Unconditional Love

Cunning, Baffling, Powerful

Freedom

Step 5

HOW

There are a lot of acronyms in the program of AA. One that has been significant to me is HOW. HOW— Honest, Open, and Willing. When I was drinking, I was dishonest, closed to suggestions, and unwilling to make changes in my life. I thought everyone else was the problem—they caused me to drink. The whole idea of being honest scared me to the core. I was afraid if people found out who I was they wouldn’t like me. When I heard that HOW was a way to live I didn’t think I could do it. It was daunting. My sponsor suggested that I pray to become willing– willing to be open and willing to be honest. That’s what I did. That was and still is a scary prayer…”God help me be willing to work these steps, willing to take suggestions, willing to humble myself, willing to be vulnerable. I would love to hear your thoughts on honesty, openness and willingness.
Thanks for letting me chair.

Kind regards,
Karrie

More Will Be Revealed

“Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us.” (page 164, Alcoholics Anonymous)

My name is Nydia and I am an alcoholic. I am grateful I can be of service this week as the topic leader, thank you Grow.

More is revealed – slowly – in God’s time not mine. Every time I see those words in A Vision for You, I am reminded: be teachable Nydia. The Universe or Life continues to unfold. If I am teachable, then I can be open to the wonder of it.

In sobriety I am discovering more about myself, my family, who are my friends, what I like, what I am passionate about, where I feel safe and where I need to step out of my comfort zone. I am learning how I can be of service and a friend among friends.

I am also learning, to say “I don’t know”, recognise when I am lost and be open to seeing something from another point of view. It is a leap of faith: at times scary, at times fun and always adventurous.

What has been revealed to you?

Let Go…Let God

There Are No Coincidences

Hello, my name is Allison M and I am a grateful recovering alcoholic.

How many times do we hear in sobriety that there are no coincidences? I’ve heard them called God shots. I have also heard that coincidences are God’s way of remaining anonymous.

In my drinking days, I had lots of grandiose plans and zero energy to set any of them in motion. I drifted along in life like a twig in a river. When something went well for me, I happily took credit for my hard work – it never occurred to me that a Power was setting events in motion that even I couldn’t mess up.

With a bit of time sober and the clarity it gives me, I now know that my HP is always at work, way ahead of me, with a wonderful plan that will unfold if I don’t fight it or second-guess. I often can’t see until later that a series of random happenings has culminated in just what I needed, like being introduced to the person who brought me to my first meeting (we were shopping in a consignment store with mutual friends), or holding the door for a stranger who shows up as a newcomer at a meeting that evening.

I remind myself often that I can only see my little corner of the puzzle while my HP has a birds-eye view. What appears to me to be a setback or a hardship may actually be putting me in the path of someone or something that becomes a significant turning point in my life better than anything I could think up on my own.

What “coincidences” have helped your recovery or brought you an unexpected blessing? Please share your experiences about There Are No Coincidences, or whatever is affecting your sobriety today. I look forward to hearing what you have to say!

Don’t Take Yourself So Seriously

“A little humour is good for the soul-regardless of how old you may be”. Or how long you have been sober.

Dealing With Loss

Hi beautiful GROWING women. My name is Alison B. and I am an alcoholic. Thank you so much for the birthday wishes this past week!

I had an interesting experience this morning. It is not exactly how I chose to begin my day. It went something like this. My home group is “Chicks with Chips”, and we have a Step Study on Thursday evening. Last Thursday I noticed I did not have my 12×12 Step Study book in my car in its usual spot when I arrived at my meeting. No big deal. I made a mental note to look for it when I got home. I forgot all about it until this morning. I recalled meeting my Sponsor a week ago to go over my Step 1. I had taken my books and notepad into the restaurant when I met with her. I was pretty sure I must have forgotten the bag of books at the restaurant. No big deal. I simply called the restaurant. Well, they did not have my bag of books.

Here is where things began to accelerate for me…….I began an earnest search of the house. Mostly my office, as that is where I would have left it. I checked my car twice. I began to get anxious. I simply could not find them anywhere. My former sponsor gave me that Step Study book 26 years ago. And my Big Book was almost as old. I had so many tidbits of wisdom from the women of AA in that little step book. I began to cry. I had lost so much wisdom. I went out to the shop to cry on my husband’s shoulder. He was sympathetic. He helped me look again.

We checked the car together, we looked in closets together. My tears subsided. I sat down at my desk and began to look for the silver lining. I realized I was beginning the 12 Steps again, in part to celebrate my 26 years of sobriety, but also because I felt a bit complacent with my program. As I had lost my books, I figured my Higher Power must want me to begin with new books. Why else would I have lost them? I grieved for my lost memory a bit too. Not just the ones I had written in the book, but my 63 year old mind just does not remember stuff like it used too. This has become a bit of a problem for me. Oh, I can still find my way home, lol, but I struggle with small stuff now on a regular basis. (Post-its have become my external brain. That and the “Notes” App in my phone!) I realized that I was grieving as much for my mostly short term memory loss as I was for the loss of my special AA books. At this point I paused.

I let go. I let go of the books and my sadness, and all of it. I chose to trust that God had the perfect plan for me. I would simply go purchase new books on Monday. That’s when it happened. My husband walks into my office for a second time. He reaches over beside me. And right there on the shelf were my books! (By now I was pretty sure that I must have been a little too attached.) I was also sure that God was right there with me the whole time. I had not had an occasion to cry like that in a long time. In fact, it has been a few years since I had felt such loss and the sadness that goes along with it. It was cathartic for me. It was all perfect. It was all part of a divine plan for me. Once again I am restored to sanity. I am grounded. I have a much better contact with my Higher Power right now than I did when I got up this morning.

I am losing my short term memory, ever so slowly. It is the natural course of this aging process. God has a plan for me. It will all work out perfectly. I have less vested in the outcome of my plans today. That is that. Tomorrow I will begin Step 2. If truth be told, I began Step 2 this morning. Lol In conclusion, it turns out I cannot ever “lose” the wisdom that I have acquired from years of Step Study meetings with AA women. It is apparently a part of my tapestry. There is magic in working the 12 Steps!

Blessings,

Alison B.

Fear and Courage

Welcome to this week’s meeting and congratulations to every awesome lady celebrating another day of sobriety.

Since joining AA I have learned a lot about how fear has driven so many of the bad decisions and behaviors I’ve made since my teen years – which is when my troubles started. In spite of growing up in a relatively happy home with two awesome parents in a lovely neighborhood in southern California, I had no confidence to cope with life’s challenges that hit during those years of puberty. In hindsight, I think I felt afraid most of the time, and unlike my siblings I didn’t manage this well.

My coping mechanisms were all destructive: I began with a few personal bad habits, then began to overeat to soothe myself which only compounded my anxieties and self-image as I grew larger. High school was a disaster, I sabotaged all prior success in school by hanging out with the bad kids, started taking drugs and drinking. By my early 20’s, I didn’t think much of myself and succumbed to having sex with any man that was interested. I could write a book about the awful things I did between the ages of 16 and 24, suffice it to say life wasn’t pretty.

I ‘cleaned up my act’ to some degree by the time I was in my late twenties, but until recently I did not understand the powerful emotion of fear and the impacts it has on me. When a fear comes up in my mind, I’m often too pre-occupied or busy to even notice, the master at burying that which I don’t want to deal with because it’s painful. Then my unhealthy ‘go to’ coping remedies take over (drinking, overeating, trying to control others, etc.). This has been a very destructive pattern for most of my life causing harm in all of my relationships and many bad decisions that are based in fear. The fear that people won’t like me, that conflict will come up if I say what I need to say, or do what I need to do, fear that others might not approve.

Thanks to the 12 steps, I don’t care any longer where this character defect stems from, I am just grateful now that I recognize it and have the tools to address it. This has made a huge difference in how I think and subsequently behave. Once I recognize and face a fear, I eventually muster up the courage to give it to God, which often times helps me to take action if needed. I might still feel afraid temporarily, but having the courage to move through the situation like a responsible adult brings a marvelous improvement in the quality of my life!

I look forward to hearing how each of you handles fear and experience courage to move through it.

Gratefully, Susan

Relationships in Recovery

Hello GROW!

It’s March in the desert and that means visitors. Next week one of the people coming down to enjoy the weather will be my dad.

I have not lived in my hometown for almost 25 years. For most of that time I spent vacations visiting my dad. And I resented it. I resented the fact that my dad had never come to visit me. I felt hurt by his lack of interest in spending time with me. When I got sober, I saw that I had a lot of expectations: in short, I wanted my dad to become the dad I wanted him to be.

Over time, I have stepped back. Today I only call when I am feeling spiritually centered. I try to accept him as he is. Most importantly, I am learning to approve of myself, instead of waiting for him to approve of me.

And last year my dad came to visit me for the first time.

I have time boundaries around our interactions and bring my HP along to help me release my expectations.I have learned to say “You could be right,” instead of arguing. Today, I use my interactions with Dad to focus on what is important to me: practicing tolerance and limit setting.

How have your relationships changed as you’ve changed in sobriety? What are some of the tools you use to adjust yourself to “what is”f?

Looking forward to hearing you share on this topic or whatever is going on in your Program this week. Thanks for allowing me to be of service!

X

Kirsten

We admitted we were alcoholic and our lives had become unmanageable

As always -I love looking up definitions. When I walked into AA, I came in with two kids, a marriage, a good job, I was and still am self employed. I hadn’t lost anything other than my self respect, my health, and my sanity. My daily mantra was ” Is this all there is” It took 6 months of therapy, after I stopped drinking to get me to see how unmanageable my life truly was. I am listing the synonyms below to help you identify with the word.

Synonyms of unmanageable
froward, headstrong, incontrollable, intractable, recalcitrant, refractory, uncontrollable, ungovernable, unruly, untoward, wayward, willful (or wilful)

Words related to unmanageable
bullheaded, contrary, difficult, hardheaded, incorrigible, intransigent, mulish, obdurate, obstinate, opinionated,perverse, pigheaded, self-willed, stiff, stiff-necked, stubborn, undisciplined, unpunished, uncontrolled, wild, boisterous, irrepressible, rambunctious, rowdy, disobedient, indocile, insubordinate, rebellious, misbehaving, naughty

(hmm now I thought those were mostly fun) Much to my chagrin, I still enjoy being boisterous, wild, rowdy and uncontrolled… well they say it’s progress. So I am also listing the replacements for unmanageability. These are the words I am working on including into my life, today.

Near Antonyms of unmanageable
docile, obedient, well-behaved, compliant, placable, pliable, submissive, yielding, accepting, persuadable, receptive, responsive, willing, reasonable, temperate, trainable

By replacing the former with the latter, I am learning that I can have the life I have always wanted. Which words resonate with you, and which ones are you working at replacing in your life? As always, If theres something you need to share, please do.

Thanks for the opportunity to be of service.

Laurie

Online AA

My name is Nancy C and I am a very grateful alcoholic. It is an honor for me to Chair the GROW Meeting this week. It was February 17, 1997 that I first found online AA and my gratitude is eternal.

I sent a message to join the online group then got drunk and sent another message with just HELP in the Subject line. When I got up the next morning, there were messages from so many dear sober ladies telling me their stories and encouraging me to join them in sober living.

At first, I thought that this was my answer, not going to meetings in my town but instead doing my sober journey online. There were many ladies who pointed out that I needed to get to face-to-face meetings so people could look me in the eye and give me real hugs. It took me 2 weeks but I finally attended my first meeting on a Sunday morning and another one that night. Attended 90 meetings in 90 days and this gave me a great start on my sober journey. Met so many wonderful, helpful people who have been an important part of my life the past 22 years.

I still stayed in the online group and joined GROW when it started and found it so helpful to have a meeting and sharing available 24/7. On sleepless nights, I would get online and straighten out my stinking thinking! For four years, I was so fortunate to meet face-to-face many members of the online group at a retreat in Georgia. Awesome memories from those gatherings.

I had a sponsor here in my town who helped me immensely and had an online sponsor who I became very close to and would visit each year for my AA Birthday. She sadly passed away 2 1/2 years ago, just 5 weeks after my husband of 51 years suddenly passed away.

I have always had a very special connection to online AA and was privileged to volunteer at the OIAA (Online Intergroup Alcoholics Anonymous)Hospitality Suite at the 70th International AA Conference in Toronto ON Canada in 2005. It was fun to introduce my local AA friends to my online friends!

Both face-to-face AA and online AA mean the world to me but online will always have a special place in my heart. I would love to hear from you women this week what your experiences with online AA have been or whatever you need to share about with the group.

