed her vote.

The conversation about using URLs centered on whether the proposal would apply to all URLs or allow links to oso-aa.org and g-r-o-w.com. Concerns about malware and viruses were also raised. It was pointed out that many of the form letters we send out on a regular basis contain links to these two websites.

During the fifth 3-day session, we will vote on one of three options: to discourage the use of all URLs in messages to GROW, discouraging the use of all URLs except those linking to oso-aa.org and g-r-o-w.com, or to defer a decision until further discussion takes place in the October business meeting.

New Proposal for Establishing a Private Facebook Page for GROW Members
During the fourth 3-day session, we discussed a new Proposal 7 (establish a private Facebook page for GROW). The page would offer GROW members a meeting- before- or after-the-meeting and a way to get to know each other better.

Discussions were animated, covering a wide range of arguments. Many participants supported the idea; however, many others had concerns about AA’s tradition of anonymity, how the Facebook page would be administered, whether the page would detract from the primary purpose of the mailing list, and the conditions of membership in the private page. Some members felt the page might create a clique within GROW that would damage the e-mail meeting.

Several participants who are members of private Facebook pages shared their experience with the group. The proposal’s author provided a detailed rationale that responded to most of the concerns that had been raised. A couple of participants wondered if we should not bring this question to the entire mailing list.

Several members pointed out that accepting this proposal could necessitate creating a new Trusted Servant to administer the private Facebook page and, therefore, a new job description.

With little resolution on the issue and the end of the meeting on the horizon, we will vote on three options: create a private Facebook page with no further discussion, creating a private Facebook page for a six-month trial period and revisiting the issue in the October business meeting, or deferring the discussion until the October business meeting (without creating the page).

Next Steps
During the fifth 3-day period, we will vote on the proposal to discourage the use of URLs in message to GROW and vote on how to proceed with the proposal to create a GROW Facebook page.

The business meeting guidelines state that, if a 2/3 majority has not been reached on a proposal by the 17th day of the meeting, it will be deferred for consideration during the next meeting. In this case, the 17th day is April 20. Both of these proposals will either be resolved by a 2/3 majority vote or deferred for further discussion during the October 2017 meeting.

Respectfully submitted, Danna M GROW Business Chair
 


Fifth 3-Day Agenda

During the fifth 3-day period, we will vote on the proposal to discourage the use of URLs in message to GROW and vote on how to proceed with the proposal to create a GROW Facebook page.

The business meeting guidelines state that, if a 2/3 majority has not been reached on a proposal by the 17th day of the meeting, it will be deferred for consideration during the next meeting. In this case, the 17th day is this coming Thursday, April 20. Each of these proposals will either be resolved by a 2/3 majority vote or deferred for further discussion during the October 2017 meeting.

Respectfully submitted, Danna M GROW Business Chair
 


Fourth 3-day Voting Results

About Voting on Proposal 3
Until late Wednesday, we will vote on three Proposal 3 options dealing with the use of URLs in messages to GROW. Please do not vote until you receive the separate Call for Votes.

The options are:

  • Recommend that no URLs be included in e-mails to GROW members.
  • Recommend that URLs not be included in e-mails to GROW members except URLs linking to the AA and GROW websites.
  • Defer a decision on this proposal until the October 2017 business meeting so that we can discuss the issues further.

A vote in favor of an option is an automatic vote against the other two options.

A vote against all three options will defeat the proposal, and it will not be considered further.

  • Proposal 3a.5: Recommend URLs not be used in e-mails to GROW members
  • Proposal 3b.5: Recommend URLs not be used in e-mails to GROW members except those linked to the AA (oso-aa.org) and GROW (g-r-o-w.com) websites.
  • Proposal 3c.5: Defer until the October 2017 business meeting a decision on the proposal to recommend URLs not be used in e-mails to GROW members so that further discussions can take place.

 


About Voting on Proposal 7 (Facebook)
Until late Wednesday, we will vote on three Proposal 7 options dealing with the use of URLs in messages to GROW. Please do not vote until you receive the separate Call for Votes.

The options are:

  • Create a private Facebook page for GROW members.
  • Create a private Facebook page for GROW members and revisit the proposal in the October 2017 business meeting to assess its performance and impact on the GROW e-mail meeting.
  • Defer a decision on this proposal until the October 2017 business meeting so that we can discuss the issues further.

A vote in favor of an option is an automatic vote against the other two options.

A vote against all three options will defeat the proposal, and it will not be considered further.

  • Proposal 7a.5: Establish a Facebook page for GROW.
  • Proposal 7b.5: Establish a Facebook page for GROW and revisit the proposal during the October 2017 business meeting to assess its performance and impact on the GROW e-mail meeting and decide if it should be continued.
  • Proposal 7c.5: Defer until the October 2017 business meeting a decision on the proposal to establish a private Facebook page for GROW members so that further discussions can take place.

Respectfully submitted, Danna M. GROW Business Chair

 


Proposal Adopted

Voting Results for Proposal 6a.4: Greeter Letter #2

Thirteen (13) participants voted to accept the revised letter as proposed, and three (3) voted against it. No minority views were submitted, so Proposal 6a.4 is now a Group Conscience decision.

Group Conscience Decision: Adopt the revised Greeter Letter #2 presented below to replace the existing form letter.

Respectfully Submitted, Danna M GROW Business Chair

Approved Greeter Letter #2:

Welcome to GROW! Now that you’re subscribed, this is one of two emails you will receive to help you start participating in our meeting right away. You might want to print these out for future reference.

Email Volume
We have found that sometimes the volume of mail through the GROW list can be overwhelming. If you experience this, you might find it very helpful to choose one of the following:

  • create and use a separate email address to reduce the confusion of mixing GROW mail with your primary email address. Please be sure to remember to let the Listkeepers know of your new address.
  • create folders for your GROW email; filters can also be set up to direct GROW mail into the GROW folder.
  • request the Digest Version (a file containing the day’s posts in a single email). If you would prefer to receive the Digest version, please contact our Listkeeper at grow-owner@oso-aa.org and she will make the change for you.

Topics
A new meeting topic is sent to everyone on the list each Sunday and we share throughout the week. On topic and Off topic shares are welcome. We ask that Off topic posts be appropriate for an AA meeting. Please note in your subject line if your share is Off topic (we usually type Off Topic: … )

Sharing
To share with the group, just address your email to grow@oso-aa.org and your post will be forwarded to all members. To ensure GROW emails do not get placed in your SPAM folder, please add this address to your Address Book.

Reply
Please do not use the “Reply to All’ option when you respond privately to another member’s post to GROW, as your personal message will also be directed to the GROW list and it will bounce to the Listkeepers.

For those using phones and tablets, be aware that the default reply option is often “Reply to All”, and double-check that you are not using “Reply to All”.

Please do not type in all CAPS, as this is considered to be yelling.

The secretary posts information about the Trusted Servants and guidelines for our email etiquette once a month. The Listkeeper (the person who makes sure the technical side of our email list works smoothly) also posts information monthly.

Web Site and Password
You’ll find lots more information on our GROW web site. The URL for GROW is: http://www.g-r-o-w.com. Some of the information is for members only, so you’ll need the following:
user name: sobertoday
password: how2484

Other
If you have questions not answered by our website information, please write to me and I’ll be sure to answer them or send your questions to someone who can.

I hope Grateful Recovering Online Women is helpful to you in your journey and growth in sobriety.

Again, welcome
[ Greeter Name ]
Grateful Recovering Online Women
 


Fifth 3-Day Period

During the fifth session of GROW’s 2017 Business Meeting, participants voted on two proposals. Each proposal was broken down into three options. For the most part, participants voted “I agree” on one of three options, and their vote on the other two in the set was an automatic “I disagree.” If a participant voted “I disagree” for all three options, it was considered a “No” vote for the proposal in general. The options were:

Proposal 3

  • 3a: Recommend URLs Not be used in e-mails to GROW members.
  • 3b: Recommend URLs Not be used in e-mails to GROW members except those linked to the AA and GROW websites.
  • 3c: Defer until the October 2017 business meeting a decision on the proposal to recommend URLs Not be used in e-mails to GROW members so that further discussions can take place.

 

Proposal 7

  • 7a: Establish a Facebook page for GROW.
  • 7b: Establish a Facebook page for GROW and revisit the proposal during the October 2017 business meeting to assess its performance and impact on the GROW e-mail meeting and decide if it should be continued.
  • 7c: Defer until the October 2017 business meeting a decision on the proposal to establish a private Facebook page for GROW members so that further discussions can take place.

Results of Voting
Proposal 3
“I agree” votes were cast for only two of the three options (3b and 3c). Option 3a, which was to discourage the use of all URLs in messages to the GROW mailing list did not receive a single affirmative vote. It is, therefore, considered defeated and will not be considered further.

Option 3b (discourage the use of most URLs in messages to the GROW mailing list but excluded URLs to the AA and GROW websites) received 15 “I agree” votes out of the total 17 votes cast, representing greater than the 2/3 majority needed to approve it as a Group Conscience decision.

However, there is another step before the decision becomes official. Since this option did exceed the required 2/3 majority, we will entertain minority views before the meeting closes.

Option 3c, which deferred the discussion until the October 2017 business meeting, received two “I agree” votes, which for purposes of this exercise will be considered the minority. Therefore, those who voted for option 3c are invited to share the minority view with the business meeting. If anyone changes their vote as a result of this, we will revote on the two remaining options before the meeting closes.

 

Proposal 7
“I agree” votes were cast for each of the three options (7a, 7b, and 7c). Option 7a (to establish a private Facebook page for all GROW members) received two (2) “I agree” votes, far short of the 2/3 majority requirement. Option 7a is therefore defeated and is closed.

Option 7b (to create the private GROW Facebook page now but revisit it in the October meeting to assess its performance and impact on the GROW e-mail meeting and decide if it should be continued) received nine (9) “I agree” votes out of 16 total votes, which does not meet the required 2/3 majority.

Option 7c ([not create the page now and] defer until the October 2017 business meeting a decision on the private Facebook page for GROW members so that we can further discuss the proposal) received five (5) “I agree” votes out of 16 total votes, which does not meet the required 2/3 majority.

Our Business Meeting Guidelines state that “If any item on the agenda has not reached a 2/3 majority vote by the 17th day of the business meeting, the item is tabled and held over to the next scheduled business meeting.”

Since none of the options for Proposal 7 voting received a 2/3 majority vote, we will table it until the October 2017 meeting.

In order to document our April discussions on this issue, I am listing the questions already raised that should be considered and discussed in October. If you would like to add or correct any of these, please send a note to me at dmcd.grow@zoho.com.

  • Would the private Facebook page be an “official” arm of GROW?
  • Is a Facebook page (even a private one) a violation of AA’s 11th Tradition?
  • What would be the benefits of a private Facebook page for GROW members?
  • How will the private Facebook be administered or managed?
  • Should more than one person be authorized to administer the Facebook page?
  • Do we need to create a new Trusted Servant position to administer the site?
  • If we do need a new Trusted Servants position, what will her job description say?
  • Would the private Facebook page be “advertised” on GROW’s website?
  • How will the Facebook page administrator know who is eligible for membership?
  • Will members who leave GROW be asked to leave the Facebook page?
  • How will GROW members be informed of or invited to join the private Facebook page?
  • Could the Facebook page create a clique within GROW that would make some members feel left out?
  • What would the Facebook page/group do to ensure the anonymity of all GROW members?
  • How will disputes/disagreements be handled in the Facebook group?
  • What impact would the Facebook page have on GROW’s ongoing AA e-mail meeting?
  • Can the Facebook page create any security problems for the e-mail meeting?
  • Do we need to (and how do we) measure the success or failure of the Facebook page?
  • Should we (and how do we) get feedback from GROW members on the possibility of having a private Facebook page for all members?

 

Next Steps
During the sixth 3-day session, people who voted in favor of option 3c (defer a decision on the use of URLs in messages to GROW members until the October 2017 business meeting) are invited to share their views on this issue with all business meeting participants.

If any member is persuaded by the minority opinion to change their vote, we will conduct a re-vote on both options. As outlined in the guidelines, if minority voters choose not to express their opinions, there will be no further discussion and no re-vote. Further, if there is no re-vote, Option 3b will become an official Group Conscience Decision.

After the question of how to handle URLs in e-mail messages to GROW is settled, we will adjourn the April 2017 business meeting.

Respectfully submitted, Danna M. GROW Business Chair
 


Sixth 3-Day Agenda

During the sixth 3-day session, people who voted in favor of option 3c (defer a decision on the use of URLs in messages to GROW members until the October 2017 business meeting) are invited to share their views on this issue with all business meeting participants.

If any member is persuaded by the minority opinion to change their vote, we will conduct a re-vote on both options (3b.5 and 3c.5). As outlined in the guidelines, if minority voters choose not to express their opinions, there will be no further discussion and no re-vote. Further, if there is no re-vote, Option 3b will become an official Group Conscience Decision.

After the question of how to handle URLs in e-mail messages to GROW is settled, we will adjourn the April 2017 business meeting.

Respectfully submitted, Danna M. GROW Business Chair
 


Fifth 3-day Voting Results

About Voting on Proposal 3.5
“I agree” votes were cast for only two of the three options (3b and 3c). Option 3a (to discourage the use of all URLs in messages to the GROW mailing list) did not receive an affirmative vote. It is, therefore, considered defeated and will not be considered further.

Option 3b (discourage the use of most URLs in messages to the GROW mailing list but excluded URLs to the AA and GROW websites) received 15 “I agree” votes out of the total 17 votes cast, representing greater than the 2/3 majority needed to approve it as a Group Conscience decision.

We will entertain minority views before the meeting closes. Those who voted for an option other than option 7b have three days to share their views with meeting participants. If you choose not to submit a minority opinion, please let me know.

Option 3c (defer the discussion until the October 2017 business meeting) received two “I agree” votes, which for purposes of this exercise will be considered the minority. Therefore, those who voted for option 3c are invited to share the minority view with the business meeting. If anyone changes their vote as a result of this, we will revote on the two remaining options before the meeting closes.

 

About Voting on Proposal 7.5
“I agree” votes were cast for each of the three options (7a, 7b, and 7c); however, none of the votes reached a 2/3 majority.

Option 7a (to establish a private Facebook page for all GROW members) received two (2) “I agree” votes, far short of the 2/3 majority requirement.

Option 7b (to create the private GROW Facebook page now but revisit it in the October meeting to assess its performance and impact on the GROW e-mail meeting and decide if it should be continued) received nine (9) “I agree” votes out of 17 total votes, which does not meet the required 2/3 majority.

Option 7c ([not create the page now and] defer until the October 2017 business meeting a decision on the private Facebook page for GROW members so that we can further discuss the proposal) received five (5) “I agree” votes out of 16 total votes, which does not meet the required 2/3 majority.

Our Business Meeting Guidelines state that “If any item on the agenda has not reached a 2/3 majority vote by the 17th day of the business meeting, the item is tabled and held over to the next scheduled business meeting.”

Since none of the options for Proposal 7 voting received a 2/3 majority vote, we will table the proposal until the October 2017 meeting.

In order to document our April discussions on this issue, I am listing the questions already raised that should be considered and discussed in October. If you would like to add or correct any of these, please send a note to me at dmcd.grow@zoho.com.

  • Would the private Facebook page be an “official” arm of GROW?
  • Is a Facebook page (even a private one) a violation of AA’s 11th Tradition?
  • What would be the benefits of a private Facebook page for GROW members?
  • How will the private Facebook be administered or managed?
  • Should more than one person be authorized to administer the Facebook page?
  • Do we need to create a new Trusted Servant position to administer the site?
  • If we do need a new Trusted Servants position, what will her job description say?
  • Would the private Facebook page be “advertised” on GROW’s website?
  • How will the Facebook page administrator know who is eligible for membership?
  • Will members who leave GROW be asked to leave the Facebook page?
  • How will GROW members be informed of or invited to join the private Facebook page?
  • Could the Facebook page create a clique within GROW that would make some members feel left out?
  • What would the Facebook page/group do to ensure the anonymity of all GROW members?
  • How will disputes/disagreements be handled in the Facebook group?
  • What impact would the Facebook page have on GROW’s ongoing AA e-mail meeting?
  • Can the Facebook page create any security problems for the e-mail meeting?
  • Do we need to (and how do we) measure the success or failure of the Facebook page?
  • Should we (and how do we) get feedback from GROW members on the possibility of having a private Facebook page for all members?

Respectfully submitted, Danna M. GROW Business Chair
 


Sixth 3-Day Period

During the sixth 3-day session, people who voted in favor of option 3c (defer a decision on the use of URLs in messages to GROW members until the October 2017 business meeting) are invited to share their views on this issue with all business meeting participants.

If any member is persuaded by the minority opinion to change their vote, we will conduct a re-vote on both options (3b.5 and 3c.5). As outlined in the guidelines, if minority voters choose not to express their opinions, there will be no further discussion and no re-vote. Further, if there is no re-vote, Option 3b will become an official Group Conscience Decision.

After the question of how to handle URLs in e-mail messages to GROW is settled, we will adjourn the April 2017 business meeting.

Respectfully submitted, Danna M. GROW Business Chair

 


Proposal Adopted

Voting Results for Proposal 3b.5: Recommend URLs not be used in e-mails to GROW members except those linked to the AA (oso-aa.org) and GROW (g-r-o-w.com) websites.

I’ve heard from our minority voters, and they will not submit a Minority Opinion on Proposal 3b.5; therefore, the proposal is adopted.

Group Conscience Decision: Recommend that URLs Not be used in e-mails to GROW members except those linked to AA and GROW websites.

Change the existing bullet in the monthly GROW Mail List Guidelines and on our Mail List Guidelines webpage to discourage including URLs within messages to the main list; however, URLs and links to the AA, Grapevine, and GROW websites are allowed in messages.

Approved Language (new sentence italized): We do not send attachments, chain letters, solicitations, virus alerts or announcements of non A.A. functions. We do not include URLs to sites outside GROW except links to the AA, Grapevine, and GROW websites.

Respectfully submitted, Danna M. GROW Business Chair

 


Final Summary of April 2017 Business Meeting

Our April 2017 Business Meeting was attended by 24 participants, with one woman subscribing and one woman unsubscribing during the meeting. We received semi-annual reports from these Trusted Servants: Secretary, Treasurer, Listkeepers, and GSR. Those reports are available to all members on the GROW website at http://www.g-r-o-w.com/members/biz/currentmeet.htm.

In April, nine Trusted Servant positions rotated. You can find an updated list of all Trusted Servants on GROW’s website. These are the changes in Trusted Servants:

Incoming Trusted Servant Position Outgoing
Valerie D 12 Step Listkeeper Mindy M
Susie J Birthday Listkeeper Susie J
Karen H Greeter Karrie C
Susan P Greeter Susan P
Louise H Listkeeper Nancy C
Nancy C Listkeeper Alternate Louise H
Sophie R Sponsor Listkeeper Allison McG.
Cheryl D Webkeeper Backup Laura B
Sherrie W Weekly Leader Listkeeper Elizabeth M

During the Business Meeting, participants discussed and voted on seven proposals. Six proposals were adopted as Group Conscience Decisions:

  • The Business Chair will send a list of proposals for consideration during the entire business meeting to both the main list as well as the business list.
  • Change the name of the ‘Etiquette Letter’ that is sent out monthly by our Secretary and the heading on the GROW website etiquette page to ‘GROW Mail List Guidelines.’
  • Add a recommendation that members overwhelmed by the mail volume create a separate e-mail address for GROW mail. The Approved Language will be placed:
    • prominently on the Welcome page of the Members’ section of the GROW website
    • as a new second paragraph in the Etiquette Letter (GROW Mail List Guidelines)
    • as a new second paragraph in the Etiquette webpage (GROW Mail List Guidelines)
    • Approved language: Sometimes, new members can be overwhelmed by the volume of e-mails coming through the list. If you experience this, you might find it helpful to create and use a separate email address to reduce the confusion of mixing GROW mail with your primary email address. There are many services that offer free e-mail (just search for “free e-mail accounts” on the web). Be sure to notify our Listkeeper at grow-owner@oso-aa.org if you change your address. You might also want to check out the Digest version containing the day’s posts in a single e-mail (contact our Listkeeper to get the Digest).
  • Change the GROW Mail List Guidelines Letter and on the Mail List Guidelines to discourage contacting GROW members from contacting other members without their prior permission on social media (e.g., Facebook, Twitter, etc.).
    Approved Language (new text in italics): In keeping with AA’s 11th Tradition and out of respect for anonymity, we do not: 1) include more than this mail list address on anything we post to the group; or 2) forward posts outside the list without getting permission from the original sender and deleting all identifying information; or 3) contact members on social media sites without their prior permission.
  • Adopt the revised Greeter Letter #2 presented below to replace the existing form letter (see entire revised letter at the bottom of this message).
  • Recommend that URLs Not be used in e-mails to GROW members except those linked to the AA, Grapevine, and GROW websites.
    Approved Language (new sentence in italics): Amend the existing bullet in the Etiquette Letter to add a sentence as follows: “We do not send attachments, chain letters, solicitations, virus alerts or announcements of non A.A. functions. We do not include URLs to sites outside GROW except links to the AA, Grapevine, and GROW websites.

A proposal to establish a private GROW Facebook page was presented to the group during the meeting. It generated a lot of spirited discussion. Participants voted on options that included creating the page now and creating the page now but assessing its success at the October Business Meeting. After voting on the options, none achieved the required 2/3 majority; therefore, the proposal will be the first item on our agenda at GROW’s October 2017 Business Meeting.

 

**********

Approved Greeter Letter #2:

Welcome to GROW! Now that you’re subscribed, this is one of two emails you will receive to help you start participating in our meeting right away. You might want to print these out for future reference.

Email Volume
We have found that sometimes the volume of mail through the GROW list can be overwhelming. If you experience this, you might find it very helpful to choose one of the following:

  • create and use a separate email address to reduce the confusion of mixing GROW mail with your primary email address. Please be sure to remember to let the Listkeepers know of your new address.
  • create folders for your GROW email; filters can also be set up to direct GROW mail into the GROW folder.
  • request the Digest Version (a file containing the day’s posts in a single email). If you would prefer to receive the Digest version, please contact our Listkeeper at grow-owner@oso-aa.org and she will make the change for you.

Topics
A new meeting topic is sent to everyone on the list each Sunday and we share throughout the week. On topic and Off topic shares are welcome. We ask that Off topic posts be appropriate for an AA meeting. Please note in your subject line if your share is Off topic (we usually type Off Topic: … )

Sharing
To share with the group, just address your email to grow@oso-aa.org and your post will be forwarded to all members. To ensure GROW emails do not get placed in your SPAM folder, please add this address to your Address Book.

Reply
Please do not use the “Reply to All’ option when you respond privately to another member’s post to GROW, as your personal message will also be directed to the GROW list and it will bounce to the Listkeepers.

For those using phones and tablets, be aware that the default reply option is often “Reply to All”, and double-check that you are not using “Reply to All”.

Please do not type in all CAPS, as this is considered to be yelling.

The secretary posts information about the Trusted Servants and guidelines for our email etiquette once a month. The Listkeeper (the person who makes sure the technical side of our email list works smoothly) also posts information monthly.

Web Site and Password
You’ll find lots more information on our GROW web site. The URL for GROW is: http://www.g-r-o-w.com. Some of the information is for members only, so you’ll need the following:
user name: sobertoday
password: how2484

Other
If you have questions not answered by our website information, please write to me and I’ll be sure to answer them or send your questions to someone who can.

I hope Grateful Recovering Online Women is helpful to you in your journey and growth in sobriety.

Again, welcome
[ Greeter Name ]
Grateful Recovering Online Women

 

**********

 

Ladies, thank you so much for your participation!
The meeting is now adjourned. (Friday, April 21, 2017 at 1:01 PM)

Respectfully submitted, Danna M. GROW Business Chair

Apr 09: Control

Control

My choice of topic reflects where I am today – having an AFGO! I am in an unusual (for me) situation where I have a leadership position. I’ve always thought of myself as very flexible with few control issues. WRONG! It is very hard for me to know where the line is between ‘leading’ and ‘controlling.’

There are roles in life that require a person to direct others – like parents trying to raise healthy, morally-based children and managers/supervisors within organizations. Giving instructions, offering criticism, and awarding positive behavior are inherent in the role.

Yet, the Big Book tells us that: “Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way” (pg. 60) and then “What usually happens? The show doesn’t come off very well.” (pg. 61)

At my f2f BB meeting yesterday, I shared about this predicament. A woman in the meeting said, “I know I’m not supposed to try to be the director, but my business card says I AM the Director!” Responsible for the performance of hundreds of employees, she lives with this contradiction every day.

My predicament right now is the line is between fulfilling the role of leader (or parent or boss) and being the self-centered controlling Director. I may think I am doing the right thing when I really am just trying to get my way. Where is the line between fulfilling your role and using the role to express some character defects?

Control issues crop up at the most inconvenient times! I have to check my motives when I want to tell someone else what to do. Am I contributing in a positive way to the situation? Am I approaching it with, as the BB says, love and tolerance?

This topic doesn’t have a direct relationship to alcohol or drinking. But when I was drinking, these thoughts would never have occurred to me. I’d have pushed for my way no matter what the consequences. AA and the 12 Steps have taught me to take a step back, to breathe, and to look at my part in any situation where I feel uncomfortable or unhappy – or where I’m making others uncomfortable or unhappy.

This week, I invite you to share with us your experience, strength, and hope related to fulfilling your roles in life while also being faithful to the principles of the AA program. And, of course, please feel free to share on anything you need to.

Apr 02: Willingness

Willingness

Hello, women of GROW!

I recently made my last outstanding amend. Most of my 9th Step amends I made quickly. This one took 4 years. What it boiled down to was my lack of willingness.

Step 8 reminds me that willingness precedes action. I was anxious to do this amend, but I still had anger. I was not 100% focused on my part.

Then, the person came to town. And I realized I was no longer interested in her part. I was interested in behaving in a way I could be proud of. Which, in this case, meant apologizing for being a jerk.

I was willing to do something uncomfortable in the interest of growing as a person.

Willingness to act, even when I feel fear, has been one of the biggest changes I have experienced since getting sober.

Now I am more willing to try new things, to make mistakes. When I am willing I open myself to my HP’s will for me. In fact, willingness led me to my HP!

Taking the first Step was the beginning of this journey.

I’d love to hear about your experience of willingness in sobriety or anything else that is happening in your program this week.

Thank you for allowing me to be of service.

Kirsten

Mar 26: Keep It Simple

Keep It Simple

Hello all you lovely ladies of GROW, I’m Susan and an alcoholic. I chose the topic “Keep it Simple” becaue it’s a unique struggle for me; I find that it’s so much easier said than done! On the one hand, I long for the luxury of simplicity in all areas of my life – relationships, career, my program, working the 12 steps. But often when I make choices to move in that direction, I feel a lot of GUILT! I.e., I must not be doing enough, analyzing enough, planning enough, and of course cotrolling enough (back to last week’s bus driver).

Perhaps I just need a lot more practice and conversations with my HP to get better at ‘keeping it simple’. I want to reap the serenity without the guilt! In the meantime, I would like to hear your shares on this topic, especially if you have a similar challenge and how you handle it. I learn so much from all of you… (Example: I’m trying to keep this share short and simple but I feel like it’s not long enough – LOL!)

Thank you for being here ladies, have a wonderful sober week!

Susan P.

Mar 19: Who is Driving the Bus?

Who is Driving the Bus?

Hi Ladies. My name is Alison and I am an alcoholic. Welcome new gals, and congratulations to our celebrants!

I am still a planner and an organizer. I make lists and cross stuff off. In fact, if I forgot to put something on the list, I may actually add it to the list after I have completed the task and then proceed to cross it off! Lol So, being as how I like to plan and organize, it was difficult for me to let God drive the bus when I first sobered up.

I was constantly taking the wheel and driving myself where I wanted to go. I found through trial and error, mostly error, that my Higher Power might have a better plan. I have learned over the years that God’s plan doesn’t always come with an itinerary! I have to trust my Higher Power more often than not. When I was new in sobriety I had a lot of difficulty figuring out if I was following God’s will, or my own will. (If the outcome was not to my liking, it was usually self-will at work.)

It seems that my Higher Power is full of surprises. I have come to figure out for myself that God’s will is very clear to me. It does not need my discernment or calculations or machinations. It has gotten easier to “Let Go and Let God” with the passage of sober time.

I have been ill for nearly 8 months now. I traipse from one specialist to another, and in all honesty, I and the doctors are left with more questions than answers, and yet doctor appointments continue to be the next indicated thing for me. I am in the research and discovery stage still. My medical case is complicated. It is frustrating, though I do have some answers and feel like I am moving closer to a diagnosis, which means a solution in my book. I have to trust in the process, do the footwork and let God handle it. My Higher Power has got this. I just forget that every now and again. So, for this week anyway, I am going to sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride!

Blessings, Alison B.

Mar 12: What is Your Bubble to Stay Sober?

What is Your Bubble to Stay Sober?

So, it’s Saturday night and I went to acupuncture and the grocery store. Now, I’m home and I’m really perfectly content. My life as a sober alcoholic has changed a lot in how I deal with stress, how I socialize and who I socialize with. I really enjoy listening to a sobriety podcast called, “The Bubble Hour.” The name was chosen because of the idea that each of us have strategies that protect us, like a bubble, to keep us sober.

My bubble:

I’ve found my new happy hours after a stressful day of work: acupuncture or hot yoga. I’ve come to enjoy them more than I ever did drinking at happy hour and feel more relaxed afterwards…but I at first I resented it. My new habits, while healthier, sometimes seem boring and I wonder if I’m missing out. My Friday nights could be hot yoga, an AA meeting, a movie at home or a dinner at a friend’s house. I’ve relaxed into this flow. I find scheduling my week with my appts, AA meetings, exercise and a to-do list helps me. I try to start my day with meditation and prayer and listen to a podcast relating to sobriety while I’m getting ready for work.

Someone at a meeting recently said something that made sense, “You put together a good day.” It is kind of like that for me. I plan the activities and practices that will help me have a better week. The friends I have now happen to be non-drinkers or normal drinkers. I am not really around drinkers that much, so my activities with friends are going for coffee, meeting up for exercise, dinner…. I also like trying “fancy” nonalcoholic drinks like different flavored or sparking waters. Sometimes I even put them in a wine class.

It’s a different life, but I know I’m healthier. My focus is more on taking advantage of opportunities to try new events, rather than drinking wine at home alone (boring!!!). So really, what was so exciting about that life I’m ‘missing?’

My topic for this week is what is your bubble to stay sober? Hope you have a peaceful and sober week. – Jessica 6/28/16

Mar 05: Step 10

Step 10

Step 10 “Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.”

This is by far my favorite step because it allows me to purge each day. If I am taking constructive daily review in written inventory, when I do my annual reworking of the Steps then my 4th, 5th, 6th and 9th steps are not as overwhelming because of the daily maintenance of Step 10.

Steps 4-9 are to “prepare us” for daily living, the AA way of life, “One Day at a Time.” The obsession to drink and the insanity has been removed. In Step 10, we are returned to sanity. In Steps 10-12 we maintain the new order of things — and we grow in understanding and effectiveness.

When I start to “cut back” on daily inventory the reconstruction of ego commences. I will start to Minimize, Justify and Rationalize the white lie, the road rage, the keeping that text secret, the judging her, the blaming him, any and all actions that cut me off from God’s light. If I am cut off from that light I start worshiping myself again. My soul will get hungry so I will drain your light, my boyfriends light, anyone’s light because I am not getting fed. No light, no purpose…And so begins….THE CHATTER! I can not get fed on yesterday’s inventory, steps, gratitude list, service to others, prayer and meditation. You eat food everyday, you don’t just eat once and ride on that for days, weeks, years…Same applies.

Inventory allows me to see where I fell short. What were my motives? Who did I hurt? Why do I say that? Who was I rude to? Why did I sabotage this? Why do I put so much effort into looking good on social media? Do I put half the effort into my sobriety and growth that I do playing a role or living up to an illusion of what others think of me? How does my home life look? How do I treat my partner?

These questions, being completely HONEST with myself, putting it on paper, practicing the opposite tomorrow will ensure that I continue to grow. If I am NOT growing, I am dying…My alcoholism/ego mind wants me dead but will settle for me drunk or dry drunk and miserable. This predator, I call the ego mind, not only hates me but HATES people who love me and will hurt them too if the light is cut from my soul. This is why I drank the way I did, as long as I did. I was living off the light I had before I started drinking or drain others of theirs then piling on more garbage by what I was doing while I was drinking.

Zero nourishment/light so my body and soul suffered because I was trying to “think” my way out using the same mind that got me this way running on animal instinct and creating chaos. My mind/ego could not be trusted as integrity is NOT a mental construct.

Maintaining a constant vigilance is vital as to not became vampiric…sucking others dry with complacency.

When I have a life of inventory, discipline and discernment, freedom from being enslaved by booze and other people’s perceptions is the byproduct. Freedom is in the discipline of Step 10.

When I first started this process I didn’t really understand how to carry out this Step. Do I just sit and think about my day? NO!!!! Thinking is my worst enemy! So when it was finally revealed to me what Step 10 entailed I saw it more than just keeping a journal but more as a opportunity take part in my sobriety by putting pen to paper as Awaken God Conscious Human Being. Not the automaton that I once was because I was cut off from my soul. The Big Book says about Step 10:

We vigorously commenced this way of living as we cleaned up the past. We have entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Pg 84

How do you practice Step 10 daily?

Thank you for to opportunity to be of service…

Love in the Sunlight of the Spirit! Hilarie

Feb 27: Design for Living That Works in Rough Going

Design for Living That Works in Rough Going

Hello all. A few weeks ago, we were reading Bill’s Story from the Big Book in a meeting. Of course, the climax comes when an old drinking buddy (Ebby T) comes to visit and, to Bill’s surprise, Ebby is sober. During their talk, Ebby laid out the foundations of a new way of life – drastic and simple – that he had learned about and that was keeping him sober. After Bill accepts this process as a new way of life (the process became the 12 steps; what Bill did is found on pp. 12-15), Ebby made clear “… the absolute necessity of demonstrating these principles in all my affairs…. Faith without works was dead, he said. And how appallingly true for the alcoholic. For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead.” (pp. 14-15), Then Bill went on to write briefly about some of the hard times he had after sobriety and how he wasn’t always well and how he was met with disbelief from many.

Bill then says “… I soon found that when all other measures failed, work with another alcoholic would save the day. Many times I have gone to my old hospital in despair. On talking to a man there, I would be amazingly lifted up and set on my feet. It is a design for living that works in rough going.” (p. 15)

“It is a design for living that works in rough going.” That sentence jumped off the page at me.

To not only find that the 12 steps could help me stay sober, day after day (one day at a time), and that if I continue, every day, to focus on my connection with a Higher Power of my understanding and to reach out to be with and help as I can other alcoholics – that I can stay sober – has been amazing.

Against all “logic” that I tried to use when I was drinking, this strange program of 12 steps and continuous service is “A design for living that works in rough going” – not just the bright and cheerful times, not just in the spring and summer – but in all times and in all circumstances and especially when I’m stuck in a morass of sorrow or other difficult circumstances.

I would love to hear how you find this a program, a “design for living that works in rough going” – or in anything else suggested by your current life circumstances or by Bill’s story.

Thank you.

Feb 19: Reliance on God

Reliance on God

How do you depend and rely on God or your Higher Power for strength in your life? How do you let God act through you to help others?

Please share on how your Higher Power uses you to help others and how relying on God or your Higher Power is different than self-reliance.

Thanks for the chance to lead this week. I am pinch hitting for our regularly scheduled leader. Sorry this is a wee bit late.

Sherrie W.

Feb 12: Dealing With Grief in Sobriety

Dealing With Grief in Sobriety

Hi dear ladies of GROW, Nancy C an alcoholic here. God willing, I will have 20 years of sobriety, One Day At A Time, next Saturday! This past year has been one of many lows and many changes. My dear husband of almost 51 years died very suddenly August 27 and then my sponsor and dear friend Jean (AFGO) died 6 weeks later.

Thankfully I had God, AA and AA friends to help, guide and support me. There are 5 of us, who attend a 12 step retreat twice a year, that have each lost our husbands since last March. We live in different areas but we are constantly checking on each other and supporting each other.

My family and friends and neighbours have all been so helpful and supportive and I am so grateful…

Daily I go to Step 1 because my world has turned upside down and I am completely powerless. Avoiding my feelings and suppressing my emotions are old behaviors that need to be dealt with upfront. There is no timetable for grief and I use the principles of AA to get through each day, sometimes minute by minute.

I’d love to hear how you ladies have dealt with grief. Thank you for allowing me to chair this week.

Feb 05: Humility

Humility

I always thought I was such a humble and giving person. I wanted YOU to see my self sacrifice and then YOU would praise me and hold me in high esteem. Sounds humble-eh?

I finally got out this deep ugly, yucky secret that I have skirted around for a long time. Coming face to face with my “sins” and admitting them to God, myself and then sponsor. It has humbling. She suggested that I start daily getting on my knees and praying. At one point I did regularly and then I stopped. So I have been doing that and it is humbling. I have been praying the third and seventh step prayers. This morning I was reading about step 7 in the 12 and 12.

I want to change, I want the change in my attitude. I’m pretty self centered–I never would have admitted that before.

The Seventh Step is where we make the change in our attitude which permits us, with humility as our guide, to move out from ourselves toward others and toward God. The whole emphasis of Step Seven is on humility. It is really saying to us that we now ought to be willing to try humility in seeking the removal of our other shortcomings just as we did when we admitted that we were powerless over alcohol, and came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. If that degree of humility could enable us to find the grace by which such a deadly obsession could be banished, then there must be hope of the same result respecting any other problem we could possibly have.” (Pg 76 from 12n12)

Please feel free to share on humility or anything else you wish. I cherish this group.

Kind Regards, Karrie

Jan 22: Laughter

Laughter

Dear GROWers,

Thank you for allowing me to chair this week on the anniversary of my last drink, January 22, 1989. I have not had to drink a drink of alcohol nor to take any mind- or mood-altering substances in 28 years. Without our amazing program, I would surely have died from complications of liver disease.

To begin our topic for this week, I quote from the Big Book:

I began to see the miracles that happen only in AA. People who would nearly crawl in the doors, sick and broken, and in a few weeks of meetings and not drinking one day at a time would get their health back, find a little job and friends who really cared, and then discover a God in their lives.

But the most compelling part of AA, the part that made me want to try this sober thing, was the laughter, the pure joy of the laughter that I heard from sober alcoholics. – Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 333

Please share a funny story about your time in sobriety, or how you feel about the laughter in the rooms. Did this help you to keep coming back?

Thank you for reading me and as always, hugs to all who want one from me! – Gigi

Jan 29: We Absolutely Insist on Enjoying Life

We Absolutely Insist on Enjoying Life

Hi I’m Jennifer, A women in long term recovery…and thank you Sherrie for allowing me to be of service to the group. I am a what seems to be a silent memeber, however, I read often and try to chair when I can. I would like to welcome all who are new to the group and all the newcomers, those returning to us and a big congrats to any all our celebrants!! I do a group thing…smiles.

When I took this opportunity to step up, I prayed for a topic, you see, this year has not been so kind to me thus far. I started it off with a vacation in the hospital for the first weekend of the month. Then came home to recovery from that only to have two major home appliances go on me at the same time (AC and Hot water heater), my new service puppy in training to become sick and although I have a spouse, he is not as supportive as I could use…so..It’s been extremely challenging…So you say, Jennifer, really you enjoying life?

Well, when I was new in recovery, about 18 mo in, I was dating a guy who loved the BB and he would go through my book and underline the parts he loved. On page 132, he said, “count down 17 lines from the top, and then from the bottom count up 17 lines. Ok, now count in two words from the right in, and then two words for the left in….what is right smack in the middle of this page?” So, I did this…low and behold, it said, “We absolutely insist on enjoying life”. Wow, right there in the middle of the page. And for some reason, that gave me hope. You see, from about 18 month til today, I have dealth with a lot of changes. I became very ill about 18 mo in recovery and have dealth with a lot of physical, spiritual, mental and health challenges along with significant losses. Through it all, I have not found it necessary to drink and I have found that in the moments that I am able to “move about the cabin” as I joke about being about to get out of the house to do errands or on a great day, go out to a party or something fun, I enjoy it to the fullest.

Sobriety didn’t equal no more fun or enjoying life, it actually was a beautiful beginning of sorts of how to deal with life on life’s terms and enjoy life without being drunk or numbing the situation. “We absolutely INSIST on ejoying life” and I do. Through it all, I really do. It could even be as simple as my puppy giving me her puppy eyes today or a puppy kiss, or mastering a task we are working on. My hubby when he is having a moment of support, bringing me roses just because he has realized I’m having a bad week (I got roses yesterday)…or being able to go to my friend’s 50th bday party at thier home, knowing that there will be drinking, and being able to be spiritually fit to bring my own drink (my drink of choice is coconut water, smiles) and sitting by their fire pit and it not being any of my buisness what others are doing (my hubby does not drink, he’s a normie but does not drink at all, so I have him there). Last night, I really enjoyed getting out and enjoying life. Especially after the heck I’ve been through this month.

I have one more hump to get over Tuesday, It’s the one year anniversary of when I had to place my heart dog, Haylee Jo, my service dog of 13.4 years to peace, and my heart still breaks everyday for her, however, I am sure I will not drink over it, and that she would want me to continue to enjoy life just as she did everyday of hers!!

So I would love to hear your ESH on what this means to you or anything else that is on your heart today. Again, thank you for allowing me to be of service, sorry if this was long….blessings

Jan 15: In God’s Hands

In God’s Hands

“When we look back, we realize that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God’s hands were better than anything we could have planned.” Alcoholics Anonymous, p.100

Excerpt taken from As Bill Sees It, No. 2

Hi everyone,

Twice this week I’ve had to go back and look at my trust is God, as I understand him…

The first, as I’m praying for the courage to change, to ask him with whatever humility I could muster, in not acting out, being argumentative, getting belligerent, … and trusting that whatever he gives me, I can handle.

Second, when again facing questions of relationships, reminding myself, God has plans for me far more than what I know or can conceive.

I remember my first meeting, drunk, hearing the word surrender. It was a lady from North Carolina. I thought, “lady, that civil war was 200 years ago and we are in Europe!”

But she was so right. All I can do is surrender. Surrender, myself, my fears, my short comings, my life. The gift of desperation leads to peace. If I turn it over.

How do you surrender? How do you trust? What does God’s care mean to you?

Thank you for letting me lead this week 🙂 Hugs, Nydia

Jan 08: Your Actions When No One is Watching

Your Actions When No One is Watching

Lynn, alcoholic here.

I read this in my Keep It Simple daily meditations and it really stuck a nerve. “We learn that even if we can get away with something, we can’t get away from ourselves” In my using days I spent all my time figuring out; how to be half drunk without my family knowing, how to get more alcohol without my husband knowing, where I could hide the booze so no one would know I was drinking, what different public trashcan I could throw my empties so no one at home would know. I was always looking for avenues to get away with my drinking because everyone else cared if I did, but I sure didn’t. I thought I was so smart, sneaking and scoring big when I pulled one over on people. I think you all know where I ended up with this thought process.

I thank my HP for leading me to my first AA meeting and my road to recovery. I worked the steps with everything in me and did everything they told me. It was a white knuckler most days and I stumbled but my HP got me back up. As time passed and I added up days of sobriety I noticed a change in myself as far as personal responsibility. I could sneak drinks and no one would notice but I would! I cared if I stumbled. I cared about how I would feel if I relapsed. Who was this and what the heck happened to the sneaky drunk that looked like me? Not only was I not drinking but I cared what I did and how I acted when no one else noticed. I cared. I had formed a responsibility to myself as well as my HP.

Ladies, how did you come to the point where you cared what you did even if no one else would know? Please share this or whatever you need to talk about today. The meeting is now yours. Have a sober and Happy New Year ladies!

Lynn H. DOS 9/30/96

Jan 1: Deep Breath, and Pause, Exhale, Deep Breath and Pause, Exhale, Deep Breath, Pause,….Exhale

Deep Breath, and Pause, Exhale, Deep Breath and Pause, Exhale, Deep Breath, Pause,….Exhale

My name is Laurie and I am a grateful recovering Alcoholic.

Today is the first day of a new year. Today is also the first day of the rest of your life.

Today I woke up sober, and happy, looking forward to the challenges, opportunities, joys that today will bring.

I have been tossing back and forth between acceptance and first step, but New Years Resolutions keep popping into my brain….SO… this seems particularly important when so many of us are making New Years Resolutions wanting our lives to be different.

My life certainly is different from the three pots of coffee hangovers I had on a daily basis. I was so out of balance and didn’t know how to care for myself when I came in the rooms. My sponsor has taught me that I have 5 areas to work with. Physical, Emotional, Social, Spiritual and Intellectual. That I need to put something in each account, each day.

I have found that if I am telling myself musts or that it’s work- I make things so much harder on myself. So I try to find things I enjoy, for example:

  • Physical – yoga, horseback riding, any type of physical exercise, sex
  • Emotional – I try to have a least one conversation a day when I am fully paying attention to the person and my feelings.
  • Social – I go to work, and a meeting 3 to 4 times a week, If I am home, I make an effort to call and talk to someone, just because I care.
  • Spiritual- For me, I pray, Meditate, but my horses are also a spiritual outlet, as sex can be too.
  • Intellectual- That’s’ Grow, and Meetings and YouTube and another group of Like minded Individuals that I have started attending meetings with. My brain is much happier stimulated. I am seldom bored.

This topic does tie in with ” our lives were unmanageable….. “were” being a past tense for many of us. There are so many tools to care of each of our five areas, I thought it might be interesting to hear how you care for each of these aspects of self, and any New Years Resolutions you may have, and how you are kind to yourself while learning to balance life.

Of course if there is anything you feel the need to share, please do… we are here to listen.

Happy New Years Ladies, May all your dreams come true. – Laurie 2-99

Dec 25: The Promises

The Promises

Good Sunday afternoon GROW Sisters! I am very grateful for the opportunity to be of service today as our topic chair! Thank you so much for the many birthday wishes as I celebrated my 2 year sober birthday last week!!