Thank you for the opportunity to Chair this week,

Nancy C

God Could and Would If He Were Sought

GOD COULD AND WOULD IF HE WERE SOUGHT from HOW IT WORKS

It has been said that there are no atheists in foxholes. As so many of us know, we sought a foxhole for refuge from alcoholism. It brought us to our knees to ask for help from a Higher Power, even if we didn’t have or understand one. And we were given the help we sought whether or not it seemed we deserved it. When we cleared up, of course, many of us began to question the existence of a Higher Power. Isn’t that just like us!

Having sought a foxhole from raging emotions recently, I found myself unable to identify a way out. While the wonderful women of GROW reached out to me, I was stuck in hurt, fear and hopelessness. My sponsor, a very spiritual woman, immediately noticed I was not seeking my Higher Power. She has a joyful spirituality, even after a lot of pain in her life and does not lack for a sense of humor. We even got to a point of her asking if I had been ‘sought-ing’ today (if He were sought…you got it). She also pointed out that after please should come thank you.

My relationship with a Higher Power has been touch and go throughout the years. Blame it on upbringing, blame it on me. However, in these last 2 years, we seem to have become much closer. I am starting to experience a tangible feel of His presence. Of course, it is I who is moving closer to Him. I doubt He ever moved. It seems always to take a lot to get my attention. I can only say that I hope that my attentiveness grows. Then it may not take such prolonged painful events to get me to turn to the God of my understanding.

There is a particular point in this suggestion from the Big Book. In order to receive help, we must keep an open dialog with our Higher Power. For me, there has been a lot of magical thinking around a Higher Power. For example, I thought, He will just know what I want–I don’t have to ask. The only action I have to take is to ask. And it is not my place to be guiding our Higher Power on how to get the job done! Someone wryly commented that If you insist on what you want, you may lose what you need. That is worthy of thought. AA is a simple program for complicated people.

I only have to say Please Help. I have received blessings and answers to my prayers with so little effort. While our prayers most often are on behalf of others, there is a time that I must declare my powerlessness and humility and go directly to my Higher Power for help for myself. He never disappoints! Oh sure, I may not be given what I think should get, but I always get what I need. From time to time I look at what I received when I prayed and see how spot-on the answer was. So often it turns out not to be what I thought I needed. This really is How It Works.

Barbara

Life On Life’s Terms

We hear the phrase, :”Life on life’s terms” often in our Program. I look at it this way: Every day life is handed to me as my Higher Power directs it to be. I often say to my sponsees: “Life happens — -It’s how I respond to it that is important”!

I also describe it this way: “BORN HERE – – -TIC, TIC, TIC, TIC, TIC, TIC, TIC, TIC, TIC, AND DIE HERE”! I can’t go back one tic or go forward one time. I am in THIS TIC – – -right here, right now! Nowwwwwwwwwwwwww, that tic is over!!! I often look down at my feet to remind myself where I am: “Ohhhh — -Here I am!”

I find each tic is a choice! Today I feel I have the responsibility to not only carry the message but also to carry it on in a positive manner! Imagine it the entire world felt this way – – -there would be no wars!

It’s an privilege to present our topic for the week. I look forward on your take on this subject,

Susanne Murphys, CA 8/17/91

Gifts of Sobriety

Hello to all in this fantastic group and thank you for helping to keep us connected in sober cyber space.

I’ve been thinking a lot about gifts of sobriety as I approach my 7 year anniversary on Monday this week.

Partly this is because the further away from the beginning I stay sober, it can be easy to take things for granted and lose gratitude which has been me recently.

Over winter, I’ve been in the doldrums. In the summer last year I got myself into a fantastic routine of getting up early before the rest of my family, and my work and starting the day with silence prayers, meditation and yoga. I was motoring along great feeling a little complacent and smug perhaps thinking this would last for ever…

But further into a busy academic year, I overdid the yoga, and in a fit of resentment towards someone who was messing around at the gym not using the machines ( didn’t she know I had a busy job , kids to feed at home, me me me stuff) when I rushed and injured my shoulder. My impatience and self importance rearing it’s ugly head.

Roll on December and busy busy work as a musician and teacher whilst still in severe pain I got a nasty chest infection very physically and mentally run down . Upshot was by January ,3 months in, and a stone heavier, I was swerving way way off routine and feeling pretty sorry for myself. (I have a tendency to over do it and pay for it later!!)

Needless to say although I think I know my programme ,and usually think I know when I’m off balance, it’s incredibly easy to veer off in the wrong direction. Thankfully in late Jan early Feb I’m slowly slowly finding my way back to health and mental sobriety but it’s taken a while.

The important reminder for me is that in the dark days of “poor me ” I completely lost sight of ” but you’re still sober” and any gratitude to the tools I’ve been given.

Now I’m back to a daily morning and evening routine and recording my gratitude. And it’s so true that gratitude changes attitude. But I’m trying to remember my perfection- ism and say easy does it and what I can fit in is good enough.

So this essentially is a long way round to saying I’m really keen to recalibrate and reflect on the gifts of sobriety which I’d somehow forgotten having overdone it big time.

What are the immediate gifts of sobriety that spring to mind? Here are mine.

The biggest is peace of mind – losing the daily angst, self flagellation and hatred, and knowing if that inner dialogue starts I’m off kilter and need to re-set.

Another gift is self awareness around my “isms”. Perfectionism and being impatient with myself and others still loom large but generally I have a strategy and if I don’t I have a front row set of friends who can tell me.

I love that old pleasures and interests have returned. The things I loved before the drinking years. A renewed interest in theatre and my music. I’ve now joined a stunning choir here in Oxford UK, which just brings me huge amounts of joy.

I love reading and I’m back to enjoying historical novels. All these things were lost to me in the years of drink. I couldn’t sit through a play if I’d had a drink without being restless irritable and discontent and I used to read and re read chapters in books as I’d not be focussed and forget what I’d read the night before. I’d decided all my drinking friends who were musicians just made it worse and I had so many drunken nights with them I’d kind of lost connection to music.

New pastimes also have been gifts – namely Mindfulness and Pilates/ yoga . A different gift of desperation – a rock bottom of a different type in 2014 opened me up to the huge benefits of these practices to keep in my sobriety tool kit.

Enjoying what is is another big gift- simple things such as smelling the grass as the seasons change, just being attuned and alert to the world around me. Not having smoked so many cigarettes or drunk so many wines it didn’t make any difference weather it was October or February.

Another gift is a better – generally lol – way of dealing with being acutely sensitive, having a quick temper and and needing now to reflect not react. Mostly!!!

Twice this week someone has said something to me where I’ve felt hurt and instantly stung. But that all too quick surge of rising anger in my stomach was replaced by pause, hand it over, detach, ” it’s not about you” , writing it out – which I’ve discovered helps loads- and getting the adult part of my head to talk down the fearful child reactive bit.

The gift of 24 hours helps me daily. Being able to start again the next or even same day better again having not dealt with things well. Reflecting re- sizing and re addressing things and being in better mental shape to be around others – be it my children, my students or family, friends in and out of the fellowship.

omeone once told me another brilliant gift from A.A. is you can bring your children up with the twelve steps. It’s a way of living for everyone in the family. As loving and kind as my own parents were and still are I don’t think they or I knew many strategies for dealing with life and other people when things go ” not according to plan”. I’m so aware that I can help me and my kids ( one of whom has all the isms that I do) cope better.

I’m also aware how fortunate I am that my kids can’t remember me as a drunk mum.

There’s so much else I could say about gifts I have received in this last seven years, amazing women I’ve met in the fellowship, and so so much more, but genuinely I’m really keen to hear from others in this amazing group –

What had sobriety given you in terms of gifts? and which things still trip you up or do you need reminding of?

My blessings to all of you for a wonderful 24 hours and thank you for all your wonderful guidance as part of my sobriety tool kit.

Ellie

Words to Live By

For our topic today I am using a reading from A Day at a Time, Words to Live By – A Hazelden meditation book.

“Have I ever stopped to think that the impulse to “blow off steam” and say something unkind or even vicious will, if followed through, hurt me far more seriously than the person to whom the insult is directed? I must try constantly to quiet my mind before I act with impatience or hostility for my mind can be-in a very real way-an enemy as great as any I’ve ever known. Will I look before I leap, think before I speak-and try to avoid self-will to the greatest extent possible?”

When I first got sober and had my profound spiritual experience, I did everything more slowly. I thought over every comment, every word, before they left my mouth. I even meditated on what God’s will would be for each and every action. As years went by I became more accustomed to this way of thinking and acting as it had became 2nd nature (this was told to me by my sponsor because I was worried I did not process the same as in the beginning).

I seem now to have lost some of this ability. It may due to long term sobriety and my complacency with it, I am not sure. I am not as bad as I was during my using days but would like to have that God consciousness again. I want to slow down more, think about what I am going to say more and stop being as judgemental as I have become. I have acted more impatiently on occasions of losing my temper or becoming frustrated. This has truly bothered me and I am embarrassed over these incidents. I have a new sponsor and hope our work together will put me back into my God conscious state of mind.

Please share if you have had any issues with this or about anything you need to talk about today.

Hugs, Lynn H. DOS 9/30/96

Step One

It is January, and many women have already shared on Step One. However, in our October business meeting, we considered dedicating one week of each month to the corresponding step. We will discuss this again in April. I’d love to hear what you think about dedicating one meeting each month to the corresponding step.

It’s January, so Step One is on the table. I never doubted that I was an alcoholic. I was compulsively drawn to anything that took my feelings away long before I ever tasted alcohol. When I finally did have my first drink, I got drunk. I loved it. It made me sociable and sexy. I was able to talk to people. I could dance better. I could play pool (between the second and third drink). I never had one or two drinks. I always got drunk. That was the goal. So, when I got to AA, my powerlessness over mind-altering substances was not an issue.

The unmanageability of my life was. For a very long time, I was high-functioning despite my dependence on booze, pot, pills, food. I didn’t miss work. It was my punishment for getting so drunk the night before. I got promotions and raises. My friends were all partiers, too, so no one noticed how much I drank. For many years, I was able to fake it through life. Never mind two failed marriages, childlessness, aimlessness. I somehow made it look okay. That went on for over 30 years before it all began to catch up with me.

I’d already tried AA once – to get my husband off my back. I wasn’t sincere. I still wanted to drink, and I did. I went to meetings every day for three years, and I drank every day, too. I pretended to be part of AA, but I had unspoken contempt for people who could do what I could not. After three years of this, I got to treatment and managed 15 months without a drink (although I cheated with Nyquil). When I relapsed, I swore I’d never go back to AA. Little did I know my drinking would bring me back.

A five-year relapse brought me to my knees. My life got very unmanageable. The promotions, awards, and raises had long since ended. I didn’t party with others anymore. I drank alone in front of the TV. I had to check the bath towels to know if I’d bathed the night before and check the kitchen sick to know if I’d eaten. I drank and drove often. Thank God I never killed anyone. I couldn’t go more than one day without drinking. I used to joke that if I could make it a week, I could make years. That turned out to be true.

Finally, I married a man I’d never had a date with who didn’t speak much English. He wanted a green card and my money. He got both. I was delusional. I was doing my part to help the Third World. When asked why I married him, I told them I didn’t have anything better to do at the time. That’s how much I valued myself. After three months of pretend marriage and a couple of attempts on his life, God showed me what I had become – a foul-mouthed fire-breathing, hateful, raging drunk woman. I couldn’t be that woman anymore. It was time to go back to AA.

I was terrified I’d go through another three years of meetings and drinking. I was broken and hopeless. I didn’t believe AA would work for me, but I’d run out of options. It was all that was left. So, I went, and I listened, and I cried. This time, I wasn’t pretending. I was desperate. I wanted what you had but had no hope of getting it. Even so, I did what people suggested. Why not? Nothing I’d done on my own had helped. I was finally willing to do Step One with all my heart.

That was over 22 years ago. I didn’t have to go through that feared three years. When I left my first meeting, the compulsion to drink was gone. The obsession was not, but I finally had a choice. I was one of the “slowly” variety. It took years for me to feel some hope. I cried regularly in meetings for at least the first two years. It took a year to get the Peruvian out of my house and life. Everything was a struggle. In my first year, I lost my beloved cat, and then I lost my best friend to breast cancer. But I didn’t drink.