This week’s topic comes from the “Family Afterward” section of the BB, and with us in the thick of the holiday season, I thought it an appropriate topic. The BB states:

“We have been speaking to you of serious, sometimes tragic things. We have been dealing with alcohol in its worst aspect. But we aren’t a glum lot. If newcomers could see no joy or fun in our existence, they wouldn’t want it. We absolutely insist on enjoying life. We try not to indulge in cynicism over the state of the nations, nor do we carry the world’s troubles on our shoulders…

So we think cheerfulness and laughter make for usefulness. Outsiders are sometimes shocked when we burst into merriment over a seemingly tragic experience out of the past. But why shouldn’t we laugh? We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others.”

I love this because it reminds me that in sobriety, I can still be joyous, happy and free. My days as a drunk often ended with me being bitchy and I lived a very cynical life. EVERYTHING bothered me- molehills were mountains at every turn. But in sobriety, I’ve learned to pause and accept life on life’s terms. To be honest, this doesn’t just happen, I have to put in the work, have a good Program, communicate my feelings, and talk to my sponsor and other alcoholics to get out of my own brain. I don’t have to see doom and gloom at every turn, I can laugh and find joy in the smallest areas.

With the holidays, I have to stay in touch with my Higher Power, not give in to the stress and take care of myself. I waited until the last minute to go Christmas shopping, so why am I mad at the traffic??!! A little self-talk goes a long way. I can change my “stinking thinking.”

So, my sober sisters, I would love for you to share how you’re going to find joy in this season that can be stressful enough to make folks drink. How will you handle the life without being irritable, restless and discontent?

If something else is on your mind, please share that, too. Thank you for allowing me to chair; the floor is now open to you.

Dec 18: We Are Not a Glum Lot

We Are Not a Glum Lot

Good Sunday afternoon GROW Sisters! I am very grateful for the opportunity to be of service today as our topic chair! Thank you so much for the many birthday wishes as I celebrated my 2 year sober birthday last week!!

This week’s topic comes from the “Family Afterward” section of the BB, and with us in the thick of the holiday season, I thought it an appropriate topic. The BB states:

“We have been speaking to you of serious, sometimes tragic things. We have been dealing with alcohol in its worst aspect. But we aren’t a glum lot. If newcomers could see no joy or fun in our existence, they wouldn’t want it. We absolutely insist on enjoying life. We try not to indulge in cynicism over the state of the nations, nor do we carry the world’s troubles on our shoulders…

So we think cheerfulness and laughter make for usefulness. Outsiders are sometimes shocked when we burst into merriment over a seemingly tragic experience out of the past. But why shouldn’t we laugh? We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others.”

I love this because it reminds me that in sobriety, I can still be joyous, happy and free. My days as a drunk often ended with me being bitchy and I lived a very cynical life. EVERYTHING bothered me- molehills were mountains at every turn. But in sobriety, I’ve learned to pause and accept life on life’s terms. To be honest, this doesn’t just happen, I have to put in the work, have a good Program, communicate my feelings, and talk to my sponsor and other alcoholics to get out of my own brain. I don’t have to see doom and gloom at every turn, I can laugh and find joy in the smallest areas.

With the holidays, I have to stay in touch with my Higher Power, not give in to the stress and take care of myself. I waited until the last minute to go Christmas shopping, so why am I mad at the traffic??!! A little self-talk goes a long way. I can change my “stinking thinking.”

So, my sober sisters, I would love for you to share how you’re going to find joy in this season that can be stressful enough to make folks drink. How will you handle the life without being irritable, restless and discontent?

If something else is on your mind, please share that, too. Thank you for allowing me to chair; the floor is now open to you.

Dec 11: Staying Sober…No Matter What

Staying Sober…No Matter What

Sorry Ladies for getting this out a bit late today…I’m Jennifer and I’m a women in long term recovery. I would like to send congrats to all of our celebrants past and present…and welcome all the newcomers both coming here for the first time and those joining us. I am not an active participant in sharing, however, I am active in reading. Due to health challenges, it’s difficult a lot of times to type. With that being said, I like to be of service when I can so thank you for the honor.

I have been going through a lot of changes. I have, as I mentioned, health challenges which are ever changing and apparently progressive. I never know what the day will bring until I am able to get up for the morning. Some days it’s like I don’t have many limitations, other days, like today, I’m unable to do much of anything.

The good news today is, I don’t have to drink over it. No matter what. The program has afforded me some very rich tools in the form of having a sponsor, a network, the steps, trads, slogans, meetings and most importantly, a connection to something greater then myself which I choose to call HP (Higher Power).

A few things have helped me stay sober during my challenging times. Learning about having and living “A New Normal”. This is where I look at what I am able to to, rather then what I’m not able to do and live within those parameters with gratitude and acceptance. When I am in acceptance of these changes, then they become “normal…or my new normal” and I don’t have to live in anger or contentment. Like when I first got sober…old normal was to drink over my emotions. My new normal became using the 12 steps and tools of the program to not drink over my emotions.

My dear friend Claudia, who recently passed away (natural causes and sober) use to say, “take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minutue at a time (and she would add) one breath at a time”. We would say to each other, (ODAT–OHAT–OMAT–OBAT) and “Just Breath”..that I can do!! She also had one other saying…when she would be in her “stuff” she would say, “Ok, I’m done being on the pity pot, time to flush”!! I love that!! I try not to stay on too long these days, and by coming to a meeting or sharing with another alcoholic, I can then flush a lot quicker then in early sobriety…I use to have to pry myself off the potty, smiles. Today I chose to not sit too long.

So, this is totally not anywhere near what I was going to chair about smiles..so I think for a topic…and since the holidays are approaching and times can be challenging…I’d like to throw out there a topic of :: “Staying sober..No Matter What”…how do you do that today?

Thanks for letting me be of service…If this topic does not resinate with you, please share from your heart anything that is AA 12 step related that resinates with you today. Blessings and in service, Jennifer

Dec 04: Expectations Low, Acceptance High

Expectations Low, Acceptance High

Good Sunday morning GROW Sisters! Elizabeth, a very grateful alcoholic here. I am also very grateful for the opportunity to be of service today as our topic chair!

For our topic, I have selected the phrase I often hear in meetings and read online, keeping expectations low and acceptance high in regards to people, place and things.

I have found this phrase to be extremely helpful in keeping me in balance and more serene throughout my sobriety. It was introduced to me early in my recovery and have used it as part of my AA ‘code’ again and again.

It has been particularly helpful recently with a life on life’s terms situation with the father of my children. We have had a very negative encounter this past week. Keeping my expectations low, as he is an active alcoholic and addict, and acceptance high as acceptance is the key to all things, has helped me so much in refraining from engaging in the ‘junk’ that has been spewed my way.

I am so so grateful to have a program with gems like this phrase to help me deal with life on life’s terms as a strong and steady sober woman of grace, staying close to my God, staying connected with my sponsor, sharing with a very few people in my network, using prayer and meditation to maintain my conscience contact.

Thank you for letting me be of service. The meeting is yours. Please feel to share on this topic or anything that is in your heart and needs to be shared with the group.

In gratitude and appreciation and with love, Elizabeth

Nov 27: A Vision For You

A Vision For You

“Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven’t got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us.

Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.

May God bless you and keep you-until then.”

I was thinking about how I have enjoyed having a couple days off of work, spending time with my husband and daughter… yet I’ve allowed my extended family to disrupt my peace and serenity.

When I was reading these paragraphs from the book, I realized over the past week I have been slightly off my routine and perhaps (definitely) that’s why. I’ve been relying on the work I have done up to this week. And I haven’t quite been working as hard. Haven’t been as diligent or humble in my thoughts and words.

I have to work this program every single day. In the same way, in order to stay in my right mind.

It’s a simple program. I just have to work it every day! Follow the suggestions of those that have come before me. I don’t get a day off like I do from work. Every day I wake up an untreated alcoholic. When I get connected with my God and follow the suggestions, life is good. When I don’t, it’s not. Plain and simple.

The good news is I have the awareness and can make changes right now!

Thank you for letting me be of service. I’m grateful for the opportunity to get back into the book and be reminded how good life is when I’m doing the work!

Please share on this topic or anything that’s on your mind.

Nov 20: Steps 4 and 5

Steps 4 and 5

I prayed on what the topic should be. I am a new member of Grow. I just celebrated 6 months sobriety. As I head towards this step, I am afraid of some truths and worry I will fall into the despair of depression. Looking at me is difficult. And now I have to do this and tell someone. But here I go!!!

From the Big Book, “It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent, we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worthwhile.” Chapter 5, How it works, page 66. I have squandered many an hour blaming other people. My reactions and attitude, especially in my drinking were awful.

Now I get to understand my part in the whole thing. To review my short comings was something I never thought of. It was not my fault that everyone had attitudes and issues. I never thought to look and see how my attitude and issues affected everyone else. Sitting with a pen, paper and deep reflection I can now see the part I played. But what about telling someone? Fear, comes into mind. What will my sponsor think of me? The horrible person I have been. I try to remember the others who have taken this step. They talk of release and relief. The sense of peace that comes with admitting out loud and the promise that my HP will help remove these shortcomings if I ask. What a glorious thing to happen. To be rid of past and all the baggage I have dragged with me all this time.

“This vital step was also the means by which we began to get the feeling that we could be forgiven, no matter what we had done.” From Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions Step Five, page 57-58.

How did you get ready for these steps without getting trapped in regrets? What was it like when you finished step 5?

Thank you.

This topic is now open for discussion.

Nov 13: Fear

Fear

Good morning friends. My name is Karrie and I am an alcoholic. Today I Celebrate my third anniversary in sobriety. Yahooooo. I am incredibly grateful to my higher power and to AA. It is only by the grace of a power greater than myself that I am here writing this morning. So many positive and beautiful things have happened since I put the bottle down. It’s not always been easy but it sure is a lot better then I ever imagined it could be.

As I sit here writing, I am struggling with a topic that will sound spiritual and that you all will say “WOW look at this girl she has it going on.” So I think I’ll skip over all of that. Over and over I find myself trying to please people. Working a fourth step with my sponsor, I have come to see that I am seeking love and approval from people by performing. It’s been a hard thing to look at and work on. It’s basis is that ugly word … FEAR. I am not going to get what I want, when I want it, and how much I want of it, and the way I want it and on and on.

The big book describes me perfectly over and over: “Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.”

“This short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. It was an evil and corroding thread; the fabric of our existence was shot through with it. It set in motion trains of circumstances which brought us misfortune we felt we didn’t deserve.”

In sobriety I have had many opportunities to face things afraid. I’m grateful for my sponsor and all of you who are here with me as I walk this journey and get better. I want my life to be happy joyous and free. As I face my fears and look at myself, by working the steps, there is freedom and peace from this disease. Thank you for being part of my journey, I am grateful to you all. The meeting is now open on the topic of fear or anything else that you need to talk about to keep you from a drink.

Nov 06: Acceptance At a Slightly New Level

Acceptance At a Slightly New Level

GROW topic: For today’s topic I have chosen acceptance at a slightly new level.

We are all familiar with Dr.: Paul’s rendition in “Steps & Traditions AA p. 139” and acceptance is the answer to my problems…I must accept everything exactly as it is else I wind be at fault with new opinions and to new criticism.

Or with God’s world?

I always keep in mind God’s portion of the Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can …
And the wisdom to know the difference.

I recently survived a critical blood disease but was left unable to walk. Staffers at my assisted gave little encouragement so I have, with my son Jeff’s help, been trying to overcome the puzzling details on my own.

I think about COURAGE to CHANGE when I buckle, and the WISDOM TO KNOW the difference when I am about to fall down.

I will not ask what I can accomplish tomorrow nor take it for granted, but it is something I am determined to do with God’s grace and direction.

Also with his help, over and over again I overcame the pain of alcoholism, heavy depression, growing old and being cranky. Dr. Paul is Right and St. Francis of Assisi is also right because they endorse love and service of other along with rappers and clappers and snap-chatters.

But first, we had to embrace it, and Second, accept completely the god of our understanding in editions 3 or 4?

Can we share stores about acceptance, and love? And sharing with love?

How have stories increased or decreased a life of acceptance?

Thank you for honor of sharing this meeting.

The book and the topic are now open for sharing.

Oct 31: Tenth Step Inventory

Tenth Step Inventory

“As we work the first nine Steps we prepare ourselves for the adventure of a new life. But when we reach Step 10 we commence to put our AA way of living to practical use, day by day, in fair weather or foul. Then comes the acid test; can we stay sober, keep in emotional balance, and live to good purpose under all conditions?”

Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 88

Since the day I began the Steps with my GROW sponsor, I have done a 10th Step at night and started my day with prayers. My initial 10th Step practice included two questions that have been critical to my spiritual development and emotional sobriety: Have I demonstrated courage and have I expressed my creativity.

Over time I have added different inventories, including one that my partner and I do together. But the habit of starting and ending my day with a focus on my Program has been the backbone of my sobriety. No matter where I am, I take this practice with me.

There was a time no too long ago when I hit the ground each morning in a state of panic or dread. I think of my 10th Step as the frame for each 24 hour period. Knowing that I will be checking in with myself daily helps keeps me Program focused, “under all conditions.”

I’d love to hear how you practice the 10th Step. How has it helped you maintain emotional balance and live to good purpose under all conditions? As always, please feel free to share whatever else is on your heart this week.

Thank you for allowing me to be of service.

Oct 23: Putting Sobriety First

Puting Sobriety First

I was surprised when I heard 90 meetings in 90 days at my first few meetings. It seemed pretty drastic and I was unsure I was willing to do that. But I took it a day at a time and after a couple of weeks, being sober became more and more important. At first putting sobriety first meant getting to several meetings a week, meeting with my sponsor, working steps participating in meetings. As time has gone on I would also include daily prayer, reviewing my day, talking to someone quickly when I get that uneasy feeling that I’ve done something wrong or am fearful and also being willing to sponsor other women.

I was told at one time that if I put sobriety first, I would have more than enough time for everything else and that has proved to be true. It also helped me to remember how much time and effort I put into making sure I had enough alcohol and the hours wasted in solitary drinking.

By being a sober member of AA, I have become more available to people in my life and more aware of how to be a useful human being. Trusting that God is taking care of me and that God will show me where and how to be useful is much more rewarding and productive than when I was running the show with selfish motives, motives I was unaware of until I wrote an inventory.

I continue to put sobriety in AA ahead of anything else and as a result everything else is better.

For a topic, what have been the results when you put sobriety first or maybe when you didn’t?

Oct 16: U-Turns. How To Handle Your Mistakes?

U-Turns. How To Handle Your Mistakes?

Hi. My name is. Michelle. M a. Grateful. Recovering Alcoholic. For our meeting I have chosen Step. 2. God. Allows. U-TURNS. How do you handle your mistakes?

A quote from the 12&12 pg 63. ” one of A.A.’s greatest friends said any person capable of enough willingness and honesty to try repeatedly to not repeat their mistakes without reservations whatever has indeed come a long way. It took me many years to develop the honesty to forgive myself and others for my negative actions. I came here beaten by alcohol addiction.

My mind was closed against the grace of God. That was a big mistake. But I had a long and honest sponsor who taught me how to stop fighting everyone and everything. God restored my sanity. Through my pain and suffering I was set free from anger, fear, and found peace. My gratitude speaks from my heart. I love giving back what others gave me. Love for my fellows.

Step 2 taught me that doing the same things (blaming others) over and over is a perfect example of how insane thinking pg 33 God allows. U-TURNS.it starts with me and ends with me. The Steps taught me that true humility, an open mind can lead us to forgiving ourselves. for the mistakes we made during our drinking days and in our sobriety. To thine own self be true.

Today I have a faith unshaken by the mistakes I make. And at every meeting of A.A. is the assurance that God will restore anyone of us who is capable of enough honesty not to take that first drink. Progress not perfection. I never intended to become an alcoholic. My God never intended it either. God allowed me a second chance. I use the 10th step to keep myself honest with my sponsor and family members and all of you.

The Steps helped me let go of my past. How my actions hurt the people I loved. I came here feeling I was a mistake. Why was I even born? On October 4th daily thoughts said ” it’s not making a mistake that will kill me. It’s defending it that does the damage.”

My mistakes took my precious daughter Andrea to wake me up. After she walked away from our home. I was left alone. The rest is history. A.A. saved my life. The Steps changed my thinking and gave me a loving God. I made my amends. I corrected my mistakes. I just celebrated my 29th A.A. birthday. I continue to make mistakes. But I know I’m not one today. I thank you beautiful alkies for keeping me right sized and humble.

Congratulations to all our birthdays.

You keep me coming back. Blessings to all of you.

Oct 09: Dealing With Grief in Sobriety

Dealing With Grief in Sobriety

Last week brought a terrible loss to many of us in GROW with the passing of Jean L., nicknamed Afgo. I am only one of several women who lost not only a good friend, but a sponsor as well. I’m sure that each of us feels the loss very personally. Despite many health problems, Jean was always loving and supportive, even while she was telling hard truths.

There have been many losses for me in sobriety, including beloved pets, my best friend, and my parents. Each one has been difficult, but the AA program gives me many tools and approaches that helps me walk through the grief in a way that would have been impossible when I was drinking. Each loss turned out to be Another F*^&ing Growth Experience, an Afgo.

There were other losses for which I had to grieve when I first got sober. Not drinking meant losing a whole way of life, a set of “friends,” and most of all, alcohol itself. At first, the prospect of never drinking again was terrifying. Walking away from people and places left me with a very small social circle. But the biggest loss was the booze itself. It had been the constant in my life for decades, always there to numb my senses and emotions, always there to help me avoid life’s stresses and wounds. How was I going to life without it?

Learning to live one day at a time made it easier but, for me, I had to break single days into hours. I had to learn to crawl before I could walk. I had to grieve the loss of a way of life that had become intolerable. I knew it was killing me, but I still felt the loss deeply. I had to write a Dear John letter to my liquid friend. I had to learn how to do things sober. I had to make new friends who did not drink. I had to learn how to cope with uncomfortable feelings. It was the biggest challenge of my life. Thank God for AA, the 12 Steps, and God. Eventually, the hole that not drinking left in my life was filled with hope, love, and confidence.

Please share with us how you have dealt with loss in sobriety, including the loss of alcohol and that way of life.

Oct 02: Accepting Hardship as a Pathway to Peace

Accepting Hardship as a Pathway to Peace

I start many mornings with the long version of the serenity prayer, there is one section I find particularly meaningful: “…Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.”

In the past, I have typically viewed challenges of any size to be my personal burden. I carried the world’s problems on my shoulders and assumed that if my life wasn’t perfect there must be something wrong with me. I beat myself up constantly, all day, every day. This negative circle of thinking lead me to many emotional and physical problems, the least of which was turning outside of myself to soothe (and numb) my aching, bruised up soul.

Since my sobriety began joining AA and GROW almost 2 years ago, I am beginning to look at life and my role in it so differently. When I read the words “accepting hardship as the pathway to peace” in the morning, my entire being lets out a huge sigh of relief! Just like working out to improve my body’s muscles at the gym, each day I am building my emotional and spiritual ‘muscles’ by accepting all of the issues that inevitably crop up as a routine part of life. Regardless of the size or type of challenge (currently my job and a few painful marital issues), I understand I can face them head on, arm in arm with my HP. I start by admitting my part, then plowing forward with the necessary amends and/or action. I also realize now there are many troubles that I can simply just accept as is.

It’s certainly not always an easy path, but I’m becoming stronger and more confident as I soldier through each hill (or mountain!) in front of me. The rewards are magnificently worth it, I find encouragement and comfort knowing the hardship pathway can lead me to peace and serenity.

Please share your thoughts about these words, and if this specific part of the prayer helps you too!

Thank you lovely ladies of GROW, Susan P.

Sep 25: Dry Drunk Syndrome

Dry Drunk Syndrome

For this meeting I have chosen the topic: Dry Drunk Syndrome. I didn’t get here a drink short or a day late. My SD is 9/22/87. By God’s grace today is my 29th year sober. Thank you all for sharing in my AA recovery. I chose this topic because I had experience as a dry drunk. Most AA’s don’t like this name, but I feel it is an important one. AA is truly the best thing that ever happened to me. One alcoholic helping another. A safe place for all of us.

Willingness was key for me. At first, I came here to get my daughter Andrea back. For my first two years, I was a dry drunk. I was full of resentments, anger. Instead of finding joy, peace, and spiritual happiness away from alcohol, I felt like AA was a prison sentence. Lonely. I had a very understanding sponsor. She had everything I wanted. Love for God, love for others, and love for herself. And unconditional love for me. At first the meetings were my Higher Power. I had hope. The only thing I did was not take that first drink. After all, I didn’t touch a drop for two years.

Another term we use is “white knuckling” it, holding on until one day we could drink again. If you are an alcoholic like me. Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. A pickle will never be turned back into a cucumber. If nothing changes, nothing changes. I was unconscious, I needed a Higher Power. I was not alone anymore. I became open-minded as only the dying could be.

What makes a dry drunk? Here is a list of the Dry drunk syndrome:
(1) impulsive actions. Denial there is a problem
(2) Judgmental, Blaming others, low self-esteem
(3) Complacent, lazy, disinterested in spiritual things, selfish

At two years sober, my life did a 180 turn for the better. Step Two was (page 33, 12&12) the rallying point for me. I was willing to accept a Higher Power. It took work and more work. Getting honest with myself and my sponsor and you. I had humility. God restored my sanity. Thanks for celebrating my birthday with me.

Sobriety is good. By God’s grace, I have no desire to drink again. Only a few times in my sobriety have I wanted to drink – when I lost my mother to cancer, and the second time was a situation with my daughter, Carol. What I learned to do when I felt like drinking was to call my sponsor. Newcomers, it does get better. God has blessed me with wonderful sponsees, a good relationship with Him, friends & family ties improved. Keep coming back. It works if we work it, and it don’t if we don’t.

Please share your experience, strength, and hope with us.

Sep 18: Service

Service

For today’s meeting I have chosen the topic of service.

A cornerstone of our philosophy, reaching out to another alcoholic has saved many an AA old-timer or newcomer from that first drink or drug.

“Practical experience shows nothing will insure immunity from drinking like intensive work with other alcoholic. Carry this message to other alcoholics…it works!” (BB of Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 89)

When I got sober in 1984, I started washing coffee cups and ashtrays at the clubhouse where I attended meetings. They were yellow plastic cups, and I stood at that sink for hours: washing, drying, putting away, laughing, and socializing.

At 9 months I was elected secretary of a large morning meeting. My duties included picking up the doughnuts, bringing in coffee from the kitchen, picking a leader, and cleaning the room when it was all over—every Wednesday.

These jobs showed me how to be more giving and also saved my life.

Now I try to be of service on line by answering all the emails in two women’s groups and chairing meetings as often as I can. You can be of service to anyone, non-alcoholics too.

Think about someone else and your own complaints will shrink or disappear.

This quote from the May 2016 Grapevine says it best: 
“At six months he was still grumbling, so his sponsor volunteered him to be the group/s coffee maker … though incensed and nervous, he got the job done.

Along the way he learned important things like asking for help, connecting with his Higher Power, becoming responsible to the group, feeling gratitude and thinking of others.”