It wasn’t easy. But it was simple. AA gave me the Steps and a sponsor to help me work them. My sponsor ‘tricked’ me into service positions, so I began to feel like a part of AA. The online community, you women, kept me sober even when I wasn’t sane. I got to meet some of you personally, a true blessing of the program. The program gave me written instructions in the Big Book and many people who had been there to show me the way. I think I was maybe five years sober when I realized the promises were coming true even for me.

I can have it all again. All I have to do is pick up a drink. There is no doubt in my mind that I would not be able to stop again. That’s what I think of whenever I think about having “just one” drink. I never had just one. I am sure I would die an alcoholic death. But what I am more afraid of is living an alcoholic life. So, every time I think of picking up, I do Step One all over again. I play the tape all the way through. I know where it ends. No need to experiment or do more research.

I invite you to share your story with us this week. What brought you to AA? What keeps you here?

Thank you for letting me share, danna

From Page 62 of the book, Alcoholics Anonymous

“This is the how and why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn’t work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are His agents. He is the Father, and we are His children. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom.”

Hi! I’m Julie and still an alcoholic. I was reminded of this bit in another meeting and wanted to make it the topic and share in this meeting.

“Most good ideas are simple.” Oh, how I love that line. The simplicity of this program is such a beautiful thing. Simple but not easy.

For the longest time, I played God. I thought I was in charge of my life. I had to run the show. I couldn’t ask for help. Even though I had a little bit of religious education but lacked trust and faith.

I felt let down again and again by my parents. I watched them try to do it all and act like martyrs in the process. I guess that’s what was ingrained in me.

Do it yourself. You won’t be able to do it perfectly. So quit trying. Maybe just moan and complain. Don’t ask for help. Repeat and repeat.

It’s so awesome to have come to believe in a power greater than myself. I am no longer alone. I have faith in my God. I trust my God. It was a simple suggestion from my sponsor to ask for help in the morning and say thank you at night.

Overtime I grew in my recovery and spiritually. I came to believe. I passed that arch and it’s been such an amazing journey.

Sobriety has given me so much (and taken away as much, thank God.)

Following the how and the why of it… I’m grateful. I’ll keep coming back.

Please share on this topic or anything that might be on your mind.

Julie K, 5/17/12

Becoming More Efficient

This stood out to me last week in my home group Big Book Study:

“We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day “Thy will be done.” We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves.” pg 87-88 Big Book

What I really identified with was in much less danger of excitement…part.

When I was still drinking and thinking about a life of not drinking, I always thought “How boring! What do those people do?!? What do they look forward to??” I needed that “excited” feeling I got when I thought about having my first drink and what ever else was to follow.

When God got me sober in 2014, I was finally able to comprehend that I could actually live without drinking….that there were other things to do and get “excited” about. But, that isn’t a necessarily a good thing for me. I basically transferred my excitement about drinking into other equally unhealthy actions and behaviors. If there was nothing going on I could conjurer up ‘excitement” that my relentless mind fed me through thoughts. This new sober addiction to excitement, or I guess it was always there, would always result in havoc, drama and chaos in my life and in my home.

Did I know that at the time…no. Did I know that I was still in bondage to the drug of dopamine, adrenaline and cortisol that my body produces through drama and fear-no. Did I know that if I am obsessing over someone, trying to control them, fix them (which is playing God); that this creates strife, nervous energy, unrest, discomfort and dis-ease that is infectious and destructive for others-no.

When I went through the work again, I saw that AGAIN, I was the problem-UGH! I was a controlling, frighten, chaos junkie…even though I couldn’t see it because it’s easier to blame them instead. Excitement is dangerous for me. Either the thing that I am getting excited about will not meet my expectations and I will be disappointed, or I would create a resentment toward the person who got me excited and did not meet my huge expectations.

I clearly see when and how this started. When I was a young girl my perceptions and conceptions were just starting to form. My mom (not blaming her-at all, I just needed to understand why and where this started so that I wouldn’t repeat it) would say stuff like “Honey are you excited about this or that” and she would get excited….

I don’t think its natural to get excited over food or whatever my mom wanted me to get excited over. I just think she wanted to see me happy but instead what she was doing was feeding my dis-ease. When her excitement didn’t live up to my expectations I was disappointed and honestly pissed at her for building it up! LOL Then she would get pissed at me a say “why are you never satisfied!!” My brain wasn’t developed enough or equip to handle such “excitement”. Not to mention not being grounded in God or reality.

I know I have told this story to sponsees, or perhaps shared it in the group, but it sums up my life into my mid 20’s….

It was the night before my 7th or 8th birthday and I was about to take a shower and mom said…”when you get out I have a surprise for you!!!!” She would do a little dance and sing a bit just getting me all that more excited ( I now do this with my dogs, which makes them overly excited..which then makes me anxious even though I started it…lol.. I am working on not doing) So while I am in the shower my 7 year old mind is building this “surprise” into a huge event! I truly thought that I would get out of the shower and Chucky Cheese would be in the living room with all his friends to greet me and wish me a happy birthday! I had convinced myself of this reality.

SO, when I got out of the shower and saw the new Strawberry Shortcake pj’s laying there, that THAT was my surprise…I was livid!!! LOLOLOLOL! I wasn’t the type to hold back my disappointment and fury! I let her KNOW how disappointed I was and through a fit!! She then would say that I was crazy just like my dad and a spoiled brat…and so it goes. I wasn’t spoiled (just alcoholic) and she wasn’t necessarily doing anything wrong.

Most children don’t build stuff up in their heads the way I did… but I have a alcoholic brain so excitement is dangerous for me and my family. I know she picked up on my constant state of sadness as a child and that she was just trying to make me happy-instead it just helped to create a unsatisfied monster and more strife between us because of her reaction to my outbursts. I wasn’t a happy go lucky child-I was intense and worried, sad and nervous, irritable, restless and discontent….so excitement was just an accelerator.

Being disconnected from God in a unstable environment is when I created my maladjusted coping mechanisms to “get through” life. The same child like mind and defects that resulted from these maladjusted skills and thought forms, followed me into my teens and early adulthood. It took longer to grow out of I think because of my drinking and still being disconnected from God.

Now that I am reconnected to my Creator, not drinking, and aware of my defects, I don’t need “excitement” because I am content…on most days. It still ignites when I am in some sort of obsession, usually on Brian, setting him up to fail me because I am in some sort of fear…

So I call my sponsor, reach out to sponsees or newcomer, do some inventory, make some prayer, and I get grounded back into reality.

I am less likely to be drained and to drain others with my excitement when I am spiritually fit. When I am and grounded in my Faith and AA, I am way more efficient in my relationships, in sponsoring and my daily life.

Questions to group, pick one or all:

Where have you seen the dangerous and self destructive side effects of excitement in or out of sobriety? Do you tend to build things up, just to be disappointed? What patterns have you noticed that lead to self sabotaging? Please also share on how you stay spiritually fit and efficient and what measures you take when you see yourself slipping into excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or a foolish decision….

Thank you for the opportunity to Chair today!

Hilarie

Opportunity to be of Service

The timing of this opportunity to be of service couldn’t come at a better time because it’s also a very challenging one in my recovery. Funny how things can work out that way.

I have to be very honest with you all. I have been experiencing the pitfalls of longer term sobriety and have felt like a hypocrite. Intellectually, I know what the right things are to do; meetings, sponsorship, working with a sponsor and others, service, prayer, meditation and more.

Over time I have become lost and distant from f2f meetings. The tools of the program have been neglected including my connection with my Higher Power.

I have felt as though I have been in trouble and not understanding what’s going on.

Finally, in a counseling session, I realized all of the changes and losses that there’s been for me in my AA community. A number of key people who were a big part of my recovery here in VT have moved away including my sponsor. There have been others who’ve left for other reasons, and then there have been deaths of a couple of old timers whose absence is keenly felt.

I am fortunate in that my husband is also in recovery. He has his program and I have mine. He doesn’t nag me or try to tell me what to do but, he’s always there if I need him. I asked him where to start humbly realizing I needed help. He is a huge example of someone who talks the talk and walks the walk.

He suggested I go back to the basics. So, to start I have been getting on my knees in the am. I have been reading “How It Works” in the Big Book, and meditating for short periods of time. More action is needed.

I am so grateful because this is our sober weekend getaway. Every Christmas for the last few years we are fortunate to be able to go to E. Dorset, VT to Bill Wilson’s Inn. There we are submerged in AA. Just the surroundings alone bring me comfort and a feeling of serenity and peace.

There are meetings from tonight, into tomorrow and then Sun am that we attend. It’ like a shot of AA in the heart to help me move forward. I can’t afford to keep sliding back or to stay stuck in place.

I know that I can’t stay sober alone and isolated. I have to take responsibility and do whatever it takes to rebuild a community of women in f2f meetings, find a new sponsor locally, continually stay in contact with my Higher Power and remember the tools.

I don’t want to drink today but, I truly understand that our disease is insidious and always there if we neglect our program of recovery.

I feel as though I have rambled on but hope that there are those of you who can relate to what I have shared in some way. If you have any ESH that you would like to share with me privately please send to serenity9918@gmail.com. I would love to hear from you. Otherwise, as always, I look forward to your shares.

Merry X-mas and Happy New Year.

Love, Ruth F. DOS: 2/14/99

Christmas, and gratitude versus expectations/rights

I rarely drank over Christmas when I was a drinking alcoholic. Only once and that was a horrible time, needless to say. I made myself and my family miserable. I was a binge drinker so staying away from alcohol over the holidays wasn’t difficult for me, as I had grown up with fabulous memories of Christmas as a child, and then into my adult drinking life. It was a magical time of year– I’d whizz through the house until it was sparkling clean, every corner, don’t you know.. presents wrapped, visits made, and all very much centred around our son. It seemed like Christmas was the magical oasis in a year where the other 360 or so days were full of pain and chaos as a result of my alcoholism. Even when my husband and I split up {I got sober a year or so after we split up), it was still good, as my son would spend Christmas Day with his dad and Boxing Day became another Christmas Day for him with me. The spiritual significance of Christmas I felt to some extent too.

I celebrated 36 years of sobriety just last Tuesday. I’m so very grateful for that. I got sober upon turning 30 years of age, two weeks before Christmas… And I look forward to the season and celebrations every year since. That’s apart from the Christmas many years ago now when my young nephew was killed in a car crash. Christmas didn’t happen. But ever after, he became part of what made Christmas special. His memory very much is part of it in a good way.

The past two Christmases have not been so good– one involved an early stage breast cancer diagnosis the week before Christmas (cancer-free now and healthy). And last year, I spent Christmas alone (mostly by choice). Now, I normally live quite a social and busy life but I deeply value my time spent alone so I thought being alone at Christmas would be okay for me– it wasn’t! Maybe another year it might have been but there’d been a death in Oct (my ex) and then an ex-in law took her own life as well just three weeks later. Both my sons were affected deeply by all of this.. and for various reasons we couldn’t spend Christmas together (one lives in Peru, the other had to work).

Being alone over the holidays can be the most peaceful for some of you– you have shared that with me. And I thought that I would handle it well and actually enjoy relaxing and not having to be running around looking after others. But I drifted into self pity, resentment and, yes, sadness. I found out that me alone at Christmas didn’t work — not that year anyway–so this year I’d thought about helping out at a homeless shelter or somewhere like that but as it turns out I won’t be.

This year my son will be coming over again and we’re both very much looking forward to that. On Monday my grandson will be coming up for a few days. I’m excited about seeing both of them (haven’t since August). But I also know that as an alcoholic I can build pictures in my mind of how it should be . . .! Yes, expectations. And when I expect things to be a certain way, I often get a rude awakening!

If I stay grateful each 24-hr period I am given, living in the day and doing the next right thing, doing what I can to prepare but handing over the results to my Higher Power, then I’m on a winner! I can remain serene, and know that God is in charge of the whole caboodle. A few lines from Acceptance is the Answer in our Big Book tell me about expectations, and also ‘rights’. How many times did this scenario run through my head…. ‘but I deserve better than this… surely at my time in sobriety I should not be experiencing them not doing as I would like them to…’ LOL … :

My serenity is inversely proportional to my expectations. The higher my expectations of[ …. ] other people, the lower is my serenity. I can watch my serenity level rise when I discard my expectations. But then my “rights” try to move in, and they too can force my serenity level down. I have to discard my “rights,” as well as my expectations, by asking myself, How important is it, really? How important is it compared to my serenity, my emotional sobriety? And when I place more value on my serenity and sobriety than on anything else, I can maintain them at a higher level–at least for the time being. Acceptance is the key to my relationship with God today. I never just sit and do nothing while waiting for Him to tell me what to do. Rather, I do whatever is in front of me to be done, and I leave the results up to Him; however it turns out, that’s God’s will for me. I must keep my magic magnifying mind on my acceptance and off my expectations, for my serenity is directly proportional to my level of acceptance.