How has service work been important in your sobriety?
What was your first service position in AA?
Did you accept the job willingly?
What have you learned through service?

2016 Business Meetings

2016 October Business Meeting

GROW Business Meeting Guidelines

The following are the GROW guidelines for conducting business:

  1. Proposals to be considered during GROW business meetings should include the following:
    1. A clear brief statement that summarizes the proposal;
    2. A rationale that describes why the group conscience decision is needed; and
    3. Specific language to be presented for discussion and voting in the business meeting (including, as appropriate, language for a job description, form letter, or GROW policy or guideline). This language may need to be modified by the Trusted Servant responsible for the area to reflect the group’s discussions.

    Before submitting a proposal, meeting participants are encouraged to consult with the Business Chair, Secretary, or Steering Committee members to formulate their proposals if they need help. They should also review past Group Conscience Decisions related to the proposal.

  2. We allow a minimum of three days for discussion, more when warranted.
  3. At the end of the three-day discussion period, the Chair calls for a vote. Three days are allowed for voting, which can be done either publicly on the list, or privately by sending votes to the Chair. The Chair counts the votes.
  4. The voting is done by: I agree or I disagree.
  5. At the end of the voting period, the Chair announces the results of the vote. The group holds to a 2/3 majority to pass or fail any group conscience decision.
  6. Following the announcement of results, the Chair will ask if the minority wants three days to discuss their minority opinion.
    1. If yes, then three days of discussion will begin.

      At the end of the three days of discussion, the Chair will ask if anyone who originally voted for the Proposal (a majority voter) has been persuaded by this discussion to change her opinion. If yes, the Chair then calls for another 3-day voting period. The outcome of the second vote is the determining vote. As in the first vote, the 2/3 majority vote will be observed.

      If no majority voters have been persuaded to change their opinion, there will not be another vote.

    2. If the minority does not want three days to express their opinion, there will be no further discussion and there will not be another vote.
  7. At the end of the voting period, the Business Chair announces the final results of the vote.
  8. Note: If any item on the agenda has not reached a 2/3 majority vote by the 17th day of the business meeting, the item is tabled and held over to the next scheduled business meeting.

 

Guidance About Informed Group Conscience Decisions
(from Alcoholics Anonymous)

What is an Informed A.A. Group Conscience?

“The group conscience is the collective conscience of the group membership and thus represents substantial unanimity on an issue before definitive action is taken. This is achieved by the group members through the sharing of full information, individual points of view, and the practice of A.A. principles. To be fully informed requires a willingness to listen to minority opinions with an open mind.

“On sensitive issues, the group works slowly discouraging formal motions until a clear sense of its collective view emerges. Placing principles before personalities, the membership is wary of dominant opinions. Its voice is heard when a well-informed group arrives at a decision. The result rests on more than a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ count precisely because it is the spiritual expression of the group conscience. The term “informed group conscience” implies that pertinent information has been studied and all views have been heard before the group votes.

– From the pamphlet,
The AA Group: Where it all begins. 2005, p. 26-77.

 

A.A. experience has taught that:

Tradition 2: For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority – a loving God as He may express himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants, they do not govern.

Tradition 4: With respect to its own affairs, each A.A. group should be responsible to no other authority than its own conscience. But when its plans concern the welfare of neighboring groups also, those groups ought to be consulted. And no group, regional committee, or individual should ever take any action that might greatly affect A.A. as a whole without conferring with the trustees of the Alcoholic Foundation.* On such issues our common welfare is paramount.

*Now called The General Service Board of A.A., Inc.

Secretary’s Report

All Quiet on the Grow Front.

We had one issue to deal with through the Steering Committee.

One was a member who approaches new members and offers them temporary sponsorship. However the new members are fragile and we have heard from two directly about her perceived rude behavior. This was discussed in Steering Committee. It was decided to send an additional etiquette letter to the group, with the caution of not every sponsor, or AA is a good fit. It was also discussed to send the offending member a warning for her behavior, and well as amending the etiquette letter to continue with the caution addendum.

Another issue discussed within the small steering committee was about another members continued off topic posts which seem to be preaching, not sharing her ESH. She’s posting from a source that she isn’t disclosing thinking that if she docent disclose the source then she’s not in violation of ” posting non-AA sanctioned material” The discussion looked up the website which promotes AA and encourages sharing the material. So it was determined theres no copy right infringement, and the discussion centered on every individual being able to use the delete key if they should choose not to read the material being sent. I also had an upcoming chair and posted the topic, Personal Recovery sharing Styles, attraction not promotion in an effort to try to encourage this person to share herself, not some literature.

The following positions were open:

  • 12 step list keeper
  • Birthday List keeper
  • Sponsor List keeper
  • Biz Chair
  • Secretary
  • OIAA rep

Danna stepped down from Webkeeper and stepped into Biz chair, Tanya Stepped into Webkeeper, and opened up GSR, Suzanne resigned Web Keeper Back-up and Carol resigned Listkeeper, Nancy C stepped into that position.

It feels like musical chairs.

In 2016 we also conducted the group inventory. Results can be found on the website, It was also sent to the steering committee for review to see if we need to add or change any of our existing policies.

Here is the link: Group inventory (opens new page)

Respectfully submitted, Laurie C., Secretary, 10/2015 – 10/2016

 


Our Trusted Servants – October 2016

  • 12 Step Volunteer Listkeeper  (10/16 – 4/17): Mindy M.
  • Birthday Listkeeper (10/16 – 4/17):  Susie B.
  • Sponsor Listkeeper (10/16 – 4/17)  Allison McG.

Trusted Servants who make up the Steering Committee:

  • Business Meeting Chair (10/16 – 10/18): Danna McD.
  • GSR / OIAA Backup (10/16 – 10/18): Joan B.
  • GVR: (10/16 – 10/17): Alison B.
  • Greeters (4/16 – 4/17): Susan P., Karrie C.
  • Listkeeper (10/16 – 4/17): Nancy C.
  • Listkeeper Alternate* (4/16 – 4/18): Louise H.
  • OIAA Representative (10/16 – 10/17): Yvonne M.
  • Secretary (10/16 – 10/17): Laura G.
  • Temporary Mentor (4/16 – 14/17): Gigi D.
  • Treasurer (10/15 – 10/17): Cheryl B.
  • Webkeeper (non-rotating position): Tanya Q.
  • Webkeeper Backup (10/16 – 10/18): Laura B.
  • Weekly Leader Listkeeper (4/16 – 4/17): Elizabeth M.
  • Immediate Past Business Meeting Chair: Gigi D.
  • Immediate Past GSR/OIAA Backup: Tanya Q.
  • Immediate Past Secretary: Laurie C.

 


Listkeepers’ Report

Our membership as of September 30, 2016 is 256. Regular list members 227 and 29 Digest members (this number is always a little larger than our actual count because some members have two subscriptions – one for regular posts and one for digests and some members have two regular list addresses.)

Carol, our former listkeeper found that she was too busy to stay on as listkeeper. Having just been widowed and needing to keep busy I (Nancy C) stepped in to fill out Carol’s term until April 2017. Louise and I have been working together for years and have a great working relationship!

Our Greeters, Susan and Karrie are both fast learners and are doing an excellent job and we all enjoy working together!

There has been some discussion about new members leaving shortly after joining GROW and why this is happening. Our members may need a reminder not to be too pressuring with new members…

Louise H & Nancy C | Co-Listkeepers GROW
Nancy C. 10/2016 – 04/2017
Louise H. 04/2016 – 04/2018
 


Treasurers Report

Please find enclosed the Treasurers Report for April through Sept 2016.

Balance Mar 2016 $1166.11
Pd $72.00 Web server
Pd $1014.61 GSO
Balance April 2016 $79.50 Prudent Reserve
Donations $752.47 April – Sept
Balance Sept 2016 $ 831.97

Respectfully submitted, Cheryl Baughman, Grow Treasurer 10/2015 – 10/2017
 


GSR Report

This is my last GSR report and it has been a pleasure serving GROW in this capacity.

Service – I mentioned this in my last report that serving as a GSR for an on-line group is a bit different than for a f2f HOWEVER it has been a wonderful opportunity to grow from.

I followed the shiny ball in this position and learned a lot about this amazing program we share when writing these reports and it has enriched my program as well as my f2f GSR duties for my home group.

You know any service position truly can enrich your program … even when you think “what *@$# am I doing?” I feel that a lot however there is always a point in that service position that I “let go and grow”. When I do, I actually grow … imagine that.

I am so very grateful for AA and I am continually amazed at the foresight by our founders in the intricacies of how AA works.

As you know by now, I get a publication called Box 4-5-9 and it which serves as the basis for my reports. Some may be new to GROW and may not know what Box 4-5-9 is?

Box 4-5-9 is AA’s “quarterly news bulletin from the U.S./Canada General Service Office. This newsletter includes information about A.A. service, literature, events, sharing from groups, service committees and individual U.S./Canada A.A. members.”

Each of you can subscribe to it yourselves – if you like. Here is the address. www.aa.org/pages/en_US/box-4-5-9-news-and-notes-from-gso (opens new page)

As I did in my last report … I will provide an overview highlighting the key parts in this issue however please do download the current issue to read the articles in full. At the back of each issue is a calendar of events around the world. Be sure to check it out, there may be an event near you.

Printable Box 4-5-9 [PDF] (opens new page)

Other resources worth repeating:

AA Grapevine
Another wonderful resource is the AA Grapevine. The AA Grapevine is the International Journal of Alcoholics Anonymous. It is sometimes called “our meeting in print”. You can see in Susan G’s (our GVR) report how truly wonderful this resource is.

Sign up for the “Daily Grapevine Quote of the Day”, it is a great way to start your day. Check out the website for many other resources … www.aagrapevine.org(opens new page)

Intergroup
Here is another resource worth repeating. Did you know that throughout the world there are many f2f meetings (our online meeting goes beyond borders) however … “Where do I find a f2f meeting where I live?” … You may ask.

Well, glad you asked … if you go to the Alcoholics Anonymous website (http://www.aa.org) you can put in your zip code or country and it will give you a listing of the Intergroup, Area information or contact.

“What is Intergroup?”

Glad you asked that too. Intergroup acts much like the GSO (General Service Office) however it is more regional. From the AA site ‘Intergroup’ is “a central office (or intergroup) is an A.A. service office that involves partnership among groups in a community–just as A.A. groups themselves are partnerships of individuals.”

For instance, in the Hill Country Intergroup (the Intergroup in my area) offers many services such as a hotline and a tremendous website that provides a listing of meetings in my area. Valuable tools and a source of service opportunities to enrich my own program.

Look for the one in your area. It may be large or may be small or there may be an opportunity to develop one. Whatever the case the Alcoholics Anonymous is there to help. Check out the many resources on the Alcoholics Anonymous website.

In keeping my lengthly report simple I will reframe from highlighting the Box 4-5-9 and would encourage you all to read it for yourselves, there is a lot of information in it. Printable Box 4-5-9 [PDF] (opens new page)

Lastly, the Box 459 Bulletin Board

Items and Ideas on Area Gatherings for AAs via GSO – Fall 2016 | Look on the online version of the Box 4-5-9. You can add your local events as well if you so desire to reach a larger audience. However, there are guidelines.

(From the GSO AA website…) Box 4-5-9 is a quarterly newsletter published by the General Service Office. The newsletter includes a calendar of A.A. events. A.A. events are created by A.A. members, for A.A. members, and are about the A.A. program of recovery from alcoholism.

Some guidelines for listing include:

  • Event must be two or more days.
  • Event may take place in the United States, Canada or countries outside of these.
  • Event must be open to all A.A. members and not solely for members of an individual group or meeting.

However due to limited space, Box 4-5-9 does not list:

  • Alkathons
  • Sober Cruises
  • Group Anniversaries
  • Group Events
  • Retreats
  • Marathon Meetings
  • Social/Family Focused Events
  • One Day Events
  • Non-A.A. Focused nor Multi-Focused Events
  • Pre/Post, Multi-Destination Tag-a-longs or Caravans

[Ok, kind of limits that down however IF your event meets the criteria, it could be a great resource for you, oh one more thing …] To be included in Box 4-5-9, event submissions must be received at G.S.O. at least four months prior to the even www.aa.org/pages/en_US/box-4-5-9-bulletin-board-calendar-of-events (opens new page)

Ok, I took the bite … What is an Alkathon?

According to one site…”In AA, the holiday season is often referred to as the Bermuda Triangle (once you go in, you may never come out) and the Triple Crown, because if you can make it through early sobriety during those emotionally charged times, you really do deserve some sort of prize. Which is why I love Alkathons.

Alkathons, for those who aren’t familiar with the term, are extended meetings that take place on three of the biggest drinking days/nights of the year and typically last 24-hours.” In AA, the holiday season is often referred to as the Bermuda Triangle (once you go in, you may never come out) and the Triple Crown, because if you can make it through early sobriety during those emotionally charged times, you really do deserve some sort of prize. Which is why I love Alkathons.”

Mmm did not know. I like the first part as my lifeday is 12/5 and I can attest to how hard those holidays can be. So, if you are like me try a Alkathon near you. There you have it … AA in action.

Thank you for allowing me to serve. With gratitude,
Your GROW GSR – Tanya Q., Group Service Representative, 10/2016 – 10/2017

 

Business Meeting Minutes

First 3-Day Period

***Reminder***
This business meeting will operate with 3-day business segments. That will be shorter than previous business meetings, which had 4-day segments for discussion.

***Reminder***
When I send an agenda item for discussion, please do not use Reply or Reply All, as this will direct it back to me or to the business listkeepers. Please be sure to address all emails to grow-business@oso-aa.org.

 


Second 3-Day Period

Dear Members,

This is a bit complicated; the intention is to synopsize the discussion about procedure during Session 3. I hope it clear to all. Bear with me as you read this, please!

Proposal 3

During Session 3 the group discussed procedure used for Proposal 3.1 and 3.2.

One member felt that 3.1 (the original proposal) contained options not mentioned in 3.2: I think that the member who presented her ideas in Proposal 3.1 was giving us instructions on ‘how’ to select a sponsor in addition to the idea expressed in the CAL. I agreed with her idea and suggested a couple of tweaks to her Proposal.

In my opinion, we should ‘marry’ these two Proposals, if possible, in order to capture the original ideas from 3.1 that were not a part of 3.2.

Another member agreed with this opinion and requested clarification. A third member stated: I believe that our current website information re: Sponsorship addresses the other issue raised in the original Proposal 3.0 … i.e. “how to choose a sponsor”.

She then quoted the relevant quote on our sponsorship web page and went on to say:

However, if there is confusion about how Proposal 3.0 was processed in the meeting, it should be clarified. Did the person who submitted Proposal 3.0 indicate that her concerns were addressed?

Personal communication between the proposer and the chair was in favor of the way Proposal 3.2 went out to the group. The chair explained to the members that her intention was for the group to vote on the CAL version and if the vote favored it, the issue was covered. Those who disagreed with any aspect of the way this went could vote No and voice their opinions in Minority Opinion. The chair felt that during discussion, enough consensus was reached to do this. In fact, votes were unanimous in favor of Proposal 3.2.

The proposer contributed this: CAL is fine, I just sent out the proposal to get a conversation started.

The chair’s sense of the group conscience, to use CAL when possible, was correct. The procedure was quick and that is unusual for a business meeting. The chair feels this is better than “dead air” time with no discussion on the list.

There is another consideration. The proposer mentions “the letter” in her email (explaining her intentions) and the letter she used was *the letter that goes to potentional GROW sponsors.* The CAL language in Proposal 3 is for *the web site,* an addition to the existing language on that Sponsorship page. When taking in proposals, the chair contacted the Temporary Mentor, thinking that was “the letter” the proposer meant. In fact, the proposer wanted *the Sponsor letter* added too.

So it turns out that we in GROW are covering all our bases, with additional language about how to choose a sponsor: in Proposal 3 (web page), Proposal 4 (TM letter), and the the not yet sent Sponsor letter, Proposal 5. Proposal 5 went out in Session 4 and is currently under discussion.

Proposal 4

As mentioned above, new language for the Temporary Mentor letter was voted on during Session 3. The vote was unanimously in favor of this change.

Proposal 4: I propose two following changes to the first Temporary Mentor letter that is sent out (see the bolded portions below:

I propose two following changes to the first Temporary Mentor letter that is sent out (see the bolded portions below):

Hi! [instead of “Hello XXX”; I think this is less formal and more inviting]

I am [Mentor name], Temporary Mentor for GROW. I see that you joined GROW recently and I’d like to welcome you! In the past, some members have found our information overwhelming at first, so we created this position (Temporary Mentor) as a helpful resource should you have questions and/or concerns about how our group and/or AA works.

If you are looking for an online sponsor, please see our Sponsor List on our website at: www.g-r-o-w.com
username: sobertoday
password: how2484

Go into the “For Members’ section at the top of the page. On the right-hand side of the page, you will see “Available Online Sponsors” and click on it. Feel free to contact any one of these ladies for assistance with the Steps and your program. Note that not every sponsor is a good fit for every person, so please reach out to another person if your first choice doesn’t work.?

It would be my pleasure to correspond with you by email so if you’d like some help, just let me know. Thanks.

Your name (Your email address)
GROW Temporary Mentor

***

All of the discussion of this Proposal was in agreement with the proposal. It went before the group for the vote during Session 3, which is now going on.

Thank you to all who participate in this discussion.

Yours in service,
Gigi, Biz Chair
 


Third 3-Day Period

Dear Members,

In Session 3 of our business meeting, we had Proposal 4.3 for voting and more discussion about Proposal 3.2.

RE: Proposal 3.2: Members wanted to know why the language change went to the vote instead of more discussion. The Chair explained that the vote allows for disagreement which would then be voiced and discussed through Minority Opinion.

RE: Proposal 4.3: This proposal was passed unanimously.

Proposal 4.3: I propose two following changes to the first Temporary Mentor letter that is sent out (see the bolded portions below:

Hi! [instead of “Hello XXX”; I think this is less formal and more inviting]

I am [Mentor name], Temporary Mentor for GROW. I see that you joined GROW recently and I’d like to welcome you! In the past, some members have found our information overwhelming at first, so we created this position (Temporary Mentor) as a helpful resource should you have questions and/or concerns about how our group and/or AA works.

If you are looking for an online sponsor, please see our Sponsor List on our website at: www.g-r-o-w.com
username: sobertoday
password: how2484

Go into the “For Members’ section at the top of the page. On the right-hand side of the page, you will see “Available Online Sponsors” and click on it. Feel free to contact any one of these ladies for assistance with the Steps and your program. Note that not every sponsor is a good fit for every person, so please reach out to another person if your first choice doesn’t work.

It would be my pleasure to correspond with you by email so if you’d like some help, just let me know. Thanks.

Your name (Your email address)
GROW Temporary Mentor

*****

Thank you for your participation.

Yours in service,
Gigi, Biz Chair
 


Forth 3-Day Period

During Session 4, the results of the vote on Proposal 4 were announced. This proposal passed unanimously.

***

Proposal 4:

Hi! [instead of “Hello XXX”; I think this is less formal and more inviting]

I am [Mentor name], Temporary Mentor for GROW. I see that you joined GROW recently and I’d like to welcome you! In the past, some members have found our information overwhelming at first, so we created this position (Temporary Mentor) as a helpful resource should you have questions and/or concerns about how our group and/or AA works.

If you are looking for an online sponsor, please see our
Sponsor List on our website at: www.g-r-o-w.com
username: sobertoday
password: how2484

Go into the “For Members’ section at the top of the page. On the right-hand side of the page, you will see “Available Online Sponsors” and click on it. Feel free to contact any one of these ladies for assistance with the Steps and your program. Note that not every sponsor is a good fit for every person, so please reach out to another person if your first choice doesn’t work.

It would be my pleasure to correspond with you by email so if you’d like some help, just let me know. Thanks.

Your name (Your email address)
GROW Temporary Mentor

***

Proposal 5 was submitted to the group for consideration.

Proposal 5.4: Make the following addition to the Sponsor Letter that goes to GROW each month:

A Summary About Sponsorship

Most present members of Alcoholics Anonymous owe their sobriety to the fact that someone else took a special interest in them and as willing to share a great gift with them.

Sponsorship is merely another way of describing the continuing special interest of a seasoned member that can mean so much to a newcomer turning to A.A. for help.

Individuals and groups cannot afford to lose sight of the importance of sponsorship, the importance of taking a special interest in a confused alcoholic who wants to stop drinking. Experience shows clearly that the members getting the most out of the A.A. program, and the groups doing the best job of carrying the A.A. message to still-suffering alcoholics, are those for whom sponsorship is too important to be left to chance.

By these members and groups, sponsorship responsibilities are welcomed and accepted as opportunities to enrich personal A.A. experience and to deepen the satisfactions that come from working with others.

***

How should a sponsor be chosen?

The process of matching newcomer and sponsor is as informal as everything else in A.A. Often, the new person simply approaches a more experienced member who seems compatible and asks that member to be a sponsor. Most A.A.s are happy and grateful to receive such a request.

An old A.A. saying suggests “Stick with the winners.” It’s only reasonable to seek a sharing of experience with a member who seems to be using the A.A. program successfully in everyday life. There are no specific rules, but a good sponsor probably should be a year or more away from the last drink – and should seem to be enjoying sobriety. and who has worked all twelve steps.

****

The discussion reflected several points. One point was the puncutation at the end of the quote from our web site: – and should seem to be enjoying sobriety. and who has worked all twelve steps.

One member suggested: Period remains where it is. New sentence: She should be someone who is working all twelve steps.

A second point was if we wish to include the phrase “and who has worked all twelve steps.”

The Chair found the exact quote from P-15, the AA pamphlet, “Questions and Answers on Sponsorship.” It is exactly the same as the proposal, but does not include the phrase: “and who has worked all twelve steps.”

One member states: I’d go for the simple and clean way it is said [below]… with no reference to working the steps at all. (Even when editing, it did strike me it was a little too prescribed!)

Another member concurs: Here is what was suggested to me, find a guide for the 12 Steps who is at least one step ahead of me. When I sobered up there was no internet and very few gals in my tiny fellowship to choose from. Two women to be exact. Finding another AA member in remote areas who has completed all 12 Steps may not be possible for some……

Another member has another opinion: I think we should stick to conference-approved language. If it references having done the 12 steps, fine. But since the brochure does not say that, I prefer to leave it out.

At least 5 members wanted to use CAL language only and at least another 3 express the thought to include the phrase that ‘the sponsor has worked all 12 steps.’ The Chair requested more discussion to try to arrive at a consensus. None has been reached and the original Proposal, with punctuation corrected, will go to the vote.

Impact: If this Proposal passes by 2/3, it will include the passage that a sponsor should have worked all 12 Steps and that is what our Sponsor letter will state. The way to include the language in the Sponsor letter is to vote Yes for the Proposal. The way to not include the language is to vote No.

If the Proposal fails to make a 2/3 majority, the minority will have the opportunity to change the minds of those who voted for the proposal. If anyone changes their mind, the group revotes. The revote is on the exact same proposal. We do not change the language of it. The time to do that was during discussion, but no alternate Proposal was suggested. The Chair got no sense of consensus so she could not echo that in a changed proposal.