I realise that some of you reading this may not celebrate Christmas. Please share on expectations / gratitude about any day, holiday season or not. Do you have another holiday / season which figures big for you? And does the season impact on you whether you celebrate it or not?

Do you spend Christmas alone or with others? What are your suggestions, things that work for you, that you might pass on to others?

When I live in gratitude, I experience a peace that passes all understanding… no matter what is going on in my life. Share your gratitude list if you like!

Love and hugs, Louise

Decisions in Sobriety

When I was drinking and well into my early sobriety I was terrible with making decisions. I would generally either make impulsive decisions that would turn out to be disasters (i.e marriages, relationships, geographics, spending impulsively, quitting jobs I really needed) or I would be so indecisive to where I could not make a decision. I had neither wisdom, God, or sobriety to help me. I was running on self-will run riot. I did not pause or take time to think.

Our Big Book says to pause when agitated. (Page 87, concerning morning meditation).

I was a very immature 47 year old when I got sober and kids/immature people do not make the best decisions.

What changed? The program and steps of course.

I ask God for help with my life and for his will for my life. I have more confidence in myself and think I am a capable person now. Sometimes my decision is just to do the next right thing.

I try to have lots of gratitude for basic things like my home, my job, food. I try to “play the tape all the way through” so I can see future consequences of a possible bad decision. I try to think of others instead of just myself, tall order for this selfish alcoholic. I pray for extra help through the bad situations. I use “restraint of pen and tongue.”I don’t always have to chime in or say something. Life is still progress and not perfection but I feel like a lady now as opposed to the drunk I used to be.

I just love page 86-87 “On awakening…”in the Big Book which tells us how to handle our daily decisions with God. It even says God gave us brains to use.

Thanks so much for letting me share.

Suggestions

Hi! I’m Julie and a grateful alcoholic. Happy to be of service at the last minute this week.

For a topic I would like to suggest the suggestions!

“Make no requests in prayer for yourself only.

Never pray for your own selfish ends.

Select and memorize a few set prayers that emphasize the principles of the Steps.

Ask a priest, minister or rabbi about helpful books and prayers that emphasize the principles of the Steps.

Be quick to see where religious people are right.

Make use of what religious people have to offer. (p. 87)”

I thought when I came in that I had a relationship with God and I prayed for others.

What I realized is that I was praying more so for my own selfish needs.

I learned that praying, really praying, meant I had to learn how to. Listen to others. Follow suggestions on how to connect with the God of my understanding. Finally I had to put others before myself. Trust and have faith. I had to learn about God and aligning my will with Gods. Not the other way around.

Please share on this topic or anything that may be on your mind.

Julie K, 5/17/12

Tried & Tested Prayers

When I was first attending AA and beginning to put sober days together I was surprised when it was suggested that I try praying.

I had no reference point for prayer other than in the church of my childhood.

I quickly learned the Serenity Prayer to say at the end of meetings but only because I wanted to fit in. I was saying it by rote but with no meaning.

Then someone suggested I say thank you at the end of each day. Thank you for the roof over my head, the food in my belly, the clothes on my back. And to say it to whatever I thought may or may not be there. I began following this suggestion and found I was slept better! I didn’t think of this as a prayer back then but I do now.

Then I met the lady who would become my sponsor for the next 5 years of my sobriety. She talked about waking up in the morning and talking to god. She told me how she would sit at the edge of her bed and open her arms. I had no idea! I thought prayer was on one’s knees with hands together.

Today I’m open to learning from anyone and anywhere, ideas on ways to pray and words to say, ways to develop my conscious contact with the god of my understanding.

P.104-105 Step 11 from Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (https://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_step11.pdf) says…

“In AA we have found that the actual good results of prayer are beyond question…

All those who have persisted have found strength not ordinarily their own.

They have found wisdom beyond their usual capability.

And they have increasingly found a peace of mind which can stand firm in the face of difficult circumstances.”

Are there results you’ve had from praying? Do any of these experiences of wisdom or peace or strength resonate?

Are there any prayers or words that have been particularly helpful? Have you struggled with willingness to pray? Have you doubted prayer could work for you?

I went through one of the toughest things in my life and in my sobriety this year. I was given a suggestion to repeatedly pray just 3 lines of the St Francis / Step 11 Prayer.

It changed my experience of what was happening, it gave me a peace that could only have come from something beyond human, it enabled me to put others first but still look after myself, it opened my eyes and heart to the humanity in someone I’d had a difficult relationship with and gave me the strength to be of use to them.

The lines were these…

God, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted;
to understand, than to be understood;
to love, than to be loved.

At another incredibly tough time, a few years ago, I was shown how to pray by slowing down the words to say a single word at a time, with a big pause between each word, giving my mind time to feel the word.

I used to use this as a meditation, standing at my garden door, rocking my poorly baby, sometimes an hour at a time until he slept. I felt so alone and so helpless but praying in this way connected me at such a deep level with god, I felt safe and held and that I was being given the strength to get well myself and to be there for my baby.

It gave me such comfort in such a dark time that I knew no matter what came, god would be there for me.

At times of unwillingness to pray I find writing to god really helpful, just getting all my thoughts out.

I am so grateful to AA for showing me how to find a power greater than myself and for continuing to show me how to connect and hear the guidance I need to live a sober, useful, content life. At times it’s not necessarily easy, but it’s easier than drinking!

Thank you for letting me be of service.

The meeting is open for sharing, on the topic of Tried & Tested Prayers or for anything recovery related that you need or want to share.

In love and fellowship, Sophie.

Procrastination

My name is Christy and I am an alcoholic. Thanks for attending today’s meeting of GROW. My topic this week is Procrastination. I have certainly struggled, and still do, with procrastination in about all areas of my life. When I was drinking I would come up with grandiose plans of things to get done, crafts I could do, and places to see. But, I never got around to doing those things, because I was so tired and hungover the next day. Worse, was that I would make promises that I would never keep. Promises to my husband and my kids. I would tell them later we will do it or maybe. I thought that I needed that drink to let myself be free and be creative. When all I was doing was procrastinating and putting off being with my loved ones for a drink. My disease told me I was more fun and engaged when I was under the influence, when in actuality I was more removed from my family. My husband would tell me how removed I was from them, I isolated and was all about me.

I certainly don’t miss those days! AA has made me self aware and helped me find the true Christy again. I am very thankful I found AA and the fellowship. I am a new person, free to be me, more involved with my husband and kids. I am a crafty gal and I have so many new hobbies! I love my life, without alcohol. Thank you ladies for listening and fellowship!

The List and The Solution

This week I would like to share about the list of resentments and the solution to mastering them.

From the BB page…

We turned back to the list, for it held the key to the future. We were prepared to look for it from an entirely different angle. We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us. In that state, the wrong-doing of others, fancied or real, had power to actually kill. How could we escape? We saw that these resentments must be mastered, but how? We could not wish them away any more than alcohol. This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, “This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.”

When I first did a fourth step, I made a list. And when I did the fifth step my sponsor, at the time, helped me see my character defects. (I can see them a lot clearer today. Ha.) Today when I get my panties in a wad, my sponsor will send me to do a fourth step and then call her back. It’s easy for me to state my resentments. BUT it’s not so easy to look at it from a different angle.

I have to realize the people who wronged me are spiritually sick.

And to pray for them??!!

Seriously??

The holidays are approaching, and to be honest with you, many of the people on my list happen to be in my family (or my husbands family). Sometimes (ALOT) it feels impossible to see that they are spiritually sick and to pray for them. Especially my dad. It’s so hard for me not to blame him for things in my life. In the program, I have learned to set boundaries and to take care of myself. But sometimes in a single word or look that he gives—-a flame of anger can engulf me. So right now I am preparing myself. I am praying for him and my father in law (who I can’t stand). It’s really hard to pray for them –I don’t know what to say. I am setting time limits on family gatherings. I’m focusing on my husband and children and myself and what works best for our family.

I guess the last thing I want to say is that this stuff isn’t easy. But when I practice what is suggested, things tend to work out and I have peace instead of anger and anxiety.

Anonymity

I’ve been thinking about anonymity and all the different meanings it has had for me over the years in AA. At first, all it meant was that no one would know I was in AA, therefore an alcoholic. I was fearful about judgment and the stigma I attached, thinking it meant I was weak and/or defective.

After making amends and telling people I was in AA, I lost most of that fear. I have never has anything negative happen because someone knew I was a sober alcoholic.

In meetings and with sponsors I began to see anonymity in a different way. It had more to do with humility and my growing love for AA. I wanted to adhere to the traditions and respect the idea of being anonymous at any public level. I am not much of a social media person, but I think it is an area where many people question the bounds of being an anonymous member of AA.

Today anonymity means that I don’t disclose my membership in AA in any public way. I was on a vacation in Italy last month and the wine flowed. I was careful about alcohol (it was in desserts) and some people noticed that I didn’t drink. I’m careful in those situations because I’m never sure if it makes people uncomfortable. When I do disclose it, it’s always fine, but I hesitate to be totally transparent.

I wonder how others understand anonymity and how/when to share being in AA with strangers, in social media, in various groups, etc.

Practicing These Principles in All Our Affairs

I am so grateful to be alive and sober today. I have gone through a lot of things in sobriety which I have learned is part of life. I have learned that I am not “special” that every human being is connected and we are more alike than we think. Learning how to practice the principals in all my affairs and to do the right thing when no one is looking has been huge for me. The growth that has come from doing what I know in my gut has been “right” has been one of the greatest gifts of recovery. Recently I have peeled off another layer of the onion. For the past 2 years I have struggled with an issue almost non-stop and I just could not let it go, and it ended up coming out sideways in a lot of areas in my life. I knew the entire time that the answer would come and that eventually I would grow though this and I feel like I finally reached a new level of acceptance. The answers are always in the steps and just because we are doing everything right doesn’t mean life “works out” sometimes.

“God is everything or nothing what is our choice to be?”

I am so grateful to be able to practice honesty dependability and transparency in my everyday life, thanks for letting me share.

On Awakening

On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. Under these conditions we can employ our mental faculties with assurance, for after all God gave us brains to use. Our thought-life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives.

In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. we relax and take it easy. We don’t struggle. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while.

What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it.

We usually conclude the period of meditation with a prayer that we be shown all through the day what our next step is to be, that we be given whatever we need to take care of such problems. We ask especially for freedom from self-will, and are careful to make no request for ourselves only. We may ask for ourselves, however, if others will be helped. We are careful never to pray for our own selfish ends. Many of us have wasted a lot of time doing that and it doesn’t work. You can easily see why.

If circumstances warrant, we ask our wives or friends to join us in morning meditation. If we belong to a religious denomination which requires a definite morning devotion, we attend to that also. If not members of religious bodies, we sometimes select and memorize a few set prayers which emphasize the principles we have been discussing. There are many helpful books also. Suggestions about these may be obtained from one’s priest, minister, or rabbi. Be quick to see where religious people are right. Make use of what they offer.

As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day “Thy will be done.” We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves.

It works – it really does.

We alcoholics are undisciplined. So we let God discipline us in the simple way we have just outlined. But this is not all. There is action and more action. “Faith without works is dead.” (from “Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 86-88)

I have always enjoyed this passage. For me, it encapsulates our AA morning ritual.

When I read it, it reminds me that my answers and solutions are right there, with my higher power. I surrender my will and my life to him each morning. I ask him to guide me and show me my next right action.

The time I spend in prayer and meditation are always time well spent.

How does this AA passage aid you in your sobriety?

Have a blessed day!

Sharing

Hello, my dear sisters in sobriety! Thank you for this opportunity to chair a meeting. As I was fishing for a topic, this is what came up for me:

It seems to me that secrets are about the only things (besides mushrooms) that grow in the dark. Secrets, wrapped up in shame, hiding under denial, festering in isolation, begging for a drink to keep them under wraps…What are my secrets today? Apparently I still have a few (!) — I’ve been going through a pretty difficult time, but have I shared about it? I have been going to f2f meetings, but I haven’t been opening my mouth. And I have been absent from GROW for quite some time. I get into that vicious cycle of not sharing regularly, and a week turns into two weeks, which turns into a month of not even checking in. Meanwhile, my secret shame is doing push-ups (just like my alcoholism) and starting to tell me things like, “You might as well drop out of GROW,” and other, worse things, which, experience has taught me, sooner or later will lead me to the alcohol watering hole.

Luckily (coincidence? I think not) I had signed up to chair this week — Something is keeping me connected to GROW…and committed to growing. The higher power, I believe, is doing this for me, in spite of my vicious mind. I have been shown my primary purpose — to stay sober and help another alcoholic. How to do that? HOW, the first one being Honesty, which takes courage, and courage takes faith, and faith takes letting go and turning it over, which gives me the strength to be Open and Willing to connect to other alcoholics by sharing whatever is going on with me. I know a drink is waiting for me to close up again and dive back into the depths of old thinking.

You know what hit me as I was reading back over this? I said, “I’ve been going through a pretty difficult time,” and it finally dawned on me — why is it difficult? I’ve been trying to control everything again! D’oh! So that’s what has been going on with me! All I had to do was put my problem into words (and the particulars really don’t matter) and share it, whether in writing or at a meeting, and the miracle of being restored to sanity can happen. And I didn’t have to drink over it!

Thank you all for letting me (and encouraging me to) share.

Gratitude for GROW and A.A.

For this week’s meeting, I wanted to express my gratitude for AA and this meeting in particular.When I first got sober, I joined three women’s groups online. I had heard meeting makers “make it” and since I wouldn’t be able to make a meeting every day, I wanted to find online meetings.

After some time, I dropped one that didn’t really seem to be focusing on the solution and good quality sobriety. That’s ok. Hopefully it works for other women.

And now, I’m ready to drop another for lack of participation. It’s a bummer but it is what it is. Maybe it’s time for me to find a new online group.

I just read somewhere that “Gratitude is nothing more than a decision to look at problems with a fresh perspective.”

AA has been the best thing that’s happened in my life. Aside from my husband and two girls. I don’t attend the same meetings face to face as I did when I first got sober. Some I have outgrow and then when I moved I wanted to find new ones more convenient to my home and my new schedule.

The problem or challenge I’m facing is lack of participation. But I didn’t want to focus too long on that. Instead I realized just how grateful I am to Grow.

I share that I can’t stay sober on my own. I don’t want to try. But as a working married mother of two, I rely on online A.A. to supplement my face to face meetings.

I’m grateful that this group here at grow is so solid. Such great sobriety. So many women truly living in the solution and willing to share their esh with the group. I’m also grateful to those that share off topic when they need to do so. I know I have. And in doing so, someone has always reached out personally sharing their own experience, strength and hope.

I hope we all continue to do so. My life is so good as a result of working this program of recovery.

Gratitude is an action and I want to share it with you and everyone I come into contact with.

My sponsor has me saved in her phone as grateful Julie. I don’t ever want to go back to how it was being so flipping ungrateful.

Untreated Alcoholism

The big book describes dry drunk syndrome and untreated alcoholism with the phrase “restless, irritable, and discontented”. Basically, if you happen to be a sober alcoholic, and find yourself constantly dissatisfied with life, you may be in the thick of untreated alcoholism. It’s obvious to spot untreated alcoholism — when the alcoholic is drinking. How do you spot it when the alcoholic is sober?

In our meetings, we often hear talk about stinking thinking, the insanity of the next drink, character defects, fear, resentments, the fear of relapse, the progressive nature of alcoholism, and how important it is for the alcoholic to stay physically sober.

One thing that I hear little talk about is the behavior and attitudes associated with untreated alcoholism and how it affects the alcoholic and the other people who must be around them. I work with many women who have been physically sober for years, some with double digit sobriety, yet their lives are still filled with turmoil, drama, conflict, unmanageability, glaring defects, more garbage piled onto old garbage that was never cleared, and most significantly I find that NONE of them have never sponsored another person…or if they have it was half asked.

These oldtimers will put on a great front. Happy hallmark meeting shares as they die inside. Or there are the ones that are jaded and unteachable-they hate everything and everyone, but know the big book front and back… using meetings as a place to spread their cheery disposition and have no problem humiliating a newcomer for share…If that’s sober…I don’t want it. I don’t care how much time they have. They would rather suffer and spread their suffering then seek help from someone new or be sponsored by somebody that has less time.

I could be sponsored right now by somebody with a month sober. God doesn’t care about time, why should I? What matters is the message and if they carry it effectively. There is no reason people should suffer having 25 years sober because they think there are above being taught by someone with less time.

We settle for being a dry drunk instead of being catapulted into the 4th dimension and being agents for God???…Why? Pride? Ego? Sloth? It’s starting to piss me off the more of these women come out of the woodwork. Like seriously, something is wrong with our fellowship when slogans and meetings overshadow the Solution. They are just as lost and sick as the newcomer we must start talking about this and what we can personally do each day to help shed light on what seem to be a epidemic in our fellowship. Chronic relapses because we as sponsors are lazy? I am going step up my game this next year. Period.

“They only thought they had lost their egoism and fear; they only thought they had humbled themselves. But they had not learned enough of humility, fearlessness and honesty, in the sense we find it necessary, until they told someone else all their life story. More than most people, the alcoholic leads a double life. He is very much the actor. To the outer world he presents his stage character. This is the one he likes his fellows to see. He wants to enjoy a certain reputation, but knows in his heart he doesn’t deserve it. The inconsistency is made worse by the things he does on his sprees.” pg 73

So are you yourself suffering from a reconstructed ego produced by “time” and refusing to stay teachable?…or are you a product of 90 meetings in 90 days?…or a never worked the Steps but go to meetings everyday?…or worked Steps 1-3 and my sponsor told me to “take my time” (that message kills people btw) or worked them once 10 years ago and chooses to “carry the message” by sharing at meetings just to hear themselves talk?…or untreated altogether alcoholic?? Have you lived with one a untreated drunk?? Do you know anyone suffering in silence? Sponsored any of them?

“We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn’t control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn’t make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn’t seem to be of real help to other people“

The alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others. Hearts are broken. Sweet relationships are dead. Affections have been uprooted. Selfish and inconsiderate habits have kept the home in turmoil. We feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough.

Below is something someone wrote about untreated alcoholism which I love. Private email me if you would like this dudes blog….also the “sign and symptoms of a dry drunk…
Love in the Sunlight of the Holy Spirit!
Hilarie
4.8.14

Untreated Alcoholism

The problem with only achieving physical sobriety is that we may never get any better.
Why?
Because sobriety doesn’t cure insanity, nor does it reduce selfishness. Sobriety doesn’t stop us from constantly whining and complaining, from thinking about ourselves 24/7. How ridiculous it is to get sober but remain mentally and spiritually warped beyond comprehension. In fact, if you’re gonna kick it and not really change, you might as well just keep drinking. At least you’d be making a small economic contribution.
Most addicts are actually more annoying when they’re sober yet untreated, if you can fathom that. We remain needy and obsessed with how we feel all of the time.
Oh no, what am I doing in life?! What am I gonna do today? What am I gonna do tomorrow?! Nobody knows what it’s like to be me. Me! Why do I feel this way? Poor me. Nobody has it this tough! The world owes me! I need a cigarette, I need this, I need that, I need to go to a meeting! I want cookies, I want ice cream, I want… wanh, wanh, wanh, wanh, wanh!
Yup. If all we do is remove the drugs and alcohol, we still act like drug addicts and alcoholics. But, hey, at least we’re sober! What a joke. Addicts and alcoholics can do as much, if not more damage to others by achieving physical sobriety but failing to actually get better.
Once sober, I literally have a volcano of work to do on myself. I must begin to extract the cauldron of poisons that have turned me into a pathologically selfish drug addict. I must extract the poisons of selfishness, self-seeking, dishonesty, fear, and countless others if I am to truly recover. I must take it upon myself to fundamentally change the person I was. I must change the way I act, react and respond. I must change the way I view suffering. I must change the way I approach others. I must change my attitude towards life, work, relationships and family. For sure, I must change from deep within.
Through right action, I begin to enlarge my spiritual life. I begin to accept that I shouldn’t be taking credit for every good thing that happens to me… and I shouldn’t be blaming something else for every bad thing. I begin to realize that the bad stuff is my own fault. It happens when I try to do things my way, when I exert my own selfish will. But the good stuff happens when I let go, when I step back a little and let something guide me that is much greater and more powerful.
Even if you’re an addict and you don’t believe that God is present in your life, maybe you should change your mind because it’s much better to have a humble attitude as opposed to attributing your recovery and success to you and you only.
Why?
Because it’s arrogant not to. Are we really that powerful? Are we really all-knowing? Do we really have it all figured out? Please. Look how small and insignificant we are compared to the entire Universe.

God, give me the courage, power and willingness to walk through discomfort, just like everybody else…

Dry Drunk Syndrome

Those individuals who give up alcohol but fail to do more work will often develop dry drunk syndrome. The symptoms of dry drunk syndrome include:

• They are likely to have a low tolerance for stress – even the slightest incontinence can send them into a rage.
• Such people will have few scruples about engaging in unethical behavior.
• The dry drunk will tend to blame all their problems on other people. They will fail to take responsibility for their own bad decisions.
• They continue to behave secretively and tell lies.
• The individual is likely to suffer from loneliness and boredom. They may later use this as a justification to return back to their addiction.
• They will tend to be full of self-pity. They view their time in recovery as being similar to serving a prison sentence.
• They are likely to romance the drink This means that they spend a good deal of time thinking about all the good times they had while drinking – even though such good times are usually just in their imagination.
• This individual tends to be overconfident in their ability to stay sober. They will deny that they need the help of anyone else.
• Even though this individual is physically sober they are still caught in denial. They just can’t see that their behavior needs to change.
• The dry drunk will usually suffer from terminal uniqueness. This means that they do not believe the normal rules apply to them, and this can put them in great danger.
• Such people tend to be full of negativity and resentment. This makes them difficult to be around.

Have I Hit Bottom?

As a newcomer, my sponsor and I attended a 12&12 study where two old-timers would break down the 12 & 12 literature. I recall reading this paragraph with excitement! In active alcoholism, the Court ordered treatment with recommendations that included AA. At a meeting, I met an alcoholic who would buy beer from me two years prior, standing before me with 18 months sobriety. He pointed out that AA could never work for me unless I could answer yes to two questions: am I willing to go to any lengths for my sobriety; and am I entirely done drinking. The answer was no. He told me to go out and get done. So, when reading the 12 & 12 with my sponsor and 2 old-timers, this paragraph resonated with me:

“Why all this insistence that every A.A. must hit bottom first? The answer is that few people will sincerely try to practice the A.A. program unless they have hit bottom. For practicing A.A.’s remaining eleven Steps means the adoption of attitudes and actions that almost no alcoholic who is still drinking can dream of taking. Who wishes to be rigorously honest and tolerant? Who wants to confess his faults to another and make restitution for harm done? Who cares anything about a Higher Power, let alone meditation and prayer? Who wants to sacrifice time and energy in trying to carry A.A.’s message to the next sufferer? No, the average alcoholic, self-centered in the extreme, doesn’t care for this prospect– unless he has to do these things in order to stay alive himself. Under the lash of alcoholism, we are driven to A.A., and there we discover the fatal nature of our situation. Then, and only then, do we become as open-minded to conviction and as willing to listen as the dying can be. We stand ready to do anything which will lift the merciless obsession from us.” 12&12

None of this could work without hitting bottom.

Question: have you hit your bottom? Are you entirely done drinking and willing to go to any lengths for your sobriety? If so, what are you willing to do for your recovery?

“Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.” HOW, Chapter 5

Please share your experience, strength and hope. If you are unsure about hitting bottom, please share this with us too. Perhaps, our ESH would help the suffering alcoholic in this online room. God bless!

My name is Nicole and I am an alcoholic. Thank you for paying a 12 step call on me.

Dealing With Ego

Ego is defined by Merriam-Webster as “the opinion that you have about yourself; a part of the mind that senses and adapts to the real world”.

This is the content for Layout P TagOn the other hand, Merriam-Webster’s definition of Humility is: “The quality or state of not thinking you are better than other people; the quality or state of being humble”.

When I drank, I felt I was smarter than and superior to everyone else and I let them know it! I could solve your problems and just about everyone else’s until the hangover hit the next morning at which time my attitude changed to ‘inferior’ and ego-shattering (my self-esteem) and feelings of guilt, shame and remorse set in – how could I have said or done those things the night before? What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I have stopped drinking after 2 or 3 beers? How could I have been so stupid as to have gotten drunk yet one more time when I promised myself the last time that I would never do this again?