If the Proposal ultimately fails (after minority opinon and revote), no addition will be made to the Sponsor letter at this time. Another Proposal could be brought to our next business meeting in April, using CAL (Conference Approved Literature) language. I hope that this is clear to all who are participating in this meeting.

*****

Thank you for your participation.

Yours in service,
Gigi, Biz Chair
 


Fifth 3-Day Period

Dear Members,

During Session 5 the group voted on Proposal 5. There was no other action during this session.

********

Proposal 5: Make the following addition to the Sponsor Letter that goes to GROW each month:

***Existing Language***

A Summary About Sponsorship

Most present members of Alcoholics Anonymous owe their sobriety to the fact that someone else took a special interest in them and as willing to share a great gift with them.

Sponsorship is merely another way of describing the continuing special interest of a seasoned member that can mean so much to a newcomer turning to A.A. for help.

Individuals and groups cannot afford to lose sight of the importance of sponsorship, the importance of taking a special interest in a confused alcoholic who wants to stop drinking. Experience shows clearly that the members getting the most out of the A.A. program, and the groups doing the best job of carrying the A.A. message to still-suffering alcoholics, are those for whom sponsorship is too important to be left to chance.

By these members and groups, sponsorship responsibilities are welcomed and accepted as opportunities to enrich personal A.A. experience and to deepen the satisfactions that come from working with others.

***End of existing language***

***NEW LANGUAGE***

How should a sponsor be chosen?

The process of matching newcomer and sponsor is as informal as everything else in A.A. Often, the new person simply approaches a more experienced member who seems compatible and asks that member to be a sponsor. Most A.A.s are happy and grateful to receive such a request.

An old A.A. saying suggests “Stick with the winners.” It’s only reasonable to seek a sharing of experience with a member who seems to be using the A.A. program successfully in everyday life. There are no specific rules, but a good sponsor probably should be a year or more away from the last drink – should seem to be enjoying sobriety, and has worked all twelve steps.

*****

Thank you for your participation.

Yours in service,
Gigi, Biz Chair
 


Sixth 3-Day Period

Dear Members,

During Session 6 we heard the Minority Opinion on Proposal 5.

I voted yes because during my service as secretary there were several incidences that were brought before the small steering committee that prompted some discussions about sponsorship and the responsibility we have towards our new members and newcomers in general.

This developed the proposal to add the ” how to choose a sponsor” paragraph to the sponsor letter that is sent out each month.

In my journey at six months sober I asked a lady to sponsor me who had two years in the program. She always seemed happy and sober. However as we started talking she would react to what I was sharing even to the point of talking to others inside and outside of the rooms. This happened because although she was sober, she herself was stuck on step three. She was two stepping. I survived – sobriety intact Although It has made me very vigilant to encourage new people coming in when looking for a sponsor that finding one working the steps is important.

Personally I believe it is important enough to state and talk about. But if the group only wants to go with CAL literature I believe newcomers will benefit from the added language to the letter.

Thank you for listening.

There were no changed votes after Minority Opinion. There were two new Proposals submitted related to this topic.

Proposal 6 offers the addition of the CAL (Conference Approved Literature) language to the Sponsor letter, just as it has been used on our web page.

Proposal 7 offers the same language with the addition of and has worked all twelve steps.

Discussion of these proposals shows the group is in consensus with the use of Proposal 6 and not of Proposal 7.

One member contributed the following, which many members agreed with:

I’m all for 6.

I’m not for 7. Adding that bit about a sponsor working the steps is going way beyond what our Book does even …

It talks about not even having to go through Step Five with an AA member…!

Of course a sponsor should have trodden the Steps I’d be now taking as a newcomer… I gave up my first sponsor when she told me she’d never done Step Three.

But she’d been perfect for me in the weeks leading up to that. I got so much from her (and it kickstarted her into Step 3 and rest of Steps!)

Leave it, with CAL only, and no addition.

The Proposals are below.

********

Proposal 6: Add “How Should a Sponsor Be Chosen” to the Sponsor Letter that goes to the mailing list each month.

Rationale: Makes the Sponsor Letter consistent with changes already approved for the GROW website and the Temporary Mentor Letter #1 (welcome letter).

Add the following section from “Questions & Answers on Sponsorship” to the Sponsor Letter:

How should a sponsor be chosen?

The process of matching newcomer and sponsor is as informal as everything else in A.A. Often, the new person simply approaches a more experienced member who seems compatible and asks that member to be a sponsor. Most A.A.s are happy and grateful to receive such a request.

An old A.A. saying suggests “Stick with the winners.” It’s only reasonable to seek a sharing of experience with a member who seems to be using the A.A. program successfully in everyday life. There are no specific rules, but a good sponsor probably should be a year or more away from the last drink – and should seem to be enjoying sobriety.

Proposal 7: Add language to the “How Should a Sponsor Be Chosen” section included in the monthly Sponsor Letter to suggest that a prospective sponsor should have worked the 12 Steps.

Rationale: Working the 12 Steps is a basic part of AA’s program of recovery. Members looking for a sponsor should be aware of this when choosing a sponsor. Adding the phrase “and who has worked all 12 Steps.” to the end of the last sentence of the “How Should a Sponsor Be Chosen” will highlight this important point.

Recommended addition in red below:

How should a sponsor be chosen?

The process of matching newcomer and sponsor is as informal as everything else in A.A. Often, the new person simply approaches a more experienced member who seems compatible and asks that member to be a sponsor. Most A.A.s are happy and grateful to receive such a request.

An old A.A. saying suggests “Stick with the winners.” It’s only reasonable to seek a sharing of experience with a member who seems to be using the A.A. program successfully in everyday life. There are no specific rules, but a good sponsor probably should be a year or more away from the last drink – and should seem to be enjoying sobriety and has worked all twelve steps.

*****

Thank you for your participation.

Yours in service,
Gigi, Biz Chair
 


Seventh 3-Day Period

Dear Members,

During session 7 of our business meeting, we voted on two Proposals, 6 and 7. These were offered to clarify the terms of Proposal 5.

Proposal 6 was accepted unanimously. Proposal 6 PASSES and will be added to the Sponsor Letter each month, as well as to the Form Letter section of our web site.

Proposal 7 was rejected by all but one member. She declined to state Minority Opinion in a private communication. Proposal 7 FAILS.

*****

Proposal 6: Add “How Should a Sponsor Be Chosen?” to the Sponsor Letter that goes to the mailing list each month.

Rationale: Makes the Sponsor Letter consistent with changes already approved for the GROW website and the Temporary Mentor Letter #1 (welcome letter).

Add the following section from “Questions & Answers on Sponsorship” to the Sponsor Letter:

How should a sponsor be chosen?

The process of matching newcomer and sponsor is as informal as everything else in A.A. Often, the new person simply approaches a more experienced member who seems compatible and asks that member to be a sponsor. Most A.A.s are happy and grateful to receive such a request.

An old A.A. saying suggests “Stick with the winners.” It’s only reasonable to seek a sharing of experience with a member who seems to be using the A.A. program successfully in everyday life. There are no specific rules, but a good sponsor probably should be a year or more away from the last drink – and should seem to be enjoying sobriety.

*****

Proposal 7: A?dd language to the “How Should a Sponsor Be Chosen” section included in the monthly Sponsor Letter to suggest that a prospective sponsor should have worked the 12 Steps.

Rationale: Working the 12 Steps is a basic part of AA’s program of recovery. Members looking for a sponsor should be aware of this when choosing a sponsor. Adding the phrase “and who has worked all 12 Steps.” to the end of the last sentence of the “How Should a Sponsor Be Chosen” will highlight this important point.

Recommended addition in red below:?

How should a sponsor be chosen?The process of matching newcomer and sponsor is as informal as everything else in A.A. Often, the new person simply approaches a more experienced member who seems compatible and asks that member to be a sponsor. Most A.A.s are happy and grateful to receive such a request.An old A.A. saying suggests “Stick with the winners.” It’s only reasonable to seek a sharing of experience with a member who seems to be using the A.A. program successfully in everyday life. There are no specific rules, but a good sponsor probably should be a year or more away from the last drink – and should seem to be enjoying sobriety and has worked all twelve steps.

*****

At this time, the October 2016 business meeting of ?Grateful Recovering Online Women comes to a close. Thank you all for your participation.

Please welcome Danna as our new Business Chair as I rotate out. Thank you for an intense and productive learning experience.

*****

Thank you for your participation.

Yours in service,
Gigi, Biz Chair rotating out
 


Business Meeting Session Summary

***Summary Business Meeting Session 1***

Our October business meeting began with several reports. The Secretary summarized one issue discussed by the Steering Committee since our April meeting and reminded us that we can see the results of our Group Inventory on the GROW website at Group Inventory 2016. She also presented the list of Trusted Servants for the coming six months (see Current Meeting Oct 2016 Trusted Servants).

Our Listkeepers reported that GROW currently has 227 members, and our Treasurer reported a current balance of $831.97 in our treasury. Our GSR highlighted the newsletter, Box 4-5-9, newsletter includes information about A.A. service, literature, events, sharing from groups, service committees and individual U.S./Canada A.A. members. Box 4-5-9 is available online at Box 4-5-9. She also reminded us of AA’s wonderful Grapevine magazine (see AA Grapevine) and explained how important Intergroup is to AA’s regional and local functions.

Three proposals were submitted for consideration during the first three days of our business meeting. They included:

  1. Making Web Keeper a 5-year rotating term
  2. Making this position a voting member of the Steering Committee
  3. Adding the following language to the web page on Sponsorship: “No one person is a good fit for everyone. Sponsorship is based on Attraction, not promotion. You pick a sponsor because you want what she has. You pick a sponsor to teach you how to work the Steps in all your affairs. They are not your friend, your counselor, or your confidante. They are a mentor and a teacher of a way of life. You are always free to end a sponsorship relationship.”

During this three-day session, the member who offered Proposals 1 and 2 withdrew them. She feels the time is not yet right for offering these to the group, since she has just taken on the Web Keeper position.

The third proposal saw a lot of discussion. Many of the members liked the feeling expressed in the proposal. When one member suggested that we use language from Conference Approved Literature and gave us the pertinent quote, there was general sentiment in favor of that language. The proposal was changed to use language from the brochure: “May a newcomer change sponsors? We are always free to select another sponsor with whom we feel more comfortable, particularly if we believe this member will be more helpful to our growth in A.A.” During the next three-day session, we will vote on the revised proposal.

Yours in service,
Gigi, Current Biz Chair
Danna, Incoming Biz Chair and author of this Summary
 


***Summary Business Meeting Session 2***

During the second 3-day period of the October Business Meeting, participants discussed two proposals.

Proposal 3 called for GROW to add the following to the webpage on Sponsorship:

“No one person is a good fit for everyone. Sponsorship is based on Attraction, not promotion. You pick a sponsor because you want what she has. You pick a sponsor to teach you how to work the Steps in all of your affairs. They are not your friend, your counselor, or your confidante. They are a mentor and a teacher of a way of life. You are always free to end a sponsorship relationship.”

During the discussion, members suggested that it is more appropriate to use language from conference-approved literature, specifically the brochure “Questions & Answers on Sponsorship.” The current webpage already contains brief excerpts from that brochure on how newcomers benefit from having a sponsor and on how to choose a sponsor. Reflecting apparent consensus on this, participants voted to add the following excerpt to GROW’s sponsor webpage: “May a newcomer change sponsors? We are always free to select another sponsor with whom we feel more comfortable, particularly if we believe this member will be more helpful to our growth in A.A.”

The vote on this proposal reflected consensus approval, and the revised language will be added to the “Available Online Sponsors” webpage.

Proposal 4 was submitted by GROW’s current Temporary Mentor to make a couple of changes to the Temporary Mentor form letter. The first change was a simple change of tone by changing “Hello” to “Hi.” The second change was to add a sentence that points out to new members the flexibility they have in selecting a sponsor: “Note that not every sponsor is a good fit for every person, so please reach out to another person if your first choice doesn’t work.”

Comments overwhelmingly approved the suggested changes, and participants are voting on the proposal during the 3rd 3-day session.

Yours in service,
Gigi, Current Biz Chair
 


***Summary Business Meeting Session 3***

 


***Summary Business Meeting Session 4***

During the fourth three-day period of our Business Meeting, one proposal was adopted unanimously and another proposal was discussed by participants.

Participants approved two changes to the Temporary Mentor welcome letter: a minor wording change to change the letter’s tone and the addition of a sentence clarifying the sponsorship relationship (“Note that not every sponsor is a good fit for every person, so please reach out to another person if your first choice doesn’t work.”).

A new proposal was submitted that would revise the monthly Sponsor List Announcement to make it consistent with the already-approved changes. If adopted, the letter would include the same “How Should a Sponsor Be Chosen?” section that was added to the website and the Temporary Mentor Letter #1.

Discussions on the proposal centered on a phrase the proposal added to the language taken from the brochure “Questions & Answers on Sponsorship” that says a prospective sponsor should have worked the 12 Steps. Five participants commented that the addition should be limited to the conference-approved language from the brochure, and three participants preferred adding the statement that a possible sponsor should have worked all 12 Steps. During the fifth three-day session, participants are voting whether to adopt the proposal as submitted.

Yours in service,
Gigi, Current Biz Chair

 


***Summary Business Meeting Session 5***

Dear GROWers,

During Session 5 the group voted on Proposal 5. There was no other action during this session. The proposal added language from AA’s “Questions & Answers on Sponsorship” brochure to the monthly Sponsor Letter with “… and has worked all twelve steps” inserted at the end. There were 9 “No” votes and 3 “Yes” votes on the proposal. During the sixth three-day session, those voting “Yes” are invited, but not required, to share their reasons for their vote. After the minority response, members can change their vote, and participants will revote. If no one changes their vote, we will go on to new proposals if time allows.

Yours in service,
Gigi and Danna
 


***Summary Business Meeting Session 6***

Dear GROWers,

During the sixth three-day session of our Business Meeting, minority opinions were heard on the proposal (#5) to add conference-approved language from “How Should a Sponsor be Chosen?” from AA’s Questions & Answers on Sponsorship brochure. One participant submitted a minority opinion, but no one changed their vote as a result.

Therefore, the proposal was not approved or adopted. To facilitate progress, proposals were then submitted that offered two options mirroring Proposal 5. One of them included the conference-approved language only (Proposal 6), and the other included the additional phrase “… and has worked all the 12 steps” at the end of the passage (Proposal 7). Participants then discussed the new proposals with apparent consensus favoring the passage without the additional phrase (#6). During the seventh and final three-day session, participants will vote on the two proposals.

Many thanks to Danna for writing this!? She is going to make an excellent Business Chair. 🙂

Yours in service,
Gigi, Biz Chair rotating out

 


Proposals

  1. Propose making Web Keeper a 5-year rotating term
  2. Propose making this position a voting member of the Steering Committee
  3. Propose to add the following to the web page on Sponsorship
  4. Propose two following changes to the first Temporary Mentor letter
  5. Propose a Summary About Sponsorship
  6. Propose to add “How Should a Sponsor Be Chosen?” to the Sponsor Letter
  7. Propose to add “How Should a Sponsor Be Chosen?” to the Sponsor Letter AND that prospective sponsor worked the 12 steps

Proposal 1: Propose making Web Keeper a 5-year rotating term

Rationale – There are three important factors in proposing a “termed” position and a longer term limit than the typical 2-year.

On page 19 of the pamphlet “The AA Group” –under “What Trusted Servants (Officers) Do We Need?”: It reflects the strength of Tradition 2 in the AA Group by reminding us of the importance of term limits. “Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.”

Being in recovery we understand the need to let go and to be honest, it is difficult. However, by working the program we also have come to see the beauty in letting go and growing. The same with our service positions.

Many times I thought I would never grow in a service positon I knew nothing about, and yet when I let go and “served” … I grew.

Similarly, when I get too comfortable in a service position, I do not grow. This is another one of those amazing paradoxes in our program.

Maintaining a website and ensuring consistency suggests that a longer term would be better for this position than the typical 2 years. An odd-numbered term limit would allow the webkeeper’s rotation to fall in the middle of the business chair’s term. These positions work closely during the business meetings by posting minutes and updating our website, based on the group conscious.

NOTE: Ideally, the year prior to rotating off, the webkeeper would be training her replacement to assume duties at the end of her term.

***Discussion on Proposal 1***

During this session, the member who offered Proposals 1 and 2 withdrew them. She feels the time is not yet right for offering these to the group, since she has just taken on the Web Keeper position.

Proposal withdrawn

 


Proposal 2: Propose making this position a voting member of the Steering Committee

Rationale – The webkeeper position would have a rotating term limit.

***Discussion on Proposal 2***

During this session, the member who offered Proposals 1 and 2 withdrew them. She feels the time is not yet right for offering these to the group, since she has just taken on the Web Keeper position.

Proposal withdrawn

 


Proposal 3: Propose to add the following to the web page on Sponsorship

***No one person is a good fit for everyone. Sponsorship is based on Attraction, not promotion. You pick a sponsor because you want what she has. You pick a sponsor to teach you how to work the Steps in all your affairs. They are not your friend, your counselor, or your confidante. They are a mentor and a teacher of a way of life. You are always free to end a sponsorship relationship.***

Rationale – The small Steering Committee noticed that several new members left our group due to negative interactions with sponsors. There is more on this in the List Keepers and Secretary reports.

***Discussion on Proposal 3***

During the discussion, members suggested that it is more appropriate to use language from conference-approved literature, specifically the brochure “Questions & Answers on Sponsorship.”

Specific points included:

  • During discussion, several people mentioned and agreed with changing the word “they” to the word “she.”
  • Several people wrote privately to the Chair, objecting to the language entirely; they felt it was too severe.
  • One member proposed using Conference Approved Literature (CAL) from the AA pamphlet on sponsorship. Several members agreed with this language.

The current webpage already contains brief excerpts from that brochure on how newcomers benefit from having a sponsor and on how to choose a sponsor. Reflecting apparent consensus on this, participants voted on Proposal 3.2 to add the following excerpt to GROW’s sponsor webpage:

“May a newcomer change sponsors? We are always free to select another sponsor with whom we feel more comfortable, particularly if we believe this member will be more helpful to our growth in A.A.”.

Proposal 3.2 passed unanimously. Thank you to all who took the time to vote.

 


Proposal 4: Propose two following changes to the first Temporary Mentor letter

I propose two following changes to the first Temporary Mentor letter that is sent out (see the bolded portions below:

Hi! [instead of “Hello XXX”; I think this is less formal and more inviting]

I am [Mentor name], Temporary Mentor for GROW. I see that you joined GROW recently and I’d like to welcome you! In the past, some members have found our information overwhelming at first, so we created this position (Temporary Mentor) as a helpful resource should you have questions and/or concerns about how our group and/or AA works.

If you are looking for an online sponsor, please see our Sponsor List on our website at: www.g-r-o-w.com
username: sobertoday
password: how2484

Go into the “For Members’ section at the top of the page. On the right-hand side of the page, you will see “Available Online Sponsors” and click on it. Feel free to contact any one of these ladies for assistance with the Steps and your program. Note that not every sponsor is a good fit for every person, so please reach out to another person if your first choice doesn’t work.

It would be my pleasure to correspond with you by email so if you’d like some help, just let me know. Thanks.

Your name (Your email address)
GROW Temporary Mentor

***Discussion on Proposal 4***

Proposal 4 was discussed and will be voted on in Session 3.

Proposal 4.3 passed unanimously. Thank you to all who took the time to vote.

 


Proposal 5.4: Make the following addition to the Sponsor Letter that goes to GROW each month:

A Summary About Sponsorship

Most present members of Alcoholics Anonymous owe their sobriety to the fact that someone else took a special interest in them and as willing to share a great gift with them.

Sponsorship is merely another way of describing the continuing special interest of a seasoned member that can mean so much to a newcomer turning to A.A. for help.

Individuals and groups cannot afford to lose sight of the importance of sponsorship, the importance of taking a special interest in a confused alcoholic who wants to stop drinking. Experience shows clearly that the members getting the most out of the A.A. program, and the groups doing the best job of carrying the A.A. message to still-suffering alcoholics, are those for whom sponsorship is too important to be left to chance.

By these members and groups, sponsorship responsibilities are welcomed and accepted as opportunities to enrich personal A.A. experience and to deepen the satisfactions that come from working with others.

How should a sponsor be chosen?

The process of matching newcomer and sponsor is as informal as everything else in A.A. Often, the new person simply approaches a more experienced member who seems compatible and asks that member to be a sponsor. Most A.A.s are happy and grateful to receive such a request.

An old A.A. saying suggests “Stick with the winners.” It’s only reasonable to seek a sharing of experience with a member who seems to be using the A.A. program successfully in everyday life. There are no specific rules, but a good sponsor probably should be a year or more away from the last drink – and should seem to be enjoying sobriety. and who has worked all twelve steps.

***Discussion on Proposal 5.4***

Proposal 5 was voted on during session 5. The result was 9 No votes and 3 Yes votes. This Proposal has met the 2/3 requirement and it has failed.

 


Proposal 6: Add “How Should a Sponsor Be Chosen?” to the Sponsor Letter that goes to the mailing list each month.

Rationale: Makes the Sponsor Letter consistent with changes already approved for the GROW website and the Temporary Mentor Letter #1 (welcome letter).

Add the following section from “Questions & Answers on Sponsorship” to the Sponsor Letter:

How should a sponsor be chosen?

The process of matching newcomer and sponsor is as informal as everything else in A.A. Often, the new person simply approaches a more experienced member who seems compatible and asks that member to be a sponsor. Most A.A.s are happy and grateful to receive such a request.

An old A.A. saying suggests “Stick with the winners.” It’s only reasonable to seek a sharing of experience with a member who seems to be using the A.A. program successfully in everyday life. There are no specific rules, but a good sponsor probably should be a year or more away from the last drink – and should seem to be enjoying sobriety.

***Discussion on Proposal 6***

Proposal 6 passed unanimously. Thank you to all who took the time to vote.

 


Proposal 7: Add language to the “How Should a Sponsor Be Chosen” section included in the monthly Sponsor Letter to suggest that a prospective sponsor should have worked the 12 Steps.

A Summary About Sponsorship

Rationale: Makes the Sponsor Letter consistent with changes already approved for the GROW website and the Temporary Mentor Letter #1 (welcome letter).

Recommended addition: in bold below

How should a sponsor be chosen?

The process of matching newcomer and sponsor is as informal as everything else in A.A. Often, the new person simply approaches a more experienced member who seems compatible and asks that member to be a sponsor. Most A.A.s are happy and grateful to receive such a request.

An old A.A. saying suggests “Stick with the winners.” It’s only reasonable to seek a sharing of experience with a member who seems to be using the A.A. program successfully in everyday life. There are no specific rules, but a good sponsor probably should be a year or more away from the last drink – and should seem to be enjoying sobriety and has worked all twelve steps.

***Discussion on Proposal 7***

Proposal 7 had one Yes voter and everyone else voted against it. I privately asked the Yes voter if she wished to state her Minority Opinion and she declined. Proposal failed. Thank you to all who took the time to vote.

Sep 11: Do the Next Right Thing

Do the Next Right Thing

As Bill Sees It, p. 199: “I see “humility for today” as a safe and secure stance midway between violent emotional extremes. It is a quiet place where I can keep enough perspective and enough balance to take my next small step up the clearly marked road that points towards eternal values.” (Grapevine, June 1961).