I think that it takes an act of true humility to realize and acknowledge that we have a problem with alcohol (or anything else for that matter). If I practice humility, it allows me to be honest with myself, recognize that I don’t know it all, admit that I need help, and acknowledge that there is a God and our trusted AA family and friends who can help. I didn’t come to AA because of something great and wonderful that I did – rather, I was a sick and sorry individual without any hope of living a meaningful, purposeful, happy life with or without alcohol.

My program teaches me that a big part of being humble is to respect others and offer to help them, especially when they cannot help me in return. It also teaches me to admit that I’ve made mistakes, own up to them, and make amends, if necessary. Instead of comparing myself to others, I can take a measure of my own progress by comparing the person I am today to the person I used to be, because no one’s “outsides” will ever match my “insides”. Repeated inventories and Twelfth-Step work are routine reminders that I must work at preserving my sobriety and keeping my ego in check.

I would like to hear your views on the ego and how you manage to keep it in check. This is your meeting and I would like to hear from all of you; if not this topic, then please share on anything that is bothering you today.

Hugs and best wishes for a great day.

Laura G.

6/17/89

Working the Program

Hi all. I learned a very important lesson in the last month so I thought I’d share. I have a few things I do consistently to work my program. I call/text my sponsor every day. I commit to 3 weekly F2F meetings. I do a daily meditation and post it to an AA Facebook page. And I do my daily readings on here.

About 3 week’s ago, I started getting complacent. I skipped some F2F meetings. I wasn’t consistent with my sponsor. I wasn’t reading my daily GROW emails. It didn’t take long before I landed myself in the hospital. I was only 1 step away from relapse. I’m not saying I wouldn’t have ended up in the hospital if I had been faithful to my program but I sure would’ve had a better chance. That incident showed me how important it really is to continue working my program to the best of my ability.

What are some things you do to consistently work your program? Thanks all! Have a great week!

Hugs,
Gayla
11/20/15

Sharing the Miracles

There have been many little miracles have happened since I got sober. To someone else, they might have had no significance but, for me, the coming together of certain happenings in a way that struck me deeply, and brought great meaning and a sense of a Power who cared and was looking after me, has deepened the bond I have with my Higher Power.

I’m not going to give the dictionary definition of ‘miracle’. Suffice it to say there are many views on what constitutes one. It doesn’t have to be the breaking of natural laws (like rising from the dead or growing new legs after we lost them!).

I’m asking you to share anything you feel was miraculous to you.

Some things stand out for me. But really there have been countless times I’ve stood still and just thought.. . wow.

I’ll share two things that stand out. At a year sober, my friend and I took over the franchise on a leisure centre snack bar. One day we were in dire straits wondering how we would pay the Coca Cola man (this was a long time ago before health consciousness was that developed lol)… we owed him ?184.10.

Now, our little cafe was loved by the people but there was never a huge amount of customers coming through. That day, after handing it over, an unexpected busload of folk came in and guess how much our till showed at the end of the day… ?184.10 (this was 1983…)! We were dumbfounded and in awe. (My partner was newly sober too).

Another time, at many years sober, and struggling as a single parent to even put together the fuel costs, I drove my 13 year old to a fencing competition a few hours’ drive away. I’d packed a simple picnic lunch for us. Our car was an old banger. We got lost on the way, and after futile attempts to find darn Pontefract, even my son agreed we’d have to give up. Feeling a right failure, I began the journey home. Out of nowhere, a sign for Pontefract popped up. In a race against time, we arrived just as it was beginning.

To cut a long story short, our little banger sat among top of the range cars… Jags, Rolls, Mercedes . . it was a very posh private school the competition was being held in. But we were not deterred.. (my son loved his sport and was very talented). However, great feelings of despondency did come over me as we parked up, thinking of how little financially we had… (I’d walked away from a toxic marriage and a 6-bedroomed house with virtually nothing material to my name)

A few hours later, we left there, my son clutching this huge trophy! He’d come first!! Cars didn’t matter… financial status didn’t matter… my guy had the talent and money couldn’t buy that.

We had an amazing drive home.. we shared together, this boy of mine and me, of spiritual values, of it all being an inside job. (He would go on to get a 1st at university and a Masters after. But his greatest achievement to date has been the celebration of 2 years’ sobriety last week. He went on a few years after the fencing victory to discover alcohol)

Please share if you can anything that has left you feeling… wow.

If you can’t think of any (yet), feel free to share about anything related to alcoholism.

With love in fellowship
Louise

Contempt Prior to Investigation

Hi! Thank you for allowing me to be of service this week. I’m so excited because this is my first time to Chair a GROW meeting! So here goes!

“There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance- that principle is contempt prior to investigation.” – Herbert Spencer – BB, Appendix II, Spiritual Experience

So, luckily I came into this program with an open mind towards spirituality. I was able to see God working fairly quickly in my life and others. I was able to surrender and keep surrendering. I have also experienced many who cannot come by spiritual experiences this easily.

This quote struck me in a different way as well. The contempt prior to investigation. I am a very quick judge of character. I am quick to come to conclusions and am very stubborn. All character defects that I can own up to today. When I look back, I realize how ignorant I willingly kept myself just because I had chosen to judge a situation first, rather than dig in to see the truth.

My dark and twisty thoughts usually come from holding contempt against someone or something. Whether it be a wrong done or a wish that never came true. But once I decide to investigate and reflect on said contempt, it usually turns out that there is nothing to be upset about.

Going back to the passage stated above, if you are having trouble accepting the Higher Power of this program or the spiritual experiences we talk about, just try to have an open mind. You don’t have to believe in my God. Just be willing to believe in something. Investigate and try it out before you cement your contempt in your mind. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be in “everlasting ignorance” about anything!

I’m glad I didn’t have this contempt. But I do have it in others areas and needed this reminder to stay willing to see the other side before I make judgments.

Please share on this or anything that’s on your mind.

Sending hugs from Texas!

Amanda 8/3/2016

Not My Circus, Not My Monkeys

Before I came into the rooms, I thought I didn’t have much of an ego. When I butted into conversations or gave advice, I thought I was just doing my “Mama Bear” thing.

Once I started working with my sponsor, a whole new side of me came to light. She showed me how my Mama Bear-ism was nothing more than my big, fat ego raising its ugly, nosy head. I was shocked! Me? Self-centered? WHAAAA??! I truly had no idea.

At 2.5 years sober, I’ve developed a keen awareness of how unsolicited advice can often be seen as criticism. I must restrain always. However, I can ask, “Are you open for input?” This gives the person the right to grant me permission or to decline. If they agree to it, I go forth. If not, I repeat to myself, “Not my circus; not my monkeys.”

“Not my circus; not my monkeys” has made a profound difference in my life. It keeps me in my own lane. It tells me to ignore conversations and situations I have no business inviting myself into. It stops me from judging. Talk about freeing!!! Talk about serenity!!! Talk about peace!!!

I must admit, though, this newfound peace can feel uncomfortable at times. The lack of stimulating drama and not making everything about me has been quite an adjustment. I’m slowly getting used to a quieter and more present self, as are my family and friends. When they ask if something’s wrong or if I’m okay, I simply give them a smile and say that I’m just listening, which they seem to appreciate.

My efforts to send my Mama Bear back to wherever the h*## she came from are far from perfect, but I am making progress. I’ll keep doing so if I’m completely willing to mind my own circus, mind my own monkeys and no one else’s.

Thank you, my sobriety sisters, for letting me share and chair.

xoxoruth 4/13/15

The Path – Surrendering

“Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.”

I have been thinking about this statement a lot lately. My sponsor recently sat with me and read the whole chapter. The thoroughly part often gets me. I’m pretty good at sitting on the fence. I’m also decent at regurgitating the “right” answer. But thoroughly…that’s hard. Thoroughly is about surrendering over and over. It’s about facing my secrets and facing my demons. Thoroughly is looking at me. No B.S. Today I walked a 1/2 marathon with two friends. The path was laid out for us. All we had to do was follow the path. There was support and aid along those 13.1 miles. BUT no one could walk the path for me. It was up to me to march forward. To complete the course. I did it. It wasn’t exactly pretty. And neither is my life journey. But I want what the old timers have. I am willing more then ever to press on. So it’s about surrendering my will and staying on course–on the beam.

The meeting is now open
Thanks for listening.
Karrie

Looking for Similarities

Hi! My name is Julie and I’m a grateful alcoholic. Thank you for allowing me to be of service this week.

When I first came into the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, I was overwhelmed with how much I could relate to the people that I heard speak in my face-to-face meetings.

In the first few weeks, though, I started to focus on the differences. I think I was in denial that I truly was an alcoholic.

My sponsor and many people in the rooms after the meetings would encourage me to look for the similarities.

It was a challenge to push myself, but I’m so glad that I did it.

Looking at our similarities has allowed me to be more patient, tolerant, loving and kind not only to my family but to people out in the world.

I say I’m grateful to be an alcoholic because I finally have a program, a design for a living, that truly helps me live my best life.

I feel we are all brothers and sisters walking on this planet. It has taken me a long time to come to this point. But today I believe that looking at each other and looking at our similarities, it allows me to be a kinder and gentler person. It also reminds me of the insanity that I existed in before getting sober.

No, I never had a dui, I didn’t go to jail. I didn’t lose my job or my family. But I lost myself to this disease. And should I decide one day that maybe I’m not alcoholic, these are things that could happen. I have a healthy fear of that happening!

I hope that this topic resonates in some way. I wanted to share this topic specifically because I’m happy to have many new ladies join our group this week.

If you think you have a problem with alcohol, you’re in the right place. There is a lot of great sobriety in this group. I encourage you to try and stay open to growing, learning, and changing. It’s amazing what following some suggestions and looking at the similarities has done for me in my life in such a short amount of time.

Please share on this or anything that’s on your mind.

Julie K
5/17/12

Surrender

I was especially touched lately by the introduction of some of our new members. They describe the confusion, desperation and fear I felt before finally asking for help. I thought I was doing the things in life that would make me happy and make me feel fulfilled. But I was not happy or fulfilled. I was lonely, scared, angry and full of pride. I had prayed for a couple of years for help with the drink problem. The answer was always the same, AA. I knew nothing about AA, but I was NOT going there and saying out loud that I was alcoholic. There was also fear of giving up alcohol, it had been the solution at one time, it took away the fear, the low self-esteem, made me more outgoing socially and I felt part of when at happy hours and parties.

But happy hours and parties were long gone. I was sitting at home alone drinking myself drunk every night and starting early in the morning on week-ends and holidays. So, I finally surrendered and went to an AA meeting. I will celebrate 28 years in a few days and I am utterly amazed and grateful for the life I have today.

Who knew all I had to do was give up? I hung on to a few things in the big book,

“Rarely have we seen a person fail…”, “Abandon yourself to God…” “Let go absolutely…”

For a topic, I suggest people share on what surrender looks like to them and if it has worked. My best prayers are “Thy will be done” and “Direct my thinking”. When I quit fighting and trust God good things happen and I learned how to quit fighting by working steps and being an active member of AA.

What’s in your Toolbox?

Hello Ladies, Jennifer here, alkie.. very sorry to be late.. had every intention of doing this before hand and having it ready, however, life happened..

First off, congrats to all who have celebrated this month and welcome to our new members. I don’t post very much, however, I do read and love the ESH of this group. I’ve been a member for many years, have done service work in the past (I always say, BD-before disability) and like to chair a couple times a year to be of service these days.

My sober date is September 30, 1992 – which means, if HP graces me with a few more 24 hours, I will celebrate 25 yrs in this program this coming Saturday. Over the years, I have acquired many tools of the program. From the beginning, it was suggested that I gain a sponsor..I did..It was suggested I formally do the steps, I did, a few times over..it was suggested I be of service and I did..and still do as I can..and I read the BB, many times over.I have not always done what was suggested..I walked away from the program for many years..not being sponsored and not sponsoring..thank HP that I still had the tools of the program so that I did not physically relapse, however, I did emotionally and spiritually many times. I walked back into the program of AA at 14 yrs sober and never looked back! Again very lucky to have kept sober that whole time (dry actually).

Today, I am able to finally make 1-2 F2F mtgs a week and I use the internet (video mtgs live) for the times I am unable to get out of the house, and, of course, there is our group GROW!! There is NO excuse today for me not to make a mtg. It is in those meetings that I fine tune my tools, get reminded that I may need to use my tools and even still do add to my tool box. I also recently asked a new lady to sponsor me and it’s been the best thing I did for myself in the last couple years. I’m following suggestions and working this program daily, even in the midst of a lot of chaos recently with the hurricanes and other stuff I’ll mention below, I’ve not found it necessary to drink over any of it and for that I am grateful!