I have always loved our little book ‘As Bill Sees It’. There is so much wisdom in those pages. The quote above taken from it translates for me into — do the next right thing. I guess if I say I have some humility today that means I’m not humble! So I won’t say that. What I do know is that I am not the same gal I was many years ago when I came into these rooms, ready to surrender it all. I was arrogant, with shockingly low self-esteem. I was an egomaniac with an inferiority complex … as it is said. Life was p-a-i-n-f-u-l to live. Today it is a joy. I experience peace every day, and I laugh a lot. A lot! I love laughing, and can even do it at myself)

The action of the 12 steps in my life has been phenomenal. I no longer crave alcohol or escaping from my hell. I am not responsible for any of this — It was through recognizing my powerlessness that I became whole, little by little. It was and is by surrendering all my ‘wants’ to a Power greater than me that I have more than I could ever have dreamed of in terms of peace, joy, and serenity. Even in the face of painful situations, there is a fundamental peace, especially when I clock in with that God of mine and spend time in conversation. And listening for the still, small voice. And then trusting it when I hear it. Although it’s always good to check in with other alcoholics, sponsor or friend, to make sure I’m still on track! If I am, then this still, small voice becomes stronger, if I nurture it with prayer and meditation and service.

There are no longer violent emotional extremes … wow. I find myself in that ‘quiet place’ most days. I have perspective and balance (who’d have thunk). When I lose perspective, I have tools to get back to it.

When fear comes in, when I have taken on too much or when I am not trusting that all will be fine, if I but trust in the next step in front of me, I know I am safe. That’s all I have to work with — today. And each step I take, one foot in front of the other, cooking something, going to the shops, buying that card, writing that letter, preparing those lessons, showering, weeding, the various projects that give meaning to my life and the tasks associated with them … if I just do a little one of these and then maybe another, well, I am way ahead in the living game!

Do the next right thing is one of my favorite phrases. And I am by nature a control freak, an organizer, a someone who wants to see the whole picture … but it gets easier with time, especially when I experience the great rewards from handing over.

What are your experiences with this? I’m looking forward to reading your ESH but feel free to share on anything you like.

Sep 04: Spiritually Fit vs. Bedevilments

Spiritually Fit vs. Bedevilments

Bedevilment’s are aspects of the alcoholic’s life and personality that are usually in effect before the alcoholic comes into AA and will continue unless the alcoholic actively works the Steps each day.

“We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn’t control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn’t make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn’t seem to be of real help to other people.” 
Big Book, page 52

The Bedevilment’s are:

  1. We were having trouble with personal relationships,
  2. we couldn’t control our emotional natures,
  3. we were a prey to misery and depression,
  4. we couldn’t make a living,
  5. we had a feeling of uselessness,
  6. we were full of fear,
  7. we were unhappy,
  8. we couldn’t seem to be of real help to other people

When I am not spiritually fit, I am ALL over page 52, even in sobriety. If I am not spiritually fit, I am on a thinking spree, controlling others from fear, managing their life instead of mine … even when these intentions come from a “good place,” thinking I know what’s best for them. This is playing God, this is manipulation, this is not turning ALL of my life over, and I am having a Step 3 issues. Only when I am fit can I let others be themselves … Only when I am fit can I stay out of this mind that wants me dead but will settle for me drunk. Only when I am fit am I and those who love me happy.

How I start my day … rolling out of bed, onto my knees … complete surrender … God’s/HP will, not mine be done. Not my business how others do life.

Coffee with my journal … Gratitude list, Inventory on my defects, intentions for my day, study Big Book, reach out to sponsees, prayer and meditation … takes about an hour or so. This hour is a small price to pay — actually I enjoy it — to keep me from going on a spree and gives me and my family peace, safety, and happiness. We all deserve this. It’s truly up to me to keep fit … or they suffer. I am tired of making others suffer for my defects. It’s not their cross to bear, and I refuse to drain people anymore.

My question to you wonderful ladies is: “How do you keep spiritually fit?” What is your daily routine? How do you keep from unmanageability and off of page 52?

Aug 28: Attraction Not Promotion

Attraction Not Promotion

I attend four meetings a week, three face-to-face and one online. Two are literature meetings, and two are topic discussions. I hear approximately 60 people per week sharing their experience, strength, and hope with me. There are some that preach the program, and I find them hard to listen to. It is difficult for me to relate because they aren’t sharing how they personally worked what they are talking about. I start to lose interest and feel bored. It reminds me of why I couldn’t understand algebra in high school. I just couldn’t relate or see how it would work in my life. Give me a share where someone relates an experience, and how they used the steps to grow and live through it, and I dive right in. My attention is captured. I have always heard AA is a program of attraction, and it’s here for those who need it, but only those that want it … get it.

The other aspect of someone sharing, in a general way, of what it was like, what happened, and what it’s like now, is that I get to know them.

In cyberspace, I read shares. I can’t see you, I don’t know what you look like, what physical ailments you may have or not, whether you’re young or old. I only have what you say, and how sane it is sounding to me. I have learned to have a different level of discernment here in cyberspace than I do in a face-to-face where I can see a person and know right away by the disheveled look to take what they say with caution. AA taught me to take what I need and leave the rest. The Traditions also taught me that I am fully self-supporting declining outside contributions. My sponsor taught me to apply that in ALL areas of my life, emotional and intellectual as well as financial.

Let me wrap this up, dear ladies. I am looking forward to reading about the missteps of taking blind faith and placing too much power in one person or how different sharing styles have affected your sobriety. Please share on the idea that inspires you. And if there is something you need to bring to the tables, please feel free to share that, too.

Thank you for this opportunity of service.

Aug 21: Tolerance

Tolerance

As Bill Sees It 203: True Tolerance Gradually we began to accept the other fellow’s sins as well as his virtues. We coined the potent and meaningful expression: “Let us always love the best in others – and never fear their worst.”

Finally, we began to see that all people, including ourselves, are to some extent emotionally ill as well as frequently wrong. When this happens, we approach true tolerance and we see what real love for our fellows actually means. Grapevine, January 1962; Twelve and Twelve, p.94

Thanks everyone for the opportunity to chair this week’s meeting! Congrats to all others also celebrating anniversaries in August and welcome to new members.

I picked this topic because I once heard someone say she regretted her own attitude of indifference towards people. I didn’t understand it at the time. Now, a day at a time, I see my own coldness and lack of acceptance of others.

I love the phrase in the reading “Let us always love the best in others – and never fear their worst.” I try to say this to myself many times. It is my own mind playing tricks. I seize upon their faults whilst burying my own. Without the steps and faith, I will always be at war – annoyance, irritation, suspicion, jealousy, envy, fear, criticism, anger … it doesn’t take a lot, about the size of a grain of sand, to make my own pearl of resentment.

If I want to be at peace with the world around me – and ultimately myself – I need to pray for tolerance and acceptance of others. No matter how much that hurts my pride.

How do you practice tolerance of others?

Aug 14: Keeping It Simple

Keeping It Simple

Here is how I Keep it Simple:

  1. I acknowledge that LIFE just keeps happening – no matter what I do about it! It’s up to me how I respond to it;
  2. I accept what is instead of resisting what is placed before me;
  3. I trust that WHATEVER is placed before me is what my God wants me to take a look at, go through it, and experience the lesson;
  4. I have TOTAL trust in my Higher Power;
  5. I look at EVERYTHING as an “opportunity for growth” instead of as a “problem”; and
  6. I know today that EVERYTHING passes, and I will never experience this moment again and what it holds for me.

I am keeping my discussion on this topic short and simple and look forward to hearing how you keep your life simple today

Aug 07: Staying in the Solution

Staying in the Solution

When I was newly sober there was lots of talk about relapse, the alcoholic mind, being stuck, and that alcoholism continues to progress even without the drink. I would get scared hearing some of this, and I talked to my sponsor about it.

While she had a healthy respect for the disease, she always focused on the solution and she taught me to do that too. She believed the disease progresses without drinking, but that recovery is also progressive, and that I could become a positive presence with friends, family and at work. I started to concentrate on that, and the fear started to diminish.

At the end of the month, I am going on a 10-day silent retreat. As it gets closer, I find that I am a bit fearful. I’m not sure what the fear is, but I am asking God to remove it and trying to stay in today.

For a topic please share about staying in the solution, living in today, and/or how you deal with fear

Jul 31: Cravings

Cravings

In the Big Book, the Doctors Opinion states “All these and many others, have one symptom in common: they cannot start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving. This phenomenon, as we have suggested, may be the manifestation of an allergy which differentiates these people, and sets them apart as a distinct entity. It has never been, by any treatment with which we are familiar, permanently eradicated. The only relief we have to suggest is entire abstinence.”

I have to say that I have read many newcomers and others struggling in this group with cravings, and I am one of them. People, places, things, and stressors that I cannot always avoid seem to be the triggers that get my cravings moving.

How harsh the craving ends up being seems to depend on how quickly I can remember to surrender to my HP and move back to steps 1-3. But I am definitely not perfect, so I can say that’s not always pretty for me.

I’d love to hear the good, the bad, and the ugly on cravings this week. ESH is needed for those of us who have these tough times, particularly the newcomers in early sobriety and would be very much welcome.

So please feel free to share on this topic or any other burning desire.

Jul 24: First Things First

First Things First

For this week’s topic I have chosen the slogan First Things First.

Of all AA’s saying, quotes and slogans, FTF is most useful for me.

When struck with a great loss: a loved one dies, a sudden financial crisis or critical health issue, I stop my tracks, “pause when agitated” and then go to my Higher Power for guidance.

With His help, I can usually see the solution. Then I think: what do I do first, second, third, and so forth.

What DO I do first? We are running out of money before I get paid again. Do I pay the phone bill or buy my heart medicine? Should the rent check or the car payment be late?

Common values and personal circumstances help me decide, along with prayers for answers from my Higher Power.

“If we always put first things first, we shall have all our actions, thoughts, living, wishes in order and without conflict.” (Central Committee Newsletter for Western New York and Niagara Frontier, March 2008).

“If things are too out of order we get friction, conflict, disorder, unhappiness and frustration.”

When I am puzzled about what is the next right thing and there seem to be 2 or 3, I know I have a choice. Again, I ask HP for direction.

“We receive guidance for our lives just to the extent we stop demands that God give it to us on our order and our terms.” (12 Steps and 12 Traditions, p. 104)

“The moment we catch a glimpse of God’s will, and see truth, justice and love as the real and eternal things in life despite evidence to the contrary in purely human affairs, we know that God lovingly watches over us.” (p. 105).

How have you practiced First Things First in your life? Please share with us how the slogan has made a difference.

Jul 17: Forgiving Ourselves

Forgiving Ourselves

For myself, this was a difficult journey, especially in the beginning. I had hurt so many people directly or indirectly by either cheating, stealing, lying, physically or emotionally hurting them, and losing my son for almost two years. The pain of all the chaos I had caused was overwhelming.

Only by praying to my Higher Power and working my program was I able to forgive myself a little bit at a time. It has not been an easy journey to do this, but well worth it. With perseverance and rigourous honesty, I have been able to work through all these issues.

Occasionally, a memory will come back to me even today, and I will pray for forgiveness again and, if possible, make amends.

We need to forgive ourselves in order to get better. Without self-forgiveness, we are constantly in a spiral of guilt.

So dear ladies, be kind to yourself and forgive yourself because God has. Please feel free to share how you are doing this and your progress. Let your Higher Power, AA, and your sponsor help you on your journey to wellness.

Jul 10: Halfway Through…

Halfway Through

I got sober in December 2014 and, right from the beginning, I was comforted by what the Promises offered. I have clung to those and listened to shares about the Promises coming true. Over the past 18 months I’ve seen it, felt it, and experienced it personally.

I was at a meeting recently, and there was a lot of sharing around the 9th Step Promises. As I was listening, I had a bit of an epiphany regarding this line: “we will be amazed before we are half way through.”

I started to question what this meant and why no one has ever explained to me what exactly this means. So I started thinking about this — before we are halfway through … halfway through with what? The Steps, the traditions, the BB, or our amends? Could it be something else, something bigger than that?

I decided it wasn’t really defined because it’s something that’s personal to you. It could be a struggle you’re going through, a personal tragedy, a conversation/argument, an illness … the list of possibilities is endless. I have been in the middle of my day and realized I was halfway through it or frustrated with something going on and relying on the hope that it’s almost complete.

Have you ever thought about this? For this week’s topic, I would love to hear how being “halfway through” relates to you and your sobriety.

Jul 03: Keep it all in Perspective

Keep it all in Perspective

Two days ago I celebrated 11 years sober. Honestly, it kind of snuck up on me! My daily life is filled with some pretty serious and devastating illnesses. My focus is always on them. That made me feel like I’d screwed up my priorities by pushing sobriety to the back burner. Yet, in truth, the reality is that I have to keep my perspective right, or priorities don’t even come into play. If I don’t keep my health condition in check, I can’t stay sober — crashing health-wise would send me straight to the bottle.

So, is my perspective right? It is now. I was loading up the guilt and laying stuff on me that just isn’t true.

Other things happen in life that can do the same thing, but I just refuse to pick up a drink! No matter what occurs in life, if I keep my perspective, I can make it through it, honestly, steady, committed, and yes, drink-free.

How is your perspective? Let’s hear about it.

Jun 26: The Gift of Sobriety

The Gift of Sobriety

If I do not pick up a drink in the next four days, I will celebrate 20 years without a drink this coming Thursday. It is amazing to me to reach this milestone, for when I came back to AA in 1996, I didn’t believe I could stop drinking. I took my first drink when I was 17 and my last drink when I was 49. Along the way, drugs were part of my story too.

Because I knew I couldn’t quit, I never tried. In all those 32 years, I think two weeks was the longest I went without getting drunk or high. I never doubted that I was an alcoholic and addict, and I never fought it either. I came to AA the first time in 1987, and until 1990, I went to a meeting every day and drank every day. I’d have downed a 6-pack before the meeting, and usually there was a cooler in my car so that I could start drinking again immediately after the meeting. The people at the meeting never judged me. They just told me to keep coming back.

I managed to finally go to treatment and then go 15 months before a 5-year relapse when I swore I would never go back to AA. In those early days, I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t willing to do what people suggested. I just wanted my husband off my back. In my heart, I knew I was a hopeless drunk. I didn’t fight it. But after five years and a painful bottom, that moment finally came when I just couldn’t do it anymore. In the middle of a rage, my HP showed me what I had become – an angry, foul-mouthed, drunk woman. That was my moment of clarity. I sat on the edge of my bed and said out loud, “It’s time to go back.”

This time, I didn’t have to go through the meetings-drinking merry-go-round. This time, when I walked out of that first meeting, I had a choice. I could say no to that beer. The compulsion to drink was gone. The obsession lingered for a few months, but I finally had a choice, and I had the strength to make the right choice.

I did not earn my seat in AA, nor did I deserve it. It was a gift of grace from a God I still do not understand. For me, AA has been God’s handmaiden. God gave me the ability not to drink, and AA has given me the ability to live life on life’s terms. Doing the 12 Steps made it possible to put the past behind me, to live one day at a time without mind-altering substances, and to be reasonably happy.

For me, AA is the solution to my life-long pursuit of oblivion and emotional numbness. Without it, I would have drunk or used myself to death. There is no doubt about that in my mind. God gave me the willingness to follow directions. Alcohol gave me the fear of who I become when I drink. It is not easy, but it is simple. All I have to do is follow “a few simple rules,” and life gets better.

For those who are struggling, if sobriety can happen for me, it can happen for anyone. I was a hopeless case. I went to AA and still drank regularly. I left AA and swore I would never go back. I drank and drugged for more than 30 years with no thought of ever stopping. Yet, God still found me worthy of the gift of sobriety. AA gave me the gift of living normal, sober life. I do not know whether I will ever drink again, but I know I will not drink today. That’s all that matters. Just for today, I can get through anything because there is a solution available to me as long as I stay willing to do the footwork.

This week, I’d like to hear what “the Gift of Sobriety” means to you. Of course, please share on anything that you need to.

Jun 19: Emotional Hangovers

Emotional Hangovers

Thank you for the opportunity to chair this meeting following my recent celebration of 27 years of continuous sobriety on June 17th. I am happy to still be a sober member who is working and living the AA program to the best of my ability. I am so grateful that I was given the chance at a better life. All I had to do was to ask my God for help, take advantage of the help that was so freely given by people like you, follow the principles and work the program, and trust that God would do for me what I couldn’t do for myself.

Today, I would like to talk about feelings/emotions we all have from time to time even when we are not drinking and what we can do about them by working the Steps. I will also tie in with the topic from last week on getting rid of resentments.

I know that I’ve had many, many hangovers from drinking in the past where I was sick, sorry, disgusted, fed up, anxious and full of worry from my behaviour the night before. Sometimes I get those feelings in sobriety so today I’d like to touch on the emotional hangover. What is it anyway? Please keep an open mind.

Pages 88-89 of the Twelve and Twelve tell us: “But there is another kind of hangover which we all experience whether drinking or not. That is the emotional hangover, the direct result of yesterday’s and sometimes today’s excesses of negative emotion – anger, fear, jealousy, and the like. If we would live serenely today and tomorrow, we certainly need to eliminate these hangovers. This doesn’t mean we need to wander morbidly around in the past. It requires an admission and correction of errors now … “

Yes, I have had emotional hangovers in sobriety, and they usually end up with me thinking that I’m a terrible person and saying, ‘when will I ever learn.’ I used to get them when I lost my temper and got into arguments. These days, I ‘intuitively know’ when I have said or done something that not only has hurt another person but has destroyed my sense of well-being. I get a feeling of a hole in the pit of my stomach, and my head begins to review what happened and what I can do about it. My sponsor is a great listener and provides me with meaningful suggestions that have worked for her over the years.

Through working the Steps, I have gained insight into the cause and consequences of my actions and have lost most of my passion for arguments and temper tantrums. Steps 1 through 9 teach me how to deal with my feelings towards people, places, and things so that I avoid a resentment, and Steps 10 to 12 show me how to do it to maintain my serenity. Specifically, Step 10 tells me how to deal with a budding resentment and that is to deal with it immediately before it becomes full-blown and to make the appropriate amends.

If I find myself hanging on to a resentment, I ‘intuitively’ go to my favourite story in the Big Book: Freedom from Bondage – Page 552 – and pray for the person I’m resenting until I can see him/her as just another person who can make mistakes just as I do. What I’ve found out over time, is that the very thing that I can’t overlook in others is the very thing of which I am guilty. Over time, the resentment is gradually relieved, and my sense of personal well-being and peace returns. What a program we have through the Big Book which I’ve always referred to as my “Guide to Life”!

Do you have moments/times of “Emotional Hangovers”? How do you deal with them? Please feel free to share on this topic or on anything else that’s going on with you that you’d like to get off your chest. Thanks for giving me this opportunity and for trudging along with me on the ‘Road of Happy Destiny’.

Jun 12: Letting Go of Resentments

Letting Go of Resentments

Been thinking about the sunshine the last few days. I need it, the grey /dark/rainy days get to me. This past week, I was sitting on the porch and had to keep moving to a different chair as the light moved and was in my eyes. The thought struck me about what the BB says about being in the sunlight of the spirit. I feel so much better when I am in the sunlight both figuratively and physically. I looked up the passage in the BB about the sunlight, here it is:

“It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worthwhile. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feeling we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die. If we were to live, we had to be free of anger.”

I can really see when I hold on to the angry, resentful feelings, I move into a very dark place — one that pushes me toward thinking of a drink. It struck me that I can choose that dark place or I can choose to be in the sunlight place. I struggle with anger and anxiety, but why? My sponsor often asks me what am I getting out of it. I don’t like that question but it’s a valid one. Especially when I can choose to let things go (stop harboring resentments) and be in the “sunlight.” It’s a much better place to be.

Please feel free to share your ESH on letting go of resentments.

Jun 05: Expect Miracles Big and Small

Expect Miracles Big and Small

Excerpts from the Big Book:

“In working the steps, my life changed. I think differently today; I feel different today. I am new. We have a sign at the A.A. meetings I go to that says ‘Expect A Miracle.’ My sobriety is full of miracles.”

“Today my life is filled with miracles big and small, not one of which would ever have come to pass had I not found the door of Alcoholics Anonymous.”

I wanted to share a recent experience as to how my life has changed since I stopped drinking and began participating in AA 16 months ago.

My story took place at Disneyland during my 60th birthday celebration a couple of months ago. My husband and I were there for four days with my daughter and two grandkids. It was the night before my actual birthday. I was really looking forward to turning 60 at a park where I “grew up,” and it was such a blessing to celebrate with my loved ones. As we were having dinner on my birthday-eve, my husband got a call from work and found out that he needed to address a critical issue immediately. (I had hoped he wasn’t even going to bring his work laptop on the trip in the first place, but he insisted he had to, ‘just in case’.) So when he got the call, my heart sank as I realized this could ruin the celebrating planned for the next day. The subsequent emotions that follow when circumstances don’t go my way immediately set in, including anger and self-pity. (How could his work possibly be more important than my milestone birthday?!)

As I started to react the same way that I always have in the past, somehow I managed to put the brakes on. I looked at my husband’s face after the work call came in and noticed how upset and stressed he was. In the past, I used to think he wanted work to interrupt our leisure time because he likes to be plugged into a computer. But I could clearly see (since my mind was “all there”) that wasn’t the case. Instead of giving him my usual rant and rave routine, I gave him a great big kiss and told him I loved him. He reacted like a prince (we were after all at Disneyland!). He stayed at the park with us as long as he could until 9pm, carried his sleeping grandson back to our hotel, then logged onto work for 3 hours so he could finish in time to celebrate my birthday. This was small miracle #1. The next morning (my birthday), he actually left his cell phone locked in our hotel room so that work could not reach him. Leaving his phone behind? This is unheard of, large miracle #2.

Had I been drinking through this trip, the call from his work would have triggered a huge fight. I’m quite sure the change in my reaction was because I was 100% sober, not to mention a few new “tools” in the box. Because I reacted unselfishly (for a change), it worked out so much better for everyone. I owe that to my sobriety (i.e., GROW, A.A. and God).

There is plenty more work ahead for me, but I do see a pattern of miracles big and small in many areas of my life since I became sober. When I’m socializing with family or friends, I listen to what they are saying and ‘connect’ with them because I’m not worried that my wine glass is getting empty and how quickly I can fill it. My daughter sent me flowers on Mother’s Day and thanked me for being there for her. My brain is clear which makes me a more productive employee. I am generally a better wife, mother, and grandmother. I apologize more often and promptly which means I sleep better at night. And the list goes on … I’m so grateful to be sober!

I would be honored to hear about any miracles big and small that are part of your life today.

May 29: Work With Other Alcoholics

Work With Other Alcoholics

From page 89 of The Big Book (4th edition):

“PRACTICAL EXPERIENCE shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail. This is our twelfth suggestion: Carry this message to other alcoholics! You can help when no one else can. You can secure their confidence when others fail. Remember they are very ill.”

This reading reminds me how the program works. Service was something I could do from the beginning. Before I worked all the steps. By sharing my story and listening to others. I’m reminded of what it was like, what happened and what it’s like now.

I’ve been able to adjust my perspective in life. Today I do not regret the past as it brought me here. I’m here not to wallow in self-pity, but to share my ESH and carry the message.

Life was unmanageable. Today it’s not. I go to meetings, work the steps with my sponsor, and try my best to practice these principles in all my affairs.

When I hear you share, it strengthens my sobriety. When I share with you, it strengthens my sobriety.

I’ll keep coming back. 🙂

Please feel free to share on this topic or anything that may be on your mind.

May 22: Fun in Sobriety

Fun in Sobriety

I decided to suggest a concept I often struggle with: fun in sobriety.

Although I am very grateful for my new life, I don’t always know how to enjoy it.

When I look around, I see a lot that needs fixing. I still boss my boyfriend around, I have trouble taking direction, I tend to isolate. There is plenty of room for improvement. In fact, I could exhaust myself worrying about my character “defaults.” And that is one of my character defaults: I tend to be hard on myself.

So I’m trying to lighten up. There is a time to work on character defects, and there is a time to have fun. Because the old “fun” was killing me, my first job was finding new things to do.

I didn’t know what I liked, so I started trying stuff out. I’ve taken adult tap and meditation classes. I’ve discovered I love birds and hanging out with my cat. Last month, I attended an interpretative dance class. And danced! And I wasn’t wasted!

Sometimes when I’m spacing out with my cat, I think: “You really need to be taking care of business, Kirsten.” Then I remember that I am.

Taking time to learn what I like is helping me figure out who I am. So far I’ve learned that I have more energy and more courage than I knew. Sometimes I can give myself a break. I’m sure that’s what my HP wants for me.

How have you learned to have fun in sobriety? What have you discovered about your sober self that was a surprise?

Please feel free to share on this topic or whatever is on your heart this week.

May 15: The day I stopped drinking

The day I stopped drinking

t’s very special for me to chair the meeting today as it’s the anniversary of the day I took my last drink. My first memories of that day (I would have been drinking from the moment I woke) are putting the lead on the dog and looking at the clock, it was 10am exactly.

I walked down to the phone box (I remember that walk) and looked up AA’s number in the phone book. I had no idea what AA was, but I thought tramps who slept on park benches went there. I didn’t care, I was at my rock bottom and didn’t know where to turn. I had been drinking too much, too often for too long, and I didn’t know how to stop. Eventually when I managed to dial correctly, a nun from the local convent answered the phone and gave me the number of an AA member.

I have no idea what I said to him but by the time I’d walked home, two twelfth steppers were at my door. They talked to me about my drinking and about AA. I had that amazing feeling that I was not alone. The lady, her name was Brilda, took me to her home for the day, then took me back to my house so that I could change for the meeting that night. I was lucky. It was a Thursday, a day when one of the three meetings in my city was held.

I can’t really describe what I felt as I walked into the room with about fifteen ‘normal’ looking people standing around drinking coffee and smoking. I didn’t understand but as the meeting started and people shared their stories, that night I knew I had found a home, a place of safety where I could be myself for the first time in many years.

That happened thirty-six years ago today.

I was going to introduce a different topic for this week, but as I wrote this introduction, I had that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach, memories of that day are intense. I found myself reaffirming the fact that I NEVER want to go through anything like that again.

I wondered if it would be useful for all of us, whether one day or fifty years sober, to share about the day we stopped drinking. I know I would love to hear your stories. Of course, please share about anything that’s concerning you.

A word of comfort before we revisit those days comes from ‘The Keys of the Kingdom’ (page 312 in my Big Book):

“There is no more ‘aloneness’ with that awful ache, so deep in the heart of every alcoholic that nothing before could ever reach it. That ache is gone and need never return again. Now there is a sense of belonging, of being wanted and needed and loved.”

May 08: Acceptance and How It Works in Your Life

Acceptance and How It Works in Your Life

The program offers us another way to approach life without a drink. We can learn to accept the things we cannot change and change the things we can.

The answers to our questions are all found in the Big Book and in the Step Book, the Twelve & Twelve helps us change the things we can, with practice. We can learn to trust, once again, when we apply the Steps of this program to our daily lives. I didn’t get here a drink short, or a day late. (SD 9/22/87)

When I got to A.A. I felt hopeless. If you are new here, I understand how you are feeling. Difficulties, opposition, criticism are meant to be overcome. When I admitted I was powerless over alcohol and my life was unmanageable by me, acceptance followed and my daily recovery began. I started by working Step One. My sponsor and I shared our stories. For the first time in years, I didn’t feel alone. I spent my first year as a shut-in. My detox was hard and painful. The only thing I knew was if I drank again, I would die!

Having a sponsor assures us we’re never alone. Trust is not a given. Trust is earned. As times went by, I began to trust. I got a sense of security which accompanies my belief that the miracle of recovery is one alcoholic helping another. That is my experience. It flows between us. When I became willing to get honest, I opened my heart. The key I found is being there for another person and accepting them just the way they are with no judgment of any kind. They accept my help.

The solution to all my problems are found in the Steps. No human power can relieve my alcoholism. For me, it was to change my stinking thinking. To find a Higher Power. Acceptance of this fact had many drawbacks. I didn’t believe. Acceptance of a Higher Power was a terribly hard risk to take. As I stayed sober, I let down my defenses.

At two years sober, I went to my first f2f (face-to-face) women’s meeting. There the miracle happened. There I heard their stories. That day, I became willing to work Step Two. This Step taught me that we all get to choose a Higher Power of our own understanding. “Step Two (page 25 in the Twelve & Twelve): “CAME TO BELIEVE that a POWER greater than OURSELVES could restore us to sanity.” For our newcomers, all of the Steps are but suggestions. But when I got honest with my sponsor, things began to get better. Life took on new meaning. (Page 31, 12&12): Whatever price in humility we must pay, we would pay.” It gets better. God restored my sanity. Today, when I accept and practice humility and responsibility, I grow. I take care not to hurt myself or others. Words have the power to hurt. The Steps and many inventories have taught me that to love others here is to give our es&h (experience, strength and hope). Thank you for giving me yours. No drink on earth could ever compare to the unconditional love and acceptance you give me everyday. Accepting God was the best decision I’ve made.

I accepted a God of my own understanding. God was restoring the sanity I lost in my disease. The best acceptance was eventually of myself and all my defects and accepting others of theirs.

My recovery has been a whole series of storms, storms that helped me garner a closer relationship with God, my sponsor, and all of you dear alkies that help sprout new growth. Acceptance is a process. Today, I focus not on the problems I face; I focus on the solution. Accepting we are not perfect. We are human beings who help each other stay sober.

Acceptance to me truly means letting others see who I really am. It has alleviated my suffering. It took a lot of courage to allow myself to risk being vulnerable. God makes all things possible.

There is only one way acceptance has worked in my life. It is only one appropriate choice to every hardship, storm, or angry feeling. It is the one that is honest and wholly reflective of who I am at this moment. After 28+ years sober, acceptance is still a process. My solution is still working the Steps and helping others stay sober ODAAT (one day at a time).

I don’t always understand the way my God works. But I believe He works through people. Today, I accept with faith that each day is a new beginning for all of us. The Steps have given me the peace that I use to seek in a bottle. We can’t talk to a bottle. Each day of abstinence offers us the chance to look ahead with hope. Helping others is the bright spot of my days.

Thanks for letting me lead our meeting.

May 01: Good Advice

Good Advice

A quote from an AA member, who was asked to share some good advice with those who are trying to get and stay sober.

“It is crucial to surround yourself with people that are up to what you are up to in your new way of living. There is joy in sobriety; you can bring that out in each other as you spend time with friends in recovery. Stay engaged, stay outside of your head, and appreciate the new things you can learn from new friends.”

For me, the primary person who is “up to what I’m up to” is my sponsor. She actually teaches me a lot during our calls and emails.

When I am depressed and following one-track thinking, she may hop from subject to subject, sometimes absolutely dragging me where I don’t want to follow. I didn’t see this as deliberate. I just thought she was easily distracted! Now I know better.

Or, I would reach out to her to check in, and she would tell me about some really funny event. I would laugh, of course; but I’d also wonder, “What is WITH her? She is not as AA “tuned in” or spiritually “deep” as I am!” Now I recognize her laughter as the other part of recovery, the part I could have missed!

We always engage in some “small talk” — just a few minutes of news headlines, anything that might remind me there IS a world outside and I MAY want to be able to talk about it in a caring, interesting manner. She knows that my mind tends toward depression and self, and she reminds me I am part of a caring community.

When an Inventory or a Step is getting the best of me, my sponsor shines. I may be trying to figure out how I can find out the full name of a person I hardly remember so that I can apologize deeply and sincerely. I’m practically ready to hire a detective to show my sincerity, and my Sponsor says something quietly about “daily amends” or “everyday amends”… I turn my attention back to her. What? Learn the lesson and apply it daily, as if that person were here? Oh! Ok. Amends. I can live that. My Sponsor is so familiar with these AA things that are new to me, she helps me to get to what matters, and skip the drama. We pray together, learn together, share sobriety together.

I’m grateful to be “surrounded by” my sponsor, grateful that she cares enough to share her recovery road with me. I’m learning so much more than I ever expected.

Would you like to share what the opening quote means to you, OR share your greatest bit of advice with us?

Apr 24: Acceptance

Acceptance

“Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation, some fact of my life unacceptable to ME, I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake!” 
Alcoholics Anonymous, page 449 or 417

Wow, some powerful yet simple words of wisdom. I am learning how to let go of things and allow them to fall as they may. I have always been a control freak but when I accept the things I cannot change, when I do God’s will instead of mine, my life is serene. Whenever I am disturbed, my sponsor directs me to Page 417 of the Big Book. It never fails to bring me back to reality and reminds me I’m not the Director!! LOL

Please feel free to share on acceptance or anything that is on your mind. Remember, we’re in this together!

Apr 17: A Tool in Your Recovery Toolbox

A Tool in Your Recovery Toolbox

April 17 : A tool in your Recovery Toolbox

For our topic this week, I am suggesting, what tool in your recovery toolbox stands out for today as one that you find particularly helpful or inspiring in your recovery.

The one that I am selecting is the nightly review that is shared on page 86 … the first full paragraph in Step 11. It contains a series of questions about my day. I find this review helps me to be honest with myself about my day – particularly when I share it with another. It causes me to take pause and truly review the day for any character defects that may have come up – and I particularly like the part that asks if I thought of myself primarily or others. And then it directs me to pray for correction where needed … and I can go to sleep with a clear conscience. Whether I have lived a healthy sober day or not, I have a least prayed for direction about how to correct it if I have not. It is up to me to follow through with that guided direction from the God of my understanding.

So, ladies, the meeting is yours. I have shared my tool that I am finding to be particularly inspiring and growth–producing in my recovery for today, and I open it to each and all to share the tool that they find the same thing with.

Apr 17: A Vision For You

A Vision For You

Taking from page 152 of the BB,

“… Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping – off place. He will wish for an end … Yes, there is a substitute and it is vastly more than that. It is a fellowship in Alcoholics Anonymous. There you will find release from care, boredom and worry. Your imagination will be fired. Life will mean something at last. The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. Thus we find the fellowship, and so will you.”

Wow! To me, the above just described the last 74 months of my life!!! 😉 I celebrated my 6th anniversary, this past March. It is a time of great reflection, remembrance and joy for me. March 13th is my anniversary, a week later is my belly button birthday, and March 27th would be my Mother’s birthday. Six years and 11 months ago, my Mother was at that jumping off point, and very sadly she succumbed to this disease. Fast forward 10 months later, and that is exactly where I was. I wished for that end. I had created so much chaos, destruction and misery in my life that I thought there was absolutely no way I could crawl out of the hole that I have dug. I had picked up many white chips, in the process.

Until, I FINALLY surrendered completely and started doing what you guys told me to do. My life is a far cry from what it was in March 2010. I have purpose, life, freedom and happiness. My life is far from boredom, as it states in another paragraph of this page. I have these tools to live life and this program and fellowship that I am so grateful for. Without them, I would not be the person, wife, mother … friend that I am now. Believe me, it seems like it is a tug of war, sometimes 😉 But these day if I fall, I always get right back up!

Thank you so very much, in allowing my to chair this meeting. Please, share on where you were and where you are now (if you like). Or, share on anything that is on your mind.

Apr 10: The Family Afterward

The Family Afterward

As I approach the occasion of my 32nd AA birthday, I have chosen relationships with the family as the topic of this week’s meeting. A lot has changed for me since May 1984, when I left a drug and alcohol rehab shaky and scared, still experiencing withdrawals, but incredibly hopeful about starting a new life.

Because of my disease, I had lost custody of all 4 of my children; my 3 boys all went to be with their father one by one; and I was forced to choose adoption for my daughter.

Without drugs to numb the pain, I felt the debilitating losses for the first time, but I was reeling from detox and unable to face these tough issues for some time.

During my drinking/using years, I had traveled 50 miles to Simi Valley to visit the boys where they lived in that community with their Dad. I would take them, and we would stay at the Motel 6 overnight; they all were polite but did not enjoy that much. I was heartbroken I had given birth to them, yet we were many miles apart.

My new sobriety hardly affected them. They were all in college by that time: two of them far away and one was fairly close at Cal State Northridge. Eventually he started visiting me, and we built a relationship which we still have. After 32 years and life changes for me, we are loving, kind, and tolerant toward each other.

Another son started a relationship with me, but it ended due to other circumstances, and I haven’t seen him for eight years. A third son has two boys. I DO have a long-distance relationship with his teenage son, who is unaware of my alcohol and drug abuse. It is with great joy that I anticipate a visit from son and grandson in early 2017.

The BB of Alcoholics Anonymous in Chapter 9 (p. 122-135 4th ed.) reminds us: “living with an alcoholic would make anyone neurotic. The entire family is to some extent ill.” I must keep this in mind if I balk at the way family members behave, both early in my sobriety right up to the present.

Like the alcoholic, family members can, if they desire, remember the bad times and use them as lessons to change their own behavior or help other people.

The BB quoted Henry Ford, who once said experience is the thing of supreme value in life, explaining that is true only if one is willing to turn the past to good account.

“We grow by our willingness to face and rectify errors and convert them into assets.” This has been true, not just for me, but for all of my family.

The chapter tells us, “We are not a glum lot; we absolutely insist on having fun,” and we are sure that God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free. For me and my adult children, we all make our own misery and a background in AA helps us to avoid such pitfalls but to use spiritual principles to restore peace of mind.

With a birthday in sight and a useful life with opportunities for me to help others in AA, a relationship with my dear brother, and a step-son as well, with a natal birthday in June when I will be 77, I AM GOOD.

Please share with us your experiences with family before and after sobriety and where you are today.

Apr 03: Keeping Sobriety as My Number 1 Priority and Not Taking it for Granted

Keeping Sobriety as My Number 1 Priority and Not Taking it for Granted

I chose this topic because I have a sober anniversary coming up in a few days. I have been in AA since 2008, but I had not maintained continuous sobriety as many of you know. I will have three years, God willing, on April 5th. I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would stay sober for that long. As Susanne L says, “It works if we work it.” It really is a “daily reprieve,” and I continue to take it one day at a time.

There have been plenty of times when I didn’t keep my sobriety as my number one priority and when I have taken it for granted. My disease would tell me that I don’t have a disease. I would put other things ahead of it such as jobs, an affair, exercising, changing careers, Facebook, etc. There were times when I didn’t have a sponsor – did not want a sponsor (in other words – did not want to be accountable to anybody), thought that I didn’t have that “low” of a bottom, and thought that I didn’t need to go to as many meetings. Honestly, every time I got into that situation, I ended up relapsing.

In the past two months or even a little less, there have been two women that I once knew who died from this disease. Both of them left behind young children. It makes me so sad and really shakes me up, especially when it hits so close to home. On the other hand, it makes me so much more grateful for my sobriety and makes me realize that I can never take it for granted. Sobriety is truly a gift, and we are truly the lucky ones!

I just want to share how just recently I had to make a difficult decision. If I hadn’t taken this course of action, there is no telling what it may have done to my sobriety. Although it was a positive thing that I was doing, it was taking up a lot of my time and causing me stress – causing me to feel like my life was becoming unmanageable. To me, that is progress and shows me that I am growing in this program. In the past, I would have fought it and insisted on having everything my way. Amazing – I feel like I’m actually starting to “grow up” but still have a ways to go. Progress not perfection, right?!

I also have a new sponsor who I absolutely love! We go to a lot of the same meetings at the AA club in my home town. I am so grateful to have her in my life! I also have a new sponsee who I’ve known for about 6 years. She had moved away and recently moved back after a relapse. I am very grateful to help other women in the program.

Lastly, I would like to end with part of a reading from Daily Reflections: COMMITMENT p.55 (February 16)

“… I could no longer hide behind self-rationalization, nor behind the insanity of my disease. The only course open to me, if I was to attain a joyous life for myself (and subsequently for those I love), was one in which I imposed on myself an effort of commitment, discipline, and responsibility.”

I need to keep doing the foot work – stay committed to my AA program, remain accountable and responsible, do the next right thing, and help other alcoholics. I also wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for my Higher Power, who I call God.

Grateful for all of you and for being on this journey with you! I look forward to reading your shares. Thank you for allowing me to be of service!

Mar 27: Rebirth, New Beginning

Rebirth, New Beginning

This is my first time chairing a meeting, either online or in person, so it’s an exciting opportunity, but I also worried about what topic I’d share. I do have a lot of questions and ideas would pop into my head, but I kept telling myself that when it was time, my HP would guide me. I originally chose this date, March 27, 2016, because it was the closest to my 9-month sobriety date, not even realizing at the time that I was choosing Easter Sunday. So, it seems most meaningful to me to discuss what Easter symbolizes, rebirth and new beginning, as it relates to being an alcoholic.

I remember sitting in my first meeting on Day 1 and reading the steps before the meeting began. I naively thought something to the effect of: “Yes, I can agree to these. I’ll speed through these steps in record pace.” I had no idea at the time that not drinking alcohol has more to it than just not drinking alcohol or how hard it would be. But that was where I was beginning, and showing up at that first meeting was an amazing beginning for me.

I will admit that it has become more of a habit to not drink alcohol and, therefore, easier in some ways. But I also know that I cannot become cocky and think I’ve solved my alcoholism and can now drink moderately. I still get cravings sometimes, especially if I’m extremely stressed or if I smell it or if there’s an event that I’d normally associate with drinking: weddings, Happy Hour, or weekend dinners for example. I have thought about drinking alcohol a lot over the past nine months, and I don’t know if that will change with time. I still feel jealous when I see pictures of people with a drink in their hand and still sometimes feel uncomfortable walking through the alcohol section of the market (kind of like I think that I need to keep my defenses up). I can say that it has only been until recently that I’ve realized that my hard work is paying off.

The biggest realization has been from going from a mindset of “I’m just not going to drink alcohol, and this sucks that other people get to drink and I can’t” to “Hey, there are some benefits to not drinking alcohol and admitting I’m an alcoholic and doing the work (steps and counseling to work on cognitive behavior therapy for depression and anxiety) is showing some positive evidence in my life.” I still have to ‘play the tape’ to talk myself out of the first drink (i.e. what would happen after that first drink), and I can never think that I’ve cured my disease and can become a moderate drinker. I know alcoholism is a tricky disease that will try to convince me I’m cured and can drink again.

I’m seeing some positive evidence and happiness, despite all kinds of stress in my life:

  • I’m growing a relationship with my HP that wasn’t there nine months ago, and it is a spiritual awakening.
  • I’ve handled nine months of sobriety despite all that has gone on around me.
  • I’ve noticed I’m reacting to situations differently: more confidence, less worrying about what other people think, way less taking on of other people’s problems, more awareness of my previous patterns and habits that were unhealthy or unbalanced, slowing down before reacting, feeling less overwhelmed.
  • I’m spending money that I used to spend on alcohol in much more productive ways.
  • I’m spending time that I used spend on alcohol in better ways: more meaningful conversations with people I love, more reading, more creative pursuits.
  • I have more energy and no hangovers, which just makes life better.
  • I have no more regrets about not remembering or remembering and feeling shameful about what I said or did.
  • I’m aware that there is more work to be done and always will need to be done in my journey since beginning with AA. I’m also aware of how much more I need to do with step work.
  • I’m aware that none of these positive changes would have happened without beginning a life without alcohol.

So, my questions for you are: What has been your rebirth or new beginning since your first day of sobriety? How have your ideas, thoughts or actions changed since your Day 1? Or what else would you like to share?

Mar 20: Service

Service

My AA birthday is always a time for reflection for me. Each year, I am amazed that so much time has passed. And each year, I am so grateful that through the Grace of my Higher Power whom I choose to call God I have been blessed with so many 24 hours without needing to pick up that first drink. Each day is a pearl to me, a gem as it were. And I string them together one by one, day by day, and the light of my Higher Power becomes reflective through me, as I adorn myself with His gifts One Day At A Time. I ask myself, how exactly did I do it?

AA, my sponsor, and a willingness to take suggestions and/or direction. I tried to do this AA thing all on my own when I first came through the doors. (I was fiercely independent, and I did not need your help.) Never mind that my life was a mess and I was a mess, I was convinced that I was not as bad (that’s some twisted thinking!) as you, and I could control and manage my drinking. I did what was suggested: I went back out and “controlled and managed” my alcohol consumption until I was down on my knees some years later asking God for help. I was lost when I got back to AA, and I needed a guide.

When I walked back through the doors of AA, I made a pact with myself to do this differently. I agreed to follow direction this time. That meant that I needed to attend regular meetings and to find a Home Group and a Sponsor. My “Home Group” was the local AA Fellowship that I made a commitment to. My commitment was to attend the same meetings each week. (I was able to attend twice a week where I lived in La Paz, Mexico.) It was suggested that I get a Service commitment in my Home Group. That could be making coffee, leading a meetings, unlocking the door each week, or simply greeting people at the door.

I picked a Sponsor in my Home Group that I could relate to. (There were only two sober women in my tiny English Speaking Fellowship, so I picked the one that did not remind me of my mother.) Well, as God would have it, the one I picked ended up moving, and so I was left with the only other woman in the group, Sylvia. She “plugged me in” at times, as she was so much like my Mom in my eyes. But in the end, Sylvia became my sponsor, and I love her so much today. (My God apparently wanted me to work through my “mother stuff,” and He picked Sylvia for me is how I choose to see it!) She did not have any strict protocol for me to follow, but she was a gentle guide for me – not at all what I expected.

I have heard it said that for the newcomer, the soul searching that we are asked to do, is a bit like going 10-42 on a jungle safari. A safari can be a dangerous place, and it is best to go with a knowledgeable guide. So, that is what Sylvia was for me. She had traveled the dangerous and tricky waters and dry deserts of the mind and was able to guide me as I ventured in between my own two ears. (I have heard it said that if my mind did not need me for transportation, I would probably be dead by now.) So, you see my mind is out to get me. It will tell me that this time is different, one drink won’t hurt, etc. etc. My sponsor became my sounding board. She did not tell me what to do. She would offer up suggestions now and again and support me in finding my own truths. She was careful not to bombard me with her ideas but let me find my own way. In all honesty, she loved me until I could love myself.