When you are a sober gal, dealing with health challenges, there are set backs that are unavoidable. I’ve had to reinvent myself in what my abilities are at the time many times over. I could sit on my pity pot or as my dear friend use to say, I could get up and flush and move on. One of my tools is sayings..This too shall pass, one day at a time, one hour at a time, one min at a time, one sec at a time..one breath at a time..Just breath..I’ve been using that one a lot.

The awesome thing about the tools of the program..is that I can share them today, even with normies. One of my best friends in the world just got diagnosed with Cancer the last couple weeks and I am able to be present today and share our sayings and our teachings to assist her with her fear and anxieties..to connect to something greater then herself (which she already has) and to help remind her that we are not in charge..all we can do is the footwork and HP has the rest.

So, I hope this made sense..I’m a bit all over the place hence the lateness so I appreciate your patience with me today. I guess there could be a couple topics in there but my point was to bring home that the program affords us so many tools to allow us to live a sober life today.

Would love to hear what is in your tool box?

Discipline, Practice, and Resting on our Laurels

“We alcoholics are undisciplined. So we let God discipline us in the simple way we have just outlined (step 10).” – Pg. 88 BB

Discipline:

~Merriam-Webster

Eeeek! Discipline! Who wants that?

I do actually. When I was new to the program, the suggestion that I go to 90 meetings in 90 days seemed outrageous. I didn’t do anything every day except blink and go to the bathroom. Some days I didn’t sleep, eat, shower, tend to personal hygiene. I just did what I wanted when I wanted and didn’t do anything I didn’t want to do unless I absolutely had to. I did do my 90 meetings in 90 days because after talking with my sponsor, I realized I had to try her suggestions to stay sober or face the consequences.

Now some time has passed, I’ll have 7 years in 9 days. Life is bigger and more beautiful than I have ever dreamed. I have much more discipline than I used to, but still have much room to grow. I still struggle to pray and meditate everyday. I struggle with regular meeting attendance. I do my 10th step most nights, but not every night.

I find it easy to work my program hard when life is hard and painful, but when life is easy and sweet… my discipline diminishes.

How do you stay disciplined in your recovery? What do you actually do every day for your recovery? Do you really honestly do it every day? How do you do that?

If you have relapsed, how did resting on your laurels and being undisciplined contribute to that?

Give me your experience strength and hope ladies!

Spiritual Malady in our Threefold Illness

The definition of a Spiritual Malady is:
Malady means disconnect or separation. So therefore a spiritual malady is a separation or disconnect from spiritual things. This can mean a separation or disconnect from other human beings, spiritual principles, a spiritual higher power etc. Spiritual things are not merely religion but are defined by each individual uniquely as the guiding force in their lives-something that is greater than them or principles they live by.

The disconnect for me from God happen when I was a little girl. I wasn’t firmly grounded in the love and knowing of my Father, so it didn’t take much to separate me from that which I didn’t know. Me and little boy played “you show me yours and I show you mine”….at like age 4. The guilt of that weighed HEAVY on me from that moment on. Doesn’t seem like much, but it was enough to put me on a path of Shame, Guilt and Remorse which then resulted in being Restless, Irritable and Discontent.

If any sort of happy thought or excitement tried to enter me in childhood, it was immediately squashed by the memory of doing that. My sexuality was strong at a very young age that boys and men picked up on. It made me feel gross, nervous, and overcome with anxiety. Sex was then attached to everything from my head into my stomach. I developed an ulcer and unrelenting sadness and guilt. No room for God.

The obsession of the mind was BOYS before booze. I was reading my dairy from age 8-15 and WOW…All consumed by boys. I see that they were my Higher Power! No room for God. Then when I became sexually active it made the guilt worse. I was used by boys and used boys. I was seeking the same feeling I got from the “first kiss”, kinda like the feeling I got from my “first buzz”….Chasing a feeling I could never get back no mater how many boys or how many drinks….The obsession, guilt, shame, self loathing, fear, low self worth, humiliation, hopelessness, etc….Leaves absolutely no room for God!

to fill the void of my spiritual malady….I of course blamed God!. What I didn’t realize was that God, like any loving parent, waits patiently for me to come home to Him when I am done rebelling. At that time I would only call “home” to him when something was wrong and then would curse him if it/they failed. God can’t dwell in the darkness that I was in until I sought him. He could, would, and did once I let him in sobriety.

Using people to fill a void then using alcohol to numb the pain of what I was doing and creating. As a child, I of course had no control over what happen to me. What I do have a choice in is if I continue to prey upon others because of it. Forgiving the predators of my youth, knowing that they were preyed upon as well, and taking full accountability for the harm I caused others, stopped the cycle of predatory behavior. If I am getting fed through God then I am not draining you like a parasite that feeds off someone to feed what it’s lacking.

Even if my behavior and actions weren’t as server as those who preyed on me, I was still contributing to the pattern of using human beings to get fed. That’s what they were doing using me to get fed….It’s a terrible cycle happening in this world. Over time my soul was almost depleted by what I had done. Humans looking to be filled no matter who gets hurt.

Thankfully I found my way into AA and was given a set of spiritual tools to work with. These “tools” if given to all of us as children would save the world a lot of suffering!! These simple tools and Faith in my Father, stopped the cycle chaos and pain. It removed the guilt through the 4th step and gave me peace in the 5th Step. It showed me what defects were driving me the 6th Step. It made me accountable in the 9th Step….I was clean and ready to serve the Power that got and keeps me sober through service to Him by service to his children.

Selflessness, gratitude, love, service and compassion combats the self certeredness, self seeking, self pity, victim hood and selfishness which is at the core of my dis-ease that kept the malady going for so long. The more I fed “Self”, the worse I got. This is a Selfless program. You can’t combat Selfishness with more selfishness. This is the reason that “self help” didn’t work for me. Less self, more God. Feeding the God in me by service to His children is the only way I found to freedom from the looping of my personal hell.

Please share on your experience accepting Spiritual help or your experience with service to others and how it has transformed you.

Love, safe and protected in the Armor of God!

Hilarie 4.8.14

“There is a solution. Almost none of us liked the self-searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation. But we saw that it really worked in others, and we had come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living it. When, therefore, we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet. We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed.

The great fact is just this, and nothing less: That we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences which have revolutionized our whole attitude toward life, toward our fellows and toward God’s universe. The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves. Pg 25-Big Book

What I Know Now

When I stumbled into AA 2-1/2 years ago, I was beaten down and scared. You people, happy and confident, told me that there is a solution and to keep coming back. I didn’t know how “it” was going to work, but you assured me it would. Looking back, I’m humbled and a little baffled by it all.

When I started this journey, I thought I would never have fun again if I had to be sober. Actually, some of the most fun times I have ever had have been spent with my sober friends. To be a welcome part of the group, to laugh so hard I cry, and to remember it all the next morning is a treat I wouldn’t give up for all the wine in Napa. Since Day 1 I literally have never once woken up in the morning and thought, “Dang, I really wish I had gotten drunk last night!” But every day, I say a prayer of thanks that I am a sober member of AA today.

At the beginning of this journey, I didn’t believe that I would ever feel comfortable in sobriety. In an awesome twist of irony, my sobriety is now the one thing I can depend on when everything else is falling apart. It’s what I count on to keep me moving forward, left foot right foot, when things are spiraling beyond my control. I hang onto my sobriety before everything else now.

So tell us: what do you know now that you wish you had known on day 1 of your sobriety? What did the old timers tell you when you were new to the rooms that you didn’t believe could be possible but now is a big part of your daily life? Which of your wildest dreams has come in sobriety?

I look forward to hearing your shares on this topic, or whatever is affecting your sobriety today!

Hugs, Allison McG

We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace

Thank you GROW for giving me the opportunity to chair this week. My name is Nydia and I am an alcoholic. Congrats also to all others celebrating a milestone at this time. Thank you to the many ladies here I have gotten to know over the past several years.

I honestly hadn’t thought of the topic until I came back after my long Sunday morning run. I turned to one of the meditations books I use and the reading was about struggling to get our own ways. Knowing it was futile but nonetheless, trying to get something the way I want it to be. It got me thinking of he ways I try to change a situation/ place/ person or thing – asking, pleading, bargaining, bribing, coercing, forcing, blackmailing, threatening, manipulating… oh the list is endless.

Having recently survived ADD (another dating disaster) whilst at the same time, trying to work on my own as an independent, I am taken aback by how much my HP has helped me to live in the present and be still. Wounds still remain and I am not out of the woods (yet) but I there is something that struck me this morning when I was having breakfast – I truly believe, if I continue to work the programme, I will continue to comprehend the word serenity and know peace – no matter what the circumstances are around me. There’s a moment when I am running I see the trees and the sky and the water and it is such a calming moment. That’s when I hear it – let it go, there’s no need to hold on. No pleading or bargaining or forcing…

So at 9 years I have picked one of the 9th step promises 🙂

What does it mean to you to comprehend the word serenity, and to know peace?

Hugs, Nydia

A Worker Among Workers

Hello GROW!

This week I wanted to share a passage from Step 4 in the 12 X 12 (p. 53).

As we redouble our efforts at control, and continue to fail, our suffering becomes acute and constant. We have not once sought to be one in a family, to be a friend among friends, to be a worker among workers, to be a useful member of society. Always we tried to struggle to the top of the heap, or to hide underneath it. This self-centered behavior blocked a partnership relation with any one of those about us. Of true brotherhood we had small comprehension.

This was me, when I came into AA.

I felt such hope and excitement when I got the news that I could learn to be a friend among friends. A worker among workers: and that this was enough.

Today I don’t have to be perfect or figure everything out by myself. I just have to stop drinking, offer help, ask for help, and apologize when I screw up.

I am a worker among workers. Remembering this makes my life so much easier and it gives my ego the vacation it needs.

So, my plan each day at work is: be of service.

This keeps me open to what unfolds, as opposed to my agenda. It keeps me in Step 12. And it reminds me that I’m not the best and I’m not the worst. I’m an average-sized part of something bigger. And that’s exactly what my HP wants for me.

How do you relate to the above passage? How have you learned to reach out to your fellows in sobriety? What changes have you seen in your partnerships as a result of working the Steps?

I’m looking forward to your shares on this topic or whatever is on your heart this week.

Thank you for allowing me to be of service.

Kirsten

The Three Pertinent Ideas

Hello dear GROWers, and thank you for allowing me to chair this meeting this week. I know that we have some new members in the past few months, many of whom are new to AA. The topic for this week is found at the end of the reading (from the chapter “How It Works, pp. 58 – 60 in the Big Book) done in so many meetings in the rooms of AA, in the (a), (b), and (c).

(a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.
(b) That probably no human power could relieve our alcoholism.
(c) That God could and would if God were sought.

I have reflected on each of these ideas many times. To me, understanding of the nature of my dis-ease of alcoholism came gradually after I stopped drinking. I had little awareness of what my problem actually was during my active drinking and drugging years. My disease is not based on the fact that I cannot control how much I drink; that is simply a symptom. My illness goes much deeper than that one symptom in particular. That just happens to be the one that got my attention! My disease is rooted in my ideas of my importance (selfishness), the actions I believe to be worth my time and effort, primarily drinking and drugging to escape any difficulties I am experiencing (self-seeking), my inability to see and to accept what is going on, also known as “denial” (dishonesty) and the abject fear that underlies all of these (afraid / fear). These were a part of my nature long before I ever picked up a drink or a drug. This state of mind is known as “the obsession”.

The second idea, that no human power can help me, means that treatment centers, doctors and nurses, therapists, family members, friends, lovers, children, bosses, coworkers, places of employment, churches, pastors, ministers, the legal system, lawyers, the police, jails and institutions, and all others will not be able to stop me from feeling these feelings and wanting to run from them by using a substance. Indeed, the substance will cause physical triggers known as “the allergy”. The allergy is the part that causes so many of the humiliating consequences that I suffered, and it is also the part of my disease that makes me aware that I have a disease.