Through my relationship with my sponsor, I learned to be of Service to others. At first that began with some sort of service commitment in my Home group. I learned to participate in business meetings, be part of a group conscience, take a position such as secretary or coffee maker, etc. I learned to be accountable by committing to a service position at the group level. By learning to do for others in AA by participation, I learned that I could also be of service to others outside of AA. It has made all of the difference in the world. I have learned over the years to think of myself less and others more. Baby steps. It began by sharing my story at an AA meeting, and it has grown from there. It was suggested that if I was asked to be of Service in AA, that I should never turn that opportunity down. I have carried that into my personal life outside of AA, and sometimes I get creative with it. I got to know one of my neighbors years ago, and I would take her meals on occasion. She lived alone and never cooked for herself. It was “the next indicated thing” to me. We are very close today, though we live a world apart.

I had two small children when I first came back to AA so many years ago, and while it would have been easy to use them as an excuse to not attend, it was imperative that I figure out how to get my butt into the rooms of AA. I think if this online venue had been available to me at the time, I might still be drinking, as to me this would have been a place that I could have hidden and not given 100% of myself. My life was all about what was convenient for Alison, and I had to do the opposite of that in order to stay sober, heal, and get well. AA has given me my life back and so very much more. I like to think I am the happiest woman in the world today. Thank you, ladies. I could not have done it without you and your service and commitment to the program we like to call Alcoholics Anonymous.

What benefits have you found from being of service in AA, and how has that extended into your daily life?

Mar 13: Honesty

Honesty

The topic of Honesty has been rolling around in my thoughts all week. When I came into the rooms, I was anything but honest, with myself and with others. The web of lies and deception was thick. Through working the steps with my sponsor and allowing that onion of an inventory to peel back the layers, I have been able to face truths and begin to live an honest life. Each day I have opportunities to practice honesty … but telling the truth is just the beginning.

Yesterday, I had the experience of hearing someone become brutally honest with those they had hurt. With this honesty comes the very real possibility of life in prison. This person was willing to do what was right, no matter what the personal consequences might be. What struck me the most was that, by being honest, the chains that imprisoned this person in the darkness of guilt and shame were broken. Honesty does that for me, too.

My questions for you to ponder this week is: How does honesty play out in your own sobriety? What has been your experience with being honest with yourselves and others? How has your approach to this topic changed as you have grown in your sobriety?

Mar 06: Personal Power/Powerlessness

Personal Power/Powerlessness

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines POWER as “the ability to act or produce an effect.” Real power is basically the ability to change something if you want to change it. It’s the ability to make change happen. Real power is unlimited — we don’t need to fight over it because there is plenty to go around. And the great thing about real power is our ability to create it. Real power doesn’t force us to take it away from others — it is something we CREATE and BUILD WITH OTHERS — (Understanding Shame, I thought it was just me, but it isn’t written by Brene’ Brown.)

I read those words and thought about a time in my life where the only changes I could make were which liquor I would buy — Change was something I was held captive by. But then I arrived into the rooms of AA and started living a new way of life. By working the steps with a sponsor (many times), I have been given the ability to make choices and to produce effect/s. I have power.

The Steps enable me to see things in a different perspective and give me the ability to change something if I want to change it. This definition of power struck me as an asset and something I want. I had the idea that in order to admit powerlessness I had to give up my personal power. I also had the idea that having personal power was at odds with humility. In order to have humility, I couldn’t have power. However, if I understand the definition in this light I can have both. I can admit defeat. I can admit I am powerless, but by the above definition that is the first step towards effecting change and to gaining personal power.

The topic I am suggesting is Power/powerlessness. (The great thing about real power is our ability to create it.)

Feb 28: Promise #2

Promise #2

“We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.” Recently, I’ve read several statements on social media sites like: ‘Don’t judge me by my past behaviour; I don’t live there anymore.’

Another one is: ‘Even though there are days I wish I could change some things that happened in the past, there’s a reason why the rear-view mirror is so small and the windshield is so big – where I’m headed is much more important than what I’ve left behind.’

I’ve been sober for awhile now and, thanks to our program, I have dealt with things that I did when I was drinking through forgiveness, making amends, and changing my ways. I know today that I had to go through those things in order to get to where I am today.

I don’t regret my past, for it is one of my greatest assets. All I have to do is remember what it used to be like, and I am filled with gratitude for the kind of life I am living today.

Do you have remorse or bitterness of your actions in your past? If not, how did you get rid of these feelings? Are you grateful for the kind of life you have today?

Feb 21: 7 Deadly Sins

7 Deadly Sins

Recently I have come face to face with the 7 deadly sins, also known as my 7 deadly character defects: Pride, Envy, Gluttony, Lust, Anger, Greed, and Sloth. Some have been more glaring than others. Pride and anger are the culprits dogging my every step of late — I go to sleep with them and wake up with them. Hard as I try to shake them, they cling like shadows.

It got me thinking about making a greater effort to shift my focus to their “virtuous counterparts:” Humility, Abstinence, Purity, Kindness, Generosity, Forgiveness, and Diligence. When I feel myself letting pride dictate my reactions, I try shifting to thoughts of humility as a preferred response.

Quite honestly, I don’t really ‘prefer’ to be humble, but I know humility will do me a great deal less harm than pride. When I feel anger hijacking my brain, I try to remind myself how patience and forgiveness could better quiet my stormy thinking.

What this program has taught me is that my character defects don’t serve me well at all. If I want peace and serenity, I have to learn to like the virtuous counterparts better than the defects. That is not as easy as I just made it sound, but well worth the effort. Please share what defects have been giving you problems lately and how you can replace them with their virtuous alternatives .

Feb 14: Anonymity

Anonymity

While trying to decide on a topic for this week, Dr. Bob’s words kept coming to mind, so I decided to go with Anonymity as the topic!

On page 264-265 of “DR. BOB and the Good Oldtimers” (Alcoholics Anonymous World Services Inc., New York 1980), it states:

“As far as anonymity was concerned, we knew who we were. It wasn’t only A.A., but our social life. All of our lives seemed to be spent together. We took people home with us to dry out. The Cleveland group had the names, addresses, and phone numbers of all the members,” said Warren. “In fact, I remember Dr. Bob saying, ‘If I got up and gave my name as Dr. Bob S., people who needed help would have a hard time getting in touch with me.'”

Warren recalled: “He (Dr. Bob) said there were two ways to break the anonymity Tradition: (1) by giving your name at the public level of press or radio; (2) by being so anonymous that you can’t be reached by other drunks.”

In an article in the February 1969 Grapevine, D.S. of San Mateo, California, wrote that Dr. Bob commented on the Eleventh Tradition as follows:

“Since our Tradition on anonymity designates the exact level where the line should be held, it must be obvious to everyone who can read and understand the English language that to maintain anonymity at any other level is definitely a violation of this ‘Tradition’.

Ladies what do you feel about anonymity? Are you open within your group about your last name? Do you agree with Dr Bob?

Feb 07: Getting What You Need

Getting What You Need

While I was considering what topic I would lead with today, I randomly opened a meditation book I read daily. It opened to a passage in which the author told of reading of a best-selling writer who had suddenly lost her child in a freak accident. The author commented that her eyes looked out the window at her own child bouncing a tennis ball off the house, and she realized that she had exactly what she needed in that moment. She whispered a prayer “Help me to remember that all I have is all I need.”

One of the most significant lessons for me in sobriety has been to realize that although I may not always get what I want, I always get what I need. I learned this fairly early in my sobriety when at two years sober, I suffered a loss that was devastating to me. I was heartbroken and in so much pain that I didn’t believe there was any point in being sober.

At the time I lived near a beach and I stopped at the beach, saying to myself that I would spend an hour on the beach, and then I would go to a liquor store. As I walked down the road to the beach, I ran into a young man that I didn’t know well, but I did know that he was also a friend of Bill W. He suggested we spend some time together talking on the beach, and we did. Talking to a sober friend calmed me down and reminded me that I did in fact want to be sober and that picking up a drink wouldn’t get rid of my pain – it would only postpone it. But I knew in that moment of encountering this earthly angel at exactly that moment, I knew I would always get exactly what I needed to get through one 24-hour period.

Later, during a time of extreme turbulence in my sobriety when my late husband was actively addicted to crack cocaine, I had an Al-Anon sponsor that kept reminding me of that lesson. Whenever I would call her extremely distraught about the external situation I was in that I was powerless over, she would say, “Be quiet a minute. Are you getting what you need today?” I always had to admit that I was. I have lost touch with that beautiful woman, but on stressful days, I can still hear her voice saying “Are you getting what you need today?”

This week, I would love to hear how you recognize that you are getting what you need in your sobriety. Have you met just the right sponsor or friend at just the right time? Have you read just the right passage in a book that helped you get through another day or heard just the right message at a meeting? As always, you are welcome to share on or off this topic.

Jan 31: Contempt Prior to Investigation

Contempt Prior to Investigation

In the Fourth Edition of the Big Book, there is a quote by Herbert Spencer on BB page 568 that reads:

“There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance — that principle is contempt prior to investigation.”

I chose this quote following an incident that I had this week in the grocery store. I was shopping and trying to reach something above my head. Whenever I do this post-accident, I get very dizzy and stagger a bit, and it appears to anyone watching that I have had a liquid lunch. It appears that way because I keep trying to get what I am after off the shelf, and the more attempts, I make the more dizzy I become. It is not pleasant, it is embarrassing but it is what it is.

This week when trying to shop, a member of the fellowship who I had not seen or spoken to in some time was witness to this phenomenon in my life. She reached the thing I was after and told me to “get my ass back to a meeting that I knew better than to drink,” and she walked away. She didn’t ask me any questions, she made up her mind and decided she knew everything. I had no chance to respond. I got a taste of my own medicine.

When working the steps early in my program, I was unwilling to investigate the gift of spirituality offered me. I often crossed my arms and was adamant that it wouldn’t work, wasn’t for me … I have since learned different … but I had to put away my contempt to be open to the lessons.

I would like to hear your interpretations of the quote or about anything else you feel a need to share.

Jan 24: Choosing to Surrender

Choosing to Surrender

I have been reading and looking at Step 1 this month. It was only when I was broken and desperate enough that I chose to surrender and come to AA for help. Back when I was a kid, we played “uncle” — you would get tickled until you couldn’t take it anymore and then you would cry “UNCLE” and the person would have to stop. That’s kind of how I felt coming to AA — crying UNCLE — I couldn’t stop that the craving/obsession to drink.

It wasn’t just drinking that was the problem — my entire life was unmanageable. I didn’t necessarily think so at first. I only wanted “help” with my drinking problem. I could not imagine that I would never drink again. Alcohol was my best friend. Great friend, huh? My life was a mess and I thought (my best thinking) that I had it “ALL under control”. It’s almost comical looking back at it now.

Surrender seems like a continuously difficult thing to do, but gradually I am learning that it’s my choice whether I surrender or not. It’s a better choice. This weekend is a perfect example — the east coast storm.

I work at hospital, and this is my on call weekend. Due to the weather (I am powerless over it), the hospital has required all on call staff to spend the weekend at the hospital. Not one part of me desires to do this — I can come up with lots of reasons and arguments and be mad and pouty. BUT I am choosing NOT to take that approach — I have to keep reminding myself of that throughout the day. In fact, I wrote a gratitude list this morning after I woke up. (My sponsor has suggested that I pray and ask God how I can be of service to the patients and staff and take the focus off my situation.)

As I choose to surrender and turn things/situations over to my higher power, my life is simpler and easier to maneuver. I do not have it all together — very far from it — I can say that I am growing and getting better, and that’s a nice feeling.

Please feel free to share how you choose to surrender in your life and how that works for you.

Jan 17: Happy Usefulness

Happy Usefulness

“Those of us who have spent much time in the world of spiritual make-believe have eventually seen the childishness of it. This dream world has been replaced by a great sense of purpose, accompanied by a growing consciousness of the power of God in our lives. We have come to believe He would like us to keep our heads in the clouds with Him, but that our feet ought to be firmly planted on earth. That is where our fellow travelers are, and that is where our work must be done. These are the realities for us. We have found nothing incompatible between a powerful spiritual experience and a life of sane and happy usefulness.” 
Alcoholics Anonymous, page 130

Before coming to the rooms, I used to be so darn self-absorbed. I would tell you that I was selfless, doing for others, but really it was only to get something in return. I had low self-esteem, yet I only thought of myself. All the time.

Enter the program, the steps, the ES&H of you ladies and my sponsor, and I have come to find my purpose. It is to be useful to my family, my friends and my employer … and to my God. Today I am grateful that I know my purpose, and I am grateful for the peace that it brings me.

Today I can speak slowly, clearly, and with purpose. My actions are thought out and organized (most of the time.) The reality of my life today is that, thanks to several spiritual awakenings, I am useful. I know that, thanks to the God of my understanding, nothing is impossible, and everything is possible.

I have dreams today. I know that keeping my feet firmly planted in this program, I can achieve these dreams. There’s no need to worry. I need only to trust and have faith that so long as I keep doing the next right thing. And in doing so, dreams that I didn’t even know I had will also come true …

Please share on this topic or anything else that’s on your mind.

Jan 10: Boundaries

Boundaries

I have been thinking about the holiday season with its heightened emotions and extra activities and how my approach has changed from year to year as I learn more about my preferences.

I was at a restaurant with others in a small group, some of whom I had never met before. I discussed with the waiter my “alcohol allergy.” I enquired about a meal that was described in the menu as having some kind of alcohol base on the steamed greens. After receiving assurances that the chef could easily provide the meal alcohol free, I ordered it.

The restaurant was busy, and when the meal finally came out I immediately tried the greens and knew straight away they had served me a meal with alcohol.

After a discussion with the waitress, she started talking about alcohol being cooked off while others at the table looked on and even behaved as though I was being difficult to get along with. Of course, when I told the waitress this was unacceptable, she took the plate away and returned within minutes announcing that another identical meal was coincidentally just being prepared and I could have that instead.

Despite my reticence, I tried the greens again. Being super sensitive to the taste of alcohol, I could recognise the taste of it immediately. The plate looked exactly the same and it seemed to me that the veges had been, if you can believe it, “rinsed off”. By this point others at the table were taking quite an interest in my meal instead of their own.

I left the meal on the table uneaten. I did not trust the kitchen and no longer wanted to eat in this restaurant, so I decided to focus on conversation instead. Someone at the table, who didn’t know me, even began making veiled comments about appreciation and the art of being flexible in a busy restaurant.

My point is this. I couldn’t care less! I just absolutely didn’t care! Maybe there would have been a time when making what appears to be a scene matters to me, or going hungry matters to me, or what I think others think of me matters to me, but when it comes to my sobriety (I don’t care) about any of those things. I speak up and behave according to my own truth no matter what, without feeling a need to explain or excuse myself, and if it gets down to it, I will do whatever it takes to take best care of me without a moment’s hesitation. Regardless of the fall out. Anywhere, anytime.

My partner wasn’t with me during that meal, and when she found out she was angry. She told me she would have wanted to storm the kitchen or insist on speaking to management, demanding satisfaction and refunds or whatever. I understand this is because she cares, and the way it unfolded was unacceptable to her.

But my HP and I have an understanding. God removes the obsession and compulsion, and I take care of the leg work, guided by God’s will as I understand it, and by our steps and our traditions. By the program principles, again, as I understand them. For me, this is about setting boundaries, and it also means going quietly about the business of being vigilant. Being responsible and accountable for myself in all matters pertaining to alcohol, without depending upon or involving anyone else where possible. And in this instance, I decided to avoid any more controversy. For me, the level of escalation and drama would have become detrimental to my peace of mind, so I chose to remain calm, seated at the table, and talking to the other guests.

And I am wondering …

In addition to attending meetings and doing the steps, what does vigilance mean to each of us, and how do we practice it in practical ways to protect our boundaries? What lines in the sand have we drawn in advance to keep ourselves safe from the unexpected?

My own vigilance in order to protect my boundaries, in the first instance, along with attending meetings and handing over to my HP, was to make sure that no alcohol entered my body or my psyche, through the taste of it, the smell of it, the touch of it, or even the idea of it. To this end, I started reading all labels including medicines, stayed away from people, places and events, where alcohol was a focus – or where it would be a focus for me (which was everywhere and everyone in those first days), and always asked questions when eating away from home.

Later on, those things became habit. And I still do them today. In fact, perhaps today I do them as much as ever so that complacency cannot get a foot in the door. I need to always respect this disease and my powerlessness over it. And to remember those aspects of this disease that hide so effectively. Denial, justification, self-sabotage, rationalisation, and the list goes on.

And so today it is within my boundaries to expect whoever is drinking to clean up their own bottles and glasses. This is my preference. It’s not that I can’t, it’s just that I don’t pick up bottles and glasses, full or empty. I have no business doing that. I also expect whoever is doing the drinking to buy their own alcohol. Again, it’s not that I can’t, it’s just that I don’t.

It is not my preference to stop in at the pub or bottle shop while I am out doing the grocery shopping. And the food I eat is 100% clean. I avoid eating in pubs with the smell of alcohol soaked into the carpets, not because I am at immediate risk but because I prefer not to. The conversations I have about the drinking days are only ever connected to twelve step work. I do not reminisce and would never compare drunkalogues. And at the end-of-day drink o’clock time I choose to walk the dog, or read a book. etc. or sit quietly by myself. I rarely sit around in drinking get-togethers with a soda in my hand. The habit and ritual is unacceptable to me.

Maybe these boundaries seem extreme to some, but for me there is no such thing as over reacting when it comes to keeping myself sober, straight, safe, and sane. And while I don’t make a loud song and dance about it, I know what is negotiable and not negotiable for me, and I act accordingly. I have communicated much of this to those closest to me and with whom there is mutual trust.

Having boundaries means I don’t test limits. I just take care of me, in the same way, all the time, without exceptions. So it doesn’t matter if it’s Christmas, some other celebration, or a lazy Sunday afternoon with family or friends, my vigilance does not rest, and my preferred boundaries remain in place.

What about you? What boundaries do you have, and how vigilant are you in maintaining them?

Please feel welcome to share on the topic of boundaries or on anything else that may come up for you.

Jan 03: Just For Today

Just For Today

Here we are in a new year, and it’s easy to get caught up in looking ahead, making plans and fearing the future. One of the first things I was told when I came to AA was that I only had to do this thing today, just for today. I had been a daily drinker, and for many years, it was not possible for me to make two days in a row sober. The concept of just staying sober today was, therefore, acceptable to me. Doing it was a very different thing.

My mind constantly wandered to tomorrow. Could I stay sober tomorrow too? How would I do it? And what would I do when I failed? Slowly, I found strategies for getting through today without a drink. For me, it was often one hour at a time. I’d give myself permission to have that drink … in an hour. Then I’d get busy with some task. Before I knew it, a few hours had passed. I’d give myself permission again to have a drink … in an hour. This way, I managed to string days together and stay sober. I had the cleanest oven in Northern Virginia!

As time passed, as I did the steps and worked with my sponsor, as I attended meetings every day, I began to learn that this approach worked for life too. All I had to do was get through this one day without freaking out. I began to ask in my morning prayer that HP get me through this day without a drink OR an emotional meltdown. I could always thank him for keeping me from drinking, but often, I had to ignore the emotional meltdown part in my bedtime prayer.

Early sobriety is so hard emotionally. I drank to become numb to my emotions, which were usually dark, angry, resentful, hurt. I would go on ’emotional drunks’ every couple of months. They’d last for about two weeks before I was finally exhausted and willing to let go and let God. Little by little, I began to trust my HP’s solutions rather than try to force my own. Things got better. Life got easier when all I focused on was this one day. I learned that Just for Today worked as well for life as it did for not drinking.

Over time, living Just for Today has become more important. I find that when I can stay in this one day, life is pretty easy. Problems may arise, but it will be ok. All I have to do is let my HP handle it and go about my business. The impact of my emotions is not nearly so severe as it once was. I can actually handle them – mostly by giving them to God. I don’t have to solve everything now. I can make plans, but they are always subject to revision, depending on what is going on in the omnipresent today.

It took a LOT of practice – a lot of trial and error – to get to the point where Just for Today is my Number One tool for sobriety and for life. There were many times when it seemed impossible. But I have figured something out …

Today is literally all there is. It is the only time I can make the choice not to drink. It is the only day I can nurture friendships or apply one of the program’s tools. Most important, it is the only day I can experience the rich relationship I have with my Higher Power. Today is truly the only day that exists. Living in that space is both comfortable and rewarding.

My suggestion for the topic is Just for Today. Are you struggling with living in this one day? What are or have been your challenges? And how has this approach changed you and your life? Of course, please feel free to share on anything you need to talk about.

Dec 27: Keep the Faith

Keep the Faith

I’d like to suggest as a topic for this week an excerpt from page 104 of the book, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions:

In AA we have found that the actual good results of prayer are beyond question. They are matters of knowledge and experience. All those who have persisted have found strength not ordinarily their own. They have found wisdom beyond their usual capability. And, they have increasingly found a peace of mind which can stand firm in the face of difficult circumstances.

This reminder is helpful to me because … sometimes God doesn’t seem to be listening to me … or “obeying.” <smile> Sometimes it seems that my prayers go “unanswered.” That can feel discouraging and cause me to “lose faith” … however, one of the wonderful things about this Program is that the more I participate, the more I receive reminders in ways big and small that prayers ARE answered! You recovering ladies tell me and show me that.

And, as I reflect back, I can see that the more I try to do the “next right thing” the more I find that “God does for me what I could not do for myself” [Big Book p 83-84]. Sometimes, God answers prayers that I didn’t even know I was praying! What is important for me is that I keep the faith and keep working my Program and doing the next right thing. God will make it all okay.

We are told that ” … those who have persisted have found strength not ordinarily their own … and wisdom beyond their usual capability … and peace of mind which can stand firm in the face of difficult circumstances …” For me, getting and staying sober is absolute proof that God has done amazing things for me that I could not do for myself. And there have been many, many other miracles and testaments to God’s care and guidance in my life. Participating in this Program (sharing, working the Steps) reminds me of that on a daily basis and reminds me to Keep The Faith.

I am honored to lead this meeting and encourage you to share on this topic or however you feel led to share. Thanks.

Dec 20: Thy Will Be Done

Thy Will Be Done

From page 87-88 of the big book…
“As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day “Thy will be done.” We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves. It works-it really does.”

Before coming around the rooms, I believed in A God but didn’t trust my life with said God.

I foolishly burned my energy forcing my will in any and all situations. I didn’t ask for help because I assumed no one would help me. Or if they did; then I would owe them and I didn’t want to do that.

It was all about me. If you weren’t going to do for me (expecting nothing in return) then I had moved on.

I isolated. I was lonely. I was agitated and doubtful, thinking I had to do it all. And yet I couldn’t get it done because, well I lacked hope and faith. I had no idea what I was doing. Barely living. Just existing really.

Enter the program of AA and developing a belief and a relationship with the God of my understanding, I learned to trust that everything is and would continue to be ok! All I had to do was follow a few suggestions. Ask for help in the morning and thank god at night. When I’m looking for the right thought or action I ask that Gods will be done. NOT MINE.

Thanks to my God for granting me the gift of an ounce of humility. I’m a more productive and useful person when I’m living in accordance to my Gods will.

This is the easier softer way of living. It works. It really, really does.

Please share on your experience of Gods will working in your life.