The third idea is the one that truly helps me. Belief in a Power greater than myself, however I choose to define it, and calling on that Power when I need help, is the solution to my problem. The Steps of our beautiful program give us a path, an easy way to put spiritual principles to work in our day-to-day lives. I don’t do these steps alone; I do them with someone who sponsors me and once I do that, I go on to do them with others I sponsor. I don’t do them one time and call it done; I use them on a daily basis for the rest of my life, in every single problem I have. When I do this, I find the relief that humans alone cannot give.

It may seem a bit confusing, because so much of my help is channeled through humans. Humans often show me the way to put these principles to work in my life, either overtly in AA meetings and sponsor-sponsee Step work, or less directly in therapy or life as a whole. These principles are the answer; they are the Power greater than myself; they are of God, Allah, Buddha, the universe, or whatever we choose to call that Power greater than ourselves that keep us sober today.

This week, please share with us how these three pertinent ideas, or any single one of them, gets your attention. Is it the lack of being able to manage that got you here? Have you tried human power, and what was the result? How about a Power greater than yourself? How has that worked for you? Does a sponsor help you with these? Please share on these or any part of this reading that is helpful to you in staying sober today.

Hugs to all who want one, gigi

Paradoxes in our Program

There are a few paradoxes in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and “We Surrender to Win” is one that is essential to “get” in order to go further on this journey. I had to surrender to a Power Greater Than Myself before I could get out of my silly self that got me in so much trouble before joining AA. I lived my entire life on self will and, in retrospect, I can see today that this way of looking at life led me to nothing but chaos and unmanageability! Yep – –it took some time – –as early on I DID, in fact, have some fun times, living in the “fast lane”. In the end it led me to nothing but misery and in prison

Here are some of the paradoxes that have worked for me in this program:

“1. We SURRENDER TO WIN. On the face of it, surrendering certainly does not seem like winning. But it is in A.A. Only after we have come to the end of our rope, hit a stone wall in some aspect of our lives beyond which we can go no further; only when we hit “bottom” in despair and surrender, can we accomplish sobriety which we could never accomplish before. We must, and we do, surrender in order to win.

2. We GIVE AWAY TO KEEP. That seems absurd and untrue. How can you keep anything if you give it away? But in order to keep whatever it is we get in A.A., we must go about giving it away to others, for no fees or rewards of any kind. When we cannot afford to give away what we have received so freely in A.A., we had better get ready for our next drunk. It will happen every time. We’ve got to continue to give it away in order to keep it.

3.We SUFFER TO GET WELL. There is no way to escape the terrible suffering of remorse and regret and shame and harassment which starts us on the road to getting well from our affliction. There is no new way to shake out a hangover. It’s painful. And for us, necessarily so. I told this to a friend of mine as he sat weaving to and fro on the side of the bed, in terrible shape, about to die for some paraldehyde. I said, ‘Lost John’- that’s his nickname-Lost John, you know you’re going to have to do a certain amount of shaking sooner or later. “Well, he said, for God’s sake let’s make it later!” We suffer to get well.

4.We DIE TO LIVE. That is a beautiful paradox straight out of the Biblical idea of being ‘born again or ‘losing one’s life’ to find it. When we work at our Twelve Steps, the old life of guzzling and fuzzy thinking, and all that goes with it, gradually dies, and we acquire a different and a better way of life. As our shortcomings are removed, one life of us dies, and another life of us lives. We in A.A. die to live.”

second edition, Alcoholics Anonymous

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I have found that I have “won the battle” by giving the program of AA my all. Today I have total trust in my HP (Higher Power) and give myself to Him/Her every morning as a part of my morning rituals of prayer and meditation. I no longer resist what is and accept everything as an “opportunity for growth” instead of as a “problem”! I have found that EVERYTHING is just the way it is supposed to be and all I have to do is go with the flow, praying for guidance all the way!

IT WORKS WHEN I WORK IT, and doesn’t when I don’t!

I look forward to our shares on how the paradoxes work in your life.

Susanne L. Murphys, CA 8/17/91

Fear and (Self) Loathing in Sobriety

Hi everyone!

Greetings all!! I come to you grateful and sober in Texas. This is my birthday week for 42 and for 5mos sobriety! Yay me! I am excited to host a meeting and nervous because I am responsible to give a great topic! I wish I had something prepared that I knew would be “just right” or that would inspire a revolution of sorts… however, I know that I’m barely a legitimate AA member and still so very green. I can only hope my humble participation will inspire others to speak up and share because well, hopefully you can’t do worse than me!! lol

I have learned my share of lingo and believe myself to have a fairly high bottom which is not bragging because I was only a drink away from the lowest bottom. I lack in the confidence to share or I guess of feeling important enough. Perhaps like many I have trust issues, I’m hard headed, I’m selfish, insecure, lazy, and a bit of a whiner. Perhaps these are those character defects that I need to ask my HP to remove?!! Maybe this is my topic!?!

All in all I have a very healthy fear of relapse and I’m not entirely sure what a dry drunk is but I know I don’t want that! So I lead today proud of 5 months sobriety and thirsty for encouragement. Thanks in advance to those that can find a topic in here somewhere and share with us newbies on fear and (self)loathing in sobriety. Perhaps I make sense to them!

Grace and Blessings, Brenda C DOS 2/21/17

Practicing Gratitude

July, 2017, marks 33 years of my sobriety in AA, and for this I’m deeply grateful.

I was fortunate to recognize the disease early in the progression, to surrender to how dangerous it is, and to connect with the people and principles of Alcoholics Anonymous. Most of the credit for my early acceptance goes to members of the Fellowship who told their stories honestly and fearlessly, no matter how horrible. I identified with them; I had the same disease.

So I worked with a sponsor and followed the Steps and Traditions to the best of my ability. The treatment plan was spelled out in the Big Book. “A.A. does not teach us how to handle our drinking…it teaches us how to handle sobriety.” Something my sponsor taught me to do when fearful or angry: make a gratitude list.

More importantly, I was taught to practice gratitude by helping other alcoholics.

How do you practice the gratitude you feel? – Lucine

A Power Greater Than Ourselves

When I entered the rooms of AA I was a Christian so I did not struggle with the God concept.

Everyone has their own story.

Some come into the rooms angry at God, some come in believing in God, and some do not believe in God.

As I was preparing today I noticed six out of 12 steps refers to either “a power greater than ourselves”, “God as we understand him”, “admitted to God”, ” have God remove all these defects of character”, and “humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.”

I don’t believe in coincidences. I believe in Miracles where God chooses to remains anonymous.

I opened the Twelve steps and Twelve traditions book and I read “that we are today sober only by the grace of God and that any success we may be having is far more His success than ours.”

I give God the credit where I am today.

I have a great sponsor, who listens to me endlessly, but numerous times she asks me “did you pray about it?”

I am interested in hearing how God has worked in your life, what your concept of God is or how your concept of a Higher Power has helped you on your journey in sobriety.

A few mantras that help keep me on track. Be still and know that I am God.

My job is to pray and God’s job is to deal with the chaos in my life. Let Go and Let God!!!

Feel free to share on this topic or any other topic you desire.

Thanks for listening and being a part of this meeting.

Secrets

From the Big Book: “More than most people, the alcoholic leads a double life. He is very much the actor. To the outer world he presents his stage character. This is the one he likes his fellows to see. He wants to enjoy a certain reputation, but knows in his heart he doesn’t deserve it.”

Hello everyone- The other day I was listening to the radio and they were asking callers how much they would want to be paid to divulge their deepest, darkest secret to one person. I was amazed at some of the answers!

I thought about it for a minute and realized that, thanks to AA, I no longer have a deepest, darkest secret! Thanks to steps 4 and 5, I have aired my dirty laundry.

Secrets used to plague me and help me feel like that person with the reputation she didn’t deserve. Now I feel a sense of relief and freedom from my secrets. I have a tremendous weight lifted that I had carried for a long time.

How did secrets affect you when you were drinking and how do you feel about them now?

Feel free to share on this topic or any other topic you desire.

Thanks for listening and being a part of this meeting!

The Need to Change

The need to change Laura came to me through my HP and long-time AA members. Once I experienced the relief and blessing of not having to take a drink when I was happy, sad, glad, angry, upset, etc., the ‘need’ to change became a ‘want’ instead. As the saying goes, AA is not for this who ‘need’ it but for those who ‘want’ it and I wanted desperately what you had. I couldn’t change everything all at once, but by learning and working through the Steps with my sponsor and listening to those who came before me, I realized that I had to change many things about myself if I were to remain sober. Thankfully, I learned that ours is a lifetime program and that there is no graduation date because it will take more than a lifetime to change/remove some of my character defects.

What have I needed to change? Many, many, many aspects of my character; i.e. I had to admit that I needed help from others instead of being too stubborn to ask for it or to even admit that I needed help. I needed to accept myself for who I am and am still working on loving the person I am. A former sponsor of mine told me that every time I looked it the mirror, I was to say, “I love you” which would help me to change my opinion of myself (this one, I’m also still working on) LOL!

The first thing I needed to do was to get help to stop drinking and my HP provided exactly what I needed. In sobriety, I have been able to build and maintain friendships and leave my drinking buddies behind. I needed to make time to listen and help others by giving away what was so freely given to me I needed to become more health-conscious about what I put into my body and how I take care of it; i.e. quit smoking. I have had to follow instructions and advice given by healthcare professionals instead of dismissing them without even trying their suggestions (contempt prior to investigation?). I have become aware of and grateful for the many, many blessings I have received in my life.

I would not change the last 28 years of my life in sobriety for anything. I have slowed down quite a bit due to age and health reasons but due to the Grace of God and you people, I am sober today. The compulsion to drink was removed as soon as I became serious about getting sober. I have regained my self-confidence and self-esteem, and have learned a lot about what makes me tick, found my Higher Power whom I call God, joined online AA groups, became a sponsor to a few, and found my niche in my life and the AA way of life.

What changes have you been able to make so far in sobriety? How do you feel about these changes? Please feel free to share on this topic or on anything that may be troubling you. I look forward to hearing from each of you.

Hugs, Laura G. 6/17/1989

Meeting Suggestions

Hi there! My name is Julie and I’m a grateful alcoholic. One of the first things I heard in the meetings I attended were “suggestions.” No one was telling me what to do, they simply shared what worked for them. I was intrigued and I listened. By being honest, open and willing to follow these suggestions, I noticed changes in my life, how I approached life on life’s terms.

Some suggestions that worked for me, and continue to do so…

• Go to three meetings a week.
• Reach out to my sponsor three times a week.
• Call at least three alcoholics a day… I don’t do this and I really should. I try to call at least three a week.
• Wake up, hit my knees, and ask God for patience, tolerance, love and compassion… And to follow his will.
• Before bed, hit my knees, again, and thank God for another day sober.
• Humble yourself and ask for help.
• Make a gratitude list.
• Relax and take it easy.
• Trust and have faith.
• Get busy with service and carry the message.
• Keep it simple!

Please share with us what was suggested to you that works for you in your sobriety today!

Thank you for letting me be of service!

Julie K 5/17/12

Taking Action

Hey there friends. Karrie here, alcoholic. This week, I would like to talk about “taking action”. Most of my life I have evaded problems or ran away from them. I lived in fear and was paralyzed by those fears. I drank to self medicate. My counselor tells me that drinking only pushed the pause button on my/life’s issues. Typically, the pain of the issue has to get severe before I become willing to make a change. That has been true in a recent family situation. My sponsor says the universe gives us opportunity after opportunity to address issues and each time it gets a little harder.

When I first got sober, I thought that not drinking was good enough. After all, I drank because I had a terrible life and had been wronged and you would drink too if you had my life. Haha. But it’s been the process of living day by day and working the steps that has helped me start seeing my self and that I do need to take action.

I have been thinking a lot about this section in the big book–chapter “into action”

“The alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others. Hearts are broken. Sweet relationships are dead. Affections have been uprooted. Selfish and inconsiderate habits have kept the home in turmoil. We feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough. He is like the farmer who came up out of his cyclone cellar to find his home ruined. To his wife, he remarked, “Don’t see anything the matter here, Ma. Ain’t it grand the wind stopped blowin’?” Yes, there is a long period of reconstruction ahead. We must take the lead.”

I can identify with this farmer. I have often pretended the cyclone hasn’t ruined anything. Denial! I certainly don’t care for the idea that there is a long period of reconstruction ahead OR for the idea that I have to take the lead. BUT at this point I am acknowledging the problems in my family, I am addressing them with my husband and I am taking the lead to get counseling for my son and I. I have played the victim/martyr role my whole life. I am tired of it. Finally, I am ready to pull up my big girl panties and get to it.

The meeting is now open for discussion.

KarChaney